Taught and schooled by Pain
From My BOOK-coming soon( Taught and schooled by Pain-) the story of my life -Herbert Mtowo)
By Herbert Mtowo
We all experience trials,sadness and pain once in a while.In life there are times when grief and depression seem so overwhelming that most of the times we feel like throwing in the towel.I have dealt with dissapointments,rejection,death,loss,betrayal,name calling,failure and you name them all the negatives that life can throw at us,and still am dealing with them day in and day out, believe you me,I know what it is to have feelings of utter hopelessness and lost desire of living several times.
Life has strange ways of schooling us, of which a college degree certificate can`t afford us the chance. I have had the privledge to talk and write to hundreds of people,giving them hope. Little did the peole know that this Herbert was in such turmoil,pain and grief.I know growing a number of christians are at the breaking point.
This is the story of my life,bits and pieces from my upcoming book: TUAGHT AND SCHOOLED BY PAIN:to those who are going through
loss,failure etc hope this story of my life in brief will spurr you to soldier on despite the scars and wounds your body and heart are carrying.In my up coming book; soon to be published:Taught and Schooled by Pain,of which I am indebted to millions of people all over the world,some who constantly write,phone,skype and keep in touch with me,though we have never met,but believe you me I feel you and your love and are not alone in your pain and hurts.I know there are many who have and are traveling the same foggy,bumpy and energy surping road. My sincere prayer is that God will heal your
wounds,restore your hope,your faith and give you genuine,lasting peace.
Reality of death.
Betty. ( My Mom- gone to soon).
My mom-Betty,a wonderful loving gracious and sweet woman died many years ago,that was my first real experience of death in life.little did I know that this was the beggining of trying times and very difficult experience of death,betrayal,rejection and losses to come.Just like anybody else,the message about death bothers me.I would by all means try to ignore it and even avoid thinking about it.I suspected that those who talked about it of being
morbid.Occassionally with friends we would talk about what heaven must be like,but most of the time,the subjetc of death was taboo.Thats how I have always percieved death and my circle of friends.My dad was a huge man,but for the first time on my mother`s death I saw this huge man,crumbling with pain like a deck of cards,sobbing uncontrollably my dead wept then like a baby,and that was the only time I had seen him weep.The death of my mom rocked the entire family to the very foundations,we were shaken and literally hit were it hurt most.I lost it, and to me the future was so bleak and uncertain and not sure about what tomorrow had instore ,painfully early Sunday morning my mom was taken away from us in a flash.
But if I was to meet the great apostle Paul he would tell me otherwise to him death was “our blessed hope”.But nowadays death is considered an intruder that cuts off from the good life we have become accustomed to.We have so clutttered our lives with material things;we are bogged down with life.This world has trapped us with materialism.Sure most of us can no longer bear the thought of leaving our beautiful homes,our lovely things,our charming sweethearts.We all seem to be thinking ‘ To die would be a great loss.I love the Lord, but I need my time to enjoy my real estate.I am married or getting married soon and am yet prove my oxen as a man.I need more time”What a stunted concept of God`s eternal purposes! No wonder so many christians are frightened to death by the thought of death.I have faced deaths of loved ones year in and year out,but am yet to come to terms with it.And the truth is I are far from understanding Christ`s call to forsake the world and its entanglements.God is calling us to die,to die without building memorials to ourselves,to die without worrying how we should be remembered.Our generation needs to understand the importance of a legacy and leaving behind a legacy that inspires others,than our selfish appetites for recognition.
Doulbe pain! Pain More than trippled pain,pain all around.) After the paindful death of me beloved mom, I dont know of any member of the family who didn t feel the loss,because to me she was such an angel,it seemed death was now a permanent feature in our family,one after the other they were plucked away from our midst in very painful circumstances.My world was shattered,my dreams blown away,she was to me thee woman.Then I was young to comprehemend much about death,but believe you me it was devastating.Everytime I would come back home I would imagine finding her sitting on her favourite couch,alas it wasnt to be.Rodwell (a brother) and Wife,are next in line to
go,Dad-Robson,a giant of man is plucked away too,many years after the death of his lovely wife Betty,Gersham,what a nice dude this brother of mine was,we had last met at my dad`s funeral the next thing I hear ,is he is no more,my little sister Joyline,her world and mine collapsed after the test results indicated she was HIV positive.I sought God for her healing,but that healing was a pipe dream.She died childless,hurting,dissapointed what a loving sister she God had given me.i was comforted that she had reconciled with God before she met death,I wept and lost control of myself. I began to see death and life differently,then like most of us I was angry at God,very angry at him.I thought God had issues with me and wanted to fix me for sins and crimes that had nothing to do with me.(Have you ever felt like this before ?)
After having talked to him-Shpherd( brother and fisrt born in the family) on a Monday afternoon,telling me he was planning to visit me in Widhoek, Namibia and would let me know when he has set his dates,little did I know that was the last conversation with him.On thusrsday afternoon, the same week,my brother had called me,my nephew(Clive) left a voice message on my phone,that he wanted to talk to me urgently.I was deep in the informal settlement meeting the communities,for Tere des hommes Italy,when he realised that i wasnt returning his( Nephew-Clive).He sends a message that read,” I am sorry uncle to be the one to have to tell you this,I am sorry to tell you that uncle Shephered is no more(dead),I read that message several times if not countless times,tears rolling down my cheecks,for a moment i lost it,totally lost my mind.People seldom get hurt just once,I realised.Most who hurt can show you other wounds also,pain is layered over pain.My broken heart became a very fragile one.I became vulnerable, easily hurt since then it dawned on me that I was not protected by a hard shell.Now more than ever realised ,that I really needed a thick skin to see me through life`s challenges.