People Only Make You Feel Small If You Let Them


[great article this is,thanks Edi.]-Herbert Mtowo.

We can’t control what other people say or do, but we can control how we respond to it. It’s important to always remember that no one can make you feel anything; you choose to feel that way. It’s amazing how a few unkind words or obvious negative body language can affect us. I’ve seen fairly successful and confident people wilt under the glare of another person’s disapproval. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes, so only take constructive feedback to the degree that it helps you improve/grow as a person. If the feedback being given isn’t constructive, then learn to simply block it out or ignore it.

I also believe it’s important to check the other person’s motivations. There are some people out there who have an agenda that is less than pure and they try to bring others down because of their own jealousy or insecurities. As a society we often do this to people who we initially crown as celebrities, once they shown their own flaws and/or human frailties. I’ve also heard it said that paradoxically we end up disliking those we hurt. It is a constant reminder of how we failed another fellow human being. Rather than seeking forgiveness, we choose to see only those things about them that justify our own bad/poor behavior in the first place.

It’s impossible to go through life and have every person you interact with like you. There are just some connections that aren’t meant to be. Sometimes we will even fall out with people we once held close, which is sad but not the end of the world. Don’t fret or worry too much about this reality. All you can do is be the best “you” that you can be. When you miss-step or do something wrong, own it, apologize and move on. When you need to seek forgiveness ask for it but also provide it in return. Always model the behavior you would like to see in others even when it is difficult.

We control our thoughts. Someone can only ever make you feel small if you let them. Don’t get mired in the negative energy put out by other people. It will only ever hold you back personally and/or professionally. Pursue your life’s journey with passion, honesty, integrity, dignity, empathy, valor and love and then let the chips fall where they may. When you stumble, pick yourself up and keep moving forward anyway. If someone else wants to be an obstacle in your path toward happiness and enlightenment, then step around them or avoid them altogether. If someone is not being kind or helpful, then they are either being hurtful or providing no value whatsoever. Why bother with them?


By Herbert Mtowo

So, many of us are thirsting for love – literally dying slowly each day for lack of it. And yet, the more desperate we are for it, the less likely we are to get it. Why is that? The reason is that we are blind. We think that love needs to come in a specific form and from specific people, but this is an illusion. Love is everywhere we look. The person who smiles at you on the street is offering you a gift of love. The person who holds the door for you as you enter or exit a building is offering you a gift of love. Anyone who offers to help you in any way is offering you love. Sometimes, people are offering you love just by looking at you, or thinking about you, or writing a comment to something you posted on the internet. It is all love.

I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me to Bath. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this?

Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I had not waited even these years, could I have read your feelings, as I think you must have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. I am every instant at hearing something which overpowers me. You sink your voice, but I can distinguish the tones of that voice when they would be lost on others. Too good, too excellent creature! You do

us justice, indeed. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating.

I must go, uncertain of my fate; but I shall return here, or follow your party, as soon as possible. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your father’s house this evening or never. If I die, I will wait for you, do you understand? No matter how long. I will watch from beyond to make sure you live every year you have to its fullest, and then we’ll have so much to talk about when I see you again… I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?” My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all…All my heart has ever wanted is you?”

Now I know what Melanie Griffith meant when she said.” There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. And that place is,” Her heart.”

The reason we don’t see this is that we are blind to it. We refuse to see it because we are conditioned not to. We are told that we do not deserve. We are told that we are alone in the world and that everyone is out for themselves, but this is not true. The true nature of people is to love and to connect. We are a community whether we believe it or not. And we are there to help one another. Offering small gifts of love is one part of the pact we make when we come into form. It fosters that sense of belonging and connection that we have given up in spirit to come into the physical world. Without it, we are lost and lonely and feeling abandoned.

And so we continue to go thirsty – longing for that which we feel we cannot have – wishing for the partner who will take away this pain and quench our thirst forever. But that is too much pressure to put on a single person. It is more than they will ever be able to give us – because it was never meant to be that way. It takes village to love you. It takes every person every day to fill you and one person will never be able to be the fire hose of love that you need in the long run.

And when I say that it takes every person every day to fill you, this includes you. You must learn to become love if you hope to ever be truly full on a long-term basis. It is your willingness to love those around you – not give to them, not take care of them, not have sex with them, just to love them – no matter whom they are – that ultimately becomes your inner fire hose that keeps you full to overflowing.