COMMITMENT FROM YOUR SPOUSE,EVERYBODY NEEDS IT.

Is_your_man_commitmed?

If you’re currently seeing someone and you want to take it further, how can you make him commit to you? Do you want to be the most important person in your guy’s life? Do you want to speed the relationship along in order to make it more meaningful? If you answered “yes” to these, then continue reading to find out the three “S”s that every woman should know if they want to make their guy commit.

Slow down

It is easy to sexually arouse a man. Honestly, it is biological and in some cases there doesn’t even have to be that much physical attraction involved. Lust is easy and simple and you don’t have to work on it. Push the right buttons and the man is yours. However, if you want to get him to fall in love and make him commit to you you’re going to have to do more.

For that reason, you should delay having sex with him. If you’ve already had sex, then slow it down some and back up. You’re not going to have a meaningful relationship is the physical aspects are all you have to go on. If you don’t form some sort of emotional bond first then your relationship won’t get very far.

Step back

Step back and ensure that you and your guy are on the same page. You want a committed, meaningful relationship. Perhaps he was only looking for a fling. If that is the case, then you really can’t do anything about it. You must communicate your needs to ensure that you both want the same things out of the relationship. If you try to pressure him, it is going to wind up scaring him away, even if he was falling in love with you. Men don’t like to feel pressured. As a matter of fact, women don’t like to feel pressured, either. Reevaluate what you want and go from there.

Savor it

Think of falling in love more as a journey than a destination. Enjoy the time you are spending together and then some of the pressures of the relationship will fall away. If you’re relaxed and having a good time then the relationship can develop at a more natural pace. This is what you want. The slower the process, the longer the relationship will last.

If you want to make him commit to you then you need to let him think that you have all of the time in the world. Cultivate your friendship and focus on the bonding. Soon, you will be on your way to a lasting and meaningful relationship.

STEPS TO AVOID AFFAIR/S

Getting married doesn’t mean you won’t ever be tempted by someone else ever again. Temptation is everywhere. There are going to be attractive people that you have chemistry with at times. It is important to actively safeguard your marriage in order to resist the temptations that come your way throughout your married life.
An affair can happen in any marriage. It doesn’t happen only in bad marriages or marriages where one partner is away frequently. It is important to recognize that all marriages can be vulnerable to an affair. Take steps to avoid common pitfalls that can lead to an affair.

Active Commitment

Actively commit to remain faithful to your spouse. Remind yourself often of your marriage vows and the reason it is important to stay faithful. If your marriage is having problems it is important to address those problems within the marriage.

Remember that marriage wasn’t meant to cure all of life’s problems. While you are married, you will still feel sad, lonely, and disappointed at times. Don’t try to cope with those feelings by forming attachments to someone else to “fill the void.”

Making yourself aware that you are vulnerable to temptation can help you be on alert. Most affairs don’t happen overnight. They usually are a slow progression where a friendship or close work relationship starts to turn into something inappropriate.

Set Healthy Boundaries

It is important to set healthy boundaries for yourself. This means, don’t put yourself in situations where you could fall prey to temptation. For example, don’t allow yourself to grow deep friendships with people of the opposite sex. Sometimes a close friendship can lead down the wrong path.

Also, be aware that internet friendships pose a serious risk to your marriage as well. Sometimes people think that there is nothing wrong with forming a friendship with someone they chat with online. Even if you don’t have a physical connection, an emotional affair can be very damaging to your marriage.

Avoid complaining to others about your marriage. A lot of affairs start when a man and women start complaining about their spouses together. This can lead to comments such as “I’d never treat you like that…” which can be the start of a slippery slope.

Avoid Secrecy

A good rule to follow – don’t ever do anything you wouldn’t be comfortable doing if your spouse was next to you. This can prevent you from saying things that you might not normally say and can prevent you from forming inappropriate relationships.

If you have a friendship or conversations that you would not feel comfortable having in the presence of your spouse, stop! Secret phone calls, meetings, or emails are unhealthy. It’s not necessary to give your spouse complete access to everything all the time, but don’t hide things. If you find yourself deleting and erasing things or finding time to meet with someone without your spouse’s knowledge, it may have already progressed into an emotional affair.

Communicate with Your Spouse

It would be naïve if you and your spouse thought that just because you were married you would never feel attracted to anyone ever again. This just isn’t the case. It’s likely there will be times when you feel a connection with someone else. Talk to your spouse ahead of time about how to respond when this happens. Discuss steps that you are both comfortable with taking when handling such a situation.

Talking together about how to prevent an affair can be one of the most powerful conversations you can have together. It shows that you recognize your vulnerability and want to take steps necessary to prevent it.

Be willing to accept responsibility and accountability for your actions. If you are struggling with an attraction to someone, consider telling your spouse. Also consider allowing your spouse to hold you accountable to ensure that you behave appropriately and are able to resist temptation. Support one another in remaining faithful to your vows.YOU AND ME HAVE THE POWER TO KEEP AFFAIRS OUT OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES,IT STARTS WITH YOU.

Making love is A Skill to be mastered.

Surviving an affair and breaking its grip and chain.

What is infidelity? How does infidelity occur? Simply put, infidelity is a breach of contract – a marriage contract or a relationship contract between two couples or spouses. Infidelity is also betrayal of the marriage vows that make up the marriage. Infidelity can be sexual as well as emotional and it happens when one of the spouses is unfaithful to the other in any way be it through a sexual affair or an emotional affair.

Infidelity creates a lot of heartache and a sense of betrayal and broken trust. In most cases infidelity can often lead to breakups and even divorce if you don’t take the necessary steps to avoid or survive infidelity. To better prepare yourself to survive infidelity, you will need a clear understand of the different types of infidelity so that you can be ready to deal with each type of infidelity from the beginning of the infidelity.

The different types of infidelity are briefly identified and discussed below:
1. Romantic Infidelity is a serious type of infidelity that occurs when one of the spouses who has previous cheated on the other, no longer loves their spouse
2. Opportunistic Infidelity is complicated. It occurs when one of the spouses is in love with their spouse but at the same time they are romantically and sometimes sexually interested with someone else. They may not love the other person but they have an urge to take the risk to “try it out”
3. Conflicted Romantic Infidelity, is dangerous! It occurs when one of the spouses is in love with their spouse and at the same time is also romantically and sexually involved with another person.
4. Commemorative Infidelity mainly occurs when one of the spouses remains in the relationship with their spouse even though they no longer love their spouse.
5. Obligatory infidelity is a type of infidelity that happens when one of the spouses refuses or shuts out the other spouse’s sexual or romantic advances. This often leads to a sense of insecurity in the relationship as one of the other spouses feels neglected and worthless which leads them to look elsewhere for someone that will feel that emotional and sexual needs.

There are ways to survive infidelity in your relationship especially if you are already experiencing one of the types of infidelity identified above. Attending a marriage workshop is a good way to get back on the right track to saving your marriage. A marriage workshop will encourage and open a dialogue between the couple which will bring the problems that the couples are experiencing out in the open.

THE CRY OF: A LOVE THRIST SOUL

By Herbert Mtowo

So, many of us are thirsting for love – literally dying slowly each day for lack of it. And yet, the more desperate we are for it, the less likely we are to get it. Why is that? The reason is that we are blind. We think that love needs to come in a specific form and from specific people, but this is an illusion. Love is everywhere we look. The person who smiles at you on the street is offering you a gift of love. The person who holds the door for you as you enter or exit a building is offering you a gift of love. Anyone who offers to help you in any way is offering you love. Sometimes, people are offering you love just by looking at you, or thinking about you, or writing a comment to something you posted on the internet. It is all love.

I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this?

Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these years, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant at hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do

us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return here, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening or never. If I die, I will wait for you, do you understand? No matter how long. I will watch from beyond to make sure you live every year you have to its fullest, and then we’ll have so much to talk about when I see you again… I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?” My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all…All my heart has ever wanted is you?”

Now I know what Melanie Griffith meant when she said.” There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. And that place is,” Her heart.”

The reason we don’t see this is that we are blind to it. We refuse to see it because we are conditioned not to. We are told that we do not deserve. We are told that we are alone in the world and that everyone is out for themselves, but this is not true. The true nature of people is to love and to connect. We are a community whether we believe it or not. And we are there to help one another. Offering small gifts of love is one part of the pact we make when we come into form. It fosters that sense of belonging and connection that we have given up in spirit to come into the physical world. Without it, we are lost and lonely and feeling abandoned.

And so we continue to go thirsty – longing for that which we feel we cannot have – wishing for the partner who will take away this pain and quench our thirst forever. But that is too much pressure to put on a single person. It is more than they will ever be able to give us – because it was never meant to be that way. It takes village to love you. It takes every person every day to fill you and one person will never be able to be the fire hose of love that you need in the long run.

And when I say that it takes every person every day to fill you, this includes you. You must learn to become love if you hope to ever be truly full on a long-term basis. It is your willingness to love those around you – not give to them, not take care of them, not have sex with them, just to love them – no matter whom they are – that ultimately becomes your inner fire hose that keeps you full to overflowing.

LOVE AND FORGIVNESS WHAT A GREAT TEAM.

HERBERT PRINCE MTOWO

It is difficult to restore a loving relationship when there is no forgiveness! Most people find forgiveness the most difficult aspect of love. To forgive others and to be forgiven ourselves is quite a challenging experience! Yet, this is essential for the repairing of any loving relationship.

Once we have the ability to forgive others, or be forgiven ourselves, we are on the way to once again exist in that reality of love – the meaning of life.

Not being able to forgive, or be forgiven, tears away at our very self. We feel less of a full human person. We feel damaged and sometimes even irreparably so. We feel that love is less in our lives or even missing.

Some people will claim that forgiveness is not always necessary. That time will heal all wounds. That all we need to do is to get on with our lives. I believe that on most occasions this is just a cop out, a search for an easy way out – yet not a real solution. (Unfortunately, some circumstances may lead to this through unexpected circumstances e.g. loss, departure or death of one party involved.) Even if most of the hurt can be forgotten with time, there is always some remnant of hurt, of inescapable pain, somewhere in the conscious or subconscious. This pain will invariably rise to the surface in the future, most likely when a similar circumstance prevails as was originally the hurtful situation.

We need to offer forgiveness if we are the perpetrator of the harm. We need to take that most challenging step to begin the process of recovery, the process of reconciliation. When we offer forgiveness the person who has been hurt has the opportunity to begin the process of returning to love.

If we are the ones harmed, and an offer of forgiveness is not forthcoming from the other person or group of people, we may need to expedite the situation through diplomatically giving them the chance to begin the reconciliation process. Diplomacy is often the best method, however for some people a more direct approach is necessary, but still needs to be done out of love, in a caring and respectful way.

When we are offered forgiveness we have the opportunity to begin to be reconciled. We need to accept the offer as soon as possible and work towards repairing the relationship.

The process may be quick and clean. However, it also may take time depending on our personal history with the person involved, as well as own personality.

We often need to forgive ourselves. This can be quite difficult. We need to learn to accept our own forgiveness and move on, just as we do when accepting forgiveness from others or when we offer others forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a crucial aspect in any loving relationship. To forgive allows the relationship to return to its proper loving place.Its a process that requires a heartly open and genuine heart.THE KEY IS LOVE AND FORGIVENESS.THIS IS A GREAT AND AEWSOME TEAM.

LETTING GO PAIN AND LOVE ANYWAY.

BY HERBERT MTOWO
We have all experienced emotional pain. Often times someone we have loved has turned their backs on us. Maybe it was a betrayal. Perhaps it was an intentional act of malevolence or outright hatred. Yes, I think we’ve all been there a time or two. Unfortunately that is the nature of human dynamics. Finding joy in these situations is still possible. You simply have to realign your thinking.

When we are attacked, especially by someone we love, the feelings that strike us are negative and hurtful. I mean, how could he or she have done such a thing? Didn’t they know how much you loved them?

In this life there are no sure guarantees. Just because someone loves you today doesn’t mean they will tomorrow. An act of betrayal or hate is usually the sign that the other person has decided to move on to other life paths. Regardless of how much you loved them, there is nothing you can do to change their minds. Remember that, in the end, we are only responsible for our own actions and mental / emotional states. We are not judged by others but by ourselves. When we have learned to expect love or respect in return for what we feel or gave, we set ourselves up for ultimate failure.

Think about the person who has attacked you. Push aside the pain a moment and remember the reasons why you loved that person. Why did you feel that way? Was it so that they would return your affection or was it simply because you cared for them? Has anything really changed? Perhaps they no longer love you, but how do you feel for them?

True love isn’t a quid-pro-quo arrangement. True love says I love you unconditionally. It isn’t about getting something in return. It’s about giving of yourself. The fact that the person no longer wants what you have to give does not make your feelings insignificant. Why? The reason is that love is an intrinsic piece of who you are. You gave that love freely because you chose to. Now it is up to you to continue to feel that way. But will you?

If you decide to be hurt and pull back your love, you only hurt yourself as your love for another person is a reflection of yourself. If you give into anger and hatred then you become angry and hateful. Never do that. Instead continue to realize why you love that person and don’t let go of that emotion. It is OK to let go of the person, but not the love. Take your matured love and move on to another person. By doing so you will become a stronger person less susceptible to pain because you know that you love for love’s sake and not because someone returned a feeling. True love exists intrinsically, and love for a return like an investment was never love but an empty need. You have the choice to make your heart and mind whatever you want. Let love lead you through the pain and finding joy will be your reward. Love unconditionally and learn to let go and move on.

FORGIVENESS-YOU HAVE THE POWER & ITS UP TO YOU!!

BY HERBERT MTOWO

How you heal or restore a relationship or marriage after an affair is a complex question.? If you’ve been cheated on and your husband/wife has had an affair, you’re most likely focusing on all the things he/she will have to do to restore the relationship/marriage. But believe you me I can tell you that you have the power and why it’s all up to you!

How to fix a relationship or marriage after an affair depends on how much energy and time your willing to put into the factors listed in this article.The key to rebuilding your relationship/marriage after you’ve found out about the affair is to first heal the relationship with yourself.

If you get right with yourself then you can sincerely and truthfully get it write with this relationship or marriage that is in such a mess.I want to point this out,as much as cheating is such an evil practise of our day,it is no really excuse to see your union collapse. Any relationship must be able to deal with such thorny and difficult times to become stronger and forge ahead.For your spouse to state that they are sorry after an extramarital affair is not just a one time thing. It may have to be said again and again until finally the mate that had been injured feels better about their own spouse as well as future of the marriage relationship. It conveys the understanding of what they did to hurt the relationship and acknowledges the hurt they caused to the marriage partner with a vow not to do it again. If they are not willing to give this type of apology then look out..

The first important thing one needs to do is, to take your energy, attention and focus off how bad you feel, and make an effort to place your focus on healing the relationship with yourself. Think about what you really want in a relationship, who you really are, and what type of love you need. Be honest with yourself and find your needs and look into who you really are. There is no marital status quo anymore. Give to yourself. Find the love within yourself to self-love. The first step in how to fix any relationship or marriage after an affair is allowing yourself to give to yourself. Rebuild your strength, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-love and this will be the key to rebuilding your union.

To forgive your spouse is to let go of your anger, resentment, rage, and victim status. The excellent news about forgiveness is that it’s about YOU not your partner. You’re the one who is carrying around the jealousy, betray and anger. To forgive is to begin to make amends and offer yourself the opportunity to have peace of mind and let go of all your pain. Forgiving is saying yes to love and life again. Forgiving is open yourself up to trust again. Forgiving is not about condoning your husbands/wives affair or his/her behavior. Forgiveness is all for you.

When considering how to fix a relationships/marriage after an affair the big issue of trust is always a deal breaker. How can you trust your spouse after he/she cheated? You’re probably wondering if I can ever trust again? Well trust isn’t gone forever. It will rebuild upon itself day after day but it will be different than it was prior to the affair. You won’t trust in a naive way ever again because you know the worst has already happened. Trust is all up to you also because ultimately to trust your partner again, you will have to start trusting yourself. Trust yourself to read the signs, to be aware and be present inside yourself and know you won’t let yourself be blindsided ever again.

So yes, how to have your relationship/marriage healed and restored after an affair is a complex question but a good part of the solution is all up to you. This is good news. Always remember, you do have control over the outcome of your relationship or marriage regardless of how bad it may seem.Stop the blame game and get to grips with reality and let your relationship or marriage blossom again,it takes patience and had work,but this I can promise you it is an achievable task.

RELATIONSHIPS/MARRIAGE UNDER-SIEGE

BY HERBERT MTOWO

Marriage Under Siege

The marriage institute is an extremely important institution not only in the Christendom circle but in every area of life marriage plays an important role to shape the future of a people, community, nation, tribe etc The business people, the politicians, the atheists, traditional and all look up to it and hope for .

It is one institution that is under severe attack and the enemy knows how vital it is to us and many generations to come. I strongly believe that at Jordan Touch Communications we are making a small contribution, to this noble cause of marriage and relationship building.

Am not an expert on this topic but as an author,counselor and public speaker this is one topic that i am so passionate about,having spent many years consulting in the field of HIV/AIDS has opened my eyes to the challenges that we have when it comes to marriage and relationships,i have had my own challenges when it comes to this topic,and that I feel my contribution on this topic will go a long way in helping one or two people out there.

We believe that there are many other organizations doing so much more to make sure this institution is continuously empowered. For example, one of my heroes James Dobson and Focus on the family, We thank God for His grace who has enabled us to find our place in this global cause to build, encourage and allow many to become faithful, handle their conflicts, faithfully love, forge  ahead during times of storms to stand and  not waver.

Looking at the marriages of many people, and bible examples of marriages of man and women of renown, I realized that was so many are sadly lacking. Some of the couples were career-minded and put all their efforts into their jobs, rather than their relationships. Others, especially women, put all their efforts into their children, and tended to let go of their relationship with their husband. Then when the children left home there is no relationship with their spouse and their life falls apart. You don’t have to be in this situation! Even if you are a stay-at-home mom or a career woman, you can still have an awesome marriage. Other are too spiritual they literally neglect their spouse in the name of doing God`s work, others are so dysfunctional that there is no order in the home, anything is permissible.

Others, are so soaked up in business matters and bring money in the home, but forget to be there for their children .Don’t neglect your marriage that is children and wife. If you want your marriage to work, take time to invest into it, the rewards are unbelievably incomparable.  There are some ingredients to spark and bring joy to your relationship/marriage that you have to cultivate and make sure they exist in your relationship. The lists of some of them are listed below, without much elaboration: Take note of them and till the ground in your relationship, to see it blossom and flourish to unimaginable heights.

1. Make sure both partners are fulfilling their roles as according to the word of God.
2. Communicate effectively.
3. Don’t leave problems unresolved and spilling into the next day.
4. Guard against triggers from the past.
5. Accept and understand the purpose of temperamental differences.
6. Give and show love unconditionally.
7. Be prepared and ready to forgive always.
8. Find time to pray together.
9. Have fun(, take time to play)
10. Plan together.

Have you ever realized that every human has a desire for affirmation, love and care? All people deep down inside is a child just wanting somebody to give them attention. Make a reality check and find whether, you are being the husband or wife that is giving that attention? I just hope you are feeding that child? Make sure you are  feeding it with love, care, hugs and kisses, and all the good things Maybe are you tearing down and causing that gentle sweet fragrance to be withdrawn more and more, and hidden away more and more, because you keep hammering and hammering and hammering all the time. The more you hammer the more he/she withdraws and you say, “Yep, I sure had him/her convicted!” So you hammer him/her again and he/she withdraws more and you say, “Yep sure I told you I had a useless wife/husband.”

Is it any wonder why she/he is sitting and not wanting to spend time with you and running away, because all you ever do is blast and hammer? I can bet she/he will never bring herself /himself right. Who would wants to sit around the place where you are getting hell fire, criticism, condemnation all the time? Just like you and me, we wouldn’t like to sit for a nice cozy afternoon in the midst of hell fire? Honestly who would ever like to do that? These are ingredients which look very irrelevant but they give marriage the extra mile and fuel it to greater heights.

No, no, no! Why not give them a nice gentle stream to sit beside where the waters are cool and refreshing and gentle, and bring peace to the soul and they will stick to you like a fly. Are you a sweet-smelling flower? I don’t know how many of us have realized that, when you sweet smell, the bee just cannot help it’s an irresistible attraction that lures it. The bee wants to come and pollinate. It just cannot help itself, because the color is so beautiful and so bright, and the smell is so refreshing and appealing. It cannot help itself but to keep coming back. It is important that when you are in love, you make sure that you are still sending out that sweet-smelling fragrance.

Are you that lily flower that just oozes with love and refreshing life in the presence of the Lord? Is it that which oozes from every pore of you so sweet, such that you leave her/him thinking, “Ooh, I must have and feast on more of you? Hey, it just tastes so good, and I can’t get more of you. Or are you a terrible house fly that is all stinky? What are you in your relationship? Maybe you are the one that destroys with poisonous venom or one that releases a beautiful sweet-smelling scent?

Take time to break down the walls of your own heart and become that flower first and the bee will naturally be attracted to it. Surely, you don’t have to hunt down a bee and force it onto a flower. They all will come there by themselves. Just stand there and be beautiful, whether you are a husband or wife. Be appealing in your spirit and be every good thing. Cultivate all the fruits of the spirit, in your life. This I can confidently tell you that, love is the sweetest, sweetest aroma. It is the sweetest aroma to your spouse and the Lord when we offer up our love and sacrifice. It is like sweet incense to your spouse` nostrils. You know if she/he is thinking it is such sweet incense to their nostrils, do you not think that everybody else around you thinks it is a sweet smell too? Even God wants the sweet-smelling love into His nostrils.

Yes, it is true marriage is under siege, but you and I have the resources to make it work. Love, pure, pure love, Love is like water in the desert. You know you have these flash floods in the desert where beforehand everything was dry, dry, dry.

HAVE THE COMMITMENT TO RECOVER AFTER INFIDELITY!!

Dealing with the pain of infidelity is not an easy thing. Once you come to the realization that your partner has been unfaithful it can feel very much like the ground beneath you has given away. Your life, as you have known it, ceases to exist. You are suddenly thrust into an emotional blender and you feel as though you don’t know which direction is up. Trying to process your emotions isn’t something that can be done overnight. It takes time, patience and understanding to heal from adultery. There are specific things you can do that will help you move through the pain and get on to living your life again as a whole person.

When you are dealing with the pain of infidelity you have to acknowledge that the affair wasn’t your fault. This sounds simple enough but it’s not. Many people who are the victims of an affair in their relationship start to question their own self worth. That’s completely understandable given the fact that the person you loved most in the world has chosen someone else in an intimate sense. You wonder if it happened because you weren’t physically desirable anymore or perhaps you’ll question whether your partner has fallen out of love with you. Affairs happen for any number of reasons but in each and every case it’s the person who cheated who has to shoulder the blame. Looking outside of your primary relationship for intimate gratification is a choice. Your partner made that choice and it wasn’t you or anything that you did that pushed them to do that.

You also have to express what you are feeling to your partner and they must be willing to listen to you. Being cheated on brings up a whole host of emotions in a person. You feel angry, confused, sad, rejected and unsure of the future. You need to have the freedom to explore those feelings and to get them out into the open. If your partner is focused on fixing your broken relationship, he or she will be more than willing to bear the brunt of what you have to share.

You’re also going to have a number of questions that you need answered. Even though your partner may cringe when you ask them, it’s important that they answer them as truthfully as possible for you. One of the most painful things about infidelity is the mystery that surrounds it. If you don’t know the details of what happened, you will constantly wonder. That’s why one of the best ways for dealing with the pain of infidelity is to just get everything out in the open so it can then stay in the past from that moment forward.

Many couples have to face the issue of infidelity in their relationship.

FORGIVENESS AND HEALING TO LOVE AGAIN !!!!!!11

When love flows, life is good. When our hearts are blocked we feel the pain. How do we heal a hurting heart? How do we grow love, experience more love and value the love we have? Can we increase the love we share with others? The easy, emphatic answer is YES! Yes you can, you were born to love! It’s been a color in your crayon box from the very beginning. There are as many ways to heal and love as there are people on earth, so I’m going to start with a few heavy hitters that anyone can make use of.

 Love Yourself

The single most important thing you can to do to heal a hurting heart is love you. The world around you will reflect this love back every day. It’s that simple. Look at yourself in the mirror. Love everything you see. Look at you, you’re the only person completely like you ever- Looking just how you look, thinking just what you think and being just you is all you need to be loved. You’re loveable just for breathing. It’s that easy! On the other hand, do you see things you don’t like? Is any part of you scoffing at such a simple exercise? Keep reading.

Take Responsibility for your   Love.

If you want more or better love in your life you have to nurture it like a garden. Grow love by putting time and energy into your own health and happiness and important relationships like your family, friends and community. Love them! What do you want to give them? Write down five easily achievable things right now. What can you give right now? Give it! What does your heart want to do for the people you love? Write down five things you want to do for them and get going! Hurting hearts look for love to be given. Full hearts give. No control or seduction required. You don’t have to be perfect, richer or more beautiful. I promise you, it’ll come back.

 Clear stagnant energy in your heart out.

Do you feel a tightening in your chest around certain places, people or events? That’s your heart closing. What do you do if your heart’s blocked up? Your heart is made to lighten its load automatically! It’s called grief and works through crying. Tears are a built-in heart cleanser, free of charge. It’s that easy. You don’t even have to know ‘why’, that’s the mind’s job and this is love we’re talking about. Try watching a dramatic movie, read a romantic story, talk to a close friend, write in your diary, take some time alone, give someone you love a five minute hug, listen to a love ballad, anything that touches your heart. During a session, clients will often cry if we are working on heart cleansing. The heart knows what it needs.

 Unapack your  baggage.

We’ve all got past pains hanging around and you are never too young or old to unpack them. Having trouble with an important relationship? I guarantee its calling up some of your heart’s baggage. You’re being asked to unpack it and grow. The sooner you do the less likely you will carry it beyond today, on in your relationships, pass it on to your kids or develop an illness, injury or disease. The key to whether it’s going to keep hurting or improve hinges on how well you pay attention and develop your consciousness.

Try this: set your intention to unpack or work on some aspect of your life and really mean it. Now recall a situation you’ve been in recently that love ‘turned sour’ and ask yourself some questions. Notice how you feel. Did this bring up anger, sadness, betrayal? All feelings are valid. There is no need to judge, just observe. Have you felt this way before? Take a moment and consider what situations this event is similar to. If this is a cycle, what are the details? What are you trying to learn here? What are you trying to get over? If you mean to experience more and better love, stay engaged and feel your feelings. Then refer to all of the rest of the tips above and below.

 Love better.

Think of it as an art you were born to do, but you’ve only had very limited training with the tools. There are a lot of great thinkers, more great builders and workers, and even more fighters already, but very, very few people have reached the same capacity with loving. Love seems most noticeable for people when they’re with or thinking about the people they love. Visualize a baby, your child or intimate partner, a beloved pet, a plant that you care for meticulously just for the joy of doing it, a life-long friend or a parent. Do you swoon for a movie star? Perfect, just do it! Let your heart fill up with how wonderful you feel about what you love, then bring that love to places in people in your life that need it, including yourself.

Learn to  forgive.

One of the most powerful tools for healing your heart is forgiveness. If you have been hurt by someone it is important to forgive them. Don’t wait for them to apologize. They may never be able to, and meanwhile you’ll still carry around the pain of being a victim. When you forgive someone else you release yourself from carrying around the pain. As the old saying goes “bitterness is a poison we drink ourselves to hurt someone else.” This includes finding and forgiving ourselves for the ‘unforgivable mistakes’ of our past actions.

 

If you’ve been hurt by someone in your life who will continue to actively try and hurt you, you will need to address that. For people in eminent danger of real harm from loved ones, leave or care for yourself however you need to. Regardless of how painful what you suffered was, try to forgive and heal yourself. This is a MUST for old pains you are carrying with you. You can never protect yourself from something that isn’t happening now, it will just end up blocking what’s good in your life.

 Be vulnerable.

Learn how to have a healthy relationship to vulnerability. This could also be called “develop personal safety” or “Trust”. Hearts are tender things and daily life can be rough on them. Traffic, bills, school, work, news, none of these things cultivate warm fuzzies on their own. Human life has been relatively rough for a long, long time. Its only now IN THE WORLD that there is such consistent excessive abundance – we’ve gone way beyond simple basics – that we’re able to recognize that the toughening required to make it this far is costing us. The market supports acquisition and entertainment, and instinctively this just isn’t enough. Think right now of at least one person you can really talk openly with, really let your guard down, who will listen to you and not judge you. Even if you don’t see them often, keep in touch. Just by being themselves they will help you remember the finest, softest, strongest parts of you heart. Love cannot exist without them.

 

The road to healing your heart can bring up feelings of discomfort, sadness, fear and loneliness but I promise you, you were born ready and able to do it. The experience can be exhilarating, liberating, empowering, life-affirming and freeing. This beats winning the lottery and winning a war hands down. Imagine taking off your sunglasses to find a world gushing love like a bunch of Beatles fans. The best part is that the love that will satisfy all your aches and pains is a part of you and you are a part of it. Love doesn’t cease because pain is present. The truth is that love exists within you and around you, always flowing through you. Ever wonder why “The Force” is such a compelling idea in the Star Wars movies? It is love. Don’t wait for Yoda! Trust that love is real, love is good, grief is healing and that you can heal your heart. It may take courage but you are strong enough to deal with pain and vulnerability, and you will never regret it. Be happier and healthier. Make love and loving a priority in your life.