Marriage under Siege.
Finding an ideal partner to marry
In life that is the most crucial search, the search for a life partner. If you happen to be single, widowed or divorced am sure you have at one time or the other hoped, longed and believed that Miss Right or Mr. Right will find you or will be found one day. But am afraid to disappoint you by saying that Mr. and Miss Right only exist in your mind, they are nowhere to be found. ? Maybe you just can’t seem to find the right person. Well, don’t be despondent. I want to share with you that, just how to get a partner who will meet your every need and desire and have you rejoicing at what the Lord has done and how good He has been to you. On the other hand I also have good news for you, the bible has your answer, and “A good wife comes from the Lord!” Proverbs 19:14 A man can inherit a house and money from his parents, but only the LORD can give him a sensible wife. I really believe that the Lord wants a partner for each person, and one who will complement and fill the gaps where things are lacking in the other person.
This is a serious matter, that it can affect the stability of an individual`s life, cause struggles and loneliness even whilst one is married. Hope we all remember David`s experiences with Saul. He was promised, Saul’s daughter in marriage if he would defeat goliath, as a reward. (I Samuel 17vs.25).But Saul cheated on David, instead of giving to David Merab in marriage; he gave her daughter to someone else. David was instead given Michal to marry, but check Saul`s motives. So that she may become a snare to David. It is a fact that some partners are snare or can become snares. Have you ever thought of the snare the spider`s web does to its victims? But besides Saul`s evil motives, God turned it for good for David, because the bible says, Michal loved David .Oh, how I like that, God bringing good out of evil intentions. Have you ever thought that David`s struggles on sex matters was to do with the lost love of Merab. (1 Samuel 18 vs.17-30) Can you imagine Saul gave David wife`s to be, Merab to a rivalry of David, (Adriel is his name) Saul robbed David to pay Adriel. From there David`s sexual problems grew in leaps and bounds, affected his clan, when he took Bathsheba to sleep with, he must have imagined and still thought this could be Merab, the lost love. His desire for women, was astonishing, I strongly believe that, David suffered a serious heartbreak and never recovered from it, neither was he healed of the wound on his heart. What a terrible swap in life that happened to David, a man whose heart God loved, was left with a heart that was hurting, and carried pain for many, many years even to his children and children`s children. I beg you by God`s mercy let go of what you lost in the past, though it hurts, healing of the heart is here. Pray to God also that you will not be a snare to your spouse and the other way round. God values marriage so much, He wants us to enjoy marriage than just endure marriage.
Merab`s name means, increase or abundance, Michal’s name means same as. How astonishing, he lost the abundance and got something that is same as, but it wasn’t., she may not be Merab, but she is equally good as Merab, though her name is Michal. Can you fathom and realize that, many people`s choices for a partner is based on what they lost and the comfort themselves with something that is the same as, and when they realize it’s not, it triggers continuous search for something they lost. It is important that as human beings we deal with what we lost if ever we are to enjoy what God has given us today. The past is past gone let’s focus and enjoy Michal, Merab is gone and taken by a rivalry. Note that very few men recover from losing their loved ones to a rivalry, than women. That`s why you find more men in relationships hurt most than enjoy. Though it also affects women too but not to the degree it does bite into men`s hearts, it’s not about having slept with Merab, because David had not slept with her at all, but it’s about love and genuine love. God has someone good enough for you, but close the thought of what you lost and move on, other it takes years, for David it was a lifetime struggle and pain.
2. Reality of the Matter
So let me start without rambling on any more! Just before I begin, I’d like to mention and emphasize, that I’m going to be writing from the point of view of a woman finding a husband, so I will continually talk about ‘him’. Nevertheless, the principles are perfectly the same for a man looking for a wife. If you’ve read my article on finding the perfect match, I mention there about being specific in your requests to the Lord. It is important in anything you want from the Lord, but it is essential when you are looking for a life’s partner. This should be your starting point. If you’ve been just praying, “Lord, I need a partner and saying, “Please give me one,” the Lord will say, “Sure,” but there will be very little for the angels to work with to bring your desire to you, until you make specifications. In the IT world it’s a common statement to say,” can I have specifications for the computer that you want? ”No specifications, no deal and no delivery. The one thing I’ve learnt about the Lord over the past years, especially counseling people and in my interactions with both sexes is that He will NEVER impose His will on you! You have to give Him the authority and freedom to work on your behalf, and the angels need to know exactly what you want and clearly spelt out specifications, so that they can deliver the product. He could bring you a husband/wife if you pray like that, but He desires so much to bless you and it gives Him pleasure to give you the very best, according to your desires. James chapter 1 says that God gives every good gift and every perfect gift. I believe we can stand on this promise even when it comes to relationships and making choices our generation differs a lot from Adam, I strongly believe Adam was never given the freedom of choice, because there was nothing to choose from in fact. So God gave Adam a wife, based on God`s understanding of Adam, how he had wired him, so He created Eve with specifications to meet Adam`s taste. As we all know Eve was the only and first woman who to have existed by that time. So he couldn’t have told God of specifications of what he wanted in a woman. But you and I have the liberty of making choices. You don’t force a relationship, feel sorry for somebody to love them, have friendship to enable you to see at a closer glance the specifications that you have and have given to God. This I must say, love at first sight is not always ideal, though am not dismissing it, because you will still find some relationships which happened as love at first sight that blossomed, flourished and lasted the test of time. A relationship has to be natured, and cultivated to grow and become strong, to withstand the storms of life. Any relationship will be shaken by the storms, but the foundation laid down can see you through all the storms, challenges and attacks. It’s normal that relationships’ be shaken, from all angles to make them strong and solid like a rock. A difference in a relationship is not always a sign that you in the wrong company, not at all, anything good has to be shaken, and stand the test of times. Hang on in there; it’s the dawn of a new era.
• The first thing to do is to sit down with a pen and paper and think about exactly what you’re looking for in a partner. The spiritual qualities are the most important especially if you are looking for and wish to walk closely with the Lord. Tell the Lord what you’d like him/her to be like. God is the third and active partner in marriage. He should be involved in decisions’ to do with marriage, since he is also a stakeholder.
• The Mental and emotional aspects are important to look at also. What do you want him/her to be like? Strong and macho, or loving and gentle? How do you want him/her to be a strong leader, loving woman etc? Then you can include desires about what he/she must be like. Maybe you want someone who likes skiing so you can enjoy the snow together, or if you enjoy outdoor life you can ask for someone who likes doing the same thing.
• You can express your desires in the negative sense too. Example, if you definitely don’t like sports it’s not going to be good if your husband is a sports coach and is always at rugby games. The point is if you don’t want something, then make it known on the list as well. Take note that, you’re beginning to form a picture of what you want, and when you have a clear picture in your mind then you can let faith work and begin to form in a much better and faster way.
• Physical aspects come is very important, though in my order it comes last. How do you want your husband/wife to look like tall or short, blond or dark-haired, slim or big and sexy? Maybe you want someone who’s pretty slim and trim, or perhaps you want a well-built, strong, muscular person who likes working out and being fit. Just write it down as you think of it, and begin to visualize him in your mind. Adam would not have been bothered by the physical aspect at all, since he had not seen any physical form of a woman, but this is a very serious issue in our generation and we can’t just dismiss and ignore it .Even if he had not seen any woman physically, the bible says when Adam was presented with Eve, his taste of a woman, can be picked when he said,” Bone taken out of my bone and flesh of my flesh” Man was wired in such a way, that the only creature that appeals to his taste, and sexual feeling is that of a woman, and women were created to be adored. The bible clearly states that, God created man and other creatures, but made a woman, in other words he designed women .Oh,that’s lovely hey(.Genesis 2 vs.18-25) But bear in mind that some small differences in the physical aspect cannot be a big issue, as long as you know that’s what you want and your heart longs for. It depends on you, though. You have to make the choice as to whether you accept or reject who you meet. The Lord will never force it on you. I am yet to meet someone who got according to pattern and design man or woman, but you will find most of your specifications there and some won’t be there. That’s why I always say this”. The perfect men and women we want only but exist in our imaginations”. Some improvements will always be made as you love the person unconditionally, love is the key.
When you’ve written all of these things down, take the paper, hold it up to the Lord and read out what you’ve written down. Say something like this. “Lord, I’m asking you for a husband/wife, and these are the things that I desire in her/him…” then read out the list. Now stick it up on a wall or place where you will continually see it. Many a times the fridge door is a good place to stick on it important reminders or next to your computer. . Remember, you are sometimes two totally different people being blended into one – spiritually, emotionally and physically. That’s pretty complex and there are usually areas in both of you that need dealing with. I’ll be honest with you now. Developing and working at the things that are necessary for a harmonious marriage can take time, but it will work if you stick to it and ask the Lord to guide you. I believe the beginning of success is a knowledge of what the Lord wants from us (which hopefully I’ll get across to you okay) (;-), and allowing the Lord to show you any areas of weakness which are standing in the way. This is sometimes pretty hard because He knows just how to knock our egos to make us sit up and take note, but we become so much better afterwards, and we can see a growth in grace. Has it ever dawned on you that God is, the architecture and designer of marriage so we must be able to understand his original intentions for marriage? He should be involved in the selection process ,cooperating with you, since He is a partner in marriage there is no way He can be sidelined from the start and the called upon to fix, heal or help when He is not made an active partner
are a husband or wife. Be appealing in your spirit and be every good thing. Cultivate all the fruits of the spirit, in your life. This I can confidently tell you that, love is the sweetest, sweetest aroma. It is the sweetest aroma to your spouse and the Lord when we offer up our love and sacrifice. It is like sweet incense to your spouse` nostrils. You know if she/he is thinking it is such sweet incense to their nostrils, do you not think that everybody else around you thinks it is a sweet smell too? Even God wants the sweet smelling love into His nostrils.
Yes, it is true marriage is under siege, but you and I have the resources to make it work. Love, pure, pure love, Love is like water in the desert. You know you have these flash floods in the desert where beforehand everything was dry, dry, dry. In the next article will have a closer look at the personalities in marriage and relationships, and how best to relate and forge ahead and enjoy your relationship.