IS IT NOT ABOUT TIME ?-YOU FORGIVE !!

If you’re like a lot of people in today’s world, you have been deeply wounded or betrayed, abused or mistreated and to add insult to injury, it was most likely done at the hand of a loved one or trusted friend. The pain it has caused you will not go away and you are in an emotional prison as a result. It may be that over the course of time, justice has or will be served when or if those responsible are made to pay for the injustice or pain they inflicted on you. If not justice, perhaps, it may be that the consequences of their actions come back full circle to hurt them because of their actions. However, to believe that justice or retribution will bring the healing and peace of mind necessary to move on, is to be deceived and is a set-up for major disappointment.

And, what if justice is never served and those who failed you or inflicted such terrible pain, never pay for it in any way? What do you do then? Like it or not, the only way to true healing and restoration is through forgiveness. Surely, many will cringe at the very thought of forgiving the one responsible for so much pain in their lives. From a human or “rational” perspective, it makes no sense at all. Yet, there is no greater power to release us from the pain, inflicted by another, than to forgive the one who caused it.

Harboring unforgiveness is destructive and can lead to devastating results. It’s like a fire that smolders in the heart and smothers the soul. It is so insidious that one can be totally unaware of the damage it is doing, until it is too late. Unforgiving people live as victims and spend much of their time and energy justifying it. They are obsessed with the wrong done to them and quick to point out, to anyone who will listen, the lack of understanding people have regarding how much they have suffered or the agony they have endured. In truth, they are right. Most people cannot, nor will they ever, truly understand the suffering of another. Yet, what is the benefit of remaining in that misery and attempting to draw others into that misery along with them? Where is the healing in that?

Unforgiving people are quick to claim rights. They can be extremely sensitive to any wrongs done to them, regardless of how small or minuscule. They are obsessed with the bad things that happened to them in the past and are absolutely certain no one’s circumstances were as bad as theirs were. They take pleasure in the power their pain seems to give them over friends and enemies alike, as they require more and more pity and understanding. They are oblivious to the pain their unforgiveness inflicts on others not understanding or caring that dwelling on their pain only serves to make everyone else around them miserable. In short, unforgiving people are some of the most miserable people in the world.

All signs that could, if they were paying attention, alert them to the damage being done to their souls, as they choose to live out their unforgiveness. If unforgiveness is an issue for you, as it is for so many, what can be done about it? The first thing, is to recognize that God Himself has extended an offer of unconditional forgiveness to you, should you choose to receive it. You receive it by believing in His Son Jesus Christ and confessing that He is Lord and then asking for God’s forgiveness. The Bible says we are all sinners and in need of His forgiveness so that we may be reconciled to Him. Once you receive His forgiveness, the Bible tells us that you then receive the power of God, through His Holy Spirit now living in you, to do the things He asks you to do, like forgive others – no matter how awful the violation or abuse.

It does not mean you deny the wrongdoing or pain it caused or that you try to excuse it or justify it in any way. It would be disingenuous and demeaning not to recognize and acknowledge something terribly hurtful and inexcusable was done to you and that it never should have happened. To do so, would minimize the importance of forgiveness and its power to bring healing to a broken heart and a devastated soul. Forgiveness does not mean you forget. However, as the healing takes place, the memory of the incident will no longer trigger the raw emotions it once did. The memories instead will begin to fade and lose their hold. Instead of pushing all your buttons, the memory will be more about the time you forgave or the process of forgiveness you are committed to. Forgiveness is not just some positive feeling or altered emotion towards another. Forgiveness is an act of the will. We have the responsibility, and the authority as children of God, to offer to others the very forgiveness that God has given us. That is what Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:21-35, and be assured He would not tell us to do something we did not have the power to do through Him! Where does forgiveness begin, assuming the one need to forgive has been forgiven by God, is now in relationship with Him and has His power to offer it to another? This may come as a surprise, but the first step is to examine what happened to our heart following the wounding or offense. Did it result in deep-seated anger, bitterness or resentment? Did we speak unlovingly about them to others? Did we retaliate in some way? If so, we are just as guilty before God as our offender and we must confess that to Him. Regardless of what they originally did to us, we must confess our hatred, resentment or anger towards our offender. This does not in any way minimize or affirm their action. Its purpose is to allow our heart to be cleansed from our own sinful reaction to the offense, so that it is free to forgive and be healed.

Another powerful step to add in the forgiveness process is to bless your offender every time you think of what they did and they pain they caused you. I Peter 3:8-9 says; “To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.” When you bless others who have hurt or cursed you, God says, you will receive a blessing as a result.

Blessings promote healing, not only for you but also for those who have offended or hurt you. That is God’s ultimate desire, that all involved be healed, forgiven and restored. You can also write a letter – that you do not send – to the person who hurt you. Tell them everything they did that hurt you and how you feel as a result. If you are angry with them, tell them. Be very honest. Writing touches the emotional side of our brain and allows us to get in touch with what we are really feeling. It has been said that most Christians are stuck in their anger because they deny it exists. Get alone with God, once you’ve written everything you want to say and read it out loud to Him, making sure that no one else can hear you. After you have said (and yelled) everything you wanted to say (and yell), make a conscious choice to forgive, remembering that you can only truly forgive with God’s help and power. Then say, “In Jesus Name (because that’s where your power and authority comes from) I forgive you”. List the name(s of your offender) and what say specifically what you are forgiving them for. Follow that up with “I release you and I bless you.” When you bless them, try blessing them in every way you would like God to bless you. You will soon begin to notice that joy and blessings and love will start to flow in your heart and life again. Be sure and destroy the letter! While Restoration of a broken relationship is a worthy goal, there are circumstances and situations where it is not possible or realistic; like when the offender has died or is no longer mentally cognizant. Or when a person has been the victim of rape. Regardless of the crime or pain inflicted upon the victim, there will be no healing apart from forgiveness and there will be no forgiveness apart from the power of God to do so. God longs for you to be set free from the prison of unforgiveness and promises you the power to do it. Turn the key by asking Him and your prison doors could swing open today.

Let the transforming power of forgives flood your heart and you will never be the same. “And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on God’s. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.” – Corrie Ten Boom

People Only Make You Feel Small If You Let Them

BY ED ROBINSON

[great article this is,thanks Edi.]-Herbert Mtowo.

We can’t control what other people say or do, but we can control how we respond to it. It’s important to always remember that no one can make you feel anything; you choose to feel that way. It’s amazing how a few unkind words or obvious negative body language can affect us. I’ve seen fairly successful and confident people wilt under the glare of another person’s disapproval. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, so only take constructive feedback to the degree that it helps you improve/grow as a person. If the feedback being given isn’t constructive, then learn to simply block it out or ignore it.

I also believe it’s important to check the other person’s motivations. There are some people out there who have an agenda that is less than pure and they try to bring others down because of their own jealousy or insecurities. As a society we often do this to people who we initially crown as celebrities, once they shown their own flaws and/or human frailties. I’ve also heard it said that paradoxically we end up disliking those we hurt. It is a constant reminder of how we failed another fellow human being. Rather than seeking forgiveness, we choose to see only those things about them that justify our own bad/poor behavior in the first place.

It’s impossible to go through life and have every person you interact with like you. There are just some connections that aren’t meant to be. Sometimes we will even fall out with people we once held close, which is sad but not the end of the world. Don’t fret or worry too much about this reality. All you can do is be the best “you” that you can be. When you miss-step or do something wrong, own it, apologize and move on. When you need to seek forgiveness ask for it but also provide it in return. Always model the behavior you would like to see in others even when it is difficult.

We control our thoughts. Someone can only ever make you feel small if you let them. Don’t get mired in the negative energy put out by other people. It will only ever hold you back personally and/or professionally. Pursue your life’s journey with passion, honesty, integrity, dignity, empathy, valor and love and then let the chips fall where they may. When you stumble, pick yourself up and keep moving forward anyway. If someone else wants to be an obstacle in your path toward happiness and enlightenment, then step around them or avoid them altogether. If someone is not being kind or helpful, then they are either being hurtful or providing no value whatsoever. Why bother with them?

THE CRY OF: A LOVE THRIST SOUL

By Herbert Mtowo

So, many of us are thirsting for love – literally dying slowly each day for lack of it. And yet, the more desperate we are for it, the less likely we are to get it. Why is that? The reason is that we are blind. We think that love needs to come in a specific form and from specific people, but this is an illusion. Love is everywhere we look. The person who smiles at you on the street is offering you a gift of love. The person who holds the door for you as you enter or exit a building is offering you a gift of love. Anyone who offers to help you in any way is offering you love. Sometimes, people are offering you love just by looking at you, or thinking about you, or writing a comment to something you posted on the internet. It is all love.

I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this?

Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these years, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant at hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do

us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return here, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening or never. If I die, I will wait for you, do you understand? No matter how long. I will watch from beyond to make sure you live every year you have to its fullest, and then we’ll have so much to talk about when I see you again… I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?” My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all…All my heart has ever wanted is you?”

Now I know what Melanie Griffith meant when she said.” There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. And that place is,” Her heart.”

The reason we don’t see this is that we are blind to it. We refuse to see it because we are conditioned not to. We are told that we do not deserve. We are told that we are alone in the world and that everyone is out for themselves, but this is not true. The true nature of people is to love and to connect. We are a community whether we believe it or not. And we are there to help one another. Offering small gifts of love is one part of the pact we make when we come into form. It fosters that sense of belonging and connection that we have given up in spirit to come into the physical world. Without it, we are lost and lonely and feeling abandoned.

And so we continue to go thirsty – longing for that which we feel we cannot have – wishing for the partner who will take away this pain and quench our thirst forever. But that is too much pressure to put on a single person. It is more than they will ever be able to give us – because it was never meant to be that way. It takes village to love you. It takes every person every day to fill you and one person will never be able to be the fire hose of love that you need in the long run.

And when I say that it takes every person every day to fill you, this includes you. You must learn to become love if you hope to ever be truly full on a long-term basis. It is your willingness to love those around you – not give to them, not take care of them, not have sex with them, just to love them – no matter whom they are – that ultimately becomes your inner fire hose that keeps you full to overflowing.

FOREVER IN LOVE WITH YOU.

Love tended and nourished
Let it shined, let it flow
You are all I have cherished
Your love crawls, our feelings grow

My love starts yearning
Just let the fire go burning
Orange bodies are now glowing
The heat is over flowing

I thought of you, you thought of me
I breathe in through you intensely
Every part and inch of you, within me
And the all of you in my captivity

You moaned my name, I moaned yours
I would hear melodies in crystal clear
Your passion would be big or gross
You are all mine, you’re such a dear

Even miles away our spirits soar
We would find each other to roar
Thunder of Love, we both adore
and we cling on, even we cross the shore

We moved fast, we flew up high
We rolled over, we flipped and sighed
Yet our bodies stuck on together
Never wanted apart from each other

My body shivers, not from cold
But by the heat of your body it gored
Like a river from your thrust I sweat dripped
You soaked in, swam swiftly and deep

I feel you, you are coming near
I hold on you, to you I was glued
Your movement, you kept… no tear
I wiggled with you, we both clawed

I see you clearly now
You’re face so tensed yet shining
Mine with you in tow
Both stricken with lightning

We got fully charged, we banged!
Explosion all over yet we won
Like magic even afar we ganged
This romance we have would abound.

When you knew the power of this love?
Would you rather poison your mind, with…
Would this love end my freedom?
Would it give me any harm?
Would I feel good with it or be damned?

When you knew your lost when it’s gone?
Would you still end the passion?

Love, have your fear ended,
Not your passion, Instead
Poison all of your doubt
so it won’t ever have a sprout
Only would stay then
Is your planted passion within…

You have stayed with me this far
Time already had been wasted
Between us would there be any mar
Still we have the True Joy injected
Within our romance full of agar
Our passion for both remained congested.

But you have tamed me
With all of your sweetness!

You have owned me fully
With all of your greatness!

Love me with all of your passion
to have me…

Poison your mind to end this love
would kill me
For this passion we have
is so deadly
When this true love of ours
is gone, it’s not only I,
But both of us would die..

DISCOVER YOUR INNER WISDOM

Salome Shoombe

by SALOME SHOOMBE

Get in touch with your intuitive self, tap into your inner wisdom. Listen to your inner “counselors” whose only job is to pass along insight, information and challenges that may lay buried in the mental static and busyness of our daily lives. We have all the answers inside us. Wisdom is within you. It is this wisdom which will make you find the balance between where you are and where you want to be. This wisdom will make you discover the strength & capabilities that are within you

Throughout history we have had remarkable teachers, each presenting extraordinary opportunities to remember Who We Really Are. Wise Men…. each of them came with a message. They have presented vivid, breathtaking examples of where the lot of us can go given our consciousness. Consciousness is everything & creates our experiences. Life takes us were we choose it to take us through the choices we make. Choose to become conscious of each choice you make.

Consciousness… how do we become conscious as many wise preach, how do we become conscious in our switched-on, turned-up world? Our ever-accelerating and sensation-addicted lives do not allow for rest, there are always things to do, things to think about, etc. Many battle with a constantly chattering mind. Learn to actively seek silence. Find quiet in a noisy world. Yet how do we find quiet in a noisy world because hearing, unlike sight, is not a sense we can switch off. “Your ears are always on. They work even when you sleep. The smallest sound you can perceive moves your eardrum just four atomic diameters. The loudest sound you can hear is a trillion times more powerful than that. We are surrounded by a constant hum of white noise – back ground noise like computers, phones, people chatting; we get so used to it that we never learn to switch off. We then feel anxious, overwhelmed, irritable, stressed or are unable to sleep but don’t know why. Find your inner calm, find your inner silence. Silence will allow you to become conscious. This will open up a new dimension in how you will perceive the world; it is like turning up the color on a black & white picture.

It is in silence that you will hear the voice of your intuition. In silence you will be able to clear mental clutter. In silence your mind will be able to explore your past milestones & plan for new ones. When you fall still, you go into a peaceful state that separates you from the noise of life, gives you breathing room & centers you, grounds you & prepares your perspective. It is in deep silence that you will be able to ponder, to question, to recognize. You are wise, you are capable… fall still & find out what it is that you can do.
Remember, the more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power of good. Calmness of mind is one of the greatest & beautiful Jewels of wisdom.

Always keep in mind that ‘When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world. Your innermost sense of self, of who you are is inseparable from stillness. This is the ‘I am’ that is deeper than name & form.

Those who are religious will understand what I mean with the following: When thou art quiet & silent, then thou art as God was before nature & creature, thou art that which God then was. Thou art that whereof he made thy nature & creature. Then thou hearest & seest even with that where with God himself saw & heard in thee, before every thine own willing or thine own seeing began.

It is in silence that you will get hunches which is creativity trying to tell you something. It is in deep silence that inspiration will strike. It is in silence that your genius will come up with brilliant new ideas. So every now & then learn to actively seek out silence, learn to step back from the canvass of your life like an artist looking at his painting, to gain perspective. It is through this perspective that you will be able to make your life a work of art – an individual masterpiece.

LETTING GO PAIN AND LOVE ANYWAY.

BY HERBERT MTOWO
We have all experienced emotional pain. Often times someone we have loved has turned their backs on us. Maybe it was a betrayal. Perhaps it was an intentional act of malevolence or outright hatred. Yes, I think we’ve all been there a time or two. Unfortunately that is the nature of human dynamics. Finding joy in these situations is still possible. You simply have to realign your thinking.

When we are attacked, especially by someone we love, the feelings that strike us are negative and hurtful. I mean, how could he or she have done such a thing? Didn’t they know how much you loved them?

In this life there are no sure guarantees. Just because someone loves you today doesn’t mean they will tomorrow. An act of betrayal or hate is usually the sign that the other person has decided to move on to other life paths. Regardless of how much you loved them, there is nothing you can do to change their minds. Remember that, in the end, we are only responsible for our own actions and mental / emotional states. We are not judged by others but by ourselves. When we have learned to expect love or respect in return for what we feel or gave, we set ourselves up for ultimate failure.

Think about the person who has attacked you. Push aside the pain a moment and remember the reasons why you loved that person. Why did you feel that way? Was it so that they would return your affection or was it simply because you cared for them? Has anything really changed? Perhaps they no longer love you, but how do you feel for them?

True love isn’t a quid-pro-quo arrangement. True love says I love you unconditionally. It isn’t about getting something in return. It’s about giving of yourself. The fact that the person no longer wants what you have to give does not make your feelings insignificant. Why? The reason is that love is an intrinsic piece of who you are. You gave that love freely because you chose to. Now it is up to you to continue to feel that way. But will you?

If you decide to be hurt and pull back your love, you only hurt yourself as your love for another person is a reflection of yourself. If you give into anger and hatred then you become angry and hateful. Never do that. Instead continue to realize why you love that person and don’t let go of that emotion. It is OK to let go of the person, but not the love. Take your matured love and move on to another person. By doing so you will become a stronger person less susceptible to pain because you know that you love for love’s sake and not because someone returned a feeling. True love exists intrinsically, and love for a return like an investment was never love but an empty need. You have the choice to make your heart and mind whatever you want. Let love lead you through the pain and finding joy will be your reward. Love unconditionally and learn to let go and move on.

SEARCH FOR KNOWLEDGE AND PROPER USE OF TIME

Information is like any other item, it can be collected and accumulated. To do this, it takes time, effort and money and then a place to store all that is collected. Then it is useless and the effort in its accumulation wasted if it is not shown off. So not only is time spent in its accumulation but also in its presentation and sharing.

Knowledge, and the search for knowledge is often related to ones search for meaning and truth, what is life about and why are we here. That knowledge cannot be found in books or magazines, it can only be found by one developing oneself to a state when inner knowledge comes forth. That is not acquired with more and more information, it can only be directly experienced. And that experience takes preparation. Preparation takes time.

Our ego and personality and want to improve ourselves is behind the perpetual acquisition of things, information being one of them. One thing is certain, with all the people out there, and all the time in the past spent creating and writing, there is no way that one person could absorb it all. That means that for one who wants to know everything that is going on in any particular field, or variety of fields their life will be spent accumulating information and there will be little or no time left to develop knowledge. This will lead to a life of being a walking encyclopaedia, which in the end of its days will be set aside for a new edition or used as a door stop or accumulate dust or sold for pennies at a garage sale. Of course there are those who have been born with a great mind and skill that no matter what they read or learn, they become a master of yet another art. Those are exceptions to the rule. Let’s deal with the rule for now.

The human with information, even immense information will at the end of his days, be nothing more than a few cents of carbon and water, with enough iron to make a 2 inch nail, a corpse, an empty dead vessel. Not only that, but it will cost a great amount of money to dispose of this lump of decaying flesh. But knowledge will take the soul to consciousness beyond the end of the body and propel it, stay with it, and be useful.

It is a personal choice, what do you believe. Is life simply being born, living and dyeing, with your achievements hopefully being great enough that your name continues and thereby you become immortal, even for a brief time. Or that you are perpetuated in your offspring generation after generation, until you are forgotten, or is there something that continues regardless of all that is material and human.

Obviously, the only choice that is relevant to the point of this writing is the latter. The next question if that was your first answer is, what continues. Is it information, or is the information wiped out and what has been done with whatever it is that continues that counts. Knowing by reading books on how to fight, or fly an airplane is of no use unless you have the skill. Knowing from reading how to run and remove a cancer without ever having trained by doing is not good enough to insure success. However, some experience, regardless of an immense amount of information will be more useful to keep one alive.

There is a story of two men on a ship. One was a scholar and the other a simple sailor. The whole journey the scholar was putting down the sailor because he did not devote his life to study and only spent his days on a boat. Then the boat hit something and was sinking. Sadly there where no lifeboats, as this was long before. The sailor turned to the scholar and asked if he ever learned to swim. The scholar replied that he did not waste his precious time with such activities. Such a shame said the sailor, because your whole life is about to be wasted.

You will never acquire all the information, and whatever you do get will be outdated within a month because someone else has to come with some new invention to make their mark in the world. One day you may look at all you have learnt and believed to be the greatest discovery, only to find in a short time after that it was replaced by yet a further great discovery. But look into your mind, think of what you have trained it to be, and then decide what you will do today and the rest of your life. What is more important to have or be, thinking from the perspective of what you believe you really are.

Information is only valuable if you use it to improve yourself or the world around you.Train your mind and be creative, be the innovator and not the regurgitator.

JORDAN AND ROBERTTA

TEAMWORK IS KEY !!!

By Herbert Mtowo

Am very passionate about soccer, cricket, tennis and rugby and athletics, you name them sports, this takes much of my time when I am not speaking or writing. Such as in sport your family or staff is your team: you win only when you’re willing to accept the strengths and weaknesses of each player. That includes you too. You’re not perfect and you’re not called to ‘fi x’ everybody, so cut it out! Maybe your spouse is a disaster in the kitchen but they keep a spotless house and the garden’s the envy of the neighborhood.

In relationships,marriages or in church set up, if everyone is moving forward together, than success takes care of itself. At this level it is not about personal brilliance that matters but team work that is the key to unimaginable accomplishments’.

Don’t put your spouse down because you’ve been cooking since you were old enough to reach the stove. No, take the vegetables that are grown and create a meal that makes both the cook and the gardener look good! Teams don’t necessarily win because they have the best players; they win because they can work together. In football even the best player needs other team members to get him the ball, otherwise he’ll never score. Build on your strengths and reduce your weaknesses! One of the sports that I have found to be very interesting is chess, it`s more a team effort sport to win than anything else. Every team member knows the importance of protecting the king to win the game; such is the power of teamwork and team effort for good results.

And learn to accept reality! Some people will never change. You can waste years complaining, causing rifts and driving yourself crazy disorganized, don’t ask them to arrange your next dinner party. Get somebody you can depend on. When you learn to do that, a ‘less than ideal’ team/family can become a source of comfort and love, seeing you through a lifetime of experiences.

Don’t bail out when things are bad. A team or family’s like a stock market – bulls and bears! Wait a little longer! Let God work and things will turn out for everybody’s good! Millions of dollars have been lost, and many a projects fail because people allow their egos, selfishness and greedy to take center stage and dominate than let team work blend them together to do more. In team work we all matter, the ones who are exceptionally gifted also need the average or less gifted to work as a team and produce the desired results.

That is why it is important to note that, to lead your team/family effectively, you need to learn how to huddle regularly. The ‘huddle’ is where a team: 1) sets its goals 2) discusses the division of responsibilities 3) tackles the issues that decide whether it wins or loses. As a coach or parent, even though you call the plays from overhead, your team must be taught how to carry out them on the field. That means working through things, talking through the disagreements and motivating and appreciating each member. Try to listen with an open heart. Don’t just hear what your team members say, try to understand how they feel. Yes, you’re the leader and yes, you can act like the Gestapo and enforce your will if you want to but sooner or later you’ll have trouble, for resentment grows when people feel left out. Every member of your team has to be part of the decision-making process. Involve them!

Ask life to help you look beyond what you want to what’s best for all of you. Don’t fall under the spell of instant gratification. What looks good to you today could be taking you off the path to a better tomorrow. Don’t let ‘outsiders’ into your huddle. Tell them to stay in their own. Too often their opinions are based on hearsay, self-interest or jealousy. Respect the privacy of your team. Build loyalty. Huddle regularly in prayer. When you do that, everybody wins!

Talent wins games, but teamwork and intelligence wins championships.
~ Michael Jordan ~

teamwork is key.

PEOPLE COME AND GO IN YOUR LIFE AND THATS OKAY!!!

BY ED ROBINSON

Very few people are meant to take the full journey with you in life. Sometimes you outgrow people, lose the interpersonal connection and/or leave them behind. Instead of regretting the loss, cherish the time you had together and keep it as a fond memory. I’ve written before how I believe that everyone’s life is a novel and sometimes new chapters require new characters.

It is all part of the process of growing, learning (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learning) and evolving as a human being. Most every transitional point in our life involves bridging a chasm of some sort and other people are usually the means by which we cross over. However, they don’t all make the same crossing with us.

I sincerely hope that you have a close personal relationship with a lifelong romantic partner and best friend if that is what you wish. While periods of aloneness are to be expected, a lifetime of being single can be difficult and lonely. I also hope that if you are fortunate enough to have children that you have a strong enduring bond with them. However, even these long-term relationships,change and end at some point. Inevitably, someone will have to learn to carry one without the other person. Unfortunately, the loss of people we love is a part of life.

You will encounter interesting, fun, caring and happy people along the way who make your life more meaningful and abundant. This can happen in large or small doses. Sometimes a small moment in time can make all the difference in influencing the person you become. You will have the good fortune stumble across amazing mentors (if you are paying attention) who offer sage advice and model behavior you end up wanting to emulate. You will also have to deal with individuals who are difficult to like or work with, but you’ll have to navigate these relationships anyway and make the most of the experience (or not). There is always something to be learned from adversity and conflict.

We all go through stages in our life where our worldview changes. Beliefs we once held firm begin to crumble. Social circles form, break apart and reform differently. People who were critical at some periods end up less important during others. We can build and lose connections based on convenience, what we are doing, what we value, where we choose to live, our work/life circumstances, partner compatibility and our standard of living. Sometimes ending something or allowing it to diminish is the wisest choice we can make. Accept this reality as the natural course of events and don’t judge the other person or yourself too harshly when it happens.

There is certainly something powerful about the concept of loyalty and keeping lifelong connections, but for most people it is the exception not the rule especially with non-family members. Moreover, the intensity of any given connection should be expected to wax and wane. You can only go so deep with so many people at any given time. Some changes to relationships are abrupt and unforeseen while others wither gradually right before your eyes. It’s okay to decide that a particular relationship has run its course. All you can do is be the best person you possibly can be in all your close interactions. We all must all continually strive to seek out others who are good for us rather than a negative influence.

In all life throws at me I choose to be an optimist. I believe all people you come in contact with at a certain level are there for a reason. They hold a mirror up to your own soul and exist to help you become a better person one way or another. When it comes to interacting with another human being there is only so much we can control in terms of the relationship. All we can do is make the best of it whatever it is and be open to new people and new lessons along the way. Don’t hold on to your past at the expense of your future.