KEEP THE LOVE FIRE BURNING


By Herbert Mtowo

We all want true love. We search diligently for it, sometimes it takes years to find the right mate. Then things are hot and heavy for the first several months. We feel totally satisfied and like we have found our soul mate. Everything looks rosy.

But then the honeymoon phase ends and we start to separate some and get on with our own goals and career and true love can start to fade. We can start to feel like the love is leaving our relationship. How could something so special start to go away? Why don’t I feel as close and loved as I used to? One thing we should all learn for as long as we live,its the skills and passion to kep the fire burning,its our responsibility to do so.

These are issues we all must face, because, unlike in romantic comedies, you don’t fall deeply in love and feel that feeling forever. It waxes and wanes, it goes away, it comes back. That’s going to happen. You can count on it. The trick is to develop habits and practices that help love to grow and sustain itself in the relationship. The more of these practices we have the better the quality of our relationship.

One such powerful practice that helps keep true love alive is being interested versus interesting. “Interesting” people try to maintain relationships by having things to say, by focusing conversations on themselves and the dramas in their lives. There is nothing wrong with this, of course, and you need your mate to have things be all about them from time to time.

However, another powerful strategy for maintaining love in a relationship is to be “interested” in your mate on a regular and frequent basis. This may seem obvious, that all lovers are interested in their mates, so let’s go into greater detail. There are many ways to be and show interest in your mate.

One way is to show interest in their daily dramas. We all have daily dramas. It could be the boss at work is getting on our case. It could be we aren’t sure the teacher for our six year old is paying enough attention to their needs. It could be that we are feeling sad and we aren’t sure why.

If you are alive, you have some daily drama. That’s just the way it is. You are going to have some worries and concerns, some little victories and defeats, each day or week of your life. Well, to help keep true love alive, you simply need to pay attention to your partner’s daily dramas. Find out what they are worried or concerned about. Know what victory or successes that are striving for, what failures they are seeking to avoid.

Next, chat with them every day about those things. This is called “small talk.” Ask your mate about how the boss treated him or her today, did it get better or worse? Ask about how the teacher dealt with your child over the homework issue. Studies have actually shown that the more small talk there is in a marriage, the happier the couple is.

So being interested in your mate may sound like a small, obvious thing that you are already doing, but many of us over time stop checking in on the little things, and having small talk about them. Show continuing interest in the daily ups and downs of your partner, discuss them frequently, and you can help keep true love alive between you over the years.love is stronger than death,and when you find it,or the woman or man Noziyou love,cherish them,adore them,make them the Queen of your heart,love as if you have never been hurt before.

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