ADVISE TO AWESOME WOMEN!!! (BY SALOME SHOOMBE)

You are a soft & delicate creature. Yet as soft as you may appear on the outside, you are strong on the inside. You have an exceptional, complex & beautiful strength inside you. It is this strength that drives single mothers to fight to educate their children. Woman you are awesome, your ability to multitask & fulfill all that is required of you is inspirational & admirable. You have a vision of the world that includes your ability to live, create & appreciate life in a way that’s unique. Your ability to overcome adversity makes you awesome. You have moved from backrooms to boardrooms, from the shadows to the spotlight. So here is advise for you to add to the wisdom you already have…

First & most important: The more negativity you spew, the worse you look. Not only is meanness an unattractive & unsexy trait, but it is an obvious sign of insecurity. If you feel good about yourself, there is just no need to tear anyone else down. Putting negative energy into the universe will only boomerang back onto you. Trust me, no one wants to hang out with a bitter, bile-spewing…. (fill-in the-blank)… . Be open in your acceptance of others, be generous with your praise; be free with your compliments. Shut down negativity, avoid haters & say something nice to a stranger today. Then watch how your own happiness grows.

Then…. A woman must never depend on a man for her survival, learn to become independent, men will respect you for that. This may be a male dominated world but you can & will succeed in it. While many woman seek the commitment of a strong partner to protect them through pregnancy & child-raising, many men on the other hand seek to spread their genes by sleeping around. Be careful, not all men are genuine when they profess their love to you. Choose him carefully. We cannot choose who we fall in love with but to save ourselves from heartache, we need to identify those relationships that are better left unexplored. So I will say it again, choose him carefully. Most women still do not know what real love should feel like. It is important to love yourself first for when you love yourself you will know that you deserve to be respected, loved & cherished. Dysfunctional relationships, heartbreak & staying in horrific relationships show what you believe to be true about yourself. For then you believe you do not deserve the best in every part of your life. Walk away from bad relationships. Find the strength to let go of destructive relationships. You will uncover your integrity & self-esteem & you will free yourself in every sense. Know that a good man is protective, loving & kind. He is supportive, he is warm & makes you want to see the next day… & the day after that… & after that… . He is an equal partner & a good friend. He makes loving a beautiful experience. He is caring & responsive to your needs. He is trustworthy, loyal & committed to the relationship. You will take pleasure in being in his company, day to day. If a man mistreats you, move on. Grieve if you must but do not be struck & burdened by grief. Do not just survive bad relationships, triumph over them. There is love within you. Do not let experiences of bad relationships make you bitter & kill that love. God did not create you to experience trauma, strife & pain. Good men do not make you feel bad, for love does not make you feel anything but loved. Love is an unconditional positive regard for another person. Follow & listen to your gut whether there is a genuine regard from his side. Stop & get rid of corrosive, destructive relationships & never allow your partner to push your boundaries or allow you to compromise your value system. You deserve the best so ask yourself, do I feel truly loved, respected & heard within your relationship, because if you do not feel above-mentioned, it’s because the sad truth is you are not loved, respected & heard in your relationship. Be careful how you fight in relationships, fight fair. Whatever you say will be around for a lifetime so be careful what u say when you fight. Words are powerful. The most hurtful words can kill, not only do they cause pain, they can remain in a person’s heart & inflict & cause diseases like cancers. When you say something hurtful, those words are like taking a knife & stabbing a person, inflicting a massive wound. No matter how much you say you are sorry after the fight, that wound will always remain. The way you fight will determine whether your relationship will be able to be saved after a fight… some fights leave relationships & marriages irreparable… so if u truly love someone, no matter how angry you are when fighting, watch what you say to them when having a fight. Remain nice, remain kind, fight fair, do not use nasty words… should you break up then he will know he lost a good thing. When a relationship ends…Your life should continue, with or without him. You show a man how to treat you. Man often push you seeing how far they can go with you. If he becomes abusive, it’s because you let him. A woman can make a man soft just by being a lady, but don’t let him walk all over you. Make him aware that you do not need him but you chose to be with him because you love him. If you are dating a guy with kids, you don’t need to put up with the nonsense that comes with it, but you choose to cause you love him, let him know & respect that. Demand respect!!! Know what your worth is in the world & be prepared to fight for it because if you start out compromising, you can never snap out of it. If you compromise on self-worth & many women do, especially in relationships, it is very hard to recover. It becomes a vicious cycle. Too many women lose themselves in relationships. Retaining your identity means being true to yourself. Hold onto your identity. Trust the quiet voice within over all the advice and all the knowledge and all your other five senses put together. This voice will keep you safe in the world. This voice will guide you. This voice tells you a relationship is bad. This is the voice that tells you it is time to call it quits & end certain relationships, whether its friendships or marriages. Listen to the voice within. Life is fragile, life is short, appreciate others as they might not always be there, shower the people around you with love & forgiveness every day. We are programmed to believe that time is the enemy when getting older. Our youthful good looks will one day be no more some like to say. There is a culture of aging is bad, debunk that culture & rather embrace your age & enjoy the journey. Remember, old age brings with it wisdom not known to youth. People who look great in their skin at 50 or 60 or beyond are people who know who they are and who really live in that place. Looking good is easily achieved by anyone with the right attitude, for that attitude will guide you to what is good & will make you avoid anything that is bad for you. Happiness is key to radiant looks. When you are happy on the inside your confidence shines through, making you look & feel amazing. You must be authentic to be beautiful. Say no to dark and negative thinking. Do not go there. Take your mind down beautiful pathways. Create beauty inside your mind. Create beauty in your life. This will help you learn how to create the things you want. Stay away from things and people that do not add light to your life. I see many women who over the course of their marriages go from a size 10 to a size 18 and when your husband’s leave you for a size 12 woman you take it very personally. Take care of yourself, of your body, exercise, make an effort to look good, give him no reason to leave you. Your investment in doing sports & exercising when young will pay back good dividends when you get older. Fitness is a lifestyle choice. Relationships are hard & the pressures of frustration, irritation, discontentment & miscommunication can drive against a man’s ability to stay. Strive for a happy relationship, not necessary a perfect one for that might be impossible to achieve. If your heart is broken, always sweep up the pieces, there will always be someone willing to put them back together. Do not waste your time on someone who makes you cry. Rather no man than a bad man. Avoid anyone who does not appreciate you. Last but not least: If you are a mother of young boys, change the next generation of men & teach your young boys about the importance of treating woman with respect, love & care. Raise your sons with the hope that they will live up to these ideals & become men with substance. Commit yourself to teach your boys that a woman is not an object that can be kicked around. She is not gum that you can chew & throw away. She is not meant to cry as a result of abusive conduct from men. Teach them to learn to respect, love & take care of women. You are beautiful, you are wise. All I have said above you already know for any good advise will confirm something inside you that you already know. Much love, from Salome