Broken Circles

Broken Circles

by Michael Pearl
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The names and some details have been changed to protect the guilty, but the events are true.

Ruth is five years old. Her mother just recently left her daddy because he drinks too much. The home life was not good, but it wasn’t all bad. It was a small circle that included a warm house, a mama and a daddy, some siblings, and a sense of security. The older siblings were doing well in school, and even though mama and daddy yelled a lot, it was still home. Now little Ruth lives in an apartment with her mommy, although she spends at least three nights a week at home with Daddy. Mommy said she didn’t want Daddy to mess them up, so she left him, but she’s lonesome and needs to go out, so she asks Daddy to keep the kids more all the time.

If someone asked little Ruth where she lives she would look confused, stare off into space, and finally answer, “With mommy at the apartment.” Now her life revolves in two part circles. She has two places to live, she has two authorities, which often disagree, but she no longer has a sense of security—that has been replaced with fear.

Mommy now has a friend. He lives at the apartment with them. He is a strange man and Ruth is uncomfortable around him. She doesn’t understand why, but in her tiny, broken circle she no longer feels at home.

Mommy had a date and a babysitter came. Mommy didn’t come home until real late and Ruth did not wake up for school. Daddy called, but older brother was afraid to tell him why they weren’t at school. The next day all the kids went to stay at Daddy’s house. The house is different now. Less furniture, messy, it smells funny, but it’s more familiar than the apartment, so it’s better. Daddy’s friends came over. Mommy doesn’t like Daddy’s friends. They drink a lot, and one friend wants to hold Ruth, and she is afraid. So much fear, so much uncertainty, so much turmoil.

Children are so flexible; they can take so much and still do just fine. That’s what I’ve always heard from parents who bend their children a lot. When Grandma called she could tell something was wrong, and she told Ruth, “Get outside on the porch with the other kids, I’m coming right now.” Ruth feels better. Grandma’s house was once a place to visit and eat candy, but now it is another partial circle, a safe partial circle, warmly secure with Grandma and Papa, the same house with the same stuff in it. And Grandma is always the same. There’s no fear there, but it is not Ruth’s house, only another partial circle in her ever widening flow of circles—now that the real circle is broken.

Ruth is learning to use her circles. If she doesn’t like doing something she can just cry and say she wants Daddy. If Daddy will not let her have something, she can just beg to go stay with Mommy. If she has to go to school when she doesn’t want to, she can be sick and ask for Grandma. Ruth has learned that where there is more than one circle there is really no circle at all. No authority, no security, the only absolute is what Ruth wants. Ruth has no one to protect her from herself, from her own lusts. Grandma can be a loving grandparent protecting her from the bad guy at Daddy’s house. Daddy can make her feel happy. Mommy can love her, but the authority has been given into her tiny hands by default.

When Ruth was a little girl Grandma’s house was a place of security, but now that Ruth is thirteen years old, it is just a dull, boring, old place. Candy bars and TV no longer satisfy her appetite. Her flesh has grown, and with it has grown the habit of getting what she wants. Over the years she has learned how to cover her tracks when she wants the freedom to have some fun. She tells Dad, “I’m at Grandma’s,” and tells Mom, “I’m spending the weekend at Dad’s.” She tells Grandma, “Dad said I could stay over with friend Marsha.” The tight circle that God placed her in to protect and guard her was removed by Mommy’s and Daddy’s sin. Ruth has been left uncovered.

Some parents rip that covering off their children, not by divorce, but by disagreement in policy. A mother will whisper to her daughter, “You can go, but don’t you dare tell Dad you did.” That daughter has lost her covering for all times and all occasions. Mother has taken it from Daddy as well as from herself. Some Daddy’s give it away. Daughter begs, gets angry, yells, pleads, and Daddy finally yells, “Just get out of here, I don’t care what you do, just give me some peace.” Daughter learned this from Mama. Then some daddies just pretend they don’t notice, after all Daddy’s little girl has always done real well. Daddy wants to be the sweetheart. He gives his girls complete freedom so “they’ll know I trust them.” Poor little girls grow up doing “what is right in their own eyes.”

Little girls and boys need a complete, secure circle to grow up to be well adjusted. God designed that the man should be strong and wise as the head of his wife. A girl, having spent her entire youth growing up with a daddy that watched over and protected her in her day-to-day activities, will be ready to assume her role as a wife that will bring honor to God and her husband. So many little girls are growing up today without that circle of protection and authority. They grow up with fears and insecurities on top of the rebellion and fleshly indulgence. When they enter marriage they don’t know how to be submissive, confident wives because they never were submissive, confident little girls to their Daddies. The only way they can find fulfillment is by “doing what’s right in their own eyes.”

A great majority of women are depressed, discouraged, angry, and totally out of control in their flesh. They live in some kind of a silly fantasyland. To make matters worse, their husbands are selfish, defeated sissies. Soul sickness is at epidemic proportions. Divorce is a terrible crime against all. And not only divorce, but also the spirit of defiance, of “getting my rights,” is quickly destroying any hope of happiness.

Many women will read this and say, “I knew I was doomed from the start, so why try, it is my parents’ fault.” It is true your parents did fail you, but now you stand before God to give an answer for your own sin. It’s no good crying over spilled milk. It’s time to get a cloth and clean up the mess, being careful not to create any more spills. Are you content to continue passing this burden down to your children? Each person stands before God either to obey or to dishonor. Because of your up-bringing you might have a propensity to be selfish, get angry, or to manipulate your surroundings, but it is ultimately your choice to obey God or not. As you seek God and seek to obey his Word you will begin to mature in the way God meant for you to mature while you were growing up. When God says in his Word for the woman to reverence her husband it will not seem like an archaic translation. When the Scripture says, Sara called her husband lord, it will not appear sacrilegious.

So, mama, are you unhappy with that selfish, “no-good” husband of yours? God has made a way, and His way is still your only way to raise your little girls to be an honorable little mama. The way to raise obedient, serving little girls is by example. How you treat Daddy will in a great degree decide how they will respond to authority and ultimately to God. You can’t change Daddy, but you can change your side of the world.

Do you treat your husband with affection, but little honor or respect? Do you slip behind his back to go shopping, or waste your days reading romance novels? When you dishonor him, you dishonor God. He knows it, you know it, and your children know it. You limit God’s blessing in your life.

The slide is down hill. Every child is selfish and will get more selfish. As parents we need to seek to obey God against all odds; that’s what sanctification is all about. Our job as mothers starts with being good wives. Your role as mother will go no further than how you fulfill your role as wife. When parents break their own circle, they break their children’s circle as well. Neither broken marriages nor broken relationships produce whole children.

Even when all goes well our children will not be perfect. They will have their own hurts and weaknesses to overcome. But they don’t need to start life handicapped by dragging along the added burden of the sins of their parents. Life will throw enough mud at the children without them leaving home carrying a load provided by parents.

There is still an abundance of grace and love to be poured on those who will repent toward God. When you lay yourself on God’s altar, your children reap the blessings of the sacrifice. When we flush the garbage out of our own lives, our children experience the cleansing.

Royal Wedding–Prince William and Kate getting married….

Thats the news the world over,Prince William and Kate have just enganged to get married next year.Prince William enganged Kate with the same ring His dad enganged his mom,Princess Diana with,back then whne Prince Charles got enganged to Princess Diana the righ was worthy 20 000pounds back then,am sure its worthy much much more now.Thats humbling and sweet to Kate hey.Am so sure,Prince William held his mother in very high esteem..They have all the good reasons to get married cause they are in love.Make sure you do the right thing folks with the right partener too.These two have taken this decision fully aware fo the demands of marriage.
It is never a good idea to get married for the wrong reasons. Reasons not to get married include getting married due to love at first sight, sexual attraction, to cure loneliness, as an act of rebellion, rebound love, out of obligation, pressure, pregnancy, and for financial gain. Marriages based on these reasons most likely result in divorce. While for some people, one or all of these reasons may seem like the best thing, but they are not. Some of these reasons are selfish and do not take in the considerations of the other partner’s feelings.
Love at first sight. Ah, what a feeling! You smile constantly, have butterflies in your tummy, and may feel impulsive. Impulsive enough to get married. Getting married based on love alone is the number one reason not to get married. Love at first sight can be a temporary feeling. The things you do like running off to get married while under its spell can have lasting negative effects. No foundation has been built to support the marriage. Therefore, the marriage has no backbone and will most likely end in divorce. Also, marrying from lust at first sight is a bad idea as well. Marriages based on sexual attraction do not survive.
No one wants to be lonely. Marrying someone simply to avoid being alone the rest of your life is wrong, not only for you but for your mate as well. People fear being alone and will jump into a marriage quickly to avoid it. Chances are you will still be lonely only now you will be lonely in a marriage. These types of marriages have no foundation of companionship and usually result in unhappiness leading to divorce.

All the best to you Prince William and Kate,enjoy your marriage for as long as you llive.

Reasons why men cheat ?

Reasons why men cheat?

Like it or not men cheat.

They have wandering eyes. They’re obsessed with sex. They come home from one-too-many late nights at the ‘office’; with lipstick on their collars. To whatever degree, men do cheat and they do it more than women. In the original Kinsey Report, approximately 60 per cent of men, compared to 30 per cent of women, were unfaithful to their spouses before the age of 40. Those numbers have remained much the same in subsequent studies. The bottom line is why do men cheat? People believe men cheat for the following five reasons:
1. SEX.
Men just can’t control their eyes, hands and…
‘Women need a reason to have an affair, men just need a place’ – go_getter ‘Men will cheat if given the opportunity. They are just like that! They can be happy in their relationship and life, but if the opportunity to cheat is there, they will do it! I really believe they can’t help it.’ – ldrake5477
‘I asked my boyfriend why men cheat…. He said, ‘Men do it for sex’. He said that a man can have sex with another woman and not feel anything for her’ – pismotam
2. Quick Fix.
Although sneaking around takes a lot of effort, many people believe that more effort is required to salvage a rocky relationship. ‘People have affairs because they are lazy. It is easier to go running off with the office tramp than it is to admit something is wrong with your relationship and make a commitment to work on it’ – jesusfreak1 ‘I think if people took half the time and effort they put into sneaking around and channelled that energy into making a great marriage or relationship, they would realise that, most of the time, what they are looking for has always been with them.’ – who_dat ‘Sometimes the thought of divorcing and changing everyone’s lives is much too hard to handle. So the easier choice is an affair. I don’t think it’s the right choice, but most people will take the easier road, thinking no one will be hurt because they are keeping the marriage and family intact. – lovestar
We all like to be complimented by the opposite sex and, according to many women, that’s the ground for most men’s affairs.
‘My now ex-husband not only cheated on me but on every former lover, girlfriend and wife (one before me) with whom he was involved. It was an emotional thing. He had to prove to himself that he was attractive and appreciated by women. It was his way of judging himself and his own self worth. – laughingagain
‘I think unfaithfulness goes hand in hand with low self-worth. Cheaters seek approval or fulfillment in the eyes of another person when they should be looking within themselves.’ – weasy71
‘I think it has a lot more to do with how the cheater fells about his/her self, rather than how the cheater feels about his/her spouse.’ – lee_823
4. To Fill a Void.
Many /people concluded that men cheat because they are not satisfied with their relationships. When something is missing, be it regular sex or healthy communication, men try to fill this gap with an affair. ‘Just like women, men cheat when there is something lacking in a relationship. The wife may not even see what’s missing. Maybe the man wants kinkier sex and is afraid to ask, or has already been turned down. Maybe he’s cheating with another woman who doesn’t nag him.’ – barrysgal
‘My husband and I had problems, and he tried to solve them with someone else. It didn’t solve them – it just made them worse.’ – djb61 ‘I guess, in a nutshell, the reason why a spouse cheats is because he/she feels alone.’ – olivepop
5. They’re Selfish. ,br>Whether they’re immature, greedy or just haven’t got a clue, some men don’t value or respect their partners.. ‘Sometimes people cheat in a marriage because they are not mature enough to understand and live by their vows.’ – meanmommy
‘Cheating is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, because despite the fact that they entered into a relationship with another person they choose to act as though they are the only one whose feelings, needs and desires matter.’ – nura_p
‘Somehow we’ve become so convinced about what we’re entitled to that we have completely lost sight of what we are responsible for. It doesn’t matter who gets hurt, as long as we get what we want.’ – juliewho
‘I believe some people are so needy they devour their partner’s love and move on.’ – a2zx3
And the conclusion of the whole matter is, cheating is never an option, it stinks and has severe damages that may never be repaired at all. Herbert Mtowo

Reasons why men cheat?

Reasons why men cheat?

Like it or not men cheat.

They have wandering eyes. They’re obsessed with Page 3. They come home from one-too-many late nights at the ‘office’; with lipstick on their collars. To whatever degree, men do cheat and they do it more than women. In the original Kinsey Report, approximately 60 per cent of men, compared to 30 per cent of women, were unfaithful to their spouses before the age of 40. Those numbers have remained much the same in subsequent studies. The bottom line is why do men cheat? People believe men cheat for the following five reasons:
1. SEX.
Men just can’t control their eyes, hands and…
‘Women need a reason to have an affair, men just need a place’ – go_getter ‘Men will cheat if given the opportunity. They are just like that! They can be happy in their relationship and life, but if the opportunity to cheat is there, they will do it! I really believe they can’t help it.’ – ldrake5477
‘I asked my boyfriend why men cheat…. He said, ‘Men do it for sex’. He said that a man can have sex with another woman and not feel anything for her’ – pismotam
2. Quick Fix.
Although sneaking around takes a lot of effort, many people believe that more effort is required to salvage a rocky relationship. ‘People have affairs because they are lazy. It is easier to go running off with the office tramp than it is to admit something is wrong with your relationship and make a commitment to work on it’ – jesusfreak1 ‘I think if people took half the time and effort they put into sneaking around and channelled that energy into making a great marriage or relationship, they would realise that, most of the time, what they are looking for has always been with them.’ – who_dat ‘Sometimes the thought of divorcing and changing everyone’s lives is much too hard to handle. So the easier choice is an affair. I don’t think it’s the right choice, but most people will take the easier road, thinking no one will be hurt because they are keeping the marriage and family intact. – lovestar
We all like to be complimented by the opposite sex and, according to many women, that’s the ground for most men’s affairs.
‘My now ex-husband not only cheated on me but on every former lover, girlfriend and wife (one before me) with whom he was involved. It was an emotional thing. He had to prove to himself that he was attractive and appreciated by women. It was his way of judging himself and his own self worth. – laughingagain
‘I think unfaithfulness goes hand in hand with low self-worth. Cheaters seek approval or fulfillment in the eyes of another person when they should be looking within themselves.’ – weasy71
‘I think it has a lot more to do with how the cheater fells about his/her self, rather than how the cheater feels about his/her spouse.’ – lee_823
4. To Fill a Void.
Many /people concluded that men cheat because they are not satisfied with their relationships. When something is missing, be it regular sex or healthy communication, men try to fill this gap with an affair. ‘Just like women, men cheat when there is something lacking in a relationship. The wife may not even see what’s missing. Maybe the man wants kinkier sex and is afraid to ask, or has already been turned down. Maybe he’s cheating with another woman who doesn’t nag him.’ – barrysgal
‘My husband and I had problems, and he tried to solve them with someone else. It didn’t solve them – it just made them worse.’ – djb61 ‘I guess, in a nutshell, the reason why a spouse cheats is because he/she feels alone.’ – olivepop
5. They’re Selfish. ,br>Whether they’re immature, greedy or just haven’t got a clue, some men don’t value or respect their partners.. ‘Sometimes people cheat in a marriage because they are not mature enough to understand and live by their vows.’ – meanmommy
‘Cheating is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, because despite the fact that they entered into a relationship with another person they choose to act as though they are the only one whose feelings, needs and desires matter.’ – nura_p
‘Somehow we’ve become so convinced about what we’re entitled to that we have completely lost sight of what we are responsible for. It doesn’t matter who gets hurt, as long as we get what we want.’ – juliewho
‘I believe some people are so needy they devour their partner’s love and move on.’ – a2zx3
And the conclusion of the whole matter is, cheating is never an option, it stinks and has severe damages that may never be repaired at all. Herbert Mtowo