Scared to love aren’t you?
By Herbert Mtowo
They say every now and then, “Once beaten twice shy.” I don’t know what quickly comes to your mind when you hear that statement. There is a song sang several years back, some of the lyrics of the song are, “I need love, love, I need love. You cant hurry love, you just have to wait.” Have you ever thought imagined and realized that, there is only one word, which is spoken more often than an any other word, volumes and volumes of books have been written, countless movies directed, millions of songs composed, even the most widely read book the bible has several scriptures written about love. But still millions are scared to love, aren’t they, that includes you. You are scared to love, and to you, you would say no, not again. Read through this article may awake the love that had gone to sleep in your life and in your heart, to love again.
Our society has become obsessed with love. Our films, our books, our plays and our music are full of stories about love, the joy of finding it and the heartache of losing it. A vast majority of romantic relationships start well, with two people falling in love, but then something begins to go wrong. The feelings of love begin to fade and we start seeing our partner’s failings. They begin to irritate us and act in ways that seem unloving. We then either move into compromise and settle for a relationship with less love and connection or we end the relationship and try to find someone better. Forming a successful romantic relationship is a real challenge, but it ends up this way because of a basic misunderstanding about love
Yet despite disappointments, rejections, betrayals and set backs, some have conclude I will never love again, yet within a short period of time they are longing for it again. This word and act has been so misunderstood such that you end up getting confused as to what it really means. You will hear others say, “I love these oranges, I love this car, and Oh !,I love my woman!” We try to equate love of a spouse with the liking of a car .That’s not the way it should be. Maybe with what we have gone through over the years in regards to relationships, we feel being n love is like chasing the shadow. Such experiences make us react differently to love, celebrities ,sports personalities, politicians, the rich and the poor, young and old all are trying to figure out”, What really is love? “Others because of scars and hurts from previous relationships, and don’t want nothing to do with it anymore. It then confirms what is meant by this statement, “A burnt child dreads fire.” But for how long do you want to be afraid of love and to love again. Prepare your life, to give and to receive love again. Once you were burnt, but you cant fail to love simply because you carry scars on your heart because of love.
I am sure you could be wondering but, what really could make anybody be scared of something that brings so much joy, happiness and excitement into their life. But I have always said and still maintain that, it is easy to love and be loved. Am sure you are wondering what I mean by saying this, especially when you think of your experiences when it comes to love. Sad to say we have had loved defined by our past bad experiences, such that we don’t have the knowledge of its beauty and purity. What I would like to make clear in this article is that love is in fact our greatest fear and our avoidance of it lies at the heart of all our relationship problems, indeed in all human problems, in whatever sphere of relations you can imagine.
For one to be able to really grasp and come to terms about what love is, helps us to explain why we are scared of love. So much of our cultures, the media are obsessed with love as a sentiment and just another emotion that comes and goes like any other commodity. This is the norm, that we fall in love and become deliriously excited and fall out of love again and become very miserable. Even the bible likens the strength of love to that of death, that’s why two people can be so madly in love and be thousand of miles apart, but still feel like they are just a couple of meters apart. This thing is massive if properly natured and allowed to blossom. Though to others romantic love seems transient and fickle, but this in fact is to have completely misunderstood love to think that way. Love is not an emotion – it is our natural state of being, and it connects us with everybody and everything in the Universe. Of course the bonds are invisible, but they form an infinite field of consciousness that we are all part of. When we fall in love we know ourselves as love and feel the joy of our personal and Universal connections. It feels so wonderful because we are allowing ourselves to feel all the love that is available to us – we are going home spiritually. But the problem is that people start to get frightened of so much love and start denying it. Before long fear and insecurity return to their lives and the feelings of love fade.
Although it can seem that your partner’s behavior may have caused love to fade and the early ‘honeymoon period’ to come to end, this just an illusion. Falling in love, or feeling great love for somebody opens your life up to your most fundamental state of connection where you begin to realize that you are not a separate entity controlled by your ego. This is terrifying for many because people only know themselves as individual bodies and have built personalities that support their separateness. In love many people live their lives independently rather than in partnership and this means that they have to shut down their hearts and push away love. Let go your fears, you imaginations and prepare your life to love again. As long as one chooses not to let go, it is difficult to embrace the dawn and freshness of love.
To accept your true identity means that you should stop seeing the difference and separation between yourself and your partner and instead see that are just the same. You would need to stop judging people (including your partner’s!) and accept that you are accountable for everything. You sure would need to let go of our obsession with the physical body and embrace the spirituality. You would also need let go of all of your fears that you have become addicted to and gained a perverse benefit from. Come to accept that you are greater and more powerful than you may have ever dreamed about when it comes to love. Surely you can find your purpose, become a leader of society and show others the true nature of love and themselves. You need to be totally healed, such that you simply see yourself as love.
Imagine yourself doing all these things and you will sense the fear that holds you back from embracing your true state of love and connection. Many people are scared of losing themselves and letting go of their ego-based rewards, and yet to do so is the path to true happiness and fulfillment. Most relationship problems can be traced back to your denial of your true state of love and the best way to see them is as reminders to return to your authentic spiritual state. Me and you can do this by surrendering our ego’s and belief that we are separate and begin to know ourselves as love. There is nothing to learn and nothing to do – all that is required is to face the fear and trust God, your instincts, as you allow yourself to become authentic. This is true, love will then do the rest. It will not disappoint you but reward you for giving it another try again.
By the time you finish reading this article, am sure you are asking and wondering whether you are ready for love. The truth is you are, that’s why it still is the most fascinating word and topic that gets your attention. But just because you have been hurt doesn’t mean you cannot find love true love again. Allow healing to take place in your life so that you can freely celebrate this gift of love, with the one you freely and confidently love. The strength of any relationships is based on the foundation called love, nothing less than love can sustain your relationship. Issues like money, property, investments are then needed but what starts first is to be so sure and convinced that love is there. Don’t be afraid to love because you have been cheated or disappointed before. Love is so strong you find people who far away from each other spending time on the phone, net and all these latest ways of technology to communicate, talking and chatting as if there is no tomorrow, simply because they decided to love without fear. To love is to take risks, because you are giving your life to someone whom you never knew and trusting that things will work out, and spend the rest of your life with a stranger who eventually becomes your dearest and closest friend and the sweetest Darleen`, that’s what it is meant to be.
Remember love is not an overnight thing, take time to know her or him and give love a chance despite past hurts and disappointments. Love is not an emotion or another commodity that comes and goes, prepare your life and heart to love and to love forever. Trust God to guide you.