Hurt

HURT

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Wounded

Wounded

" You once made me feel alive…
Awakened a fire deep within me,
Now I am numb and drained beyond empty.
You built me up with your disguise of affection…
drawn in with your sweet words and your ruse of perfection.

" Arms that once reached for me now push me away…
Lips that once praised me now have nothing to say.
Eyes that burned bright for me are now bitter with hate…
I tread on thin ice ever fearing my fate.

" You put me on your pedestal only to kick it from under me…
and while I lay wounded, You show me no mercy.
Battered and bruised each time worse than before…
I once was your Angel now you’ve reduced me to your Whore.

Fingers that once gently brushed alongside my chin…
Now clench into fists ready to strike out again.
Hands once tender, now wrap round my neck so tight…
Squeezing so hard to snuff out my light.

I try to ignore you as you smile your cheshire grin…
But like a moth to a flame you always pull me back in.
I am nothing to you, just a pawn in your game…
to play with my fears and feed on

And Now you want sex ?


Now You Want And Sex?

Follow up to driving your partner away unknowingly

By Herbert Mtowo

It is time for another role play story. Perhaps you will be able to relate to this one.

Herbert had been really busy at home. He had so many things that needed to be done, that he sat in front of the computer, night and day. It seemed like he would stay there all day if he did not have to go to the bathroom at times.

When his wife, Joanna tried to get his attention by speaking to him, he would reply without even looking away from the screen. She was sure that he did not even listen to what she had said, and she could prove it too. When she later asked him about something she had said to him, he looked at her with a blank expression that showed he had not heard a word.

When it came time to go to bed, Joanna needed to feel her husband cared and she wanted to share some of her problems with him. But by the time he finally switched off the computer, he was so tired that he just climbed into bed and fell asleep. He just seemed to give priority to what was important to him, and did not care at all about her needs.

Herbert in the meantime, was really under pressure. He so wanted to have time out with his wife, and to enjoy some quality time with her. But he felt he could not do that until all this work was out of the way. So he pushed even harder to get it all done.

But it seemed to never come to an end. And when he finally got done on the computer, it seemed there were dozens of things that needed to be done in town and things that he had promised to do for friends.

Over a period of days, the continual pressure of this began to bring up a hardness in Joanna’s heart. And when he had finally finished what he was doing on the computer, and then proceeded to spend hours out of the house doing other things, this hardness began to turn to bitterness.

When was he going to put her first in his life?

Herbert on the other hand, saw that his wife was losing her patience, and he was a bit annoyed. Surely she realized how important these things were? Could she not see he was working hard for her benefit also?

Finally it was all over, and Herbert at last had a chance to take a break. Now he could give more attention to Joanna, and he suddenly realized that he had been so busy that they had not had any intimate moments for several days.

Looking at her sitting at the dinner table, he realized how lovely she really was, and suddenly he felt a surge of passion rising up in him. He wanted to take her in his arms and make passionate love to her, and show her how much he loved her.

You can see by now that an explosive situation was about to develop.

Herbert was thinking, “If I can make love to Joanna, I can show her all the love and feelings that I have for her.”

And Joanna was thinking, “Who the heck does he think he is? He ignores me for days, and now suddenly when he wants sex, he expects me to jump for him.”

Your experience might have been different, but I am sure that you can identify with this situation in some way. So I would like to explain to you now firstly, why this happens, and secondly how you can go about using this knowledge to help your marriage/relationship.

First things first. Let’s understand one of the main differences between a man and a woman.

NO, I am not going to discuss all of them, because it would take about a year. But I want to look at just one of them. I want to discuss the different ways in which a man and a woman view the sexual relationship. And perhaps this will help explain why men seem to want sex more than women at times.

Here is a simple definition of the main difference between the way men and women see sex:

1. A woman sees sex as being the natural result of having her emotions stirred in a good way. Until she has been treated lovingly and tenderly, a woman is not ready to make love.

2. A man sees emotion and tenderness as being a natural result of having his passions stirred in a good way. Until he is stirred sexually, a man is not ready to show emotion and tenderness.

Of course, if you are motivated by the love of the Lord, this can all change. A woman can in love submit to her husband’s love making, even when she feels she has been neglected or treated badly. And a man should be able to show emotion and tenderness even without any sexual passion or arousal.

But even without the love of the Lord ruling in your heart and marriage, it is possible for the situation to be changed if one person will make a move in the right direction. If the woman submits the man will begin to show her the love and tenderness she wants. If the man learns to first show love and tenderness, his wife will gladly submit to his desires for sex. Take not submission isn’t what most men think it to be. This has become a real problem, because most men misunderstand it, such that most women, have also become reactionary to the mention of this word. I have a separate article just dealing with this topic alone.

The point that I am trying to make here, is that someone has to give first. It is a lot like dealing with bitterness, where both sides may be wrong. Someone has to take the first step to bring about forgiveness. And when it comes to the sexual side, someone has to make the first step in bringing about the closeness and tender love that should go with sex.

Who then is the one who should make the first move?

The man or the woman?

Here is the answer to the million dollar question. The one who should make the first move is…

YOU!

You can try to make excuses and say,

“Well how can I be expected to give him sex if he has treated me so badly?” or,
“How can I show her tender love and emotion when she won’t even let me have any sex?”

The answer is easy – because the principles of love say so…..

Now at the end of the day, if both of you are failing in this area, then you will continue to grow further apart, and your marriage will suffer. Is this really what you want?

Let me show you what it can lead to if you are not careful.

1. A woman whose husband never shows any emotion and tenderness will sooner or later get it from someone else. And when this happens, she will begin to be attracted to another man who makes her feel good about herself. The thought of having an affair might never even enter her mind. But the temptation will come, because that is how a woman is stirred sexually.

2. A man whose wife continually resists his sexual advances will sooner or later find a woman who will admire him and make him feel good about himself. And though he has no intention of being unfaithful to his wife, his passions will be stirred up until they are out of control. All it will take for him to give in to temptation is one more refusal from his wife.

The sexual relationship in marriage is very important. Instead of using it as a weapon against each other, why not use it the way the God intended. As a wonderful gift and ability to express your deepest love to each another.

And remember the word of God says,

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

You might find that if you give first, it will not only be your partner who will be blessed, but you will also receive far more than you expected. You might receive the thing you have been wanting the most from your spouse. It is always important to realise that its not always that we all want sex so much at the same time, there are times the other likes it and the other doesn’t want to. You should both learn how to find your way to get there without doing it just for duty sake. Sex is one thing that human beings should all admit, we all have sexual needs, and they are meant to be met than starved. Money and sex are two important topics iin relationships that really need to be given utmost importance when dealing with them or they can both cause the destruction of the relationship/marriage.

Honey, I need you now!

Honey, I Need You! Driving your woman away unknowingly into someone’s arms. By Herbert Mtowo Jill was awakened from a deep sleep by her husband Herbert, who had to shake her by the shoulders to bring her out of her state of unconsciousness. “Hey, sleepy head”, he teased. “Are you going to sleep all day? I need some socks so I can get moving. I have that important sales meeting today remember? You know I can never find the socks after they have been in the wash.” Jill glanced up at the clock on the wall and let out a gasp. She really hated getting up late, and she hated it even more when she had to get moving the moment she woke up. It required a good morning cup of tea to put her in the right frame of mind before she tackled anything else. Today she felt moody and depressed, as though she was carrying the whole world on her shoulders right from the start. Perhaps it was the dream she was having when she was so rudely awoken, or maybe it was just that time of month. After extracting a pair of socks from the washing box for Herbert, she scurried around making sure that he had everything he needed for the day. “Sometimes men are just like little boys”, she thought to herself. “I wonder what he would do without me in the morning?” She walked with Herbert to the car, giving him a quick kiss as he attached the seatbelt and started the engine. Then she watched as he pulled out of the driveway and headed off into the distance. She watched until he disappeared around the corner of the road, then slowly walked back into the house to face the task of the day. Normally she had things pretty much under control, but today, it seemed like a heavy weight was pushing down on her. Before attacking the chaos that existed in the home as a result of having visitors the night before, she decided to freshen up with a hot shower. This was normally a pleasant experience, but it soon became apparent that today was not destined to be a good day. An accidental spilling of some soap suds into her eyes caused her to gasp in pain, but when she reached out to grab the face towel to wipe the soap away, it was not there. Someone must have moved it from its usual place. “Ouch”, she cried out as she fumbled blindly looking for a towel to wipe her eyes. Then, “Herbert, you idiot, when will you put things back where you found them!” When the ordeal was over, Jill felt anything but refreshed. She decided to try the next best thing to get her started for the day. A good healthy breakfast. Pulling a bowl out of the cupboard, she removed the box of cereal from the cupboard to pour out a bowl full of cereal for herself. But, yep, you guessed it, the box was empty. It had been put back into the cupboard that way instead of being thrown in the garbage bin. Her anger level was beginning to rise slowly, but Jill kept her cool, and decided to stay in control. Further examination of the food cupboard showed that she was overdue for a trip to the grocery store. So an unplanned item was added to her schedule for today. Since she had already wasted valuable time that could have been used better, Jill was in a hurry to get the shopping over as quickly as possible. But today it seemed that every slow driver in the community had the same idea, and it took an age to get to the shops. As if this was not bad enough, it seemed that everyone in the community had also decided to shop at the same store she chose. It seemed like each person had the idea that shopping was supposed to be a casual stroll through each aisle. After a few incidents of waiting forever for someone to move their cart out of her way, she decided to just push her way through the crowd. Grabbing everything she needed, she hurried to the till to pay and get out of there. Taking the teller who had the shortest line, she waited to be served. She recognized the teller, and was glad she had chosen this line, because she was usually fast and efficient. There was only one person ahead of her, an older man who only had a few items in his cart. But appearances can be deceiving. The man slowly and methodically removed each item from his cart, placed them carefully on the counter in a straight line, and then proceeded to pay. When given the total amount due, he then slowly pulled out his wallet and began to dig feverishly into each compartment. He removed some notes, looked up at the total again, and then began to fidget in his wallet for some coins. It was clear that he was planning to pay the exact amount, to the cent if possible. “Argh” Jill bit her lip in frustration. “Why couldn’t he just give her a larger note, and let her give him the change’, she thought to herself. Finally, he had given her the correct amount. And now he took another half hour (at least it felt that way) to put his wallet back together and return it to his pocket. And then, finally, she got her chance to be served. The teller was true to her usual standard, and moments later, she was heading out of the shop with her cart, heading quickly for the exit so she could get out of this place. She looked up to see a young boy running headlong towards her. It seemed as if he was going to run right into her, so she quickly stepped out of the way. But the boy was not alone. His friend now came hurtling towards Jill even faster than he had. Obviously they were playing a game or something, and were chasing each other. “Where are their parents?” Jill almost snapped out in anger. “How can they let their children act like lunatics in a public place like that?” This was the final straw. The day had started out badly enough, but now she felt like she was ready to explode and burst into tears. Clearly the onset of her period was now near at hand, and the hormones were making her feel emotional and out of control. She knew that this was a normal thing for most women, and it was her time of month for this to happen. She knew this was something that she needed to control. She knew she had to try to keep positive and things would come right. She knew these things, but putting them into practice was not quite that simple. By the time she got home, she was in a state. She needed to talk to someone. She needed someone who would understand and help her calm her emotions. She needed Herbert so badly. If she could just hear his calm assuring voice, it would help a bit. Picking up the phone she dialled his work number, and waited anxiously for him to pick up the phone. It seemed to take an age for him to answer, but finally she heard his business voice as he said, “Herbert Mtowo here, how may I help you?” “Herbert” she burst out. “I just wanted to hear your voice.” Expecting to hear her husband say something like, “Jill darling, what is the matter? How are you doing?” she was somewhat taken aback when he spoke to her curtly and said, “Honey, this is a work phone, and I am busy right now with an important project. This is not a good time to call. Please show more wisdom before you call me at work just to chat.” Jill wanted to shout out, “Herbert, I need you desperately. I have had a terrible day. I need you to understand and comfort me.” But she felt hurt by Herbert’s stinging words. He did not understand what she was going through. And perhaps she was just being selfish expecting him to listen to her emotional outburst. So she apologized and hung up the phone. There was so much that needed to be done in the house, but Jill just did not feel up to it now. In frustration she decided to do the only thing that she knew would help relieve the stress and the tension that had built up inside her. She decided to take an afternoon nap. At least by the time she awoke, it would be almost time for Herbert to come home. Then they could spend a bit of time relaxing together, and she could share with him the cares of the day. The sleep sure helped, but she awoke still sensing a deep need to be with Herbert and to have his comfort and understanding. Rushing through the house, she quickly pulled everything together to make the place look neat. Then she set about making herself more presentable for her husband. She put on an outfit that he really liked. Then fluffing up her hair to make it look good, she proceeded to apply the necessary paint that has the power to transform a woman from plainness to prettiness. The red lipstick was Herbert’s favourite, so she applied that last to complete the makeover. Looking at herself in the mirror, she nodded her head in satisfaction. “Not bad, even if I say so myself,” she said. She then began preparations for supper and was busy in the kitchen when she heard Herbert’s car pull up. Running to the door, she swung it open to greet him as he stepped up to it. “Hi honey”, Herbert said, as he gave her a peck on the lips. “How was your day?” But then, as she was about to pour out her heart to him, to tell him what an awful day it had been, he pulled some files out from under his arm and walked to his desk, to put them down there. Jill’s heart sank. “Not extra work from the office again, “ she wailed inside. The last thing she wanted tonight was for him to sit glued to the computer screen again, typing away at some work project. She had already pictured in her mind what would happen tonight. She just wanted him to hold her close, and listen to her pour out all her frustrations and cares. He did not need to do anything, just be there for her. But the determined look on his face showed that he had already made his plans for the evening. He was still in ‘work’ mode, and intended to finish the job before going to bed. She did not say anything, because she knew that he would not understand. It was a battle she would surely lose if she tried to fight it. So she pinned her hopes on supper. Perhaps there would be time to share while they ate. Perhaps he would listen as she poured out her sorrows. Perhaps he would take just a little time to be with her before he started the work. It started out great. He was relaxed and enjoying the meal, and she was about to open her mouth to tell him about her day, when suddenly there was a knock at the door. It was Chris, a close friend of Herbert who had come to return a saw that he had borrowed. “I saw you were home, so I decided to just pop in,” Chris said, as Herbert motioned him to join them at the table. Jill was hoping he would refuse the offer and go home, but Herbert then offered him something to drink, so that was the end of her chance to have some private moments with her husband. Chris did not stay long, but the moment had now passed. The atmosphere was just not right for her to bring up the subject that was burning on her heart. Now she would just have to wait until his work was done, and perhaps at the end of the evening there would be time to share. She could not wait to lie in Herbert’s strong arms in bed, and feel his strength surrounding her. Oh how she needed him to just hold her tightly and help her forget all about the world around. He would understand, and say the right things and this would take away all the pain inside. Herbert was a hard worker, and when he put his mind to a job, he gave it his all. So it was no surprise to Jill when he sat down at the computer after dinner, and began to apply himself to the work that he had brought home. She sat waiting for him. She would never have imposed on him. She loved him too much for that. So she sat and busied herself with a handcraft hobby to pass the time until he was done. Then, to make the moment even more special, she changed into a lovely negligee that she felt sure would get his attention. Then she applied some of his favourite perfume, and brushed past him so that he could smell it. Herbert glanced up at his wife, and he liked what he saw. The smell of her perfume filled his senses. But he had to finish his work first, and he now made an extra effort to do that. Pushing himself hard, he finally managed to put the finishing touches to the project. Then he sat back in his chair, sighed a huge sigh of relief, and prepared to retire for the night. “Finally” sighed Jill to herself. “I thought it would never arrive”. Now at last her moment had come, and as Herbert began to move towards her, she reached out her hands to him to invite him to join her in bed. He touched her hands, and she felt a rush of anticipation as he began to draw her closer to him, but the moment was interrupted by a loud noise coming from the computer. “Oh no” Jill moaned. Someone was buzzing Herbert for a chat on his computer. “Can’t you just ignore it honey” she cried. “Let me just see who it is quickly,” he said. “Oh it’s Paul. He says he’s got the equipment ready for me. I just need to pick it up. Let me just discuss it very quickly with him. I promise I won’t be long! I know you’re waiting for me. Be there right now.” “Yeah – in another hour. I know you when you get on chat,” she growled. Then she thought to herself, “It’s strange how when I need him, everybody else needs him too. And, true to type, Herbert did just as she expected. He chatted on and on, while she lay waiting in frustration. Eventually she gave up all hope that tonight would ever end the way she had hoped. She was already beginning to fall asleep when he finally crawled in next to her. Herbert’s touch brought her to life again. And as he placed his strong arms around her she snuggled back into him and finally felt like her moment had come. “Herbert darling” she began. “Today has been terrible. Nothing has gone right, and it felt like everything was against me. I got soap in my eyes while showering, and then when I went to the shops everyone was getting in my way, and there was this old man in front of me at the till that took all day to pay for his stuff and…” As she paused to take a breath, Jill heard what sounded like a cat purring. Turning to her husband she realized that the sound was coming from him. He had fallen fast asleep and was snoring away. She was talking to herself.

And now you want sex?

Great News about Sex

Great news about sex …

Sex is good. Part 1

Song of songs 1;Song o songs 3 vs.1,2;Song of songs 4

By Herbert Mtowo

Sex s good! What a way of starting an article, sounds crazy hey .But it’s a fact, this is one crucial topic people need to have open minds and hearts to deal with it without feeling bad about it. Strange people want to have sex as often as they can, but aren’t comfortable to talk about it even with their partners. Those most involved in the study of sex are the most to acknowledge our continuing ignorance. Tell you what, physiologically and psychologically, much of about the human experience of sex remains unclear and part of the mystery is rooted here, in the limits of our current understanding. Others turn away their heads in shame at anybody who mentions the word sex, sad we don’t realize the impact of the act(sexual-intercourse)on mankind such that we still cant find answers to many a question on the minds of the youth and even the married with any years of sexual experience both young and old still cant come to grips with it. Yes I have good news for yah, sex is good.

Read through this article along with me. I believe this is adult stuff which is not talked much in homes and churches very often. The reason why we have so many relational problems is because there are two topics which have not been fully addressed or taught about and the time is now, so that we minimize the damage. Sex and money are topics which stain millions of relationships, because many are not comfortable to openly discuss on these and many other sensitive matters. This is a first in a series of these many so called sensitive topics to talk about. Yes I will be writing about sex and money, the cause of many break ups and divorce cases in relationships and marriages. Join me lets sit and dine.

If I may ask these two questions to both male and female, how any of you would go ahead and commit and marry your life to your partner if you were to find out today that they have just had their manhood cut in an accident or your woman’s vagina has been accidentally damaged at work, chances are high that t will never work again. Tell me how many of you would still go ahead and marry the person and commit your life to them forever.? Talk to me somebody ! In my travel and work with people from various backgrounds, color ,religion, ethnicity and nationalities, one thing I have concluded is that they all agree to their need and desire for sex ,such that both men and women who, are according to us are old, still talk about it and long for it, let alone still get involved sexually with a passion.

Sex is good, a simple statement and yet often disputed. Some see sex as evil, a source of shame to be avoided by those pursuing holiness. Others regard sex as an unpleasant, if necessary, part of the uneasy union of body and soul. These and many negative evaluations of sex represent more than past history. The truth be told sex lies at the hear of the most vexing social problems of our own day: rape ,incest, pornography, teenage pregnancy, abortion ,AIDS, divorce because of infidelity the list of problems is long. Sex perplexes our personal lives and we find ourselves both excited and confused by our bodies, with their desires and their hesitancies. Did you know that some of our best moments in life-and some of our worst moments in life involve sex, Our creativity finds expression in sex ,as does our destructiveness’. Genital arousal turns us outward in love and care, but it can also turn us in self-absorption.

Can you imagine that, God delights in your body-with its erection or menstruations or aching loneliness? Impossible! The evidence seems too compelling: we all use physical strength to strike out in violence, we misuse sex to abuse others and degrade ourselves. Too often our bodies are instruments of disorder, co-conspirators in our worst behavior’s is demeaned by others, because many look at it a s way of reproduction only, but hope our mindsets and view of sex will change if we are to enjoy it fully. Sex should be fun, great enjoyed and not just a way to let go stress, it should be done as away to love, have pleasure and form of enjoyment. Sex is not intended to be done and enjoyed only when we want to make babies, but it’s is pleasure to the body ,mind, soul and relationship. Others are already tired about making passionate love, because they are done with making babies, sex is great, fun exciting, whether babies or no babies. God meant it to be enjoyed.

Though sex still remains mysterious, but what we do know about sex is hardly mysterious. Check this, sexual reproduction links the human species with the rest of the animal kingdom. But the arena of sex is one which humans differ most from other animals. With most animals sex is seasonal, for a brief period of time at a biologically determined stage of development males and females are capable of mating. Outside such a mating season most animals display no sexual activity at all. But the attraction and union of women and men, by contrast, doesn’t depend on a mating season. Sexual activity among humans is less controlled by biological cues. This is fascinating, and the responsibility to manage and deal with human sexuality is more demanding than imagined. Sex is the a source of our greatest delights and most painful confusions. In the experience of sex we can come to a profound awareness of our won goodness and worth, in sex we can also come face to face with the inner conflicts and compulsions that drive us. In sexual intercourse we sometimes experience a communion so profound that it shatters the illusions of our isolation. Some people also use sex to punish themselves, to control other people and to diminish joy.

Mystery of sex

Sex is almost always about something else or something more. Sigmund Freud’s most influential contributions though most controversial contributions has been to show that much apparently nonsexual behavior is sexually motivated. And sex therapists today tell us the reverse is also true: factors that have little to do with sex motivate a good deal sexual behavior, from flirting to intercourse. Sexual love, as it grows, moves beyond mutual absorption. We learn that being for one another doesn’t require us to be indifferent to everyone else. Love enriches us, giving us more of what is best in each of us. Have you ever know or thought of the reality that sexual sharing opens new questions, of trust and vulnerability, of belonging and commitment, of autonomy and interdependence The Christian teaching emphasizes that sex finds its home in commitment, and commitment gives passion a place to flower and fruitful.

In returning to the original meaning of the poem by King Solomon-song of songs, the best love poem of all time: Scholars are reinforcing the wisdom of the word of God. More and more bible scholars ,teachers ,sex therapists are urging the institutional church toward a more whole hearted recognition that sex is good. The stirring in our bodies is one of the roots of our creativity; it draws us to others; it ignites the attraction that sustains the fruitful commitments of life, in friendship, in marriage, in devoted love. Sex is with its unexpected awakenings and unearned delights, an echo of creation. Finally we know that in our sexual lives we often find spiritual healing. And our physical embraces soothe old wounds and make forgiveness tangible. In the intimacy we share with a sexual partner, the reality of God’s goodness and forgiveness finally becomes more than rhetoric.

Great News about Sex

Great news about sex …

Sex is good. Part 1

Song of songs 1;Song o songs 3 vs.1,2;Song of songs 4

By Herbert Mtowo

Sex s good! What a way of starting an article, sounds crazy hey .But it’s a fact, this is one crucial topic people need to have open minds and hearts to deal with it without feeling bad about it. Strange people want to have sex as often as they can, but aren’t comfortable to talk about it even with their partners. Those most involved in the study of sex are the most to acknowledge our continuing ignorance. Tell you what, physiologically and psychologically, much of about the human experience of sex remains unclear and part of the mystery is rooted here, in the limits of our current understanding. Others turn away their heads in shame at anybody who mentions the word sex, sad we don’t realize the impact of the act(sexual-intercourse)on mankind such that we still cant find answers to many a question on the minds of the youth and even the married with any years of sexual experience both young and old still cant come to grips with it. Yes I have good news for yah, sex is good.

Read through this article along with me. I believe this is adult stuff which is not talked much in homes and churches very often. The reason why we have so many relational problems is because there are two topics which have not been fully addressed or taught about and the time is now, so that we minimize the damage. Sex and money are topics which stain millions of relationships, because many are not comfortable to openly discuss on these and many other sensitive matters. This is a first in a series of these many so called sensitive topics to talk about. Yes I will be writing about sex and money, the cause of many break ups and divorce cases in relationships and marriages. Join me lets sit and dine.

If I may ask these two questions to both male and female, how any of you would go ahead and commit and marry your life to your partner if you were to find out today that they have just had their manhood cut in an accident or your woman’s vagina has been accidentally damaged at work, chances are high that t will never work again. Tell me how many of you would still go ahead and marry the person and commit your life to them forever.? Talk to me somebody ! In my travel and work with people from various backgrounds, color ,religion, ethnicity and nationalities, one thing I have concluded is that they all agree to their need and desire for sex ,such that both men and women who, are according to us are old, still talk about it and long for it, let alone still get involved sexually with a passion.

Sex is good, a simple statement and yet often disputed. Some see sex as evil, a source of shame to be avoided by those pursuing holiness. Others regard sex as an unpleasant, if necessary, part of the uneasy union of body and soul. These and many negative evaluations of sex represent more than past history. The truth be told sex lies at the hear of the most vexing social problems of our own day: rape ,incest, pornography, teenage pregnancy, abortion ,AIDS, divorce because of infidelity the list of problems is long. Sex perplexes our personal lives and we find ourselves both excited and confused by our bodies, with their desires and their hesitancies. Did you know that some of our best moments in life-and some of our worst moments in life involve sex, Our creativity finds expression in sex ,as does our destructiveness’. Genital arousal turns us outward in love and care, but it can also turn us in self-absorption.

Can you imagine that, God delights in your body-with its erection or menstruations or aching loneliness? Impossible! The evidence seems too compelling: we all use physical strength to strike out in violence, we misuse sex to abuse others and degrade ourselves. Too often our bodies are instruments of disorder, co-conspirators in our worst behavior’s is demeaned by others, because many look at it a s way of reproduction only, but hope our mindsets and view of sex will change if we are to enjoy it fully. Sex should be fun, great enjoyed and not just a way to let go stress, it should be done as away to love, have pleasure and form of enjoyment. Sex is not intended to be done and enjoyed only when we want to make babies, but it’s is pleasure to the body ,mind, soul and relationship. Others are already tired about making passionate love, because they are done with making babies, sex is great, fun exciting, whether babies or no babies. God meant it to be enjoyed.

Though sex still remains mysterious, but what we do know about sex is hardly mysterious. Check this, sexual reproduction links the human species with the rest of the animal kingdom. But the arena of sex is one which humans differ most from other animals. With most animals sex is seasonal, for a brief period of time at a biologically determined stage of development males and females are capable of mating. Outside such a mating season most animals display no sexual activity at all. But the attraction and union of women and men, by contrast, doesn’t depend on a mating season. Sexual activity among humans is less controlled by biological cues. This is fascinating, and the responsibility to manage and deal with human sexuality is more demanding than imagined. Sex is the a source of our greatest delights and most painful confusions. In the experience of sex we can come to a profound awareness of our won goodness and worth, in sex we can also come face to face with the inner conflicts and compulsions that drive us. In sexual intercourse we sometimes experience a communion so profound that it shatters the illusions of our isolation. Some people also use sex to punish themselves, to control other people and to diminish joy.

Mystery of sex

Sex is almost always about something else or something more. Sigmund Freud’s most influential contributions though most controversial contributions has been to show that much apparently nonsexual behavior is sexually motivated. And sex therapists today tell us the reverse is also true: factors that have little to do with sex motivate a good deal sexual behavior, from flirting to intercourse. Sexual love, as it grows, moves beyond mutual absorption. We learn that being for one another doesn’t require us to be indifferent to everyone else. Love enriches us, giving us more of what is best in each of us. Have you ever know or thought of the reality that sexual sharing opens new questions, of trust and vulnerability, of belonging and commitment, of autonomy and interdependence The Christian teaching emphasizes that sex finds its home in commitment, and commitment gives passion a place to flower and fruitful.

In returning to the original meaning of the poem by King Solomon-song of songs, the best love poem of all time: Scholars are reinforcing the wisdom of the word of God. More and more bible scholars ,teachers ,sex therapists are urging the institutional church toward a more whole hearted recognition that sex is good. The stirring in our bodies is one of the roots of our creativity; it draws us to others; it ignites the attraction that sustains the fruitful commitments of life, in friendship, in marriage, in devoted love. Sex is with its unexpected awakenings and unearned delights, an echo of creation. Finally we know that in our sexual lives we often find spiritual healing. And our physical embraces soothe old wounds and make forgiveness tangible. In the intimacy we share with a sexual partner, the reality of God’s goodness and forgiveness finally becomes more than rhetoric.

Driving Your partner away into someone`s arms unknowingly.

Driving your partner into someone’s arms unknowingly.

By Herbert Mtowo

Many a times I get people asking me what does it really take to have a faithful partner? My answer is most often misunderstood, by many. It takes you to have a faithful partner, yes I mean you as the other partner in the relationship, and secondly it takes you, your principles and who you are as a person. The problem with most relationships is that they are gradually dying a very slow and painful death. The small things that we ignore are the ones that have destroyed and are destroying love.

Like I said in my last article on faithfulness, the challenge to be faithful isn’t a men alone issue now but more and more women are found to be struggling to be faithful, in their relationships. I argue with my friends on this delicate topic. I firmly believe, both the two partners contribute to the unfaithfulness of the other. The small attention, small things that couples or partners used to do together to keep the fire and hold them together, are washed away as the relationship matures or grows old. It is the responsibility of both partners to keep each other from straying, into bed with another man or woman.

Go through the role play and check if you have not contributed one way or the other to what your relationship is currently going through. Other relationships have been reduced to more of having routine sexual intercourse, the spark is gone, people are too busy with so many other responsibilities which are also draining the fire and spark out of their relationships. I find it difficult that most couples only touch and feel each other when they are in bed, yet feeling and touching cannot be reduced to a mere formality to such levels. I talk to couples and some say they haven’t kissed each other in the last couple of months, they argue that they don’t find the time anymore or the spark to kiss and fondle isn’t there anymore. Take a look at yourself and see if you aren’t going down just like everybody else is. Read this role play below, enjoy it.
Herbert arrived at work on time as always. As he walked in the door, he was greeted by the secretary of the little company he worked for.

Janet was not a raving beauty, but she sure knew how to make herself look good. Today she was wearing an outfit that really made her figure stand out. Her hair was neatly styled to enhance the shape of her face, and the right balance of powder, eye shadow and lipstick made her look really attractive.

Herbert was a happily married man, and he was not in the habit of looking at other women. But the sight of Janet and the way that she presented herself, was something that any normal red- blooded man would notice.

He did not lust after her. He just felt something stir inside of him. He tried to imagine Mary, his wife, dressed and made up like that. She looked really good when she did. Then, pushing aside the natural male response to a beautiful woman, he walked to his office and sat down to work.

Before long, the tasks of the day began to fill his mind. Phone calls, projects, letters, emails to reply to and all of the usual daily activities kept his mind busy. In the middle of his intense activity, he was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was Betty, a co-worker, needing a file that was on his desk.

He looked up to see her leaning over his desk. She had a lovely smile on her face, but that was not what caught Herbert’s eyes. She was wearing a low cut dress, and as she leaned down to pick up the file, he could not avoid looking right down the front to see a sight that he should not have seen.

"Pull yourself together Herbert” he said to himself ", you should not be affected by other women."

But he was affected, and no matter how much he tried to fight it, he found a strong desire rising up inside of him. He and Anne had not made love for over a week now. It seemed that they were both living in different worlds at times, and they just did not get time for intimacy.

But now a strong desire was beginning to arise in him to be intimate with a woman. Not just any woman though. As lovely as all these other women were, it was Mary that he loved. He looked forward to going home to be with her.

Herbert shut out of his mind all the pictures that the enemy had started to put there. He was not going to give in to the spirit of lust that was attacking him right how. He thought of his lovely wife. He pictured her in his mind, with her hair brushed and arranged, and her makeup done the way he liked it.

He could see her wearing that red dress he had bought her. She looked so good in it. She was so beautiful when she smiled sweetly. He knew what he was going to do when he got home. He was going to take her right away to the bedroom and express all the love that was burning inside of him.

As the day progressed, it seemed that Herbert bumped into one beautiful woman after another. Even when he walked past newsstands on the way to his car at the end of the day, it seemed as though the women on the covers of the magazines were calling out to him.

The journey home seemed to last forever. He could not wait to get home to his lovely wife. She would look so lovely, just to please him. She would greet him with a smile on her face. She would welcome him into her loving arms.

These thoughts were still in his mind as he walked into the front door of his home. He nearly tripped over something that had been left lying on the floor of the hallway, and it soon became apparent that not much had been tidied up in the house today.

“Hi Honey, I’m home!” he shouted

There was no response, so he walked though into the living room to see where his wife was. The sound of the television blaring showed that she was probably watching something. Sure enough, this is where he found her. She was sitting watching TV, and when he walked in and tried to say something, he got an immediate “Ssshhhh, I am busy” from her.

It did not take long for him to see that she had made hardly any effort on her appearance. The dull and faded old top she was wearing was still wrinkled and had probably been lying around un-ironed for some time. Her baggy pants made her look much fatter than she really was and was hardly flattering for her figure. Her plain face contained not a trace of makeup, and her straggly un-brushed hair added to the sloppy appearance.

Herbert loved his wife. But any visions of making love to a beautiful woman vanished like smoke in the air. The scowl on her face when he tried to say something to her made her the most unattractive woman he had seen all day. He thought about Janet, who had looked so good all day at work, and Betty, whose body had stirred him. He thought of all the smiling, beautiful women he had met and talked with during the day.

Walking to the bedroom, he threw down his briefcase, kicked off his shoes, and sat down on the comfortable chair in front of his computer. Perhaps there was something of interest in his email box. There certainly was nothing of interest in his home tonight.

What bothered him the most though, was that Mary did not consider him important enough to at least make herself look a little more attractive for him. She was more interested in other things. He felt hurt and disappointed. We both play a part when it comes to faithfulness, you either drive your woman or man away into someone’s arms or you keep them in your arms happy, loved and appreciated. Its the small things that start the paths of destruction and many people only realise when the damage is very difficult to repair. Watch the small things that eat your joy like cancer slowly destroying the body. We all nee help, when it comes to these small things which we just ignore. Many relationships/marriages are dying a very slow and painful death, and the people involved not realising, the death of lo

Driving Your partner away into someone`s arms unknowingly.

Driving your partner into someone’s arms unknowingly.

By Herbert Mtowo

Many a times I get people asking me what does it really take to have a faithful partner? My answer is most often misunderstood, by many. It takes you to have a faithful partner, yes I mean you as the other partner in the relationship, and secondly it takes you, your principles and who you are as a person. The problem with most relationships is that they are gradually dying a very slow and painful death. The small things that we ignore are the ones that have destroyed and are destroying love.

Like I said in my last article on faithfulness, the challenge to be faithful isn’t a men alone issue now but more and more women are found to be struggling to be faithful, in their relationships. I argue with my friends on this delicate topic. I firmly believe, both the two partners contribute to the unfaithfulness of the other. The small attention, small things that couples or partners used to do together to keep the fire and hold them together, are washed away as the relationship matures or grows old. It is the responsibility of both partners to keep each other from straying, into bed with another man or woman.

Go through the role play and check if you have not contributed one way or the other to what your relationship is currently going through. Other relationships have been reduced to more of having routine sexual intercourse, the spark is gone, people are too busy with so many other responsibilities which are also draining the fire and spark out of their relationships. I find it difficult that most couples only touch and feel each other when they are in bed, yet feeling and touching cannot be reduced to a mere formality to such levels. I talk to couples and some say they haven’t kissed each other in the last couple of months, they argue that they don’t find the time anymore or the spark to kiss and fondle isn’t there anymore. Take a look at yourself and see if you aren’t going down just like everybody else is. Read this role play below, enjoy it.
Herbert arrived at work on time as always. As he walked in the door, he was greeted by the secretary of the little company he worked for.

Janet was not a raving beauty, but she sure knew how to make herself look good. Today she was wearing an outfit that really made her figure stand out. Her hair was neatly styled to enhance the shape of her face, and the right balance of powder, eye shadow and lipstick made her look really attractive.

Herbert was a happily married man, and he was not in the habit of looking at other women. But the sight of Janet and the way that she presented herself, was something that any normal red- blooded man would notice.

He did not lust after her. He just felt something stir inside of him. He tried to imagine Mary, his wife, dressed and made up like that. She looked really good when she did. Then, pushing aside the natural male response to a beautiful woman, he walked to his office and sat down to work.

Before long, the tasks of the day began to fill his mind. Phone calls, projects, letters, emails to reply to and all of the usual daily activities kept his mind busy. In the middle of his intense activity, he was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was Betty, a co-worker, needing a file that was on his desk.

He looked up to see her leaning over his desk. She had a lovely smile on her face, but that was not what caught Herbert’s eyes. She was wearing a low cut dress, and as she leaned down to pick up the file, he could not avoid looking right down the front to see a sight that he should not have seen.

“Pull yourself together Herbert” he said to himself “, you should not be affected by other women.”

But he was affected, and no matter how much he tried to fight it, he found a strong desire rising up inside of him. He and Anne had not made love for over a week now. It seemed that they were both living in different worlds at times, and they just did not get time for intimacy.

But now a strong desire was beginning to arise in him to be intimate with a woman. Not just any woman though. As lovely as all these other women were, it was Mary that he loved. He looked forward to going home to be with her.

Herbert shut out of his mind all the pictures that the enemy had started to put there. He was not going to give in to the spirit of lust that was attacking him right how. He thought of his lovely wife. He pictured her in his mind, with her hair brushed and arranged, and her makeup done the way he liked it.

He could see her wearing that red dress he had bought her. She looked so good in it. She was so beautiful when she smiled sweetly. He knew what he was going to do when he got home. He was going to take her right away to the bedroom and express all the love that was burning inside of him.

As the day progressed, it seemed that Herbert bumped into one beautiful woman after another. Even when he walked past newsstands on the way to his car at the end of the day, it seemed as though the women on the covers of the magazines were calling out to him.

The journey home seemed to last forever. He could not wait to get home to his lovely wife. She would look so lovely, just to please him. She would greet him with a smile on her face. She would welcome him into her loving arms.

These thoughts were still in his mind as he walked into the front door of his home. He nearly tripped over something that had been left lying on the floor of the hallway, and it soon became apparent that not much had been tidied up in the house today.

“Hi Honey, I’m home!” he shouted

There was no response, so he walked though into the living room to see where his wife was. The sound of the television blaring showed that she was probably watching something. Sure enough, this is where he found her. She was sitting watching TV, and when he walked in and tried to say something, he got an immediate “Ssshhhh, I am busy” from her.

It did not take long for him to see that she had made hardly any effort on her appearance. The dull and faded old top she was wearing was still wrinkled and had probably been lying around un-ironed for some time. Her baggy pants made her look much fatter than she really was and was hardly flattering for her figure. Her plain face contained not a trace of makeup, and her straggly un-brushed hair added to the sloppy appearance.

Herbert loved his wife. But any visions of making love to a beautiful woman vanished like smoke in the air. The scowl on her face when he tried to say something to her made her the most unattractive woman he had seen all day. He thought about Janet, who had looked so good all day at work, and Betty, whose body had stirred him. He thought of all the smiling, beautiful women he had met and talked with during the day.

Walking to the bedroom, he threw down his briefcase, kicked off his shoes, and sat down on the comfortable chair in front of his computer. Perhaps there was something of interest in his email box. There certainly was nothing of interest in his home tonight.

What bothered him the most though, was that Mary did not consider him important enough to at least make herself look a little more attractive for him. She was more interested in other things. He felt hurt and disappointed. We both play a part when it comes to faithfulness, you either drive your woman or man away into someone’s arms or you keep them in your arms happy, loved and appreciated. Its the small things that start the paths of destruction and many people only realise when the damage is very difficult to repair. Watch the small things that eat your joy like cancer slowly destroying the body. We all nee help, when it comes to these small things which we just ignore. Many relationships/marriages are dying a very slow and painful death, and the people involved not realizing, the death of lo

Don`t drive her away

Don`t drive her away

Pouring my heart.

Opening my heart to you. By Herbert Mtowo

Many people tend to think because one knows a lot about relationships ,characters, personalities and teach on these sensitive issues they automatically are supposed to be experts on how to love and live happily. I always remind people that being gifted on these and many relational issues an actually be a challenge to deal with. I have found out that many who have a psychological background, counseling and social issues skills and knowledge actually struggle to relate. The reason being mainly, that most of us get into relationships with a wrong mentality of I know it all attitude and most suffer broken relationships.

The truth of the matter is, head knowledge alone does not produce great relationships, and those in the field need also to understand that human beings are and will always be unique and very different in the way they have been wired up, when it comes to the. behavior aspects. The ability to translate knowledge of business to becoming a successful business person, knowledge of psychosocial issues ,behavior and personalities, turn that into successful relationships and being great and wonderful family, husbands and wives is a not an option but top priority.

It is common knowledge that many who have these relationship skills and knowledge are struggling to say the list in their relationships. At times we get so puffed up and have a know it all attitude, yet we have been privileged to know not all but just a part, and we still need to be educated more and schooled more to be come jewels and not just masters but exemplary in all that we do. The challenge to be and become is no easy road by any means believe you me. They say experience is the best teacher, but at times experience has become the downfall of many. Have you ever realized that, the evil of our time is that those who know too much tend to take advantage and abuse those who don’t seem too knowledgeable about the learned know. Experience can also be your downfall, depending with what you do with it and how you take it. We never learn so that we become masters of other but so that we become our own masters. I have seen men of the clothe involved in the latest phenomenal of today, those who conduct deliverance services bed every woman at the slightest opportunity, also marriage, relationship coaches and marriage counselors take to bed at the smallest chance their clients, is it meant to be so .No, not at all. We need to look ourselves in the mirror and clean our houses or deal with our own skeletons in the cupboard. I hear recently of a highly gifted men in one country which I will not mention, who has been having presentations on marriage and relationships, accused of having a sexual relationship with his baby sitter. People close to me asked and probed me if I could explain the reason to this. I didn’t really have a clear cut answer, but after much exploration and search of heart and life, I came to the conclusion that the more famous and a celebrity you become the more vulnerable you can be, especially if you have not dealt with your own weaknesses and secret shortcomings. You will always need to have a circle of friends, confidants to share with your struggles and nightmares. Being a lone ranger is not for your good, surround yourself with people who can rebuke you, speak into your life and situations. We all need to have spiritual parenting no matter how great a personality and skills you have.

I am sure we all know of the wisdom of Solomon, the world’s wisest, yet he struggled to measure up and walk the wisdom he taught. The same great, rich and famous man of renown, went on to describe this generation best I bet, reading so many books but never learning. Most of us have acquired degrees and professions by just reading to pass but never learning, that’s why today we still have problems in society today. I have been a consultant on HIV/AIDS and many other social issues, but what my eyes have seen boggles the mind and shakes the imagination, most people n this field though they know about HIV, the virus in and out like the back of their hands, but shockingly they have added to the statistics on the spread of HIV/AIDS and health personnel mostly are found wanting in this regard, yet they have volumes of knowledge and make more money through the knowledge they have got over the years, but never learning indeed.

Those who are close to me, know the struggles that I have gone through on many of these issues, relationally ,socially and mostly because my knowledge was next to zero. There are things that I have gone through which I wouldn’t want others to go through, because I don’t know whether other scan have the strength, endurance and stamina to walk the road that I have walked. In this article am just sharing pouring my heart, hope you can have some insight to walk the road I am walking or have walked. But hey am glad, that my life has experienced and gone through levels of brokenness, so that my story can help many. Even now, I walk a very delicate path, challenges here and there but moving on and finding the way at the end of the tunnel. Read the following hope it opens your eyes and depends your understanding too.

Relationships/Marriage working it out.

Marriage brings two different people together to establish a working relationship. When the marriage relationship breaks down, people feel hurt, betrayed, unloved, insecure, fearful, angry, bitter, or a range of other emotions. Those emotions not only challenge the marriage but they also tap issues from the background of the couple. Having a sense for this interplay empowers marriage counselling to be more effective.

Acceptance of Individuality: Marriage brings two individuals together for a mutually rewarding relationship. Who they each are, as individuals, affects what they can achieve as a couple. An unstable person will hardly be able to build a stable relationship. A fearful person will not be able to build a trusting relationship. An angry person will not be able to build a loving relationship. So, before a marriage counsellor becomes too distracted with the relationship issues they are wise to consider the individual qualities of the husband and wife. The weaknesses, attitudes, past experience and personal skills of each spouse will impede or assist the building of a strong relationship.

Complexity in Individuals: People are complex, so the range of personal issues they carry could be quite extensive. A wise counsellor seeks to uncover those things which are most relevant to the person’s ability to enter into and maintain a strong marriage relationship. Issues of trust, forgiveness, correct view of marriage and relationship, willingness to change, flexibility, selfishness and fear might be among the relevant matters to uncover. People’s behaviour is often crafted by their reactions to past experience. For example, a person who has suffered injustice will tend to be very sensitive about justice issues. A person who has been denied loving acceptance may idolise the input of their spouse and feel let down when the spouse does not meet their idealised expectations. A person who has been spoiled may find it hard to give up their will to fit in with their spouse. I refer to this individual complexity as the “baggage” which the couple brings along on their honeymoon and into their marriage. Most often the person does not know their own baggage, since it seems normal to them. Their spouse is most likely completely oblivious to this baggage. In time this baggage will trip up the marriage relationship. These hidden things will become obvious, over time, and they will prompt a new set of problems as each spouse reacts to the issues for better or for worse. The joke goes, “Love is blind, but Marriage is an Eye-Opener!” And that’s true. Relationship brings to light the hidden things. How skilled the couple are in dealing with those revelations will impact where their marriage goes.

We all need relationship skills. Because marriage is a relationship it is vital that each person has good relationship skills. If one has good skills they can save the marriage from much trouble, but it is better if both work together than that one exploit the strengths of the other. Relationship skills are not so much ‘skills’ as attitudes. Selfish attitudes are contrary to the spirit of relationship. Inflexibility makes demands on the other party in a relationship. Unforgiveness is a cruelty which violates relationships. Independence is contrary to relationships. Stubbornness is a road-block to relationships. Self assertiveness violates others. Pride is an offence to others. Self-determination is contrary to the spirit of cooperation. People with the wrong attitudes have the wrong skills. Yet some people need to be trained in the practical expression of good relationship skills. Listening, caring, cooperating, sharing, committing time for each other, fitting in with the other’s plans, negotiating equitably, repenting, forgiving, adapting, standing firm on moral principles and being consistent are practices which may have to be learned and practiced by today’s dysfunctional society.

Mentoring and modelling.: When a couple does not know what they are trying to build they will have less success than they could otherwise have. A clear understanding of the godly model for marriage, as I present in my books, Marriage Horizons and Mending Marriages, empowers a couple to build the most stable and effective kind of relationship. A good counsellor is attentive to the concept of marriage the couple are working with. If it is flawed then the couple needs to be instructed and directed toward the model of marriage that actually works and works most effectively. Who is your mentor or who do you look up to as a role model? This is crucial because who you learn from, surely will impact for the good or bad in your life. Our immediate role models are our own parents or guardians, wether we like them or not, but we need to be able to learn both from the good and the bad, and be able to take the good and throw away the bad. We are our won masters, when deciding our destinies. A close friend always says, “Herbert you need to learn from the best, and at the same time figure out how those who failed, can teach you not to repeat the same mistakes as them.”

A touch of God.: Good relationships/marriages need to have the grace of God released into their lives and relationships. Good Marriage Counselling releases God’s grace into each individual spouse. That’s why Christian Marriage Counselling is so very important in the lives of couples who need help. Secular assistance can give good advice and sound wisdom, but it cannot release God’s divine touch into the lives of the couple. I for one at one time thought I am my own man, who doesn’t need anybody to school me, but you wont hear me say such crazy statements no, not now. I Encourage you to see the need for spiritual covering and mentors over your relationships, marriages, lives and business.

Ø Life is about sharing with others around you, the challenges, the failures and the dreams, so that you can be encouraged. Share with me your testimonies ,challenges, victories and all that can inspire others. Most of my articles are based on real life experiences, from my life and people around me, cheer up you aren’t just reading folk stories.