If you’re like a lot of people in today’s world, you have been deeply wounded or betrayed, abused or mistreated and to add insult to injury, it was most likely done at the hand of a loved one or trusted friend. The pain it has caused you will not go away and you are in an emotional prison as a result. It may be that over the course of time, justice has or will be served when or if those responsible are made to pay for the injustice or pain they inflicted on you. If not justice, perhaps, it may be that the consequences of their actions come back full circle to hurt them because of their actions. However, to believe that justice or retribution will bring the healing and peace of mind necessary to move on, is to be deceived and is a set-up for major disappointment.

And, what if justice is never served and those who failed you or inflicted such terrible pain, never pay for it in any way? What do you do then? Like it or not, the only way to true healing and restoration is through forgiveness. Surely, many will cringe at the very thought of forgiving the one responsible for so much pain in their lives. From a human or “rational” perspective, it makes no sense at all. Yet, there is no greater power to release us from the pain, inflicted by another, than to forgive the one who caused it.

Harboring unforgiveness is destructive and can lead to devastating results. It’s like a fire that smolders in the heart and smothers the soul. It is so insidious that one can be totally unaware of the damage it is doing, until it is too late. Unforgiving people live as victims and spend much of their time and energy justifying it. They are obsessed with the wrong done to them and quick to point out, to anyone who will listen, the lack of understanding people have regarding how much they have suffered or the agony they have endured. In truth, they are right. Most people cannot, nor will they ever, truly understand the suffering of another. Yet, what is the benefit of remaining in that misery and attempting to draw others into that misery along with them? Where is the healing in that?

Unforgiving people are quick to claim rights. They can be extremely sensitive to any wrongs done to them, regardless of how small or minuscule. They are obsessed with the bad things that happened to them in the past and are absolutely certain no one’s circumstances were as bad as theirs were. They take pleasure in the power their pain seems to give them over friends and enemies alike, as they require more and more pity and understanding. They are oblivious to the pain their unforgiveness inflicts on others not understanding or caring that dwelling on their pain only serves to make everyone else around them miserable. In short, unforgiving people are some of the most miserable people in the world.

All signs that could, if they were paying attention, alert them to the damage being done to their souls, as they choose to live out their unforgiveness. If unforgiveness is an issue for you, as it is for so many, what can be done about it? The first thing, is to recognize that God Himself has extended an offer of unconditional forgiveness to you, should you choose to receive it. You receive it by believing in His Son Jesus Christ and confessing that He is Lord and then asking for God’s forgiveness. The Bible says we are all sinners and in need of His forgiveness so that we may be reconciled to Him. Once you receive His forgiveness, the Bible tells us that you then receive the power of God, through His Holy Spirit now living in you, to do the things He asks you to do, like forgive others – no matter how awful the violation or abuse.

It does not mean you deny the wrongdoing or pain it caused or that you try to excuse it or justify it in any way. It would be disingenuous and demeaning not to recognize and acknowledge something terribly hurtful and inexcusable was done to you and that it never should have happened. To do so, would minimize the importance of forgiveness and its power to bring healing to a broken heart and a devastated soul. Forgiveness does not mean you forget. However, as the healing takes place, the memory of the incident will no longer trigger the raw emotions it once did. The memories instead will begin to fade and lose their hold. Instead of pushing all your buttons, the memory will be more about the time you forgave or the process of forgiveness you are committed to. Forgiveness is not just some positive feeling or altered emotion towards another. Forgiveness is an act of the will. We have the responsibility, and the authority as children of God, to offer to others the very forgiveness that God has given us. That is what Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:21-35, and be assured He would not tell us to do something we did not have the power to do through Him! Where does forgiveness begin, assuming the one need to forgive has been forgiven by God, is now in relationship with Him and has His power to offer it to another? This may come as a surprise, but the first step is to examine what happened to our heart following the wounding or offense. Did it result in deep-seated anger, bitterness or resentment? Did we speak unlovingly about them to others? Did we retaliate in some way? If so, we are just as guilty before God as our offender and we must confess that to Him. Regardless of what they originally did to us, we must confess our hatred, resentment or anger towards our offender. This does not in any way minimize or affirm their action. Its purpose is to allow our heart to be cleansed from our own sinful reaction to the offense, so that it is free to forgive and be healed.

Another powerful step to add in the forgiveness process is to bless your offender every time you think of what they did and they pain they caused you. I Peter 3:8-9 says; “To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.” When you bless others who have hurt or cursed you, God says, you will receive a blessing as a result.

Blessings promote healing, not only for you but also for those who have offended or hurt you. That is God’s ultimate desire, that all involved be healed, forgiven and restored. You can also write a letter – that you do not send – to the person who hurt you. Tell them everything they did that hurt you and how you feel as a result. If you are angry with them, tell them. Be very honest. Writing touches the emotional side of our brain and allows us to get in touch with what we are really feeling. It has been said that most Christians are stuck in their anger because they deny it exists. Get alone with God, once you’ve written everything you want to say and read it out loud to Him, making sure that no one else can hear you. After you have said (and yelled) everything you wanted to say (and yell), make a conscious choice to forgive, remembering that you can only truly forgive with God’s help and power. Then say, “In Jesus Name (because that’s where your power and authority comes from) I forgive you”. List the name(s of your offender) and what say specifically what you are forgiving them for. Follow that up with “I release you and I bless you.” When you bless them, try blessing them in every way you would like God to bless you. You will soon begin to notice that joy and blessings and love will start to flow in your heart and life again. Be sure and destroy the letter! While Restoration of a broken relationship is a worthy goal, there are circumstances and situations where it is not possible or realistic; like when the offender has died or is no longer mentally cognizant. Or when a person has been the victim of rape. Regardless of the crime or pain inflicted upon the victim, there will be no healing apart from forgiveness and there will be no forgiveness apart from the power of God to do so. God longs for you to be set free from the prison of unforgiveness and promises you the power to do it. Turn the key by asking Him and your prison doors could swing open today.

Let the transforming power of forgives flood your heart and you will never be the same. “And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on God’s. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.” – Corrie Ten Boom

People Only Make You Feel Small If You Let Them


[great article this is,thanks Edi.]-Herbert Mtowo.

We can’t control what other people say or do, but we can control how we respond to it. It’s important to always remember that no one can make you feel anything; you choose to feel that way. It’s amazing how a few unkind words or obvious negative body language can affect us. I’ve seen fairly successful and confident people wilt under the glare of another person’s disapproval. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, so only take constructive feedback to the degree that it helps you improve/grow as a person. If the feedback being given isn’t constructive, then learn to simply block it out or ignore it.

I also believe it’s important to check the other person’s motivations. There are some people out there who have an agenda that is less than pure and they try to bring others down because of their own jealousy or insecurities. As a society we often do this to people who we initially crown as celebrities, once they shown their own flaws and/or human frailties. I’ve also heard it said that paradoxically we end up disliking those we hurt. It is a constant reminder of how we failed another fellow human being. Rather than seeking forgiveness, we choose to see only those things about them that justify our own bad/poor behavior in the first place.

It’s impossible to go through life and have every person you interact with like you. There are just some connections that aren’t meant to be. Sometimes we will even fall out with people we once held close, which is sad but not the end of the world. Don’t fret or worry too much about this reality. All you can do is be the best “you” that you can be. When you miss-step or do something wrong, own it, apologize and move on. When you need to seek forgiveness ask for it but also provide it in return. Always model the behavior you would like to see in others even when it is difficult.

We control our thoughts. Someone can only ever make you feel small if you let them. Don’t get mired in the negative energy put out by other people. It will only ever hold you back personally and/or professionally. Pursue your life’s journey with passion, honesty, integrity, dignity, empathy, valor and love and then let the chips fall where they may. When you stumble, pick yourself up and keep moving forward anyway. If someone else wants to be an obstacle in your path toward happiness and enlightenment, then step around them or avoid them altogether. If someone is not being kind or helpful, then they are either being hurtful or providing no value whatsoever. Why bother with them?


By Herbert Mtowo

So, many of us are thirsting for love – literally dying slowly each day for lack of it. And yet, the more desperate we are for it, the less likely we are to get it. Why is that? The reason is that we are blind. We think that love needs to come in a specific form and from specific people, but this is an illusion. Love is everywhere we look. The person who smiles at you on the street is offering you a gift of love. The person who holds the door for you as you enter or exit a building is offering you a gift of love. Anyone who offers to help you in any way is offering you love. Sometimes, people are offering you love just by looking at you, or thinking about you, or writing a comment to something you posted on the internet. It is all love.

I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this?

Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these years, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant at hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do

us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return here, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening or never. If I die, I will wait for you, do you understand? No matter how long. I will watch from beyond to make sure you live every year you have to its fullest, and then we’ll have so much to talk about when I see you again… I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?” My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all…All my heart has ever wanted is you?”

Now I know what Melanie Griffith meant when she said.” There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. And that place is,” Her heart.”

The reason we don’t see this is that we are blind to it. We refuse to see it because we are conditioned not to. We are told that we do not deserve. We are told that we are alone in the world and that everyone is out for themselves, but this is not true. The true nature of people is to love and to connect. We are a community whether we believe it or not. And we are there to help one another. Offering small gifts of love is one part of the pact we make when we come into form. It fosters that sense of belonging and connection that we have given up in spirit to come into the physical world. Without it, we are lost and lonely and feeling abandoned.

And so we continue to go thirsty – longing for that which we feel we cannot have – wishing for the partner who will take away this pain and quench our thirst forever. But that is too much pressure to put on a single person. It is more than they will ever be able to give us – because it was never meant to be that way. It takes village to love you. It takes every person every day to fill you and one person will never be able to be the fire hose of love that you need in the long run.

And when I say that it takes every person every day to fill you, this includes you. You must learn to become love if you hope to ever be truly full on a long-term basis. It is your willingness to love those around you – not give to them, not take care of them, not have sex with them, just to love them – no matter whom they are – that ultimately becomes your inner fire hose that keeps you full to overflowing.


Love tended and nourished
Let it shined, let it flow
You are all I have cherished
Your love crawls, our feelings grow

My love starts yearning
Just let the fire go burning
Orange bodies are now glowing
The heat is over flowing

I thought of you, you thought of me
I breathe in through you intensely
Every part and inch of you, within me
And the all of you in my captivity

You moaned my name, I moaned yours
I would hear melodies in crystal clear
Your passion would be big or gross
You are all mine, you’re such a dear

Even miles away our spirits soar
We would find each other to roar
Thunder of Love, we both adore
and we cling on, even we cross the shore

We moved fast, we flew up high
We rolled over, we flipped and sighed
Yet our bodies stuck on together
Never wanted apart from each other

My body shivers, not from cold
But by the heat of your body it gored
Like a river from your thrust I sweat dripped
You soaked in, swam swiftly and deep

I feel you, you are coming near
I hold on you, to you I was glued
Your movement, you kept… no tear
I wiggled with you, we both clawed

I see you clearly now
You’re face so tensed yet shining
Mine with you in tow
Both stricken with lightning

We got fully charged, we banged!
Explosion all over yet we won
Like magic even afar we ganged
This romance we have would abound.

When you knew the power of this love?
Would you rather poison your mind, with…
Would this love end my freedom?
Would it give me any harm?
Would I feel good with it or be damned?

When you knew your lost when it’s gone?
Would you still end the passion?

Love, have your fear ended,
Not your passion, Instead
Poison all of your doubt
so it won’t ever have a sprout
Only would stay then
Is your planted passion within…

You have stayed with me this far
Time already had been wasted
Between us would there be any mar
Still we have the True Joy injected
Within our romance full of agar
Our passion for both remained congested.

But you have tamed me
With all of your sweetness!

You have owned me fully
With all of your greatness!

Love me with all of your passion
to have me…

Poison your mind to end this love
would kill me
For this passion we have
is so deadly
When this true love of ours
is gone, it’s not only I,
But both of us would die..



It is difficult to restore a loving relationship when there is no forgiveness! Most people find forgiveness the most difficult aspect of love. To forgive others and to be forgiven ourselves is quite a challenging experience! Yet, this is essential for the repairing of any loving relationship.

Once we have the ability to forgive others, or be forgiven ourselves, we are on the way to once again exist in that reality of love – the meaning of life.

Not being able to forgive, or be forgiven, tears away at our very self. We feel less of a full human person. We feel damaged and sometimes even irreparably so. We feel that love is less in our lives or even missing.

Some people will claim that forgiveness is not always necessary. That time will heal all wounds. That all we need to do is to get on with our lives. I believe that on most occasions this is just a cop out, a search for an easy way out – yet not a real solution. (Unfortunately, some circumstances may lead to this through unexpected circumstances e.g. loss, departure or death of one party involved.) Even if most of the hurt can be forgotten with time, there is always some remnant of hurt, of inescapable pain, somewhere in the conscious or subconscious. This pain will invariably rise to the surface in the future, most likely when a similar circumstance prevails as was originally the hurtful situation.

We need to offer forgiveness if we are the perpetrator of the harm. We need to take that most challenging step to begin the process of recovery, the process of reconciliation. When we offer forgiveness the person who has been hurt has the opportunity to begin the process of returning to love.

If we are the ones harmed, and an offer of forgiveness is not forthcoming from the other person or group of people, we may need to expedite the situation through diplomatically giving them the chance to begin the reconciliation process. Diplomacy is often the best method, however for some people a more direct approach is necessary, but still needs to be done out of love, in a caring and respectful way.

When we are offered forgiveness we have the opportunity to begin to be reconciled. We need to accept the offer as soon as possible and work towards repairing the relationship.

The process may be quick and clean. However, it also may take time depending on our personal history with the person involved, as well as own personality.

We often need to forgive ourselves. This can be quite difficult. We need to learn to accept our own forgiveness and move on, just as we do when accepting forgiveness from others or when we offer others forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a crucial aspect in any loving relationship. To forgive allows the relationship to return to its proper loving place.Its a process that requires a heartly open and genuine heart.THE KEY IS LOVE AND FORGIVENESS.THIS IS A GREAT AND AEWSOME TEAM.



We have all experienced emotional pain. Often times someone we have loved has turned their backs on us. Maybe it was a betrayal. Perhaps it was an intentional act of malevolence or outright hatred. Yes, I think we’ve all been there a time or two. Unfortunately that is the nature of human dynamics. Finding joy in these situations is still possible. You simply have to realign your thinking.

When we are attacked, especially by someone we love, the feelings that strike us are negative and hurtful. I mean, how could he or she have done such a thing? Didn’t they know how much you loved them?

In this life there are no sure guarantees. Just because someone loves you today doesn’t mean they will tomorrow. An act of betrayal or hate is usually the sign that the other person has decided to move on to other life paths. Regardless of how much you loved them, there is nothing you can do to change their minds. Remember that, in the end, we are only responsible for our own actions and mental / emotional states. We are not judged by others but by ourselves. When we have learned to expect love or respect in return for what we feel or gave, we set ourselves up for ultimate failure.

Think about the person who has attacked you. Push aside the pain a moment and remember the reasons why you loved that person. Why did you feel that way? Was it so that they would return your affection or was it simply because you cared for them? Has anything really changed? Perhaps they no longer love you, but how do you feel for them?

True love isn’t a quid-pro-quo arrangement. True love says I love you unconditionally. It isn’t about getting something in return. It’s about giving of yourself. The fact that the person no longer wants what you have to give does not make your feelings insignificant. Why? The reason is that love is an intrinsic piece of who you are. You gave that love freely because you chose to. Now it is up to you to continue to feel that way. But will you?

If you decide to be hurt and pull back your love, you only hurt yourself as your love for another person is a reflection of yourself. If you give into anger and hatred then you become angry and hateful. Never do that. Instead continue to realize why you love that person and don’t let go of that emotion. It is OK to let go of the person, but not the love. Take your matured love and move on to another person. By doing so you will become a stronger person less susceptible to pain because you know that you love for love’s sake and not because someone returned a feeling. True love exists intrinsically, and love for a return like an investment was never love but an empty need. You have the choice to make your heart and mind whatever you want. Let love lead you through the pain and finding joy will be your reward. Love unconditionally and learn to let go and move on.

What Defines Us is How Well We Rise After Falling

by AM Bishop

Pain, suffering and stress are the admission tickets to the game of life. But what would life be like without them? In a world without hurdles, there are no champions; without suffering, there are no saints; without battles, there are no victories; without rain, no rainbows. Isn’t a world that includes pain is more rewarding than one that doesn’t? Haven’t we all heard of the ‘Refiner’s fire”? Isn’t an intense heat necessary to produce gold, pressure and polishing necessary to produce diamonds and adversity necessary to produce character?Here’s how Henry Ford expressed the same sentiment: Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.

Each of us needs to recognize stress and difficulties for what they are: opportunities to lift ourselves to a higher level. Sailors caught in a storm should prayer not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear. Why should they accept the storm? Because a smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.

When an eagle believes her eaglets are large enough to learn how to fly, she begins to take apart the nest and push the eaglets out. After this rude awakening, the eaglets discover they have wings! They can fly! The universe is constantly nudging us, pushing us off one cliff after another, in the hope that one day we, too, will discover our wings and soar to new heights.

All of us make will make mistakes that will bring our world to a halt but we need to face our fear and let the circumstance mold our character. We’ll be better because of it.