Priority-Honesty and Openness in Relatonships


Priority- Openness and Honesty in Relationships

( Why women value this from their men.!)

By Herbert Mtowo

Introduction

Women, most of them value an honest heart and a man who is honesty in relating to them. A sense of security is the bright golden thread woven through all of a woman’s basic needs. If a man doesn’t keep up honest and open communication with his woman, he undermines her trust and even destroys her security. Though most men tend to think that women like to be lied at, when infact the opposite is true.

Honesty builds trust in a woman’s heart and the man who opens his heart to her, gets all her attention. men must be encouraged to open up to their women now and then than to remain strangers to the women n their lives. A woman must trust her man to give her accurate information about his past, the present, and the future. What he has done? What he s thinking of or doing right now? What plans he has? To most women if they cant trust the signals the man sends, or refuses to send any signals, then she concludes she has no foundation to build a solid and stable relationship. So instead of adjusting to him, she feels off balance; instead of growing up with him, she grows away from him. Hope men you are not driving your woman away from your heart and life by constantly lying to her.

Types of Lying men/husbands

Most men live lives of constant lying to their women, wives; there is this belief in most men, that they would be loved more and better when they lie to the women n their lives. Men lie even about their accomplishments, just to want to get loved and appreciated. You cant build a strong relationship on a foundation of lying, because it crumbles like a deck of cards in a moment when you are caught.

a. The “born” liar

From a very early age, he has continually told small lies about inconsequential matters. This liar would report he was reading, when the truth is he was actually sleeping. He s good at fabricating stories about events in his past and constantly distorts the truth in a subtle way, that seem almost unnoticeable-at first. But when do a little sample check you realize it was all lies. These types of men are chronic liars. But be warned ! when he is confronted, he quickly excuses himself by pleading “ a poor memory” There are so many men around who fit this description. Though you can also come across women, chronic liars.

This level of dishonesty and lying will severely disrupt any relationship/marriage. The behavior is so ingrained, it probably will not change easily or will not change at all. Though some of these men begin to improve during middle age and feel a certain guilt for their past dishonesty, sad others remain dishonest the rest of their lives. They will have lived lie for the rest of their lives.

b. The “avoid trouble” liar

This dude doesn’t lie all the time, only when there is pressure or a significant problem. The avoid trouble liar, as well as the born liar have one thing in common. Their lying is rarely thought out, but rather impulsive and poorly planned too. They have what we normally call in the field, a character disorder. They habitually distort reality with no apparent remorse unless they are caught. Then they fabricate the remorse to get people to “forgive them and forget”

Unlike the born liar, the liar who wants to avoid trouble only periodically lies in his relationship/marriage when he feels he is under pressure. Sometimes t s possible to bring this liar into honest communication by making his partner/woman or wife aware of the way stress triggers a dishonest reaction. She will be able to experience a more honest communication as the stresses in life are reduced.

c. The “protector liar”

This type believes the truth would be just too much to his wife/partner. So he lies to protect her. A good example is this one, the family faces a financial emergency, but only the man knows of it because he is the one who handles the checkbook. He decides to borrow without even telling his wife. He says,” Why should she lose any sleep over something like this? This problem is only temporal, I know I can handle it.” Eventually he continues to lie, saying things are very fine, when infact he puts himself under tremendous stress. He with strenuous effort, manages to pay back the loan, and the woman/wife doesn’t know at all- but at what price?

This one doesn’t have a character disorder, unlike the other two types of liars. He doesn’t resort to dishonesty in order to save face or to win his woman’s admiration. Infact his lying usually bother him day and night. But at the same time feels telling the lies is worth it, because he wants to spare the wife/partner anxiety of every disappointment and uncertainties. The falls sense of security created by a protector liar man/husband with lies and misrepresentations can be shattered in a few seconds and do almost irreparable damage and harm to a trusting marriage/relationship.

The truth of the matter s most relationships and marriages have been destroyed more by lying than all other relational problems. These so called little white lies are so destructive that most couples have become enemies instead of lovers, because of discovering these lies. To lie to protect your wife/woman, one would be guilty of the worst sort of chauvinism. The truth demolishes false impressions and illusions. Lie becomes more predictable and rational because now the woman understands her man’s behavior .The truth may be painful at times but it doesn’t drive a woman crazy, on the contrary a woman feels in control, because now she knows what she need to do to change the situation.

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