Don’t be a captive of pain and hurts-
Forgive. Part 2
Many of us may wonder…if pain hurts so bad, why do we always hear about it being a positive force in our lives? While in the midst of our sadness, grieving, or disappointment, the overwhelming feelings make it hard to imagine that our pain has a greater purpose. But there is always a universal intention and a lesson to be learned from every challenge we face in life. Something good always rises out of something bad. We evolve our soul through hardships. All the positivity of life, like love, hope, and faith, would not exist without it. Suffering is essentially life’s gift; it brings us knowledge, strength, compassion, and understanding. When we are brought to our knees, we develop a closer relationship with God, the Universe, or a Supreme Being. Through the trust we develop with that spiritual relationship, there are never challenges we can’t face and overcome. “The Tao Te Ching (Dao De Jing),” a philosophical book of Chinese thought says: When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.” The truth is, when we allow ourselves to feel the feelings associated with pain, we can more easily recognize the messages of love and healing that will come through for us. When we face pain with acceptance, we trust that we’ll be led through it, and then out of it. Learning to face pain makes us stronger, more resilient, and better equipped to manage other adversity. From suffering we develop compassion; the insight we gain can be used to help others. In these ways our pain becomes something positive; a beacon of light in someone’s darkness, the reaching out of our hand and our heart towards someone who is hurting. In helping others to heal, we gain self-worth that assists us in our own healing process. And when we have healthy coping skills we can give our children a jump in life by teaching them how to best deal with the ups and downs they will inevitably face.
There is a great deal of fear involved in the process of letting go. How does one get past it? Professional therapy is a great place to start, in my opinion, because talking about our feelings helps us to understand them. Change can be terrifying, even when we truly desire it. It helps to have an expert guide us through the difficult process and to create an awareness of our self-defeating patterns. But however one chooses to do it; the first step in any healing process is acknowledging that a problem exists and desiring change. Healing is easier when we think of clinging to our pain as self sabotage; we are only hurting ourselves when we do this.
We should examine our triggers such as: negative attitudes and judgments, hot button issues, and areas of resistance. These are obvious indicators of an underlying problem, red flags marking the spots where we should begin excavating our buried feelings.
Allow yourself to imagine bundling up all the negative energy expended in suffering, and channeling it into a positive, purposeful future. Picture a brand new life, free of those burdens; the peace that will replace the distraction of negative memories. Visualize a new identity to replace the old one; a courageous self that can experience pain in a healthy way.
Change does not happen overnight. Take it one step at a time, letting go is a process. And letting go doesn’t mean becoming emotionless in regard to a traumatic event; it means giving up the torture we associate with our emotions in regard to a painful event. Change is about acceptance of our feelings. Acceptance does not mean approval; we can accept something but not approve of it. We never want to deny our emotions and feelings; they are what make us real, what make us loving and compassionate. The goal is being able to feel our emotions without tormenting ourselves, hanging on to them, or acting out. Try to isolate an event; acknowledge one traumatic memory that has held you hostage, whether it happened in childhood, last year, or last month. Honor that it was a real and significant event in your life. Reflect on the knowledge and understanding gained from having lived through that experience. The goal is to learn from it, not live in it. Assure yourself, with your rational mind, that this event was in the past, it was only one chapter in the story of your life; your feelings are safe now. Then, when you are ready, gently let go. Allow the pain to emerge from the deep recesses inside you. Grant your emotions the freedom to rise to the surface without blocking or judging. When the peak intensity of our emotions rises to the forefront of our consciousness, a healing will occur. Don’t be discouraged if nothing initially comes up. It took time to block the energy and it may take time to free it. Even if you don’t get the immediate result you hoped for, be proud of the courage it took to look your demon in the eye. You have faced your fear, opened up the flood gates; the release will come. It will be well worth the effort…when you finally liberate your pain, you will liberate yourself. The harbored thoughts were a poison…catharsis from the pain is the emotional detox.
What will life be like when we are no longer defined by our pain? Feeling pain means feeling human. Our experiences will always be a part of us, but every day will progressively bring forth an
enthusiastic new beginning with more energy, clarity, and peace of mind. With this clarity we can view life as a place of infinite possibilities, appreciate the countless blessings being offered to us, and see all the miracles occurring around us. Our hearts will know that we will be okay, regardless of the intensity of the difficulty, or how the situation turns out. Our relationships with others will benefit because we learn to discuss our feelings and then move on from disagreements; not hang on to resentments. We will live with intent, and acknowledge our power, view challenges as hopeful opportunities; expand our outlook and stretch our comfort zones. The confidence gained from the hindsight of positive outcomes will keep us moving forward, wanting more for ourselves than we have ever allowed or felt worthy of in the past. And our pride will come in knowing that we hold the power over pain, not the other way around.
In Closing: The purpose of this entire article is to offer
introspection and promote healing. We all have “aha” moments that alter the course of our lives. My wake-up call came when at a stage in my life was when death hit the family so hard, personal tragedies, engulfed me from left right and center. I may have continued to accept a life riddled with pain and dysfunction for me, but I refused to allow it to impact my future and focus. That meant one thing…I had to change. I had to find meaning and purpose in my life so that I could teach it to others too. I don’t want people to ever suffer the way I did. It is my sincere hope that you will find your own “aha” moments, whether through my writings and seminars or elsewhere, that will spark a similar, profound change in your life. That’s I say I have been taught and schooled by pain.
My life reads like an action movie script, pain I have realized is easier talked about but a very difficult companion to be with. I know what it is to be molested when growing up, to be scandalized, I have seen it all, but I look back and say it was all worthy the school and the knowledge to go through all these I went through, and now God has turned the same broken pieces of life to inspire millions. I recently had a wonderful email from someone in ,South Africa who is a member of Jordan Touch Communications, who shared with me something very personal and profound. After having gone through difficulties in relationships, man wanting just to take advantage of her, she said to me,” Herbert, I just want to say thank you for having walked with me this long, God has finally given me a man of my dreams” Not disclosing nothing about her,, that swept me off my feet with joy, having known what she went through, as she hoped and longed for God`s time. Congratulations my dear, delay doesn’t mean denial.