About this time my husband has moved out and I really almost had an emotional breakdown. Everything he took with him left a gaping hole where things had once been. Our home did not feel like a home and our kids were so affected (another fuel to my anger) and hurt and sad. My husband’s blinders were on so tight he wouldn’t even talk to me about their pain. He was still very much a part of their lives but he would not talk about what was happening to them (the guilt was too overwhelming to do so). Emotions were off limits and he tried to pretend that things would get better with time.
At this time I’m starting my stand. I put my ring back on and I laid my husband at the foot of the cross and took my hands off him. I knew God would bring him home, not me or my attempts to guilt him into waking up. I was reading my bible and praying throughout the day and even praying and sharing with our children that God would restore our family and that they’d witness the power of prayer. I went back to everyone I had ever said anything negative to about my spouse and told them to pray for us and him and that God was going to do a miracle. I decided to not listen to what the world says which is “move on, you deserve someone else, people can’t change unless they want to” and listen to God and trust Him that He’d touch my husband and heal him.
God gave me so many signs to keep standing. On rejoice ministries people talk of seeing a COVENANT truck as a sign of encouragement to stand for their covenant spouse. I looked up the company and realized I’d never see one as they don’t travel through my area. It was about 2 weeks later when I saw a red truck pulling a long white trailer. I was waiting to turn right at a corner and they were turning left ever so slowly. I was annoyed. I had to wait for this longgggggggg Ford truck to turn pulling this longgggggggg white trailer. When they finally got fully around I pulled behind them at the light. I burst out laughing out loud; the back of the trailer was completely bare with nothing on it but the word COVENANT at the bottom. I just put my hands up and praised God for the sign.
Every time I saw my spouse I was hoping to see his ring back on. I never did. He was polite but kept his distance when around me. I noticed new clothing, a new style of dress. He often would not meet my eyes and would come over and leave so quickly at times. Other times he’d take 20 minutes to get out the door. I always thought it was because he was thinking of asking to have something else to take out of the house. Now I know otherwise.
A letter came in the mail – he had withdrawn money from his 401k. I was LIVID! I wanted to pick up the phone and confront him because I didn’t know if we were going to divorce and that 401k money was partly mine legally but God placed it on my heart TO BE STILL so I kept quiet. Father’s Day was coming. I didn’t know what to do. He had the kids for the weekend so I prayed about giving him a card. God gave me peace about doing so and so I put his card in one of the kids’ overnight bags. He contacted me and said thank you for the card. I was shocked. I was going to church that Sunday and asked if he wanted to meet me there with the kids. He agreed. DOUBLE SHOCKED. He came to church with the kids and wow, when God wants to get a message to you he will get it to you. The sermon was on THE PRODIGAL SON and they speaker spoke about how there are so many prodigals out there. Children who have left their homes to run away and FATHERS & MOTHERS WHO HAVE LEFT THEIR FAMILIES TO PURSUE SEXUAL IMMORALITY. WOW talk about an uncomfortable service! LOL my husband was sitting next to me, we looked like a happy family if you didn’t know what was going on but he was fidgeting the entire time.
I invited him over for 4th of July. He declined and sent me a visitation schedule for the month and said maybe this would help make a smooth transition so we’d have less contact. My heart sank. Because of the kids we had a lot of contact, now it seemed we would not. I still knew God would do what he wanted to do. Our 16th anniversary came and the Holy Spirit told me “get him a card” I prayed for God to help me find the perfect card and have never looked so hard for one in all my life. I think I visited 3 Hallmark stores and went to 2 different Targets and a Papyrus! LOL I finally found the “perfect card” and when I went to check-out, the cashier read the card, I remember thinking “how RUDE!” and then she said “wow this is the perfect card!” Wow, thank you God for confirming that for me.
I sent him a text and asked if he could meet me in the parking lot of his apartment and gave him the card. He had nothing for me but I had prayed that God would send 10 prodigals home in lieu of my spouse having something for me for our anniversary. About 20 min later he sent me a text and said Happy Anniversary <insert his pet name for me>. Thank you, I didn’t forget. A week later he asked me out.
It’s been almost 7m now since that date and slowly but surely things are coming out. My H often says “I think back to last summer and I just shake my head.” I even asked him once something he said that was particularly painful and he said ‘I said that? When?”, It’s like he doesn’t even remember which fortifies what they say at Rejoice Ministries, Satan is their mouthpiece when they’re in sin.
My H as told me about 3 times a week (it was every day at first) “thank you for standing in the gap” and “I’m so glad I’m home.” He said he had no peace and there was a constant chatter in his head. I asked him when he knew he should be at home and he said “as soon as I left but I was too prideful to return right away.” Just recently (and I might have shared this in another post) he said “I am so sorry I fell prey to the deceit of believing what I had with someone else I didn’t have with you. It took me hitting the ground off the slippery slope to realize I already had that x100.” Wow.
God wants to speak to you. He won’t tell you EVERYTHING because His ways are not our ways but He will give you insight. I remember when my spouse was gone, the Holy Spirit told me, “he will not return longing or craving or missing the other person but he will return full of guilt and shame.” I almost fell out of my chair one day when my husband said out the blue, “I hope you know I’m not missing craving or longing to be with. And oh boy did he have shame. I think the first 60 days he sat around the house like a deer in headlights. He looked shell shocked. It was heartbreaking to see.
I share this not to brag, oh no. Not at all. I pray no one feels that way. I share this because I know this is a testimony for others to gain strength from and stand just the way others testimonies have done for me. My testimony does not match theirs and yours will not match mine. It will be unique and different so it will reach people who need to hear what you went through. I can honestly say with all my heart I would go back to day one just to get where I am with God now. I was a Christian before but I was a baby Christian. I did not know God’s word; I did not really know what God could or would do. I did not know God would speak to me. I did not really know that God has a plan for me even in the midst of my pain and confusion. That he would work out all the kinks and straighten it all out. Not in my timing and not my way but in His way and his way is PERFECT.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. … Jeremiah 29:11
I pray this testimony will be a blessing to someone. I leave you with my favorite scripture Proverbs 3:5-7 and a prayer I prayed every day because I wanted God to fight this battle for me in the spiritual realm: Psalm 35.
Also Google “marriage restoration prayers” there are many out there already written up that you can pray with your spouses name in them with scripture. Pray Hosea 2:6 over your spouses caught in the deception of adultery. Ask God to strengthen the hedge and to bound God’s commandments around their neck and write it in their hearts. To watch over them when they’re sleeping and guide them during the day. Trust and know God is doing it. He goes after his lost sheep and who is more lost than a prodigal spouse?
1 Peter 5:8 says: “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” He wants to devour families and marriages. Stand alert! Put on the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) over yourself, your spouse and your children.
Blessings to you all. Sorry this is so long.