Commitment in relationships

 Relationships with commitment.

Have you ever wondered: Why is our relationship so hard? Things were so perfect when we first met – what happened? Most likely, the answer is that you’ve left the first stage of your relationship, and have moved into another. But could it really be that easy?

Yes! Most people understand that relationships grow and change over time… but what many people don’t know is that they tend to evolve in the same way. There are specific, defined stages of long-term relationships, which offer new feelings, new challenges to overcome, and new opportunities for growth. And if you want your relationship to evolve into one of mutual respect, love and intimacy, it’s likely that you’ll have to experience all of the following relationship stages at some point or another. Take a look at the description of each phase – do any of these sound familiar?

Before we get started, you should know that most people experience these stages in this order, and will need to resolve the challenges in each stage before they can move successfully on to the next. Of course there are always exceptions to this rule. But for the most part, you can’t get out of experiencing all of these stages if you want a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Every couple will move through these stages at different speeds, and most people will experience each stage more than once – it is common to fluctuate from one stage to another.*

Okay, now that I’ve given you the basic info, let’s dig a little deeper….

The Romance Stage

This is also known as the Courtship Phase or the Fantasy Stage, and can last anywhere from 2 months to 2 years. This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing. You can’t get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other… mainly because you’re both still on your best behavior. The focus in this stage is on commonalities – you have so many common interests, you could practically be the same person! You show your partner your absolute best self, and you try to please each other as much as possible. Conflict is seen as “bad” in this stage, and is avoided at all costs. You can’t imagine living without this person, so you begin spending as much time together as possible. This is the stage when our defenses are down the most, which allows you to be open to and fall in love. You and your partner are building an important foundation in this stage, so your relationship can grow. There are biological effects as well. When you’re in this stage, your body is producing enormous amounts of endorphins, which makes you feel unusually happy, positive and excited about everything in your life (this is that “head over heels in love” feeling!). This is the stage most often portrayed in movies and romantic novels, for obvious reasons. Bottom line – you are happier than you’ve ever been, and can’t imagine ever feeling any differently.

The Disillusionment Stage

This stage is also known as the Familiarization Stage or the Adjusting to Reality Phase. This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings. You see your partner in relaxed situations, and you become more relaxed as well. Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it was in the beginning, those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline. Your partner’s little habits aren’t quite as cute as they used to be, but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance Stage that you’re willing to overlook them. This stage can start to trickle into your relationship slowly, as you begin to see your partner for who s/he really is. Or sometimes it happens all of a sudden, when there has been some sort of dishonesty or deceit. This phase can be confusing and discouraging, since you’ve just experienced so much openness and connection in the Romance Stage. However, at this stage, your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.

The Power Struggle Stage

This stage is also known as the Disappointment Phase or Distress Stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a “bad” thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues. This is the stage where you define unacceptable behavior, and most couples have occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. More and more often, you start to feel like your partner is self-centered or un-caring, or even worse, that they simply can’t be trusted. Deep resentments begin to build if you’re unable to resolve your issues in a respectful and mutually agreeable way. Many couples get stuck in this stage, because this way of interacting becomes normal in their relationship. This is when it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively – to communicate and work together as a team; even though it’s tempting to believe that your partner’s sole purpose on Earth is to make your life difficult. Not surprisingly, this is the stage most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they’ll move on to….

The Stability Stage

This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship. As you enter this stage, you begin to realize that your partner isn’t perfect, but your personal differences aren’t quite as threatening as they used to be. You’re able to resolve most of your differences, at least to some extent, and you become more confident in the relationship. Some people feel a sense of loss in this stage as they learn to accept their partner for who they truly are, since this means they have to let go of the fantasy that was established early on in the relationship. But for the most part, the deepening sense of friendship and commitment is a good trade-off for those early feelings of butterflies and excitement. This is also when you begin to re-establish your own outside interests and friendships, which were given up in the Romance Phase. There is some danger that you may begin to drift apart from or become bored with your partner in this phase, so you should try to maintain the connection that was created in the Romance Phase. Overall, this is the stage when you finally begin to feel comfortable and happy with your deepening relationship.

 The Commitment Stage

This stage is also known as the Acceptance Phase, the Transformation Stage, or the Real Love Phase. It is estimated that fewer than 5% of couples actually make it to this stage, according to The Relationship Institute. This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore… yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you’ve chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the Power Struggle Phase has decreased, if not disappeared. If you’ve made it to this stage, you and your partner is a team. You genuinely love your partner, and you look out for their best interests just as much as you look out for your own. Your partner is your best friend.

There are few surprises about your partner’s habits or character in this phase. You’ve collaborated to overcome many challenges together, and have grown to accept and support each other without restriction. Your vision for your relationship is in congruence with who you are and what you both truly want. You have discussed your future together – you have similar life goals, and you feel encouraged to define your relationship further. Many couples decide to make a formal or public commitment to each other in this stage (such as marriage) to demonstrate their intention to continue their relationship. This is the stage in which your relationship becomes a true partnership.

 

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How to avoid cheating.

How to avoid cheating.

Do you struggle with thoughts about being unfaithful? Have you noticed that regardless of the subject matter of most articles or advertisement there is a model pictured with more skin than clothing showing? Perhaps you have been struggling in your relationship and find yourself looking at stuff you shouldn’t be looking at or clicking on websites or emails you shouldn’t be opening.

What have you been doing to keep yourself from being unfaithful? Is it because you are so devoted to your significant other or has the right opportunity not presented itself? It’s admirable in the times that we live in to be able to truthfully say “I’ve never cheated on my partner.” It’s even more impressive to say “I had the chance to have an affair but chose to honor and respect my partner and avoided committing adultery.

One thing that I know I don’t have to tell you and that is that many devoted men and women have fallen into pit of adultery and ruined what was thought to be a good relationship. This is a clear reminder that just because a relationship appears to be on solid ground it doesn’t mean that it’s safe from infidelity.

So how do you stay away from committing adultery and breaking the heart and trust of your partner and family? I think at times we make it seem more complicated than it really is and that’s done to try to understand and justify why it happens.

Don’t convince yourself that it’s ok to have an affair because of the following lame excuses;

  • I deserve to be happy – yes you do but the world doesn’t revolve around you. Your partner deserves to be happy also. Do you think your partner finding out that you slept with another person will bring joy to the soul? For starters, by sleeping with someone else you automatically put your partner at risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease. So please don’t fool yourself into thinking that sorrow and pain should be accepted so that you can be happy.
  • Our relationship is going nowhere – Although this might be a true assessment of your relationship how is committing adultery going to help it move forward. If your goal is to end the relationship, why not take the adult route and discuss it and communicate your plans to seek love elsewhere?
  • I have a strong sexual appetite – unless you are being rejected by your partner and have communicated your frustrations and needs to your partner, please put your hormones in check. Take a shower, run on a treadmill or take a yoga class. Don’t confuse wanting to sleep with other people as having a strong appetite.

             How to avoid cheating.

  • Make sure you don’t advertise that you are available for an intimate relationship. There are many folks out there who don’t believe in or care about monogamous relationships. There are others who would be happy to break-up your relationship. What these folks look for is a sign from you that you are open for adultery. Don’t make comments, gestures, or make physical contact with others signaling your availability. Don’t give back rubs or accept massages. Don’t make comments or jokes about sleeping with someone else. Only let wholesome talk come out of your mouth and the same goes with your tweets and Face book postings.
  • Continue to work on your relationship – one of the best preventative steps you can take to avoid adultery is building a strong bond with your partner. This might offend some folks but if you love your partner enough, I believe you will find the strength and courage to avoid being unfaithful. It’s when the relationship is frail that you find reasons and justification to cheat.

Protect your mind from fantasizing about cheating – If you are constantly viewing images of sexy folks doing sexy things and see yourself doing the same thing with one of these sexy folks, guess what? The more you think about it and dream about and lust about it the closer you will be to fulfilling your fantasy. You can’t keep playing with fire and not expect to get burned. You are not strong enough to control your emotions or urges so avoid putting yourself in this position. How, clearly if you or your spouse or partner is flirting with infidelity, it’s vital that you work on strengthening your relationship so that you can withstand the temptations of committing adultery. None of us are perfect and we all can use a little relationship help from time to time. If that’s where you are at this time, you can find some help here about restoring relationships.

 

Why did I get married.?

 

 

Disturbing trends on infidelity

Why did I get married.?

By Caroline Deane Check this it’s sad and shocking and hope it opens our eyes and realize this evil is with us and you and I have to collectively deal with it. -Herbert Mtowo. Trend #1 – Unfaithful Wives Infidelity was once believed to be a “man thing.” Though men are always viewed as the villain in extramarital affairs, infidelity statistics are showing that women today are not far behind when it comes to straying from the marriage bed. Some surveys show that as many as 68% of men and 66% of women have admitted to having sex with a person other than their spouse at least once during the course of their marriage. Apparently, women are feeling more “free” than in their grandmothers’ day. Indications are that viable occupations with meaningful income give women a sense of independence that was unknown to many in past generations. This euphoric freedom is evidently extending to every avenue of their lives from purchasing expensive jewelry and handbags to having a lover. A husband today should not be overly confident that “the little woman” is primarily focused on his well-being and that of the children. Nor should he assume that she is faithful to the marriage because “women don’t cheat.” Trend #2 – Cheating Among the Young Crowd The most disturbing data indicates that people under 30 are more likely to cheat than older individuals. Brought up in an age of unhidden promiscuity, the young people are less closed-minded when it comes to sexual adventures. The parents of this group were raised in a time of stricter censorship guidelines for movies and television; the rules governing sexual behavior were more concrete. Sexual intercourse was to be reserved for marriage. It was shameful for a young girl to get pregnant out-of-wedlock. In some cases the pregnancies were hidden and babies given to adoption agencies or an out-of-town relative to raise. Today, pregnant unwed girls in this situation are not shunned. In fact, her mother and friends will give her a baby shower. This generation could very well set the tone for the future of marriage. Many of them maintain that marriage is “not necessary.” They believe that it does not add any more value to their relationship with their “significant other” than living together. Many are choosing to cohabit and raise children together without a marriage license. Ironically, though not legally married, they expect their significant other to be faithful to the relationship. They consider a sexual relationship with another person cheating. They don’t want a marriage license, but they do want what it represents – a commitment to fidelity. Trend #3 – Cyber Fulfillment A source of unparalleled temptation to cheat, the internet and telecommunication as a whole could potential push infidelity to unprecedented levels. A click of the mouse can take you to view your sexual fantasies or to an unlimited number of online chat rooms to establish the emotional connection you so desperately desire. 25% of all search engines requests are for pornographic material. 38% of online users have engaged in sexual conversation. Seemingly harmless, participants are cheating. Additionally, these types of online activities normally lead to offline sexual relationships. It is expected that the percentage of men and women involved will increase over time.

6 Goal Setting Steps That Guarantee Success (via )

6 Goal Setting Steps That Guarantee Success From: Time Mapping Money, love, promotion, fitness, organization, relaxation, education… these are some great reasons to apply a solid goal setting system to your life. You just need a clear and proven goal setting plan. Here's the 6 step goal setting system I tell my clients to use and that I use myself. It's the basis for my Time Mapping goals system: 6 STEP GOAL SETTING SYSTEM Name the goal with positive words. This is a critical rule, becau … Read More

via

The Love we’ve all been looking for!

 We’ve heard songs about it, seen it in the movies, heard it talked about on Oprah by relationship experts, and read about it in thousands of self-help books. But, what is unconditional love? We all want to feel loved. We think about it, hope for it, fantasize about it, go to great lengths to achieve it, and feel that our lives are incomplete without it. The lack of unconditional love is the cause of most of our anger and confusion. It is no exaggeration to say that our emotional need for unconditional love is just as great as our physical need for air and food. It is especially unfortunate, then, that most of us have no idea what unconditional love really is, and we prove our ignorance with our horrifying divorce rate, the incidence of alcohol and drug addiction all over the wolrld, the violence in our schools, and our overflowing jails. Our misconceptions of unconditional love began in early childhood, where we saw that when we did all the right things—when we were clean, quiet, obedient and otherwise “good”—people “loved” us. They smiled at us and spoke in gentle tones. But we also saw that when we were “bad,” all those signs of “love” instantly vanished. In short, we were taught by consistent experience that love was conditional, that we had to buy “love” from the people around us with our words and behavior. So what’s wrong with conditional love? We see it everywhere we look, so what could be wrong with it? Imagine that every time you pay me fifty dollars, I tell you I love you. We could do that all day, but at the end of the day would you feel loved? No, because you’d know that I “loved” you only because you paid me. We simply can’t feel fulfilled by love we pay for. We can feel loved only when it is freely, unconditionally given to us. The instant we do anything at all to win the approval or respect of other people—with what we say, what we do, how we look—we are paying for the attention and affection we receive, and we can’t feel genuinely loved. Defining of Love There’s only one kind of love that can fill us up, make us whole, and give us the happiness we all want: unconditional love or true love. It is unconditional love that we all seek, and somehow we intuitively realize that anything other than that kind of love isn’t really love at all—it’s an imitation of the real thing. Unconditional love—true love—is so different from the kind of love most of us have known all our lives that it deserves both a name—Real Love—and definition of its own: Real Love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. It’s also Real Love when other people care about our happiness unconditionally. It is not Real Love when other people like us for doing what they want. Under those conditions we’re just paying for love again. We can be certain that we’re receiving Real Love only when we make foolish mistakes, when we fail to do what other people want, and even when we get in their way, but they don’t feel disappointed or irritated at us. That is Real Love (true unconditional love), and that love alone has the power to heal all wounds, bind people together, and create relationships quite beyond our present capacity to imagine. Imitation Love If we don’t have enough Real Love in our lives, the resulting emptiness is unbearable. We then compulsively try to fill our emptiness with whatever feels good in the moment—money, anger, sex, alcohol, drugs, violence, power, and the conditional approval of others. Anything we use as a substitute for Real Love becomes a form of imitation love, and although Imitation Love feels good for a moment, it never lasts and never gives us the feeling of genuine happiness that Real Love provides. Most people spend their entire lives trying to fill their emptiness with Imitation Love, but all they achieve is an ever-deepening frustration, punctuated by brief moments of superficial satisfaction. All the unhappiness in our lives is due to that lack of Real Love and to the frustration we experience as we desperately and hopelessly try to create happiness from a flawed foundation of Imitation Love. The beauty of Real Love is that it ALWAYS will eliminate our anger, confusion, and pain. So how do we find this universal cure? Talk to me good people let me hear from you.

Fatherhood the challenges:

By N. Giovanni

Hello there, young man with your priorities misconstrued. Those are some nice rims on your car. Man, you STAY wearing the latest sneakers out. In fact, you know ALL the release dates to all the new shoes. Do you know your child’s birthday, though? Do you know the first tooth they lost? Was it a top tooth or bottom tooth? How are their grades in school? In fact, do you even know what school your child attends? Sit down, let me talk to you.

What does your child mean to you? Chances are, even though you aren’t there – you mean the world to them. Are they someone you have an emotional attachment to, or are they just a wallet sized photo you like to show off to prove that your sperm works? Did you stop caring about your child when you stopped having sex with your child’s mother? We’ve got to do better.

I’m not going to preach to you like someone who hasn’t been there – because I have, and I’m still here. Stop making excuses as to why you’re not spending time with your child. You say to yourself, "I don’t have any money"… or "I can’t buy them (insert item here)". Let me tell you something, THE BEST THING WE CAN SPEND ON OUR CHILDREN IS OUR TIME. They won’t remember what you bought them; they’ll remember how you made them feel. Therefore, don’t let your child feel like they are dispensable. If you can’t give your child a gift, give your child a kiss.

Now, you’re with your new girlfriend. Playing with your girlfriend’s child. Don’t you feel at least a LITTLE GUILTY? Seriously! What about the child YOU helped bring into this world? Does that trouble your spirit at all? Just know that if you aren’t a male role model for your child – someone else WILL BE. Whether it is a celebrity, neighborhood dope dealer, or the man that physically abuses your child’s mother and keeps them awake at night with their arguments.

Was your father there? If not, how did that make you feel? As a man, we try to suppress those feelings. But, you know it makes you feel a certain way. As a child, he probably made you feel like you wasn’t worth his time. Perhaps, he only provided you with empty promises, didn’t deliver and NOW as an adult you really don’t get your hopes up for anything. Lets break the cycle.

Fathers… Call your child now right now and tell them, "I Love You"….

I Love You,

Fathers and their children. As we reflect-To all fathers`.

BY Herbert Mtowo

A father is known as a man who exercises paternal care over other people. Most fathers are naturally protective, supportive, and responsible and are able to provide a number of significant benefits to themselves, their communities, and their children. Involved fathers offer developmentally specific provisions to their sons and daughters throughout the life cycle and are impacted themselves by their doing so. Active father figures have a key role to play in reducing behavior problems in boys and psychological problems in young women. For example, children who experience significant father involvement tend to exhibit higher scores on assessments of cognitive development, enhanced social skills and fewer behaviour problems

An increased amount of father–child involvement has also proven to increase a child’s social stability, educational achievement, and even their potential to have a solid marriage as an adult. The children are also more curious about the world around them and develop greater problem solving skills. Children who were raised without fathers perceive themselves to be less cognitively and physically competent than their peers from father-present families. Mothers raising children without fathers reported more severe disputes with their child. Sons raised without fathers showed more feminine but no less masculine characteristics of gender role behaviour.

According to the anthropologist Maurice Godelier, the parental role assumed by human males is a critical difference between human society and that of humans’ closest biological relatives—chimpanzees and baboons—who appear to be unaware of their "father" connection?

The father is often seen as an authority figure. A common observation among scholars is that the authority of the father and of the political leader are closely intertwined, that there is a symbolic identification between domestic authority and national political leadership. In this sense, links have been shown between the concepts of "patriarchal", "paternalistic", "cult of personality", "fascist", "totalitarian", and “Imperial. The fundamental common grounds between domestic and national authority, are the mechanisms of naming (exercise the authority in someone’s name) and identification. In a patriarchal society, authority typically uses such rhetoric of fatherhood and family to implement their rule and advocate its legitimacy.

In the Roman and aristocratic patriarchal family, "the husband and the father had a measure of political authority and served as intermediary between the household and the policy". In Western culture patriarchy and authority have been synonymous. In 19th-century Europe, the idea was common, among both traditionalist and revolutionaries, that the authority of the domestic father should "be made omnipotent in the family so that it becomes less necessary in the state". In the second part of that century, there was an extension of the authority of the husband over his wife and the authority of the father over his children, including "increased demands for absolute obedience of children to the father". Europe saw the rise of "new ideological hegemony of the nuclear family form and a legal codification of patriarchy", which was contemporary with the solid spread of the "nation-state model as political norm of order".

Non Human fathers.

For some animals, it is the fathers who take care of the young.

  • Darwin’s Frog (Rhinoderma Darwini) fathers carry eggs in the vocal pouch.
  • Most male waterfowls are very protective in raising their offspring, sharing scout duties with the female. Examples are the geese, swans, gulls, loons, and a few species of ducks. When the families of most of these waterfowls travel, they usually travel in a line and the fathers are usually the ones guarding the offspring at the end of the line while the mothers lead the way.
  • The female seahorse (hippocampus) deposits eggs into the pouch on the male’s abdomen. The male releases sperm into the pouch, fertilizing the eggs. The embryos develop within the male’s pouch, nourished by their individual yolk sacs.
  • Male Emperor Penguins alone incubate their eggs; females do no incubation. Rather than building a nest, each male protects his egg by balancing it on the tops of his feet, enclosed in a special brood pouch. Once the eggs are hatched however, the females will rejoin the family.
  • Male beavers secure their offspring along with the females during their first few hours of their lives. As the young beavers mature, their fathers will teach them how to search for materials to build and repair their own dams, before they disperse to find their own mates.
  • Wolf fathers help feed, protect, and play with their pups. In some cases, several generations of wolves live in the pack, giving pups the care of grandparents, aunts/uncles, and siblings, in addition to parents. The father wolf is also the one who does most of the hunting when the females are securing their newborn pups.
  • Dolphin fathers help in the care of the young. Newborns are held on the surface of the water by both parents until they are ready to swim on their own.
  • A number of bird species have active, caring fathers who assist the mothers, such as the waterfowls mentioned above.
  • Apart from humans, fathers in few primate species care for their young. Those that do are tarmarines marmosets. Particularly strong care is also shown by siamangs where fathers carry infants after their second year. In titi and owl monkeys fathers carry their infants 90% of the time with "titi monkey infants developing a preference for their fathers over their mothers". Silverback gorillas have fewer roles in the families but most of them serve as an extra protecting the families from harm and sometimes approaching enemies to distract them so that his family can escape unnoticed.

Many species, though, display little or no paternal role in caring for offspring. The male leaves the female soon after mating and long before any offspring are born. It is the females who must do all the work of caring for the young.

  • A male bear leaves the female shortly after mating and will kill and sometimes eat any bear cub he comes across, even if the cub is his. Bear mothers spend much of their cubs’ early life protecting them from males. (Many artistic works, such as advertisements and cartoons, depict kindly "papa bears" when this is the exact opposite of reality.)
  • Domesticated dog fathers’ show little interest in their offspring and unlike wolves, are not monogamous with their mates and are thus likely to leave them after mating.
  • Male lions will tolerate cubs, but only allow them to eat meat from dead prey after they have had their fill. Few are quite cruel towards their young and may hurt or kill them with little provocation. A male who kills another male to take control of his pride will also usually kill any cubs belonging to that competing male. However, it is also the males who are responsible for guarding the pride while the females hunt. It should also be noted however that the male lions are the only felines that actually have a role in fatherhood.
  • Male rabbits generally tolerate kits but unlike the females, they often show little interest in the kits and are known to play rough with their offspring’s when they are mature, especially towards their sons. This behaviour, however, may also be part of an instinct to drive the young males away in order to prevent incest matings between the siblings. The females will eventually disperse from the warren as soon as they mature but the father does not drive them off like he normally does to the males.
  • Horse stallions have little to no role in parenting, nor are they monogamous with their mates. They will tolerate foals to a certain extent, but because of their aggressive stallion nature, they are generally annoyed by the energetic exuberance of foals, and may hurt or even kill foals. Thus, stud stallions are not kept in the same pen as their foals or other mares.

Finally, in some species neither the father nor the mother provides any care

  • This is true for most insects and fish.

What determines parenthood?

Since Roman times fatherhood has been determined with this famous sentence: Mater semper certa; pater est quem nuptiae demonstrant ("The [identity of the] mother is always certain; the father is whom the marriage vows indicate"). The historical approach has been destabilized with the recent emergence of accurate scientific testing, particularly DNA testing. As a result, the law on fatherhood is undergoing rapid changes.

Like mothers, human fathers may be categorized according to their biological, social or legal relationship with the child. Historically, the biological relationship paternity has been determinative of fatherhood. However, proof of paternity has been intrinsically problematic and so social rules often determined who would be regarded as a father, e.g. the husband of the mother.

An individual who is a genetic chimera could theoretically have more than one biological father. No example of this has been reported but human chimeras were unknown to exist until recently and scientists are currently uncertain as to the extent of chimerism within the human population.

The most familiar English terms for father include dad, daddy, papa, pop and pa, etc. Other colloquial expressions include my old man. In Africa it’s mostly baba, Tate etc.

The key is inspiration.

For something good and great that you want to accomplish in your life to happen, you always need some inspiration. A great source of inspiration will bring the power to keep you moving towards your goals. Conversely, when we are without any inspiration, accomplishing anything may seem hard, boring and dull, and we do not take joy in what we are doing.
Inspiration is very important because it helps your mind stay positive and focused on the bigger picture. Often we think we are in command of our minds and what we think, but even a brief analysis of our attitudes might show us another story: that our minds limiting beliefs act as a major obstacle to our growth.
Our mind can sometimes be unstable and prone to doubt, moving from one thought to another at any time. Often when you feel a deep inner longing to achieve something, the mind is the first to go along with it, attracted by the “newness” factor. However, when things get heavy and start to experience difficulties in fulfilling your purpose, the mind is usually the first to abandon ship! By combining external sources of inspiration in your life, you help your mind to “see the forest for the trees” and therefore achieving your goals.
Sometimes the process of bringing purpose and meaning in your life means you must take a bold step into uncharted territory for you and most of the people around you. You begin to explore options beyond the nine-to-five cycles of eating, working and sleeping and start to find your way to a deeper sense of self. Some people around you might not be interested in reaching their full potential as you are, it can be very easy to feel like you are in this alone, and can make a question if you really do the right thing. That’s why surrounding yourself with reading inspired stories and inspiring individuals is very important because it allows you to see what other people have done in their lives. If they have come to achieve their goals, then why not you? We all have the same potential!
As a mind sometimes gets bored of new things, it is a good idea to look for new ways to keep your
inspiration level high such as;
The presence of the like minded individuals close by may help you can guarantee that if an individual in the group do not feel very inspired, someone else will, and that inspiration acts as a pick-me-up tonic to those in the group. In addition, together you function as a valuable source of fresh ideas, when someone finds something that works for them, then he can share that with others.
Always keeping that sense of newness in what you do is important. For example, to keep my practice of meditation exciting and inspiring, I will often include a piece of new music in my morning routine, or redecorate my meditation space.

Improving yourself.

Self improvement is a process, whose stimulus is usually past failure, an unwanted experience like living from one pay Cherye to another with no extra money to spend, bad lifestyles like being overweight, lack of self confidence or gambling, loss of a loved one, or an end to a relationship. The result is an improvement of your life, taking control, getting your life back to normal or creating the future you want. To put it in another way, getting the best out of yourself.
In order for someone to help themselves improve, they must first of all identify areas that need improvement in their lives, health, relationships, prosperity or whatever. There is also need to understand who they are, their capabilities, weaknesses and uniqueness and be honest about it. It will be useful to state these in writing and regularly refer to them so they remain focused.
Another important area to point out is for them to identify how they think they will be able to achieve their goal. So, a written action plan should then be put in place. This is achieved by self enrichment of their mind, character and attitude. It requires effort, patience, perseverance and commitment and this change does not come easily. Self-improvement e-books, home training programs or life coaches are available online if one thinks they really need someone to help support them.
Self enrichment of mind, character and attitude are done by
continuously exercising your mind with positive thinking. This is when one repeatedly tells himself or herself that they are just as good as anyone, can get better and can achieve anything in life. While this sounds easy, is the most difficult and yet a very important part of self improvement. This is so because of the way we have been raised, who we are, our values and beliefs. It is also the constant conflict with the subconscious mind that needs to be kept in check if one is going to achieve their goal of self improvement.
Another important area is goal setting. It is necessary that you start with short term, simple, easily achievable goals, possibly in a day, before you set big goals that will take you a while to achieve. Setting huge goals that take a while to see results usually bring in procrastination. To stay motivated, it is necessary that you set simple goals first.
Setting a routine and self discipline are the other skills required in achieving self improvement. These can not be emphasized enough as they have a huge impact on your success. Results can only be seen when you stick to them and they help you stay motivated as well. Identifying self defeating behaviors like doubting your own ability to achieve, the “I can not do this or this is for the rich” and addressing them permanently is also important. Rewarding yourself is also important when you have achieved even the simplest of your set goals. It will help you stay motivated.
It is worth noting also that self improvement is not an overnight thing but a process as already stated so stick with it, be faithful to yourself and remember, it is alright to slide back a bit. As long as you realize that you are falling behind and pick yourself up again, you will be able to achieve your goal of self improvement. Looking to improve yourself, then claim your life back and create the future you want

Consultant: Herbert Mtowo
http://www.herbertmtowo.wordpress.com
http://www.ultdream.wordpress.com
Mobile S.A +27798665049
Telephone: S.A + 2712320 5869
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Skype name: hmtowo

Casual Sex – Incomplete Sex -is it really worth it.?

Casual Sex – Incomplete Sex -is it really worth it.?

Sex is the highest level of intimacy that you can have with someone, at least it should be. When it’s not, it’s being misused. In short, casual sex is a misuse of sex. When individuals are having casual sex they are usually engaging in sexual activity outside of the context of a romantic relationship, in the absence of emotional attachment or love. It refers to extramarital sex, one-time encounters, and sex in a casual relationship, which is a physical (and can be emotional) relationship that lacks romance and often monogamy. It is usually intended to only be for a limited time. In all of these cases, something is missing that makes sex what it should be; what it’s meant to be. Sad sex has been commercialized and really cheapened by our generation.

Ultimately, whether the individual is consciously aware of it or not, this has a negative effect on them; their ability to trust and their ability to connect with others, including the individual who they "casually" had sex with. This is because they are in "fear mode", even if they don’t realize it. This is the case, especially for those having frequent one-time encounters. Among short-term and long-term emotional complications, there are many other after-effects from this use of sex.

Sex has a much more divine purpose than simply having an orgasm or serving as a mere means to relieve stress. You could say that sex has needs, too. When its needs are not met, but rather, abused by people, there are inevitable consequences inflicted upon them. Similar to a drug, casual sex causes addiction. Like a drug, casual sex is often exciting, with elements of fear, adventure, and unlimited possibilities. It’s enticing and delivers immediate gratification, but, the fulfillment is false and the problem is not always easy to fix. The only way to get past this cycle is to get rid of what’s causing the wheel to keep turning. Most often, for men and women the culprit is fear of intimacy. Individuals may claim that they don’t want intimacy, that they just want the feeling that unattached sex has to offer, and that’s why they have it.

However, the deeper they are consumed by this "drug" the stronger their heart desires the intimacy, and the more intense their fear of it gets. Results are internal conflict and damaging emotional effects. What these individuals may fail to realize is that sex is not just a physical act. "Sex releases brain chemicals called neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin that give us intense feelings of euphoria. Also released in the brain are chemicals that regulate feelings of emotional attachment. These chemicals are vasopressin and oxytocin") In other words, there is no way for you to get around the natural process that sex produces, and that process is attaching and bonding you to that person. Casual sex suppresses this process resulting in abnormal outcomes, such as addiction, depression, and distress to name a few.

Think of it as constantly ignoring that you are in love with someone. If you are having casual sex with multiple people, think of it as you are constantly ignoring that you are in love with each person as you go along. Now, don’t you think this would have some type of emotionally draining effect on you, at some point? To make matters worse, imagine when you finally meet someone, someone whom you have a true interest to build a relationship with; a relationship based off of more than just sex. How will you be emotionally stable enough to make such a thing succeed? If a person has multiple sex partners, this will lower their level of oxytocin and inhibit their ability to bond with future partners (possibly one whom they are ready to "settle down with )

In conclusion, casual sex is nothing short of a problem that needs to be fixed. Many will contest that this is all easier said than done. Plus, like any addiction, the cycle of casual sex can be difficult to break. The first step is learning how the mind and body work. You need to understand yourself before you can make it do something. You may think you are satisfying yourself, but, if you learned that you were actually hurting yourself, wouldn’t you try and correct your wrongdoings?

Sex is meant to elevate the harmony of the body, mind and spirit, amongst its many other divine abilities. Too often, casual sex defies this law of nature. What casual sex lacks is the spirit; the romance. Besides, the temporary highs that casual sex gives are in no comparison to sex with this main ingredient. One has to compare how much immediate gratification they are getting from casual sex to the amount of long term and underling deprivation they are creating for themselves with casual sex. In essence, all the casual sex in the world will not equal to the bliss of completed sex.