BY HERBERT MTOWO
How you heal or restore a relationship or marriage after an affair is a complex question.? If you’ve been cheated on and your husband/wife has had an affair, you’re most likely focusing on all the things he/she will have to do to restore the relationship/marriage. But believe you me I can tell you that you have the power and why it’s all up to you!
How to fix a relationship or marriage after an affair depends on how much energy and time your willing to put into the factors listed in this article.The key to rebuilding your relationship/marriage after you’ve found out about the affair is to first heal the relationship with yourself.
If you get right with yourself then you can sincerely and truthfully get it write with this relationship or marriage that is in such a mess.I want to point this out,as much as cheating is such an evil practise of our day,it is no really excuse to see your union collapse. Any relationship must be able to deal with such thorny and difficult times to become stronger and forge ahead.For your spouse to state that they are sorry after an extramarital affair is not just a one time thing. It may have to be said again and again until finally the mate that had been injured feels better about their own spouse as well as future of the marriage relationship. It conveys the understanding of what they did to hurt the relationship and acknowledges the hurt they caused to the marriage partner with a vow not to do it again. If they are not willing to give this type of apology then look out..
The first important thing one needs to do is, to take your energy, attention and focus off how bad you feel, and make an effort to place your focus on healing the relationship with yourself. Think about what you really want in a relationship, who you really are, and what type of love you need. Be honest with yourself and find your needs and look into who you really are. There is no marital status quo anymore. Give to yourself. Find the love within yourself to self-love. The first step in how to fix any relationship or marriage after an affair is allowing yourself to give to yourself. Rebuild your strength, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-love and this will be the key to rebuilding your union.
To forgive your spouse is to let go of your anger, resentment, rage, and victim status. The excellent news about forgiveness is that it’s about YOU not your partner. You’re the one who is carrying around the jealousy, betray and anger. To forgive is to begin to make amends and offer yourself the opportunity to have peace of mind and let go of all your pain. Forgiving is saying yes to love and life again. Forgiving is open yourself up to trust again. Forgiving is not about condoning your husbands/wives affair or his/her behavior. Forgiveness is all for you.
When considering how to fix a relationships/marriage after an affair the big issue of trust is always a deal breaker. How can you trust your spouse after he/she cheated? You’re probably wondering if I can ever trust again? Well trust isn’t gone forever. It will rebuild upon itself day after day but it will be different than it was prior to the affair. You won’t trust in a naive way ever again because you know the worst has already happened. Trust is all up to you also because ultimately to trust your partner again, you will have to start trusting yourself. Trust yourself to read the signs, to be aware and be present inside yourself and know you won’t let yourself be blindsided ever again.
So yes, how to have your relationship/marriage healed and restored after an affair is a complex question but a good part of the solution is all up to you. This is good news. Always remember, you do have control over the outcome of your relationship or marriage regardless of how bad it may seem.Stop the blame game and get to grips with reality and let your relationship or marriage blossom again,it takes patience and had work,but this I can promise you it is an achievable task.