It’s never easy to let go. (Based on real life story)


I was hesitant to post this out of fear. Fear of what people will think of me. Fear someone will know me. But I need help. I have been married for over 15 years. My marriage has always been what feels like a roller coaster with many ups and downs, high high’s and low low’s. My husband and I have always had a very difficult time communicating. We are aware of this. We have sought counseling together and as individuals. It has helped temporarily, but then we fall back on our old ways. We never seem to stay in it for the long haul.

About three years ago things got very bad. My Husband and I were fighting non stop. It got to be too much and he left. I have some very bad habits. Things I learned from my up bringing. I can be mean spirited, angry, and unreasonable when I am hurt or mad. My husband was gone for one night and then came back. It only took a few weeks before things got bad again and he left again. This time for 3 months. During this time we did a lot of soul searching. I came to understand how much I hurt my husband with my anger and verbal attacks. I made a commitment to change. I sought counseling, did research, read books. I am proud to say I have really changed my attitude, how I react, and my overall spirit. I understand a little more why i was doing these things and have a better handle on how to recognize my triggers and how to keep myself under control. I know I have a long journey but I am committed to being a better more stable person.

I am also a very jealous person. I am insecure. I have been working on this trait as well; however this is a major struggle for me. I haven’t been able to get this under control. One of the main problems my husband and I have not been able to get past involves a third party. Not long after my husband and I were married be had a flirtatious relationship with a co-worker. He hid this from me, however, eventually he told me about it after I confronted him. He told me he could have slept with her if he wanted, but he chose not too. I was devastated. It took years for me to get over this. I felt betrayed by him. I was so hurt. But I finally got past it.

Now I am going through it again. When my husband left the second time he developed a friendship with a much younger single coworker. He would meet her late at night alone. They would talk for hours. When I found out through a different friend he denied it. It took him 3 months to finally admit it. During this time we were in marriage counseling and he even lied and denied it there! When he finally admitted he was talking to her, he told me he had lied because he knew I wouldn’t like it, because I am so jealous, and he didn’t want to deal with my anger. He was right. I am incredibly jealous of this woman. She is young, beautiful, and I am very threatened by her. What hurts me the most is he confided some very personal things to her about me and about our marriage. When he told her these things he had only known her a few months yet bared his soul and told her some very intimate things. When I asked him if he was attracted to her he said yes. When I asked him if he thought he could be friends with someone he was attracted to he said yes. I am very very hurt by all this. I asked my husband if he was having an affair with her and he said no. I told him it felt like an emotional affair. He became very upset with me and said he was not having any kind of affair with her. He has since told me he only discusses business with her, that he has stopped talking about personal things, but I don’t believe him. Occasionally a comment he makes tells me otherwise.

Fast forward 3 years and we are still in the same terrible place. I still don’t trust my husband. He still sees this woman on a daily basis, still works very closely with her, is in constant contact with her at work through phone calls, emails, texts??, I’m not sure. I have told him how uncomfortable I am with them working together but he says I need to get over it. I have tried over and over unsuccessfully to “get over it”. My husband and I fight about this issue all the time. I think about her all the time. I wonder what they are doing. I have told my husband I need for him to be transparent with me. I have asked him to be trustworthy. But he doesn’t like to have discussions about emotional things. He backs away when I bring it up. When I ask about her, he gets defensive and tells me I am “accusing” him of something. I need to talk about it!

I have worked so hard to overcome my many faults. Now I feel like all the hard work I have done to change my attitude, myself, to become a better person is in danger of disappearing. I don’t want to be a jealous crazy wife. I want to be able to trust my husband. I desperately want a healthy marriage.
How do I let go of all this garbage that is taking over my soul? How do I get out of this place? Is my marriage unfixable?

Beauty and the Breast

By Herbert Mtowo

What is it about a woman’s breasts that make them so special? Is it perhaps the fact that as a baby we found in them comfort, satisfaction and security? It is difficult to tell, but the fact still remains. Song of Solomon 8:10 I [am] a wall, and my breasts like towers: then was I in his eyes as one that found favor. Proverbs 5:18 let your fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of your youth. Like a loving deer and a graceful roe; let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and be intoxicated always with her love.

 

There is a power in the breasts that affects any man. Why is it then that many women, as they mature and their breasts begin to show, tend to hide them away instead of showing them forth proudly? Is it a sinful thing for a woman to display the assets that the Lord has given to her? Certainly to do so in a way that stirs up lust and wrong desires in a man is not something a Christian woman should be doing. For a married woman this part of her body is reserved especially for her husband. But for the single woman, it is one of her greatest beauty assets, and a shapely figure which displays the curves of her breasts is one thing that will surely draw attention from members of the opposite sex. It is the way God made us.

For those who are married, you should never try to put down the importance of the woman’s breasts. And as a wife you should not see your husband’s desire to fondle or caress your breasts as something simple. It is a very profound thing. This act alone, like kissing, can bring a unity between a husband and wife in an almost magical way. If done correctly in tender love, it can be a very satisfying experience which greatly heightens your love making. For a man, the very act of caressing his wife’s breast can bring forth a deep satisfaction that can melt away his cares and make him feel like a little baby again, resting securely in his mother’s arms. It touches a deep need that many other things cannot do. And it can take place without a word being said.

For a woman, there can be both a sensation of pleasure if her breasts are sensitive to being stimulated, and a sense of intimacy. When a woman lies in her husband’s arms as he caresses her, she can experience a sense of protection and belonging, as she lies securely in his arms. The woman in the Song of Solomon expresses her delight at this experience in the following verses: Song of Solomon 2:6 His left hand [is] under my head and his right hand embraces me. Song of Solomon 8:3 His left hand [should be] under my head, and his right hand should embrace me. But the passage that expresses clearest the effect that this has on the man is the one that says: “be intoxicated always with her love.”

This wonderful part of love making is better than getting high on alcohol. And it is something that a husband and wife should be enjoying frequently. For many men, the experience is one of having an occasional sip of wine. This will never ever get you to a place of being intoxicated. For many women, it is an uncomfortable experience, because they feel ‘used’ by their husbands instead of loved. Why not learn to flow together in this. Imagine the wonderful experience if you both consider each other. The man is tender and loving as he caresses and fondles the breasts of his wife. The wife allows herself to bask in the pleasure of his touch. As you do this together you will learn to meet each other’s needs in a special way that will draw you closer to each other than ever How often should you do it?  Whenever you desire – as long as you are not in public, or you might draw the wrong attention.

The Power of a Kiss


Herbert Mtowo

The young lovers who walk around holding hands, giving each other a hug, and every now and then stopping to kiss briefly. Perhaps such signs of public affection make you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps you have forgotten how wonderful it was to be in love for the first time. Song of Solomon 1:2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for your love [is] better than wine. Song of Solomon 4:11 your lips, O [my] bride, drop [as] the honeycomb: honey and milk [are] under your tongue; and the fragrance of your garments [is] like the smell of Lebanon. You see them everywhere.

The question I would like to ask you now is this: “How often do you and your spouse kiss each day?” Do you give a quick goodbye kiss in the morning? A hello kiss when he gets home in the evening? The second question I would like to ask is: “What kind of kisses do you give each other?” Are they just a quick pressing of the lips together, or is there a greater interaction between you when you join your lips? Does that kiss still excite you and send shivers down your spine?  Does it still make you feel like you are floating on the clouds? Solomon told us here in the Song of Solomon that kisses are better than wine. Well what is so good about wine? It is not only the smooth, sweet taste of a good wine that you enjoy, but the wonderful feeling it gives you as the contents get into your blood. When is the last time you got “high” on the kisses of the one you love? Do you spend time expressing your love in this way until you begin to feel light headed? How should you kiss? What is the right way to do it? Do you have to ‘get it right’ to show what a wonderful lover you are?

The maiden in the passage above simply says that she loves the kisses of the mouth of her lover. They make her high like wine, only much better. Does this give you the impression of a quick peck on the lips?  It sounds to me like a whole lot of kisses repeated over and over until the emotions soar. The man expresses his impressions in more detail. He says that her lips are like honeycomb. Have you ever tried to eat honey from the comb? You have to really suck it out if you do not want to chew the wax. But he describes her lips like honeycomb dripping with honey, and then he also describes her tongue as having milk and honey under it.

So here it is then folks. Scriptural proof that “French kissing” which involves using the tongue while kissing has been around for some time, and is even in the Bible. Then it seems the man was also turned on by the smell of his wife’s perfume, because he spoke about the smell of her garments. So if you want to impress your husband, it seems that a good open mouth and nice perfume are all he needs to get high on your love. What does the woman want from her man?  Some real tenderness expressed in loving kisses from his mouth. There are some other things also which help, but we will talk about that another time. We will be looking at a lot more from the Song of Solomon, and perhaps you will be stirred to really experience the fullness of the passion and physical love that the Lord has created for you in marriage.

But for today, why not try just this one simple little thing: Kiss your spouse more often. There is an old expression that says “actions speak louder than words”.  One of the most powerful actions you can carry out to express your love and to tell your husband or wife that you love them, is to be found in this simple act. Get kissing more today. It will change your marriage.