STEPS TO AVOID AFFAIR/S

Getting married doesn’t mean you won’t ever be tempted by someone else ever again. Temptation is everywhere. There are going to be attractive people that you have chemistry with at times. It is important to actively safeguard your marriage in order to resist the temptations that come your way throughout your married life.
An affair can happen in any marriage. It doesn’t happen only in bad marriages or marriages where one partner is away frequently. It is important to recognize that all marriages can be vulnerable to an affair. Take steps to avoid common pitfalls that can lead to an affair.

Active Commitment

Actively commit to remain faithful to your spouse. Remind yourself often of your marriage vows and the reason it is important to stay faithful. If your marriage is having problems it is important to address those problems within the marriage.

Remember that marriage wasn’t meant to cure all of life’s problems. While you are married, you will still feel sad, lonely, and disappointed at times. Don’t try to cope with those feelings by forming attachments to someone else to “fill the void.”

Making yourself aware that you are vulnerable to temptation can help you be on alert. Most affairs don’t happen overnight. They usually are a slow progression where a friendship or close work relationship starts to turn into something inappropriate.

Set Healthy Boundaries

It is important to set healthy boundaries for yourself. This means, don’t put yourself in situations where you could fall prey to temptation. For example, don’t allow yourself to grow deep friendships with people of the opposite sex. Sometimes a close friendship can lead down the wrong path.

Also, be aware that internet friendships pose a serious risk to your marriage as well. Sometimes people think that there is nothing wrong with forming a friendship with someone they chat with online. Even if you don’t have a physical connection, an emotional affair can be very damaging to your marriage.

Avoid complaining to others about your marriage. A lot of affairs start when a man and women start complaining about their spouses together. This can lead to comments such as “I’d never treat you like that…” which can be the start of a slippery slope.

Avoid Secrecy

A good rule to follow – don’t ever do anything you wouldn’t be comfortable doing if your spouse was next to you. This can prevent you from saying things that you might not normally say and can prevent you from forming inappropriate relationships.

If you have a friendship or conversations that you would not feel comfortable having in the presence of your spouse, stop! Secret phone calls, meetings, or emails are unhealthy. It’s not necessary to give your spouse complete access to everything all the time, but don’t hide things. If you find yourself deleting and erasing things or finding time to meet with someone without your spouse’s knowledge, it may have already progressed into an emotional affair.

Communicate with Your Spouse

It would be naïve if you and your spouse thought that just because you were married you would never feel attracted to anyone ever again. This just isn’t the case. It’s likely there will be times when you feel a connection with someone else. Talk to your spouse ahead of time about how to respond when this happens. Discuss steps that you are both comfortable with taking when handling such a situation.

Talking together about how to prevent an affair can be one of the most powerful conversations you can have together. It shows that you recognize your vulnerability and want to take steps necessary to prevent it.

Be willing to accept responsibility and accountability for your actions. If you are struggling with an attraction to someone, consider telling your spouse. Also consider allowing your spouse to hold you accountable to ensure that you behave appropriately and are able to resist temptation. Support one another in remaining faithful to your vows.YOU AND ME HAVE THE POWER TO KEEP AFFAIRS OUT OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES,IT STARTS WITH YOU.

Making love is A Skill to be mastered.

Advertisements

Surviving an affair and breaking its grip and chain.

What is infidelity? How does infidelity occur? Simply put, infidelity is a breach of contract – a marriage contract or a relationship contract between two couples or spouses. Infidelity is also betrayal of the marriage vows that make up the marriage. Infidelity can be sexual as well as emotional and it happens when one of the spouses is unfaithful to the other in any way be it through a sexual affair or an emotional affair.

Infidelity creates a lot of heartache and a sense of betrayal and broken trust. In most cases infidelity can often lead to breakups and even divorce if you don’t take the necessary steps to avoid or survive infidelity. To better prepare yourself to survive infidelity, you will need a clear understand of the different types of infidelity so that you can be ready to deal with each type of infidelity from the beginning of the infidelity.

The different types of infidelity are briefly identified and discussed below:
1. Romantic Infidelity is a serious type of infidelity that occurs when one of the spouses who has previous cheated on the other, no longer loves their spouse
2. Opportunistic Infidelity is complicated. It occurs when one of the spouses is in love with their spouse but at the same time they are romantically and sometimes sexually interested with someone else. They may not love the other person but they have an urge to take the risk to “try it out”
3. Conflicted Romantic Infidelity, is dangerous! It occurs when one of the spouses is in love with their spouse and at the same time is also romantically and sexually involved with another person.
4. Commemorative Infidelity mainly occurs when one of the spouses remains in the relationship with their spouse even though they no longer love their spouse.
5. Obligatory infidelity is a type of infidelity that happens when one of the spouses refuses or shuts out the other spouse’s sexual or romantic advances. This often leads to a sense of insecurity in the relationship as one of the other spouses feels neglected and worthless which leads them to look elsewhere for someone that will feel that emotional and sexual needs.

There are ways to survive infidelity in your relationship especially if you are already experiencing one of the types of infidelity identified above. Attending a marriage workshop is a good way to get back on the right track to saving your marriage. A marriage workshop will encourage and open a dialogue between the couple which will bring the problems that the couples are experiencing out in the open.

The Essence of Success

BY OZIAS MUCHERIWA

I’m sure everyone even those who are not happy with themselves have some points or areas about themselves which they are happy with. Even the worst rascal has a virtue about himself that he is happy about. I need not mention the virtuous for they have many things about themselves of which they feel proud. Being also human, I have things about myself that I’m happy with; every time that I meet a successful person in any area of endeavor I do not feel jealousy or hasten to criticize them, instead I admire them. As long as they are successful in their field I appreciate them because I have learnt that a wise person does not spew reproachful recriminations upon things that he or she does not fully fathom. I make an extra effort to study what makes them successful.

In my study of the successful, I have found many discoveries but I wish to share only one with you. There are many of course but this one I believe, is the bright golden thread woven through all of man’s success.

Success in life takes time. In other words, it is a process and processes do take time. It can be a short time or a long time but the fact is, it takes time. Success then lies in what you do during that time. What many people call success is a result and not the real thing. Success is what you do during the time allocated to you. Every man and woman has time allocated to them to create their success and what they then do during that time is what determines success or its exact opposite.

A student goes to school or college and is allocated a number of hours translating into days, weeks, months and years. Their success lies not in their zeal but in their use of the time apportioned to them. When they spend one day playing and skip studying they are putting in motion the process that begets failure. The same is true for any field of endeavor.

When we watch the Olympics with Michael Phelps taking sixteen Olympic medals we are bound to think that he succeeded on the day of the competition when the truth is that he succeeded during the practice sessions by allocating his time effectively to rigorous training and practice.

Everyone has this commodity called time but the use of it is what differentiates us. Those who usually put it to wrong use, just like the lazy who complain about how hard they work, are the best at complaining that there is no time. The same time whose unavailability they complain about, is being used by others to achieve their dreams and attain success.

Every time that you realize you need to work on your gift and tell yourself that you do not have the time, know this one fact that someone with the same gift is working on it and getting another step ahead of you.

Remember, when our parents die they do not leave us even a millisecond of the time that they did not put to use. Your time is your time.

We have started the second quarter of 2012, how are you making use of your time in light of your goals?

The key to life is in the past, the present and the future.

By Herbert mtowo

Having a healthy and mature attitude about the past can make a major difference in anyone’s life. One of the best ways to approach the past is to use it as a school, not as a weapon. We must not beat ourselves to death with past mistakes, faults, failures and losses. The events of the past, both good and bad, are all part of the life experience. For some, the past may have been a harsh teacher. But we must remember to let the past educate us and bring the value of its experience into our lives. It is easy to allow the past to overwhelm us. But the good news is that it is also easy to allow the past to instruct us and to increase our value.

Part of the miracle of our future lies in the past. Past lessons. Past errors. Past successes. The collective experiences of all that has happened to us can either be our master or our servant. That is why it is so important to gather up the lessons of the past and invest them in the future. If we can set up that kind of intelligent approach to the past, we can dramatically change the course of the next twelve months. Each of us will be somewhere in the next twelve months; the question we must ask ourselves is where?

Developing a new philosophy about the past is the key to changing our current attitude. Until we have finally accepted the fact that there is nothing we can do to change the past, our feelings of regret and remorse and bitterness will prevent us from designing a better future with the opportunity that is before us today.

How effectively we use the present is largely determined by our attitude about the past. Until we amend our philosophy, we cannot repair our attitude. And if we cannot repair our attitude, our future is going to be filled with the same sense of regret and remorse and bitterness that currently has us by the throat. We cannot move forward into a brighter future until we have closed the door on the darkness of the past.

The Present
The current moment is where our better future begins. The past gave us a wealth of memories and experiences, and the present gives us a chance to use them wisely.

The present brings us an opportunity to create an exciting future. But the promise of the future demands that we pay a price in the present. The opportunity of the current moment must be embraced or the rewards of the future will be withheld. Our goals and ambitions of the past are bringing to us present rewards. If our current rewards are small, then our past efforts were small. And if today’s effort is small, the future reward will be small as well.

Today brings to each of us 1,440 minutes; 86,400 ticks of the clock. Both the poor and the wealthy have the same 24 hours of opportunity. Time favors no one. Today merely says, “Here I am. What are you going to do with me?” How well we use each day is largely a function of attitude. With the right attitude we can seize this day and make it a point of new beginning. Today does not care about yesterday’s failures or tomorrow’s regrets. It merely offers the same precious gift — another 24 hours — and hopes that we will use it wisely.

The greatest opportunity today brings with it is the opportunity to begin the process of change. Today — the present — is the moment when we can inaugurate our new voice coming into power. It can be a new “change of mind” — a new attitude adopted about who we are, what we are, what we want and what we are going to do. Today can also be exactly like yesterday, and the day before, and the day before… It is all a question of attitude.
The Future Our attitude about the future is also of great importance. In their classic, Lessons of History, Will and Ariel Durant wrote:
“To endure what is, we must remember what was, and dream of things as they will one day be.”
Our attitude about the future depends on our ability to see the future. Each of us has the inherent ability to dream, design and experience the future through the power of an imaginative inner-eye. Whatever the mind has the capacity to imagine, it also has the ability to create.

Just as the body instinctively knows how to do the miracle of health, the mind instinctively knows how to perform the miracle of wealth.

Formula for failing and success

By Herbert Mtowo

Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. We do not fail overnight. Failure is the inevitable result of an accumulation of poor thinking and poor choices. To put it more simply, failure is nothing more than a few errors in judgment repeated every day.Now why would someone make an error in judgment and then be so foolish as to repeat it every day? The answer is because he or she does not think that it matters.

On their own, our daily acts do not seem that important. A minor oversight, a poor decision, or a wasted hour generally doesn’t result in an instant and measurable impact. More often than not, we escape from any immediate consequences of our deeds. If we have not bothered to read a single book in the past ninety days, this lack of discipline does not seem to have any immediate impact on our lives. And since nothing drastic happened to us after the first ninety days, we repeat this error in judgment for another ninety days, and on and on it goes. Why? Because it doesn’t seem to matter. And herein lies the great danger. Far worse than not reading the books is not even realizing that it matters!

Those who eat too many of the wrong foods are contributing to a future health problem, but the joy of the moment overshadows the result of the future. It does not seem to matter. Those who smoke too much or drink too much go on making these poor choices year after year after year…because it doesn’t seem to matter. But the pain and regret of these errors in judgment have only been delayed for a future time. Consequences are seldom instant; instead, they accumulate until the inevitable day of reckoning finally arrives and the price must be paid for our poor choices— choices that didn’t seem to matter.

One of the exciting things about the formula for success is that the results are almost immediate. As we voluntarily change daily errors into daily disciplines, we experience positive results in a very short period of time. When we change our diet, our health improves noticeably in just a few weeks. When we start exercising we feel a new vitality almost immediately. When we begin reading, we experience a growing awareness and a new level of self-confidence. Whatever new discipline we begin to practice daily will produce exciting results that will drive us to become even better at developing new disciplines. There are those who would lead us to believe that we do not need the disciplines in order to change our lives – that all a person needs is a little motivation. But “motivation” is not how people change their lives. To change a life we must first change our thinking habits. If a person is a fool and becomes motivated, he merely becomes a motivated fool.

The real magic of new disciplines is that they will cause us to amend our thinking. If we were to start today to read the books, keep a journal, attend the classes, listen more and see more, then today would be the first day of a new life leading to a better future. If we were to start today to try harder, and in every way make a conscious and consistent effort to change subtle and deadly errors into constructive and rewarding disciplines, we would never again settle for a life of existence — not once we have tasted the fruits of a life of substance!
To change ourselves from how we are to how we want to be, we must begin with those few basics that affect the way we think. We can greatly change the course of our lives by spending more time and making a greater conscious effort to refine our personal philosophy.

The exciting thing is that we will not have to change all that much for the results to very quickly change for us.
Failure’s most dangerous attribute is its subtlety. In the short-term those little errors don’t seem to make any difference. We do not seem to be failing. In fact, sometimes these accumulated errors in judgment occur throughout a period of great joy and prosperity in our lives. Since nothing terrible happens to us, since there are no instant consequences to capture our attention, we simply drift from one day to the next, repeating the errors, thinking the wrong thoughts, listening to the wrong voices and making the wrong choices. The sky did not fall in on us yesterday; therefore the act was probably harmless. Since it seemed to have no measurable result, it is probably safe to repeat.

If at the end of the day when we made our first error in judgment the sky had fallen in on us, we undoubtedly would have taken immediate steps to make sure that the act would never be again. Like the child who places his hand on a hot burner despite his parents’ warnings, we would have had an instantaneous experience accompanying our error in judgment.

Unfortunately, failure does not shout out its warnings as our parents once did. This is why it is imperative to refine our philosophy in order to be able to make better choices. With a powerful, personal philosophy guiding our every step, we become more aware of our errors in judgment and more aware that each error really does matter.

Like the formula for failure, the formula for success is easy to follow:

Now here is an interesting question worth pondering: How can we change the errors in the formula for failure into the disciplines required in the formula for success? The answer is by making the future an important part of our current philosophy.

One of the exciting things about the formula for success is that the results are almost immediate. As we voluntarily change daily errors into daily disciplines, we experience positive results in a very short period of time. When we change our diet, our health improves noticeably in just a few weeks. When we start exercising we feel a new vitality almost immediately. When we begin reading, we experience a growing awareness and a new level of self-confidence. Whatever new discipline we begin to practice daily will produce exciting results that will drive us to become even better at developing new disciplines.

The real magic of new disciplines is that they will cause us to amend our thinking. If we were to start today to read the books, keep a journal, attend the classes, listen more and see more, then today would be the first day of a new life leading to a better future. If we were to start today to try harder, and in every way make a conscious and consistent effort to change subtle and deadly errors into constructive and rewarding disciplines, we would never again settle for a life of existence — not once we have tasted the fruits of a life of substance!

There are those who would lead us to believe that we do not need the disciplines in order to change our lives – that all a person needs is a little motivation. But “motivation” is not how people change their lives. To change a life we must first change our thinking habits. If a person is a fool and becomes motivated, he merely becomes a motivated fool.

To change ourselves from how we are to how we want to be, we must begin with those few basics that affect the way we think. We can greatly change the course of our lives by spending more time and making a greater conscious effort to refine our personal philosophy.
The exciting thing is that we will not have to change all that much for the results to very quickly change for us.

One of the exciting things about the formula for success is that the results are almost immediate. As we voluntarily change daily errors into daily disciplines, we experience positive results in a very short period of time. When we change our diet, our health improves noticeably in just a few weeks. When we start exercising we feel a new vitality almost immediately. When we begin reading, we experience a growing awareness and a new level of self-confidence. Whatever new discipline we begin to practice daily will produce exciting results that will drive us to become even better at developing new disciplines.

The real magic of new disciplines is that they will cause us to amend our thinking. If we were to start today to read the books, keep a journal, attend the classes, listen more and observe more, then today would be the first day of a new life leading to a better future. If we were to start today to try harder, and in every way make a conscious and consistent effort to change subtle and deadly errors into constructive and rewarding disciplines, we would never again settle for a life of existence — not once we have tasted the fruits of a life of substance!

There are those who would lead us to believe that we do not need the disciplines in order to change our lives – that all a person needs is a little motivation. But “motivation” is not how people change their lives. To change a life we must first change our thinking habits. If a person is a fool and becomes motivated, he merely becomes a motivated fool.

To change ourselves from how we are to how we want to be, we must begin with those few basics that affect the way we think. We can greatly change the course of our lives by spending more time and making a greater conscious effort to refine our personal philosophy.
The exciting thing is that we will not have to change all that much for the results to very quickly change for us.

DISILLUSIONED AND TROUBLED SOUL

There are days when I was happy and life was fun
The life seemed perfect and wonderful
There was not a thing that can bring tears into my eyes
Haters seemed like challenges and milestones
Lovers realized of the beauty and good heart inside me
Daylight seemed like light coming straight from the heaven
Night seemed like sky full of diamonds and hope for the next day
Even the saddest songs sounded like sweet chimes

People depressed of life seemed jerks and life wasters
Studies seemed like a clear direction towards a bright future
Writing a diary, didn’t matter as life was amazing and full of secrets that I didn’t want to share
Scolding from parents seemed like a sweet voice coming out of big mouths

Friends seemed like my life partners and jewels
Mind was full of adventure and fun-filled plans
Facebook seemed like an ideal place to show people how perfect my life was.

When I saw myself in mirror my reflection made me realized how faultless person I was .My eyes seemed like magical balls that could do wonders and turn anything ugly into beautiful .A big twist in my life that turned everything into a dark cave full of useless dangerous creatures

Now I cry in silence and no one can hear my tears
My heart my soul twinges, I don’t know what to do
I have nothing, all I feel is loneliness in my life
If I try to care all I get is pain, so I don’t care
Everything I had is lost; no one is there to see me through
Friends seem like enemies and way of passing time

I don’t know how much I can go through, till I break into pieces
My mind is empty and full of dark thoughts
As everything I used to be is lost and I’ve forgotten what I really was .That person is a bygone, whom no one remembers of

Who doesn’t have anyone to miss her absence
Who is not favorite of anyone
The feeling of the moment what all I am going through breaks my soul into pieces
The pieces that cannot be fixed now
Hope has left me, or I have left hope I am bemused
Nights seem frightening and never-ending
Days seem dry and dull, sunshine irritates me
Studies seem like a formality that every living person has to full fill

This is me and my life…