How affairs start. Part 2
( Is your relationship affair proof ?)
Will also talk in the next articles on honesty and openness; financial support; family commitments; conversation and affection in detail for the benefit of all.
While with sexual problems cause tension and unhappiness in marriages, these difficulties can be solved more easily by than one might think .In most cases it merely requires education. You will realize that the categories mentioned above may not apply equally to everyone, there could be some slight differences but these are the most common and dominant ones in most relationships. The if the needs of men and women are so different, no wonder they have difficulty adjusting them in marriage .Most of the times we fail because we are ignorant of each other’s needs.
Affairs are tempting :
Affairs are so tempting, it sounds unfair to say so, but this is the reality we have to deal with. An affair consists of two people becoming involved in an extra-marital relationship that does combine sexual lovemaking with feelings of deep love. The relationship that involves sex(usually passionate sex)and very real love threatens marriage to its very core, because two lovers experience real intimacy and it meets at least one need of the spouse outside the exclusive marital relationship. In most of the times, when the other spouse discovers the other has broken the commitment of faithfulness, the marriage is shattered. An most of the cases people are lured into this affair because of unmet needs:
a. In an affair you ignore each other’s faults.
b. You get turned on as never before.
c. You feel sure no one else could be as exciting as a sex partner as your secret new lover.
d. You and your new found lover seem to bring the best out in each other.
Affairs usually start just as a friendship relationship. They rarely start with a stranger or somebody you don’t know. Most of the times your spouse knows your new lover, at times the lover is the husband or wife in a couple you both know and consider “best friends”. It can be a workmate, the lover, a church member or even from your spouse’s family- a sister or brother, or as I said you met at work, as painful as it sounds even your spouse’s best friend, worse even an ex girlfriend or boyfriend, a boss at work, a baby sitter at home, etc. The truth of the matter, it is always somebody close.
The pattern of how they start is almost one and the same, a close person and usually start as friends. You share problems with the other person, and they do the same in likewise. For the affair to blossom you have to see the other person very often, everyday at work or frequently through a friendship being on a committee ,board, or some other responsibility that brings the two of you together more than often. You start giving each other mutual support and encouragement as the friendship deepens especially in regard to your unmet needs. You know in life we face difficulties and many people get extremely disillusioned about their lives. And when they find someone
encouraging and supportive, the attraction towards that person acts a powerful magnet. Believe you me sooner or later you find yourself in bed with your encouraging and supportive friend, even before you declare each other’s love. It just seems to “just happens” you don’t intend it, neither does your friend. Many a times the friendship that grows into an affair is not based on physical attraction, haven’t you seen this; a wife get the chance to look at his hubby`s lover and say,” How could he be interested and love her.?” Its very easy why, because the attraction is emotional. It really doesn’t matter if the other woman is overweight, plain really rather ugly. What matters is that she is able to meet an unfulfilled need. The lover in the affair gets regarded as the most caring person the wayward spouse has ever been in love with or met, and then the wife or husband reciprocates desire to acre for the lover at a depth never before experienced.
When you are caught in an affair you and your new lover, share a strong willingness to meet each other’s needs. This willingness eventually binds you into a mutual love that develops into a passionate sexual relationship. This mutual desire to bring each other happiness builds an affair into one of the most satisfying and intimate relationships either of you have ever known. As the intensity of your mutual care and passion increases, you discover yourself caught in a trap of your own making, and you lose all sense of judgment as you literally become addicted to each other in a relationship built on fantasy than reality. And what really turns you won now is not your new partner but the fantasy, as you and your lover plan where and when to meet for the passionate sessions of love making, you leave the realities of living behind. You affair may go on for a long time and the longer it goes on, the more difficult you will find to break it off.
Lastly I want to emphasize this: Many people would deny they could ever get involved in an affair, the naked truth is that, under the right ( or wrong ) conditions, any of us can fall victim, especially if our basic needs are not met. Be advised and warned that it doesn’t take something different or special to fall into an affair. On the contrary, sometimes very normal men and women get involved in one through a deceptively simple process. When your basic needs re not met, you start thinking. This isn’t right, It isn’t fair. Hey good people we all are vulnerable, so take an inventory of your
relationships, basic needs and see whether your relationship/marriage is affair proof or else you will have lots of pain, tears and regrets. Remember, affection is the environment of the relationship and sex is the special event.