Its a Scandal


It’s a scandal ( A repeat by request too)
By Herbert Mtowo
Have you ever realized that our lives are flooded with images of harmony: That is good friends do not quarrel. Lovers live happily forever after, mature adults do not become angry. I am sure you both identify with these scenarios, in your everyday life and experiences like I do.
These unrealistic romantic fantasies, forcefully marketed in parts our cultures and society, to try and promote the ideal affection without conflict. Yet we still have daily experiences of our own stumbling efforts to love well and our efforts are often accompanied by tension and distress. Believe you me with all these projections in our lives, we have good news to hate conflict—when nations are in conflict, they disrupt lives and lives are lost. Violent quarrels break up marriages, and relationships, many arguments end friendships. So many of these risks and end results have taught many of us to by all means avoid conflict at any price wish we could all understand that our effort to ignore conflict usually doesn’t work at all. Due to avoidance, comes mounting tensions that endanger our relationships/marriages and erodes our love.
I want you to know that conflict, as threatening as it seems and feels is very normal in very close relationships, be they marriage, friendships and work environments. Be reminded that when people come together at a level that touches their very significant values and needs, conflicts are bound to be part of the package, they are inevitable. The truth of the matter is, conflict is not all that bad, as portrayed and projected into our minds. The effects of conflict in a marriage or relationship are not necessarily destructive. Many Psychologists and marriage counselors will agree with me that, conflict can be a sign of health in a relationship/marriage. So don’t break up because of conflicts, its part of the process of becoming one and it’s healthy, or it may also symptom of distress. Conflict between people or lovers can also be an indication that they are engaging one another; something is going on there that is important to both of them. We need though to harness the energy of our conflict that it doesn’t it doesn’t work against us. A relationship, friendship or marriage which there is nothing important enough to fight for or about is more likely to die than one in which arguments sometimes occur. Hope we all know that indifference is a much greater enemy of intimacy than conflict.
Conflict is ordinary and inevitable. In any relationship that brings people together close: friends, teams, marriage, mark my words conflict is sure to arise. Even more if the people involved are both have strong personalities. It only becomes destructive and costly when we fail to face it virtuously. Jesus experienced it with the disciples too. For us to be virtuous in handling conflict more optimistically and to manage its sometimes frightening force, we need to do two things or take these steps.
First and foremost we need to realize that conflict is an honorable adult embrace, that’s one of the ways we hold each other. Willingness to confront the growing tension between us is a face of fidelity, a way of keeping our promises instead of fleeing them. Secondly, we heal our vision of conflict by seeing more clearly the underlying dynamics involved. It is a response to discrepancy. Though flight is also a wise way to respond to conflict, but it should never be a lifestyle. This valentine period, remember that conflict is critical part of life, an honorable dynamic of change and growth. It’s a scandal to think of conflict as evil.
Advertisements