Survival of Distance Relationships

Survival of Distance Relationships

By Herbert Mtowo

Long distance relationships.SUKS!!! Don’t you think so guys?

Especially with this in mind, sure I agree with you:

What with our minds bombarded with thoughts like these;

· What is he/she doing right now?

· With whom?

· Why he/she didn’t answer my call?

· Why he/she didn’t reply my sms?

· Why he/she didn’t email/call/contact me today?

· Does she/he know that I miss her/him?

· Is she/he thinking of me today?

The list continues on and on you can add those any thoughts, fears and questions that flood your mind as you think of your loved one who is in another location or as travelled for several weeks because of work. But believe me distance is not the real issue but character of the lovers involved.

(Pro 9:11-18) Wisdom will add years to your life.

(Pro 9:12) You are the one who will profit if you have wisdom, and if you reject it, you are the one who will suffer.

Introduction

Have you ever thought of the challenge that we all face day in and day out? It is not a secret anymore, even very young kids in junior schools are being taught about it at schools. Millions of lives have been lost, hundreds of thousands have been affected, still millions more are bed ridden and others are carrying it in their bodies. Billions and billions of money have been spent on research and laboratory tests, projects which cost billions initiated all over the world that is to fight this dreaded enemy of our day. Yes, you guessed it right; I am talking about HIV/AIDS.

Song 3:5 Promise me, women of Jerusalem; swear by the swift deer and the gazelles that you will not interrupt our love.

Relationships have been interrupted by so many things in this present day. Extra marital affairs are one of the biggest interruptions of our day and age. This happens not necessarily because people are away from each other or because they live in different locations.

I live in a continent and Region where more people have been infected, countless deaths and many orphans’ have been left as a result of the impact of HIV/AIDS.I have personally lost friends, loved ones, neighbors’ and workmates. And still no cure, no solution in sight at least for now. But it`s not all gloom and darkness for this generation. You and I have a big part to play and we must make a mark and live lasting impressions of having contributed immensely to humanity.

I am talking about relationships, sex, and marriage and dating here. Have you ever realized that, it is a proven fact that we get the virus through many ways, am sure we know all that, but 99.9% through sexual intercourse, whichever way you do it? So Herbert, tell me more do distance relationships really work? Once again with a resounding “YES”, I put my head on the block and go on read this article. At the end of it your eyes will have been opened and hope you turn your sorrow into joy, your mourning into gladness.

It`s not only HIV/AIDS which has become a big challenge and threat to relationships, but what with the divorce rate escalating sky high daily, children being abandoned due to pursuits of extra marital relationships. Let me take you through a journey as I pour my heart in black and white, to open your eyes to these and many issues around relationships.

One factor stands high, above them all, if ever we are to deal with relational challenges and tensions. I will dwell much on the influence that character and personality play in solidifying a relationship or straining it and bring about disharmony and cheating.

Pro 7:18 Come on! Let’s make love all night long. We’ll be happy in each other’s arms. (Pro 7:19) my husband isn’t at home. He’s on a long trip. (Pro 7:20) He took plenty of money with him and won’t be back for two weeks."

Where is God, we all are asking? Is he standing akimbo or aloof somewhere in space, watching as humanity perishes like ants every day? Everyone is at risk, yes I mean everybody including you and me. That scripture reading from Proverbs, makes you realize that distant relationships have had their own fair share of challenges just like normal relationships, like those who live together, under the same roof. It is not true that, people are only unfaithful when they travel or when they work in different geographical locations, those living together experience the same challenges too. But there are two important factors that I want to mention, in this article. A person`s character and personality contribute more to unfaithfulness, than distance, travel and most of the factors we always point to as the reasons for the demise of any relationship.

If you read the scripture at the beginning of this paragraph, you will realize that, there are two main factors at play in that woman`s life, namely the personality and the character of the woman which both contribute immensely to her actions, more than the husband having traveled. Personality what you are and character is what you have been shaped up to be, by family, environment, beliefs, past experiences and interactions with friends. The husband might have traveled for sure, but she made love or wanted to make love being driven by her character and personality. Husband or no husband around, she still could have done it, whilst the husband having not travelled either.

To be continued

Priority-Honesty and Openness in Relatonships

Priority- Openness and Honesty in Relationships

( Why women value this from their men.!)

By Herbert Mtowo

Introduction

Women, most of them value an honest heart and a man who is honesty in relating to them. A sense of security is the bright golden thread woven through all of a woman’s basic needs. If a man doesn’t keep up honest and open communication with his woman, he undermines her trust and even destroys her security. Though most men tend to think that women like to be lied at, when infact the opposite is true.

Honesty builds trust in a woman’s heart and the man who opens his heart to her, gets all her attention. men must be encouraged to open up to their women now and then than to remain strangers to the women n their lives. A woman must trust her man to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future. What he has done? What he s thinking of or doing right now? What plans he has? To most women if they cant trust the signals the man sends, or refuses to send any signals, then she concludes she has no foundation to build a solid and stable relationship. So instead of adjusting to him, she feels off balance; instead of growing up with him, she grows away from him. Hope men you are not driving your woman away from your heart and life by constantly lying to her.

Types of Lying men/husbands

Most men live lives of constant lying to their women, wives; there is this belief in most men, that they would be loved more and better when they lie to the women n their lives. Men lie even about their accomplishments, just to want to get loved and appreciated. You cant build a strong relationship on a foundation of lying, because it crumbles like a deck of cards in a moment when you are caught.

a. The “born” liar

From a very early age, he has continually told small lies about inconsequential matters. This liar would report he was reading, when the truth is he was actually sleeping. He s good at fabricating stories about events in his past and constantly distorts the truth in a subtle way, that seem almost unnoticeable-at first. But when do a little sample check you realize it was all lies. These types of men are chronic liars. But be warned ! when he is confronted, he quickly excuses himself by pleading “ a poor memory” There are so many men around who fit this description. Though you can also come across women, chronic liars.

This level of dishonesty and lying will severely disrupt any relationship/marriage. The behavior is so ingrained, it probably will not change easily or will not change at all. Though some of these men begin to improve during middle age and feel a certain guilt for their past dishonesty, sad others remain dishonest the rest of their lives. They will have lived lie for the rest of their lives.

b. The “avoid trouble” liar

This dude doesn’t lie all the time, only when there is pressure or a significant problem. The avoid trouble liar, as well as the born liar have one thing in common. Their lying is rarely thought out, but rather impulsive and poorly planned too. They have what we normally call in the field, a character disorder. They habitually distort reality with no apparent remorse unless they are caught. Then they fabricate the remorse to get people to “forgive them and forget”

Unlike the born liar, the liar who wants to avoid trouble only periodically lies in his relationship/marriage when he feels he is under pressure. Sometimes t s possible to bring this liar into honest communication by making his partner/woman or wife aware of the way stress triggers a dishonest reaction. She will be able to experience a more honest communication as the stresses in life are reduced.

c. The “protector liar”

This type believes the truth would be just too much to his wife/partner. So he lies to protect her. A good example is this one, the family faces a financial emergency, but only the man knows of it because he is the one who handles the checkbook. He decides to borrow without even telling his wife. He says,” Why should she lose any sleep over something like this? This problem is only temporal, I know I can handle it.” Eventually he continues to lie, saying things are very fine, when infact he puts himself under tremendous stress. He with strenuous effort, manages to pay back the loan, and the woman/wife doesn’t know at all- but at what price?

This one doesn’t have a character disorder, unlike the other two types of liars. He doesn’t resort to dishonesty in order to save face or to win his woman’s admiration. Infact his lying usually bother him day and night. But at the same time feels telling the lies is worth it, because he wants to spare the wife/partner anxiety of every disappointment and uncertainties. The falls sense of security created by a protector liar man/husband with lies and misrepresentations can be shattered in a few seconds and do almost irreparable damage and harm to a trusting marriage/relationship.

The truth of the matter s most relationships and marriages have been destroyed more by lying than all other relational problems. These so called little white lies are so destructive that most couples have become enemies instead of lovers, because of discovering these lies. To lie to protect your wife/woman, one would be guilty of the worst sort of chauvinism. The truth demolishes false impressions and illusions. Lie becomes more predictable and rational because now the woman understands her man’s behavior .The truth may be painful at times but it doesn’t drive a woman crazy, on the contrary a woman feels in control, because now she knows what she need to do to change the situation.