WOUNDS FROM OUR PAST.

HERBERT MTOWO

By J Ibaroza

We were hurt and we indirectly inflict the pain on people around us. Even the best amongst us have old wounds to heal. It is impossible to go through life without being emotionally wounded, and deliberately or not, inflict such wounds to the people we love as well. We all are a being of hidden pains, scarred spirits, and disillusionment. Some are abused as a child- physically and emotionally. Others got their wounds from friends- and on certain occasions, via circumstances.

Pain masked by life’s aging process is all a common terrain. Like the palm of our hand, we are all too familiar with it. Yes, we learn to manage our pain. We became good at hiding our feelings. But old wounds resurfacing can deliver more harm than we may acknowledge for it can be expressed indirectly. An abusive parent is the kind of parent who suffers abuse in childhood, and though they love their children, the early trauma they had in life indirectly manifest in their child rearing ability. They became the reflection of their abusive parents without clearly being aware of it.

The jealous, over-possessive partner has the problems root cause (and not coming into terms) with the lack of love and nurturing that they should had received in childhood. The bully personality can be the most insecure of all for they hide life’s shortcomings under the cloak of false strength and virtue and obscuring the world for what they really are- a person with less confidence. The boss from hell has some issues of old wounds to get over with.

Grief, resentment, guilt, anger, bitterness, sarcasm. We insensitively make biting comments without caring for the impact they have on other people. We were hurt and we indirectly inflict the pain on people around us thus proving that past hidden pain (may) still makes a dent to the present life we were living. We may had gone through the healing process and acknowledge the emotional scar it leaves.

And healing was never an instant process. It is not an overnight process. It does allow us enough time to be aware of the issue and reassess how much of the wound is expressed in an indirect way. It delivers the idea of how much we want to live life with joy. We cannot rewrite the past, but we can make a better chart of our future. Without nurturing the pain, old wounds do heal with time. There will be scars- only to be a bitter reminder of the past and should inspire us to strive on becoming a better person.

Life is never meant to be perfect and a deep old wounds nemesis is forgiveness. Forgive yourself, forgive the people that inflict pain on you, and thoroughly forgive the past. Life is all about moving forward and not the other way around. Learn from the past and not live on it.

 

TRUE LOVE –FINAL PART.

Herbert P Mtowo

BY HERBERT MTOWO

Walls have openings.

Loneliness is a very painful thing. So eventually, we all come to a place where we cannot hide any more. The walls are great, but you must let someone in if you want to be loved. So as you grew from a tiny baby and became more aware of others, you began to make some changes to your walls.

It might have taken a while for you to know whom you could trust. But as soon as you found someone who you knew would not harm you, your walls started to come down. You learned how to create doorways in those walls. Doorways that you kept closed and opened only to those whom you could trust. Now you began to develop a love experience that was conditional. No longer did you love freely as you started out doing. But you found that you could make a choice. You could open your heart to some people, and you closed your heart to others. After a period of time, you became aware of brother and sisters, or of other children like yourself. You wanted them to accept you, so you opened your heart to them. And if your mother was kind and caring, and you had not built up many walls, you probably were too open and trusting.

It takes only a few painful experiences to know whom you can trust. Then your walls become fixed in place, and you choose which doors you will open. It all sounds complicated now as you think with an adult mind. But as a child it was simple really. If you had few bad experiences, then you probably trusted everyone, and only put up walls to those who hurt you. But as you began to grow and experience more about life in this world, it probably grew worse. You probably found that in the end you put up walls to everybody, and you only opened the doors to those who did NOT hurt you. This is often how most of us grow up, with little trust for others

The Rooms of the House

Time is a wonderful classroom, and experience brings knowledge. As you continued to grow and mature, your choices started to become better defined. No longer were there simply those whom you could love and those whom you could not love. Now amongst those whom you allowed through the walls, you saw some that you loved more than others. As a baby, your whole world was built around your mother. Then you noticed someone who was a kind of ‘assistant mother’. You eventually discovered that you also had a father.

Next came brothers and sisters, and after that followed relatives and family friends. The circle continued to widen more and more, until you had formed a circle of people whom you knew fairly well. As time progressed this circle began to expand as more and more people were added to it. And eventually you had a lot of people whom you allowed to have an open door into your life. But they were not all equal. Some of these, you trusted more and loved more. Others you kept a little distance from you, because you did not know them in the same way. Your experiences caused you to form several circles within that inner circle, made up of those whom you trusted and whom you were prepared to trust with your heart.

Not only was your love unconditional, but it also became inconsistent. You could not love everyone in the same way. So you began to form some extra walls within the outer walls of your house. You built different rooms in your house and you decided who would be allowed into each room.

In a normal house, there are many different kinds of room. There are rooms into which most visitors have free access, like the living room. Some might be more restricted, like the kitchen and bathroom. Others are given limited access, like the study and the bedroom. Some like the basement or attic, might never be shown to most visitors. You built the house of your life just like this. You formed places in your heart that were reserved for special people and special occasions. You began to form levels of friendship and different kinds of love for each level. Once again, what started out really simple became complicated.

The One Special Room

There is a unique and special room in the heart of each one of us that most people are not even aware of. It is a room that remains locked for most of your life, and you protect it jealously until the time is right. Then when you finally open that door, it opens to allow only one person in. After that it is kept securely locked again, allowing only one special person through its door.

I would like to call this special room by a name that you will remember and understand. As you think about this, you will soon agree that such a room does exist in your heart. When you see this, some things will suddenly begin to make a lot of sense to you. You will understand right away what has prevented you from loving your husband or wife like you should. This room is called First Love’. Its door was unlocked and opened wide for the first time, when you first experienced what we have come to call, ‘falling in love.’ And when you opened it, you swung it wide for the very first person in this world that you trusted fully, since you were born. It is very important that you understand how this works, because in most cases, the person whom you first allow into that room does not remain there. When you fall in love for the first time, you are usually too immature to realize what is involved. And although you really want the person whom you invited into that room to move in and stay, this does not usually take place.

Probably, one of the most painful love experiences that a person can ever have takes place when First Love fails. And when this happened to you, then you probably locked that door once more. You probably vowed that nobody else would ever walk through that door again. You held onto the key, in the hope that perhaps one day the person who really belonged there would return. Some have since found wonderful, refreshing lovely experiences, most of our first so call first love were just kids play, because we didn’t know jack what this love is all about.

LIFE SURE GOES ON

I am sure that you know exactly what I am talking about. You shut that door and tried to go on living without ever entering that room again. You probably continued to add further rooms to your house, and over time, your choices became very clear. May I say this to you members of Jordan Touch Communications that it was your first love and it failed doesn’t mean it was the end of the world? I can still say today love is a wonderful thing and a great experience, but we bottle up most of the times on what could have been. What we lost most of us, was wish washy love, as we began to get out of the shell we felt the longing to love and to be loved. But hear me and hear me very well, take it from me.

Love is a wonderful thing but don’t go hunting for it, it sure will come your way. Some are hurting, some are regretting, but wait a while; you will love again, and love for real. LOVE IS SUCH A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE, DON’T DESPAIR..