Marriage and Relationships-The challenges.

By Herbert Mtowo

Marriage and Seasons

A couple of hours prior to writing this article I was talking to a lawyer close friend of mine to be. She said,”Herbert,I am sacred to getting married in case I get the wrong person in my life.”I said to her that’s not the solution, maybe because of what she sees and hears in the corridors and courtrooms, whereby she sees people who once said until death do us apart, brutally killing and wounding each other beyond imagination. What she sees and is experiencing miles from my beloved country Namibia, seems like we are just having the same nightmares and experiences. Though she is thousands of miles away in Zamibia,her fears are what have griped everybody on planet earth. Whether to marry or not to marry.Annita my good friend in Zambia has the same fears like you and me are going through in other countries and continents. I said to my good friend Annita,”Me and you have a greater responsibility shouldered upon us, to correct the wrongs and make this generation hope in marriage again. I personally tend to think and conclude our mind set is the problem, I still stand to be corrected on this one. Marriage is a give and take life commitment. But most people get into marriage for the wrong motives, to have someone make them happy, to be loved when they can’t give back the love. It`s not just a you taking out, but what are you prepared to give to see your relationship last a lifetime? Am pulling no punches here, we don’t have any excuse to have mediocre relationships and marriages. We can best understand marriage by understanding the seasons that we have in life, and prepare accordingly for each season as it comes. We must prepare ourselves for all the seasons in life as much as we prepare for all the seasons in marriage. Let’s talk about the four seasons of marriage: Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Usually we think of marriage as a relationship with our partner but it can also be the state of marriage solely within us called “the inner marriage.” The inner marriage is an intimate relationship with our self. We need a strong inner marriage of love, appreciation, understanding and respect for our self in order to experience the serenity, joy, and connection attainable in an outer marriage. Spring of Marriage is when matrimony begins. We are often young and overflowing with boundless excitement, optimism and desire. We start this first phase believing – unconsciously – that our partner is here to save our life and fulfill every expectation we ever dreamed possible. We are full of projections. In this early stage of development we rarely see the essence of the man or woman before us because we are so blinded by the light of the mythological god or goddess who blocks our view. We take our wedding vows, “Please heal me of every pain and love me forever.” Well, we didn’t say that but that’s what most of us thought. It’s a young and hopeful dream. We are in love and often madly so. Summer of Marriage is when we often bring children into the world. These precious little ones fill our lives with love, fun, pressure and (ugh!) adult responsibility. As the children grow, husbands and wives may argue that the spouse is not who we thought they were! We may even wonder if we are who we thought we were. Enter the mid-life crisis. It can be a stressful time of struggle. Later in this phase of the marriage cycle children will fly away from the carefully constructed family nest and into their brand new lives, just as their mother and father did. Husbands and wives now begin to surrender and let them go, albeit a little sadly. It’s an emotionally healthy and necessary choice. “Sunrise, sunset, swiftly flow the days” go the words from Fiddler on the Roof. No wonder that song makes so many couples cry. Then we look around. It’s so quiet. The voice of Spirit whispers, “Something needs to change.” We think the something is our mate. “If only he…, if only she …,” Eventually we recognize it is not our mate but we who must change. We begin to understand that the inner marriage is of monumental importance. We commit to know yourself again. This commitment provides immediate insurance not just for us but for our couple relationship. It feels good. Understanding this inner marriage also makes boundaries clear, “I stop here and you start here.” Sometimes people are fearful that introspection might separate them. It could, but at least it’s honest. When we work to connect the inner marriage with our outer marriage we begin to appreciate the real glory in our spouse. We also begin to see the first authentic wrinkles of responsibility for our own life, too, and we begin to grow up. Of course, sometimes it doesn’t all work out and couples do separate permanently. But if that should occur at least each party has the satisfaction of knowing who he or she is and can apply it non-defensively for the good of the children and grandchildren involved. Not every relationship was made in heaven. Autumn of Marriage is all about transition and change. We watch our children raising their children. We graciously step back and let them live their own lives. We give them space when they need it. We throw our arms around the joy our grandchildren bring and pitch in whenever we can help. Watching our families grow is so full of wonder we want everyone to stop growing! But respecting time’s natural rhythm – especially when feeling astonished – helps us move right along with the changing tides as we consider what we want to do with our life now. Some want the pleasure of work, some the pleasure of play, and some want a combination. Being open to every new idea will see us through. That is key, keep it fresh. Winter of Marriage is when we enter into the final season of marriage with another or with ourselves alone for death or choice or fate may have put us there. So we pray for everyone’s good health. We are reflective and thoughtful. We live in our souls more. We recognize and give thanks for all the important moments in our life and for those we’ve met along the way who have helped us to transform, evolve and grow. We look forward to any final gifts of grace this season will provide. We reach for our partner’s hand or put our hand over our heart to touch the symbolic hand of our inner partner. At what season is your relationship or marriage, and what you going to do during this season? Prepare for them seasons before they come. Regards, Herbert Mtowo “ Start feeding opportunities and starve problems in your relationship……”
Excerpt

UNLEASH THE GREATNESS IN YOU.

Changing through growth

I recently mourned the death of one of my PRECIOUS friend,and am reminded of my brother`S DEATH,after I attended his memorial service. As I listened to the wonderful comments made by so many as to the kind of person he was, I stopped for a moment to look inside myself to see who I am.I have always believed that my brother could have easily become the undisputed World Boxing Champion,even during the times of Iron Mike,Lewis,Ali,George Foreman,but something just didn`t click to get there,sad he died with those dreams not accomplished.I don`t wanna die with massive potential locked up within me,I must unleaSH the greatness in me. There was enormous room for growth in my life. Is there room for improvement in your life? Let us take a moment to learn how we can grow to become the person we hope to be.

We all want to be the best that we can be. We sometimes see others and admire certain characteristic traits about them. We have read volumes of self-help books in hopes of fine tuning ourselves. True many of these books help but self-growth goes way beyond reading books. It means we must stop wishing for change and becomes proactive in creating the change. Self-growth is about change and the change begins with us.

In order for change to take place within you, you must first define your goals. Know what changes you want to make. You are aware of the qualities you want to discard from your life. Write them down. Here are some ways to begin to do some introspective work to help you to define the changes you want to make in your life.
• Make a list of some habits you’ve often wanted to change.
• Do you know how you are perceived? Try to get a feel of how others think of you. Make a note of how you want to be perceived and how to can change your behavior to make that.
• Make mental notes of how you treat others. Do you walk away feeling good that you have treated that person you met . Do you feel good when you walk away?
• Think back to criticisms you have received in the past. Do you think there may have been some truth to them? Are you objective enough to see the true you?
• Speak to an objective friend or family member you trust to be fair and honest with you. Get some feedback on how you are perceived.
• Observe the behaviors of those you admire and make a note. Do you see those same characteristics in you?
• Make a note of behaviors you see in others that you dislike and look within to see if you share any of those traits. Try to be balanced. Make a list of the ones you want to change.

Take personal Introspection

True we have to love and accept ourselves unconditionally but we must always strive to be the best that we can be. That is how we grow. Self-acceptance should in no way interfere with your ability to be your best. As a matter of fact it should have the reverse effect. It should allow you to know the real you and to have an awareness of where you need to make changes. This awareness will decide how serious you are in growing beyond your current limits. Keep in mind that personal growth can be measured in physical, mental, psychological, spiritual, and emotional amplitude.
Take a moment now to check your life. Look inside to check the areas where you would like to improve on.
• Define your character. Who are you when no one is looking? remove all the window dressings, frills, and accessories, who are you?
• How is your health? Are you doing everything possible to take care of your body? Do you eat the right foods and take part in a regular exercise routine?
• How would your friends, coworkers, people who come in contact describe you? What would people say about you if they had to write your eulogy?
• How is your mind? Are you emotionally strong? Is your self-confidence and self-esteem at an all time high? If not would you like to find emotional balance?
• How is your spiritual health? Do you feed your spiritual need? How is your soul’s condition?
• How do you treat others? Are you kind or are you condescending to people? Do you give of your time to help others that are less fortunate or has self-centeredness consumed you?
• How is your ego? Is it intact?
• Are you humble or are you into flaunting it or showing off?
• Are you a good parent? Do your yell at your kids? Do you put in the time with them to raise emotionally balanced children? Do you help to build strong self-esteem so they can have higher levels of self-acceptance?

As you look inside it is important to understand that no single recipe that defines how each person can grow personally. It is not a single formula for each of us. It is through fervent introspection and an acceptance for change that it can begin. Even though it may be slow and difficult at first, you must have the willingness to keep at it no matter if it takes a lifetime. Remember you are not trying to do perfection – you are only striving to do your personal best

Humility a vital place to live.

In order for one to grow, one must be humble enough to recognize and accept the areas where improvement is needed. This sense of humility will create honest introspection that can make us more aware of the characteristics and behaviors we need to improve on. This kind of humility puts ego aside, creating open-mindedness to accept constructive criticism. When we can humble ourselves this way than tremendous personal growth can begin to take place in our lives.
With a spirit of humility you can:
• Lose self-centeredness
• Better understand yourself and why you do the things you do
• Better understand your behavior and accept the need for change
• Recognize your mistakes and accept responsibility for your actions.
• Recognize the goodness in you
• Become more understanding of others
• Be more forgiving

Humility is the beginning of knowledge. It is the start of that mindset to gain more wisdom and improve self. The know-it-all attitude is laid to rest, enabling honest introspection, which promotes growth.

Grow inside and become yourself

Once you have humbled yourself, done the honest self-reflection, and gained the awareness, find the areas where you need to improve. You must believe that you can do the personal growth you want and let go of self-doubt.

• Make a list of the things you want to personally do. Prioritize the list and select the most urgent issue.
• Learn everything there is to know about it, whether it is losing weight, letting go of anger, or improving your spiritual life. The more information you have, the more motivation and determination you will develop.

• As you become more educated in your subject, decide if you can carry out these changes alone or if you need the help of a professional or expert in the field to help you. Getting help is positive step toward achieving personal growth so don’t feel inadequate if you need help. It is only we feel we don’t need help that growth ceases.

• Develop a plan for achieving your goal. It must be clearly organized starting from a long-term goal to daily tasks that move you closer each day toward your goal. So if it’s in the area of physical health, make a plan for doing so.

• When discomforts arise, don’t give up. Everyday is not going to be perfect. You are not going to wake up each morning enthusiastic about your plans for that day. When you do, don’t be too hard on yourself. It is during these times that a coach or a can help you in staying on target. They can help you to refocus on your plan and exercise the discipline to stick with it.

• Daily positive affirmations and self-talk are necessary to keep up the motivation to grow. This is not narcissism or egotistical. This is only you giving yourself reminders of your positive attributes.

• Have faith to believe that you will succeed. In anything we set out to do in life it takes a certain level of faith to keep going everyday. Sometimes we cannot see the instant rewards but with persistence and faith to believe things will work out, you can find the strength to stay the course.

It is an admirable quality to be able to find the areas you need to make changes in your life and even more commendable to take the steps forward to do so. Personal Growth is a catalyst for success in every aspect of your life. Many of you are making strides each day in your personal growth. For those of you who are, keep at it and savor each stage of your growth. For those of you recognizing the need for personal growth, hats off to you. Begin the journey today.

COMMITMENT FROM YOUR SPOUSE,EVERYBODY NEEDS IT.

Is_your_man_commitmed?

If you’re currently seeing someone and you want to take it further, how can you make him commit to you? Do you want to be the most important person in your guy’s life? Do you want to speed the relationship along in order to make it more meaningful? If you answered “yes” to these, then continue reading to find out the three “S”s that every woman should know if they want to make their guy commit.

Slow down

It is easy to sexually arouse a man. Honestly, it is biological and in some cases there doesn’t even have to be that much physical attraction involved. Lust is easy and simple and you don’t have to work on it. Push the right buttons and the man is yours. However, if you want to get him to fall in love and make him commit to you you’re going to have to do more.

For that reason, you should delay having sex with him. If you’ve already had sex, then slow it down some and back up. You’re not going to have a meaningful relationship is the physical aspects are all you have to go on. If you don’t form some sort of emotional bond first then your relationship won’t get very far.

Step back

Step back and ensure that you and your guy are on the same page. You want a committed, meaningful relationship. Perhaps he was only looking for a fling. If that is the case, then you really can’t do anything about it. You must communicate your needs to ensure that you both want the same things out of the relationship. If you try to pressure him, it is going to wind up scaring him away, even if he was falling in love with you. Men don’t like to feel pressured. As a matter of fact, women don’t like to feel pressured, either. Reevaluate what you want and go from there.

Savor it

Think of falling in love more as a journey than a destination. Enjoy the time you are spending together and then some of the pressures of the relationship will fall away. If you’re relaxed and having a good time then the relationship can develop at a more natural pace. This is what you want. The slower the process, the longer the relationship will last.

If you want to make him commit to you then you need to let him think that you have all of the time in the world. Cultivate your friendship and focus on the bonding. Soon, you will be on your way to a lasting and meaningful relationship.

BUILDING VIBRANT & STRONG LASTING RELATIONSHIPS !

Build them and make them strong.

By Herbert Mtowo

Do you long for a lasting relationship? Is your hearts desire to find Mr. Right and live happily ever after? Wonder what it takes to get a guy to commit? Wonder no more. If you answered yes to these questions, read on for ways to get him to commit.

A lasting relationship is what we all want. We long for the one person with whom we can share our lives. While it may seem impossible, there are ways to get a guy thinking long term, marriage and on the path to a lasting relationship.

Set relationship boundaries:

Once upon a time, if a guy wanted a girl all to himself, he HAD to marry her. Today, women are much more independent and in their independence have created a scenario where guys don’t NEED to get married anymore.

If your guy is worth marrying, let him chase you. Encourage him to be the man by calling you, planning dates, and setting the tone and pace for the relationship. Guys are hunters. They enjoy the chase and challenge. Let him do what nature designed him to do…chase after you.

Save sex for way later in the relationship, in fact, consider waiting until you’re married. Yes, that sounds old fashioned and dated, but it works. Companionship and sex are key components to a relationship. Spending time with you is the companionship element, so if you add sex into the mix, why should he get married. He has all the benefits without the hassle.

Leave the games in high school:

Women are adept at playing games and using drama to their advantage. When you want a lasting relationship with a guy, playing games that create jealousy and distrust can spell relationship disaster. Mature woman are honest and forthright in letting their man know how they feel

Shy away from telling him about guys that flirt with you or call you. Refrain from creating situations that don’t exist to make him jealous. It may work short term, but ultimately, if you need to resort to deception to get him to marry you, he probably isn’t right for you.

The path to a lasting relationship is not always easy. By setting relationship boundaries and leaving games behind, you have created a straight line between two points which is always shortest.

ROCK SOLID MARRIAGE FOUNDATION !

Building a strong love marriage relationship is an art. But there are SOME simple-to-remember relationship tips that can ease you both along the pathway to a lifetime of married love, passion and romance.

1. The commitment to love

In getting married, you agree to love one another through thick and thin. But most of us have been fooled into thinking that love is something that we experience and feel rather than something we do. Start to re-frame your understanding of what love is. Love in marriage is a verb. You have to work at it. Your commitment is your promise to work at it, throughout your married life. The couples who both work at creating love throughout their married life, get to experience the rewards of an ongoing, blissful love marriage relationship.

2. Marriage is a self-improvement project

Marriage is the start line not the finish line. You thought you could give up and veg out once you’ve landed that big fish husband of yours? You think you can slob around now you’ve got a ring on that gorgeous girl’s finger? Perish the thought! Carry with you the intention to do better today than you did yesterday. Improve upon the way you interact with your life partner. Keep things fresh. If you mess up, admit it, apologize and loosen up enough to try something new. Take advice from your partner. Be flexible enough to change, to grow and to become something bigger and better than you were before. Keep yourselves healthy and smart. Self-improvement is incredibly attractive and a sure way to keep the fires of passion blazing in your love marriage relationship.

3. The honest mind

Don’t be one of those nitwits who think that valuing ‘honesty’ in a marriage gives them a license to be blunt and cruel. In love marriage relationships, honesty is a willingness to look at yourself and your actions and see where you might be being pig-headed. It means looking at your relationship with a clear head. Examining your soul to see how you can create a better life experience for both of you. It also means communicating clearly with one another. So many marriages founder because of simple misunderstandings. Develop the ability to look honestly at yourself, develop the responsibility to create positive changes, and be willing to reveal and communicate what you find with your partner. Such acts of intimacy forge powerful lasting bonds.

Follow in the footsteps of the joyful

Your love marriage relationship is unique. But you will experience similar challenges to every other married couple. Why not shortcut your learning curve and learn from those who are already living successful married lives.It’s always so much easier to learn from experienced mentors who’ve already charted a course through the choppy waters of life. And if you want to guarantee your love marriage relationship grows from strength to strength, be sure to check out that resource. Meanwhile, use the relationship tips above to steer your marriage towards joy, passion and intimacy which will last a lifetime. I wish you great happiness and love in all your moments together.

WEALTHY MEN,WHAT ARE THEIR CHANCES OF CHEATING?

Comedian Chris Rock once famously said, “You’re only as faithful as your options.” If that is true, then it would stand to reason that successful men are less faithful, as they have more opportunities to cheat.

Just a quick look at recent news tells of the torrid affairs of prominent celebrities and politicians. What is especially surprising about these high-profile cheaters is that they engaged in the risky behavior, having to realize somewhere in the back of their minds that they could easily be caught or “outed” to a tabloid publication. After all, a successful investment banker who is relatively unknown to the public is less likely to attract attention when he’s out to dinner with someone other than his wife-but a well-known movie star or politician will always turn heads.

So, what are the factors that could lead successful men to cheat?

-Men with money are attractive to other women. Unfortunately there are women who prey on men and will hook up with someone with money, regardless of whether or not he is wearing a wedding ring. Men who are successful have more discretionary income with which to find and woo affair partners, and this is attractive to a woman who wants to be wined and dined.

-Men who have successful careers often have a little extra time on their hands, whether in the form of leisure time (like the stereotypical golf outing) or business trips. They are not punching the clock on an hourly salary. Business trips, especially, are fertile ground for infidelity.

-Men who are successful have many opportunities to tell their wives they are working late, they have a business dinner, or they have to work on the weekends. They can then use these opportunities for their extramarital activities.

-Men who are successful often have wives at home taking care of their homes and children. Thus, their partner often earns less than them, if they are earning anything at all. According to a study by the Singaporean paper Straits Times, these men are more likely to cheat.

-Men who are successful often let their good fortune go to their head. They may suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, making them feel invincible and above reproach, or they may suffer from a more temporary form of narcissism. Once you gain power and control at work, you want more-and the power having any woman you want is the next logical step. There is also a certain “control” to carrying on an illicit, secret affair without anyone else knowing.

So… was Chris Rock right? Are you only as faithful as your options? That may very well be so, since an MSNBC/iVillage “Lust, Love & Loyalty Survey” polled more than 70,000 adults and found that 32 percent of men making more than $300,000 a year reported cheating, compared with 21 percent of men who made less than $35,000 a year.

And, scientists at the University of California at Berkeley looked at a person’s rank in society (taking into account factors such as wealth, job prestige and education) and found that richer people were more likely to cheat, lie and break the law than those who were poorer.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT THIS IS::::::

STEPS TO AVOID AFFAIR/S

Getting married doesn’t mean you won’t ever be tempted by someone else ever again. Temptation is everywhere. There are going to be attractive people that you have chemistry with at times. It is important to actively safeguard your marriage in order to resist the temptations that come your way throughout your married life.
An affair can happen in any marriage. It doesn’t happen only in bad marriages or marriages where one partner is away frequently. It is important to recognize that all marriages can be vulnerable to an affair. Take steps to avoid common pitfalls that can lead to an affair.

Active Commitment

Actively commit to remain faithful to your spouse. Remind yourself often of your marriage vows and the reason it is important to stay faithful. If your marriage is having problems it is important to address those problems within the marriage.

Remember that marriage wasn’t meant to cure all of life’s problems. While you are married, you will still feel sad, lonely, and disappointed at times. Don’t try to cope with those feelings by forming attachments to someone else to “fill the void.”

Making yourself aware that you are vulnerable to temptation can help you be on alert. Most affairs don’t happen overnight. They usually are a slow progression where a friendship or close work relationship starts to turn into something inappropriate.

Set Healthy Boundaries

It is important to set healthy boundaries for yourself. This means, don’t put yourself in situations where you could fall prey to temptation. For example, don’t allow yourself to grow deep friendships with people of the opposite sex. Sometimes a close friendship can lead down the wrong path.

Also, be aware that internet friendships pose a serious risk to your marriage as well. Sometimes people think that there is nothing wrong with forming a friendship with someone they chat with online. Even if you don’t have a physical connection, an emotional affair can be very damaging to your marriage.

Avoid complaining to others about your marriage. A lot of affairs start when a man and women start complaining about their spouses together. This can lead to comments such as “I’d never treat you like that…” which can be the start of a slippery slope.

Avoid Secrecy

A good rule to follow – don’t ever do anything you wouldn’t be comfortable doing if your spouse was next to you. This can prevent you from saying things that you might not normally say and can prevent you from forming inappropriate relationships.

If you have a friendship or conversations that you would not feel comfortable having in the presence of your spouse, stop! Secret phone calls, meetings, or emails are unhealthy. It’s not necessary to give your spouse complete access to everything all the time, but don’t hide things. If you find yourself deleting and erasing things or finding time to meet with someone without your spouse’s knowledge, it may have already progressed into an emotional affair.

Communicate with Your Spouse

It would be naïve if you and your spouse thought that just because you were married you would never feel attracted to anyone ever again. This just isn’t the case. It’s likely there will be times when you feel a connection with someone else. Talk to your spouse ahead of time about how to respond when this happens. Discuss steps that you are both comfortable with taking when handling such a situation.

Talking together about how to prevent an affair can be one of the most powerful conversations you can have together. It shows that you recognize your vulnerability and want to take steps necessary to prevent it.

Be willing to accept responsibility and accountability for your actions. If you are struggling with an attraction to someone, consider telling your spouse. Also consider allowing your spouse to hold you accountable to ensure that you behave appropriately and are able to resist temptation. Support one another in remaining faithful to your vows.YOU AND ME HAVE THE POWER TO KEEP AFFAIRS OUT OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES,IT STARTS WITH YOU.

Making love is A Skill to be mastered.

Surviving an affair and breaking its grip and chain.

What is infidelity? How does infidelity occur? Simply put, infidelity is a breach of contract – a marriage contract or a relationship contract between two couples or spouses. Infidelity is also betrayal of the marriage vows that make up the marriage. Infidelity can be sexual as well as emotional and it happens when one of the spouses is unfaithful to the other in any way be it through a sexual affair or an emotional affair.

Infidelity creates a lot of heartache and a sense of betrayal and broken trust. In most cases infidelity can often lead to breakups and even divorce if you don’t take the necessary steps to avoid or survive infidelity. To better prepare yourself to survive infidelity, you will need a clear understand of the different types of infidelity so that you can be ready to deal with each type of infidelity from the beginning of the infidelity.

The different types of infidelity are briefly identified and discussed below:
1. Romantic Infidelity is a serious type of infidelity that occurs when one of the spouses who has previous cheated on the other, no longer loves their spouse
2. Opportunistic Infidelity is complicated. It occurs when one of the spouses is in love with their spouse but at the same time they are romantically and sometimes sexually interested with someone else. They may not love the other person but they have an urge to take the risk to “try it out”
3. Conflicted Romantic Infidelity, is dangerous! It occurs when one of the spouses is in love with their spouse and at the same time is also romantically and sexually involved with another person.
4. Commemorative Infidelity mainly occurs when one of the spouses remains in the relationship with their spouse even though they no longer love their spouse.
5. Obligatory infidelity is a type of infidelity that happens when one of the spouses refuses or shuts out the other spouse’s sexual or romantic advances. This often leads to a sense of insecurity in the relationship as one of the other spouses feels neglected and worthless which leads them to look elsewhere for someone that will feel that emotional and sexual needs.

There are ways to survive infidelity in your relationship especially if you are already experiencing one of the types of infidelity identified above. Attending a marriage workshop is a good way to get back on the right track to saving your marriage. A marriage workshop will encourage and open a dialogue between the couple which will bring the problems that the couples are experiencing out in the open.

THOUGHTS !!

BY SALOME SHOOMBE 

Your thoughts are more powerful than you suspect & any image held in the mind is a force that will eventually produce an effect. You manifest in your life what you consciously think about & focus on. Think & believe that you will have financial well-being & you will create it in your life. Think you will be in financial need & that too will be created in your life. Many black people are poor because of a poverty consciousness which influences their thinking, their expectations & the world they live in. Your thoughts & your beliefs & what you visualize are what you will manifest in your life. We attract into our lives what we think about. Your wealth or the opposite of wealth will be derived from your power of thinking & the impact of your belief & attitudes.

Thoughts are the source of our lives & as long as we think negative, unhappy thoughts, we will see a negative, unhappy future. Our thoughts trigger off actions. These actions trigger off habits. Such habits lead to outcomes, which then become lifestyles. Your current lifestyle is born out of the thoughts you have been thinking over time. A change in your thought patterns will eventually lead to a change in your actions. This in turn gives birth to new habits. These new habits produce different outcomes. And so a new lifestyle is born. You can create your own circumstances starting with your own thoughts. You are not a victim, stop seeing yourself as one. You can harness the power of your mind & bring about the change you desire. Your change can begin with your thinking. Yes, it is possible, you can lift yourself from dirt-poor beginnings to considerable wealth.

Think right!!! Set your sights on a higher income, better work & improved personal finances. Donald Trump once said, if you are going to be thinking, you might as well THINK BIG!!! Aim higher than you had previously dared to. Dream bigger dreams than you had imagined possible. John Lennon liked to say: My mind is what makes it all happen. Whatever is happening to you right now, poverty or wealth, health or lack of it, happiness or the opposite thereof, whatever is happening in your life right now is a direct result of your past thinking. Change your mindset & you could change many negative circumstances in your life. Events in your life are affected by what you imagine, visualize, desire, want or fear. Nothing happens by chance. The quality of your life is brought about by the quality of your thinking. Its all in the mind.

Everybody has the mind they need to make their lives the way they want it to be, even Blacks, even Africans, so Blacks should stop blaming circumstances, lack of money or opportunities, or the legacies of apartheid & colonialism. Take responsibility for yourself. Begin to rise to your own secret challenges. Your thoughts can be hurting or healing. They can endanger your happiness. Telling yourself a miserable mental story about your circumstances creates suffering. Rather recount positive & grateful stories. Choose thoughts that knit your heart together, rather than tear it apart. Thoughts are great things. Accept the challenge to step outside the narrow tracks that confine you and dare to think great thoughts. A thought has no boundaries. Your thoughts have only the boundaries that you set for them.

Albert Einstein once said, imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution. Visualize your goal at least once a day, each & every day. There is power in repetition. Imprint the image of your desire in your mind & think of it often. Any thought put into your mind & nourished regularly will eventually produce results in your life. Properly directed, your imagination is one of the most dynamic faculties you possess. An image held in the mind can be made real yet keep in mind that it is repetition & consistency & taking action that separates seeding from idle daydreaming. Excellence in athletes – or indeed ANY ENDEAVOR – depends primarily on having a clear mental picture of that activity. Learn to engage your mind & understand the impact of attitude on outcome. Your subconscious mind is your partner in success.

Your conscious & subconscious mind work together as a team to create your reality. Your mind creates your reality. You can be conscious of it & set your mind working for you, or you can ignore it & allow it to work in ways that will hinder & hold you back. But your mind will always & forever be creating your reality. Your mind is like a garden which can be cultivated or neglected & you are its master gardener. You can cultivate this garden or you can ignore it & let it develop whatever way it will. But make no mistake: you will reap the harvest of your work or your neglect. Recognize & become conscious of the fact that success or failure throughout life is largely a matter of control over our thinking. Everything that happens to you happens because you attract it through your thinking. Learn to attract positive vibes & not let your background or environment (should it be a negative one) define who or what you can achieve or what you become.

Don’t let your circumstances limit your dreams. Always remember: “Like the winds which carries one ship east & another west, your mind will lift you up or pull you down, according to the way you set your sails of thought. If you think you are beaten, you are. If you like to win, but you think you can’t, it is almost certain you won’t. If you think you will lose, you are lost, for out in the world we find success begins with a fellow’s mind. It’s all in the state of Mind!!!” Think Positive, should you fail, see failure as a stepping stone. Know this about failure: “People don’t fail because they lack motivation, desire or ambition. They fail because they have the “failure habit” so deeply ingrained into their subconscious mind that they don’t know it influences their thinking & subsequent expectations. The most difficult start is often the one you have to make after defeat or disappointment. Do not get discouraged.

Take every knock as a boost & every stumbling block as a stepping stone & continue to think right! (much love from Salome)

The Essence of Success

BY OZIAS MUCHERIWA

I’m sure everyone even those who are not happy with themselves have some points or areas about themselves which they are happy with. Even the worst rascal has a virtue about himself that he is happy about. I need not mention the virtuous for they have many things about themselves of which they feel proud. Being also human, I have things about myself that I’m happy with; every time that I meet a successful person in any area of endeavor I do not feel jealousy or hasten to criticize them, instead I admire them. As long as they are successful in their field I appreciate them because I have learnt that a wise person does not spew reproachful recriminations upon things that he or she does not fully fathom. I make an extra effort to study what makes them successful.

In my study of the successful, I have found many discoveries but I wish to share only one with you. There are many of course but this one I believe, is the bright golden thread woven through all of man’s success.

Success in life takes time. In other words, it is a process and processes do take time. It can be a short time or a long time but the fact is, it takes time. Success then lies in what you do during that time. What many people call success is a result and not the real thing. Success is what you do during the time allocated to you. Every man and woman has time allocated to them to create their success and what they then do during that time is what determines success or its exact opposite.

A student goes to school or college and is allocated a number of hours translating into days, weeks, months and years. Their success lies not in their zeal but in their use of the time apportioned to them. When they spend one day playing and skip studying they are putting in motion the process that begets failure. The same is true for any field of endeavor.

When we watch the Olympics with Michael Phelps taking sixteen Olympic medals we are bound to think that he succeeded on the day of the competition when the truth is that he succeeded during the practice sessions by allocating his time effectively to rigorous training and practice.

Everyone has this commodity called time but the use of it is what differentiates us. Those who usually put it to wrong use, just like the lazy who complain about how hard they work, are the best at complaining that there is no time. The same time whose unavailability they complain about, is being used by others to achieve their dreams and attain success.

Every time that you realize you need to work on your gift and tell yourself that you do not have the time, know this one fact that someone with the same gift is working on it and getting another step ahead of you.

Remember, when our parents die they do not leave us even a millisecond of the time that they did not put to use. Your time is your time.

We have started the second quarter of 2012, how are you making use of your time in light of your goals?