Survival of Distance Relationships 2
The impact of character and personality in relationships/marriage
By Herbert Mtowo
Have you ever tried to figure out why your partner behaves the way they behave, especially when t comes to the issue of cheating on you. Everyone has an explanation to say why they are cheating, but if you were to get the truth that their character and personality play a big role in contributing to how they relate and behave in the relationship, a lot of your worries and stress will be a thing of the past. We should able to understand the deference between character and personality. In this article I have put much emphasis on the two and how they impact, negatively or positively in our relationships. The cause of many relationships breaking, many divorces, unfaithfulness and lying and cheating are clearly understood when we deal with character and personality thoroughly. So the survival of long distance relationships, or those who travel a lot due to work commitments cannot squarely be blamed on the distance, but more on the character and personalities of the parties involved in the relationship or marriage. This article will help you see and identify the problem and deal with. You must be able to confidently say that you know the character and personality of the person you are married to or in love with, if not you will always be disappointed, but I pray that this article will wet your appetite to understand your partner’s personality and character, if you didn’t know the journey begins now.
When you begin to understand personality and character, you eyes are opened as to many of the things that you had questions about n your relationship and why your partner cheats on you, behaves the way he or she behaves. Simplified definition for personality would be something like this, It is the innate feature of a person which makes him/her unique and subjective. Personality s something of which one is born with, it is in their genes. In reality you can try to fake personality, but you cant fake character. The difference between personality and character is similar to the difference between the weather and the climate, they are kind of woven together. It s important that we understand these two character and personality, so that we are empowered to relate well or deal with relational challenges with our partners. Though the two are very similar in definitions, they can still be differentiated. You often hear people saying this as they describe their partners” He is caring but sometimes very indifferent; he is responsible and yet reckless, but above all he has a good heart.
Most of the times when we fall in love with someone, we fall for the personality more than the character of the person. With most ladies the first thing they say amongst themselves is,” Oh, he has a wonderful personality, he is cute”, with men you hear this,” Oh, she is so sweet” Down the line we realize later that this personality or cute, sweet person, doesn’t have a character at all, by then we are deep in love with them. So the truth is personality can be deceiving, though the two are equally important n identifying the right partner. Its great to get a good woman, who is sweet, lovely and blessed with a wonderful figure, but with character and also get a great man, cute, clean and also with a very good character. If he/she ahs a wonderful personality but with no character its easy for them to fall for anybody who comes their way when they are not with you, they have traveled and live n a different location from yours. !) Many people I speak to have always wanted to get this phrase expanded "character is who you are when no one is looking". It is the core of who you are and what defines you. It is the reason why I can love someone, but not trust them farther than I can throw a stick. Despite someone’s great personality, if they have lousy character, they cannot be trusted. It is of paramount importance to be able to delineate between the two and it is very wise to understand the difference. Personality is a pretty important word in the English language. If you ask someone why they chose their spouse or what the most important quality the look for in a friend is, most people many people will say “a great personality.” But, what does that mean? The truth is, the meaning of a “great personality” is different for everyone. Some people like quiet people, while others want to hang out with the loudest person in the room. Some value humor, while others praise intellect. And, of course, many people can have both intellect and humor and these things are both part of their personalities. These different factors, in fact, are considered to be personality traits. How compatible are you and the person you are with? How would you know? Just because you like the same types of foods and pets does not mean that you can have a blissful, long-term relationship. Do you know why your mate does or doesn’t attend church? Do you know how they really think about the way you dress? Did you know that 86 % of divorces and relational breakdowns would have been avoided if people take time to know the characters and personalities of their lovers before they would have committed themselves to marriage.
Character is objective
Character traits which include trust ,honesty, responsibility, leadership, loyalty and courage are crucial in determining how your partner behaves when they are away from you. It is important that one’s character can be judged objectively and despite its detractors, can be taught. Character is universal and objective and can be improved, developed, changed, adapted within the society interacted to. That’s why you also find some men and women’s characters are influenced or shaped by the people they move with most of the times, or by individual experiences. So it would be appropriate to say that: Character means the group features, traits and characteristics that form the individual nature of some person or thing, or the distinguishing attributes of a person.
However educators are bypassing the difficulty of teaching character and have gone directly to self-esteem, the reward of strong character. But without character, self-esteem is a hollow, free-floating concept. And while character traits are universal, each individual has the choice to accept or reject them. One of character’s best features is that you can mimic them without conviction and the end result is the same. For instance, a coward can recognize he’s a coward yet still perform an act of bravery and no one will fault him acting out of character.
Personality is subjective.
It is true that personality is the essential character of a person or visible aspect of one’s character as it impresses others. Personality includes your sense of humor (or lack of), whether you’re outgoing or shy, friendly or stoic, your interests, passions, and the list goes on. While some people have well-developed personalities, their character sucks and you eventually avoid them even though “they’re a lot of fun. Some people like any particular personality while others don’t. So your understanding of these two goes a long way in enjoying your relationship with your partner who s in a different location with you, travels a lot on consultancy work, a truck driver or a celebrity. Personality is the is to many celebrities the most important thing, no wonder why we have millions of them jumping to bed with every Tom and Harry, wily nilly ,if they would work on their characters some of them wouldn’t be going through heartaches and pain as they do.
With all this I have said above, I can now confidently say without any doubt, that personality can open doors, but its character that keeps the doors open. Personality can make you get a great, lovely woman ,one cute looking dude but its your character that can keep your new found love into your heart and life. Its character that keeps you faithful to your partner, despite your travel schedules or your being in a far away geographical location. Many people before they get married are taken through a 6 week (which I think is not enough) marriage counseling sessions that their churches offer, but at times they are just done routinely and don’t yield desired results, and three years or less later the same people are filing for divorce. Now in marriage they will discover a lot of things about their mates, that they didn’t know and during the counseling sessions none of the to really opened up. Though I agree with the statistic that if you go to pre-marital counseling before you get married it will cut down your probability of getting divorced by 75%. But the big question is have you given yourself time to understand the personality and character of your to be lifetime wife/husband. I will go into detail in the next article on the impact of character and personality on any relationship and marriage. Hope you are understanding is being enlightened for the good, to build and not to destroy.
To be continued:……………