By Sophie Rinaldi

They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results….

If you tend to repeat attitudes and behaviors in relationships, and yet you expect your new relationship to be different from the ones you had, it’s time to stop.

Perform an honest analysis of your pattern behaviors and try to change them. Your desire to love and to be loved, combined with your emotional past, can determine you to make some repetitive mistakes in your relationship.

The fear of losing him, lack of knowledge, the woman’s nature who tends to over accommodate the partner – all these things can determine behavioral mistakes.

Mistake no 1: The woman is wrong when she tries to change her partner.

At first, the woman is attracted by some obvious essential qualities, hoping that her feminine spells and intellectual prowess will help her change the rest of him.

HINT: If you want a cat, don’t get a dog that you’ll train to be a cat. Do not get in a relationship hoping that he will change. Most often this does not happen.

Learn to love or tolerate the aspects that you want to change in him. Have a very honest discussion with yourself and decide if what you love in him it’s enough to help you get over the aspects that he, most likely, will never change.

HINT: Reproaches made, even though based in reality, will erode the romance and the passion. Gradually you will be in a love/hate relationship, addictive and hard to manage.

Mistake no 2: The woman is wrong when asking herself too early what’s the direction of the relationship.

A relationship has its stages of development. The excessive need for security will determine the woman to desire for a rapid evolution of the relationship. Other reasons, unrelated to love, but to various other calculus, can make the woman to want too early a plan for the future.

HINT: Let the relationship blossom by itself, don’t force him to make plans for the future too early in the relationship. When a woman has her own plan for her life, she no longer feels so dependent and doesn’t need anymore for the man to make a plan.

Mistake no 3: The woman is wrong in a relationship when giving up on herself, on her passions, on her sources of vitality and richness.

The temptation is very strong to become totally absorbed in a relationship, especially in its beginnings. You are inclined to do everything with your partner, to give up your hobbies or friends in order to spend time with him.

HINT: Don’t give up on your sources of joy even if, out of jealousy or desire of control, he will ask you to.

Often, a woman will tend to be fulfilled through her man. And men have this particular talent to induce the idea that it is the duty of their women to unconditionally support them.

You can either be a slave in his empire or a queen in your own kingdom. Any kind of independence – emotional, material, intellectual, is very seductive for your partner. Because independence means power, and power is the greatest aphrodisiac.

The pathological absorption in the other one has a weird power of seduction, giving the false illusion of security.

Mistake no 4: The woman is wrong in a relationship hoping and projecting in the future.

What does this mean? To hope that things will resolve by themselves. To hope that the future will bring a magical resolution to the couple’s problems.

The hope that he will change by himself makes a woman to live in the future, ignoring the present dissatisfaction in the hope of future solutions.

What you can “hope” for is that time will bring anesthesia, indifference, that you will compensate for your unhappiness with other stimuli that bring you instant, short term pleasure. This is how overeating, drug dependency, affairs and other compensatory behaviors such as excessive shopping occurs.

HINT: An agonizing end is better than a never-ending agony. Draw the line, cut your losses and learn from your mistake.

It’s always a negotiation of compromises, you just need to choose the smallest compromise you can live with.

Mistake no 5: The woman is wrong in a relationship when she lies to herself.

Fear of loneliness, fear of losing comfort or status, fear of change, are some of the reasons that determines the woman to lie to herself regarding the motives to remain in a relationship.

HINT: Do not fake orgasms, do not fake happiness, do not mime indifference. Because eventually you will fake your own destiny.

Sometimes, the differences between the two of you are too big. Even if you are compatible on some levels, there are other deep level communions that are missing.

Mistake no 6: The woman is wrong by criticizing his friends and his choices regarding social relationships.

It is impossible to agree with all his choices. Same time, to know how to communicate what bothers you is a true art.

HINT: You won’t like all the time the same things, the same place, the same people. Similarities are the foundation of a relationship but the differences are the necessary spices to spark the passion.

Happiness is a personal duty, not the partner’s. What your partner offers you is a different kind of happiness, another dimension of being, a richness of sensations, feelings and understandings, possible only through communion with another being.

As long as a woman has multiple sources of fulfillment and validation outside the relationship, she will continuously attract the admiration of her partner.

There are relationships formed on the basis of common fears, of complementary traumas, and relationships formed on the basis of mutual admiration, with he desire to share the happiness within, the fulfillment and the becoming of their destiny.

What kind of relationship are you in?



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