FORGIVENESS NOT EASY BUT IT’S THE BEST

forgive why notforgive onlyforgive all

By Herbert Mtowo

This statement by Alan is very profound and defining indeed, when it comes to forgiveness. “When a deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive.” Alan Paton

If you’ve made mistakes, forgive yourself and go on. There is nothing you can do now to change the past, but you can affect your future. Forgiving yourself takes the pressure from you for not being perfect. And, it gets rid of guilt. You must learn to forgive yourself before you can forgive others.

We are all on a journey through life. Sometimes we make mistakes, which is part of a normal process on this journey. The mistakes that we make can result in painful experiences; these are the “lessons of life.” But, it is through these trials that we learn the most. The key is learning something from what has caused you pain so as not to repeat the same mistakes again. Walk away from this situation with the knowledge that you are stronger and smarter. Forgiving will open that door. Harbouring negative emotions can make you bitter and resentful. It can and will permeate all areas of your life and it makes it more difficult to enjoy today.

Not forgiving keeps you trapped exactly where you don’t want to be… holding onto memories of the past. Every time you begin to think of this person; what they did or didn’t do, what you said or didn’t say, consciously release them from your mind. Let these thoughts go and fill your mind with thoughts of goodness and the things that you are looking forward to experiencing in your life. Gaining control of your thoughts, releasing all the negative memories and releasing all the imagined confrontations you could have with this person will be the beginning of letting go of what is behind you and moving on to a better future.

You can’t change the past but you can make a significant difference in how you approach what’s ahead of you. Stay focused on the positive. Stay focused on what you want, not on what you had that didn’t work. Once you find forgiveness you will regain control of you life. It’s your choice!

WAITING PATIENTLY FOR LOVE-Boaz.

Ruth waiting,while busy

Ruth waiting,while busy

Boaz finds Ruth

Herbert Mtowo

What women need to know about love, relationships, and men? Wouldn’t you love it if this article had everything you ever needed to know about men in it?! Well, I’m sorry it doesn’t. But, it does have some great insights into the lives of men and what they are looking for in a woman to spend the rest of their lives with. This article speaks directly to all single women out there… but it is a timely article to those young and growing up, to warn and tell them not to be foolish and repeat the many mistakes that millions have continuously repeated in generations past and now.

Many of the WOMEN that I know talk to and have come across need to renew their mind-sets TOWARDS men, if ever they hope of getting their dream men. The topic of single women, is one that churches have struggled to deal with, we give them prayer programs, and urge them to take part in church activities, but at the same time neglect the very issue of prime concern to them, that is of helping them finding their Boaz, their sexual needs and marriage are no go areas, simply becoz the church has searched far and wide for solutions, without any. Hope this article also opens our eyes as a society to help.

There are many women I know who want to get married, but their actions and words speak otherwise. They complain about men, they make fun of men; they stereotype men and wonder out loud where all the “real men” are. But remember women, that before you can be picked, loved or kept, you have to be found or find somebody. Make it your responsibility to be found, not just say there aren’t any more good men around. Make yourself ready, your Boaz will find you and your Boaz is coming. Naomi was the wisdom packaged woman, that many young women, single and those hoping to find love need, she says to her, “Don’t leave until this matter is finished….”,but many miss love a million times because their eyes are wondering and looking for over in the wrong places.

Some women have had their “aha” moments-[Ruth when Boas came calling], that have turned their lives and attitude towards men. God can come down in a cloud from heaven one day (just kidding) and say to you, “Roberta, when men don’t think you like them, they stay away from you.” Now, I am not talking about that one guy who you don’t like but who likes you. I am talking about men in general. Hear me well women, our culture can ridicule traditional masculinity and femininity. That’s why I implore all single, women, whether Christian or not… learn about men. If you hear over and over in the media and in conversations with your sister friends that men are wrong, it will be hard to find a Mr Right.

This must sink in into the hearts and minds of all women, whether single young or old. It is a fact that men of worthy marry virtue. A marriage, relational therapist once dropped the bomb by saying, “Men of worth do not marry vagina. They marry virtue.”

The definition of virtue is to have worth and to be of good quality or admirable. To my beautiful single women out there-so many of you are missing this! Somewhere along the way you’ve bought into the LIE that ANY man is better than NO man. Whether you are single or married, let’s face it, some of you have given up the belief that you are worth fighting for or that you have anything admirable about you.

I know so many women no longer feel like they are even worthy of a good man’s love. That is a LIE! Some of you believe that they are no good men left so we settle for whoever is around. That is a LIE! Just because you’ve been treated like that in the past doesn’t make it right or even truth. Just because you haven’t found a man of worth who will treat you like the virtuous women you are doesn’t mean he isn’t out there. Ladies, don’t settle! Start to discover, and believe, your own worth. You were designed and made with a purpose and it wasn’t to give up and settle for any one, hear me and hear me well, your BOAZ is coming, dust-up, buckle up.

I am fully convinced and persuaded to believe that Ruth and Boaz didn’t have their story written for all to read and remember because they were mediocre. Nope, their relationship was special. It was one of mutual admiration, respect, love, and honor. They understood each other’s worth perfectly and treated one another so. Their story is given especially for you and me as an example. It is not a pie in the sky idea that is past its time. It is something that has happened, and that is happening and can happen to every one of us.

Let’s be honest. How many of you single women are waiting patiently for God to bring you your Boaz? How many of you are following a carefully thought out plan to weed out the bad guys from the good guys? How many of you are acting like you are someone of worth?

To all my married women… how many of you have your “Boaz” but have neglected to treat him like the man of honor that he is? Or, how many of you have let our “Boaz” forget your worth and get away with treating you like you are no longer worthy and desirable… and guys, how many of you have been OK with no longer trying?

Somehow, I hope and pray that this article gets you thinking today… and maybe even challenged your thoughts and behaviors. I want to see you and your relationships succeed. I KNOW you are created for so much more and I want to see you start to believe that. Take a chance! .Life is too short to live regretting

I urge you women and young girls to take a new look at men. We all know men and women are different and relate to each other in different ways. I would encourage you to find out how this plays out in everyday life. Renew your mind on men. Read books. Go to workshops. If you have had bad situations with men, pray and seek help. Don’t let a bad experience with a man in the past; destroy a good experience with a man in the future. That one orange fruit you picked up from a tree doesn’t mean that all the oranges in the tree are bad. Ruth came through the weeping and ended up laughing and leaping with joy!

To all the women out there who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of biblical advice: Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz…? While you are waiting for your Boaz, don’t settle for any of his relatives… Broke-az, Playao-az, Lyin-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az,Cheat-az, especially his third cousin Beatinyo-az. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yo-az.”

You want to marry a friend – not an adversary!

Remember it’s Never Too Late To Make Things Better

Herbert Mtowo

What if you’re in a relationship that has fallen off track? Is there any way to start over and get him back? First off, as you start to recognize new things about yourself and the mistakes you’ve made with a man, it’s very easy to start thinking that things are even worse than you thought they were, and for this to freak you out.

But don’t let this stop you from continuing to learn and grow. There’s a funny thing that happens to us in life… It’s that any time you develop a new awareness and you start seeing your behavior

Are you losing him?

Are you losing him?

and interactions in a new light, at first you often feel like kicking yourself. But getting down on yourself and feeling overly frustrated and hopeless doesn’t help. The man you were dating liked you and was attracted to you for some reason. And as much as it might seem like his feelings have changed forever towards you, there’s something you should realize… How do you get that intense ATTRACTION burning again inside him the way it was when you first met and he wanted to stay up all night with you talking and being together?

First, you need to find the patterns in your relationship that are blocking the love and affection you already share for each other… and you need to get these patterns out-of-the-way. Then, you need to understand how to “re-engage” your man with you in your relationship, and do it in an authentic and natural way that will have a lasting effect. A man’s feelings can change very quickly, whether you want them to or not. And you know this from experience.

Now, most women don’t handle this reality about men, dating, and relationships very well at all. In fact, lots of women let this completely freak them out and take over their emotions and how they act and talk with a man.

What’s behind all this is FEAR?
Fear of loss
Fear of rejection
Fear of abandonment
Fear of not being loved, or not being good enough to be loved

And lots of women let these fears take over and run the show as their emotions get the best of them. Of course, I get that it can be a frightening idea that all it takes is just a few wrong words or actions as a woman and “wham!” – the man in your life that you’ve shared so much of yourself with is suddenly not feeling it for you anymore. But here’s the thing…

The fact that a man’s feelings can change so quickly has TWO SIDES to it. See, if a man’s feelings can quickly change from feeling interested and attracted to a woman, to feeling that “ewww” feeling where he wants to get away from her…

It’s also true that a man can quickly change from feeling unattracted and uninterested in a woman…to feeling intensely attracted and wanting to spend time with her again.

DEVINE CONNECTIONS IN YOUR LIFE !

Barack  and Michelle Obama

Barack and Michelle Obama

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private.

They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle,

“Why was he so interested in talking to you.?”

She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said,

“So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant?,”

Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

*My people, believe it or not, sometimes its a woman that makes a man who he is…. for the men that are still searching for a wife, may God help you to find that help mate that will turn you from ” A Nobody” to “A Somebody”

For that single lady that is reading this, may you be that blessing no man can do without.

Father to son talk on character

Son, today I begin teaching you how to build a house. I will teach you how to choose the timber, how to cut it and work it and how to join it so well you create a strong and lovely structure, fit for your future bride and a happy family. It will take me years to teach you all I know, and you will learn by working alongside me, assisting me, observing what I do and listening to my instructions. In time, you will have all the skills you need to build a fine house for the young bride of your choosing. And, you will remodel and expand it over time, for your growing family. With the skills I shall teach, you will be able to rebuild the whole thing if ever a disaster should destroy it or sweep it away.

Shoddy Building

You have seen the gaps in the walls and the leaks in the roof at Jake’s place. You have seen the problems at the Girard’s place. Those families are cold in winter, wet in the rain, unhappy in the heat and uncomfortable most of the time. When a house is built badly the whole family suffers. The builder can take an easy day or get a quick fix to a problem, but the consequences will impact others and last for years to come.Father  and Son

I will teach you to build carefully and well. It will take more time and it will be physically harder than a hasty job. If you don’t do it right, you, your lovely bride and your children will live with the results of selfishness and laziness for many years to come. I want your children to be proud of you and pleased with you. I want them to honorfather and son talk you. But first you must decide to honor them, even though you don’t know them yet, by making the right choices now.

Character

And son, the same is true of the invisible house you live in. Every day you are building your character house. If you build well your future will be blessed. If you build a poor and shoddy structure, you will live with the consequences for the rest of your life. Every day you face choices about obedience, diligence, truthfulness, respect, patience, self-sacrifice, and a host of other character issues. When you choose wisely and stick with those choices over the weeks and years, you build a solid wall or a sturdy frame in your character house. In years to come that sturdy character house will give you strength under trial, protection in hardship, honor from others, and security for the future and peace in times of storm.

Tearing Down your House

Every time you choose to lie, be selfish, resent others, give in to anger or jealousy, speak sharply, react, steal, reject the truth, or any other thing that is against godly character, you tear timbers from your character house. You will create gaping holes in the walls, leaks in the roof, uneven beams, teetering frame and other major problems in your house.

And, what is worse, you can never leave that house. You take it with you wherever you go. You take it into your future, into your marriage, into your family, into your career and into everything else you do. You will suffer cold drafts of fear, the dampness of doubt, the aches of regret, the shame of your shoddy work and the pain of defeat. You will feel the cramped limitations of your laziness and the smallness of the world you have built for yourself and your family.

Character Pain

You have seen how the Magrans argue, even in public. You have seen how Rordan’s children run from his anger. You have seen sadness in old Mrs Gray’s eyes. People you know are trapped in painful houses they built for themselves. They live with disappointment, limitation, agitation, loneliness, false accusations, loss of self-control, foolishness, vain ideas, and so much more. Each of them built those unhappy places for themselves. They each now live with the hasty, selfish choices they made years ago. Don’t be like them.

Choose Wisely

Anyone can shelter under a pile of sticks. But no one wants to live there. Gracious rooms filled with lovely things, are not found in a pile or rubble. It takes time and effort to create such a home. And while you build a family home with your hands, you build your character house with your heart. You build it by choices. They are often hard choices. You build by each choice to do right and to silence the selfish, lustful and evil thoughts that lurk in your heart. So choose wisely, my son. Build well. And let me guide your hands and your heart as we work together on the wonderful future God has for you.

father and son talk

CHEAP OR PRECIOUS-Taste drives the woman or marries her!!?

426382_435498026536816_2046058590_nshould women not be appcreciated?

By Herbert Mtowo

Most WOMEN are thinking: “Great! Then once we live with each other for a while, the next step is marriage!” You imagine he will soon give you a ring…

But the MEN are thinking: “I like her a lot, maybe I even love her, I think she MIGHT be ‘The One’ for me, but I want to ‘try it out’ first and make sure. And I get sick of her or something or realize I don’t like her enough to marry her, I can always pull out and end the relationship.” OR he may be thinking, “I’m not sure if I want to marry her, but I don’t really want to break up with her, I want to keep getting my ‘benefits,’ so I’ll just appease her in the meantime by asking her to live with me and that’ll hold her over for a while and get me off the hook of having to propose.”

He may be insinuating that the live-in situation will eventually lead to marriage, or maybe he outright told you that it would. But in the back of his mind, he is not giving you a ring yet because he is NOT SURE. And he wants to use the live-in situation as a way to prolong his decision and “try you on for size.”

But what happens is when a guy moves in with you; he’s getting all the ‘perks’ of the marriage from you– without the real marriage. You feed him, you feed his ego, you sleep with him, give him regular sex. You’re a loyal, committed woman; you’re available to him whenever he wants. Plus whatever else you may do for him like cook and clean or do his laundry. To a man there really is not much more, HE WANTS FROM YOU BECOZ HE has already been given everything-you have given him everything he wants without getting married. He gets all of this, plus he has the joy of having no life-long commitment and knowing he can always break it off at any time! So, what’s in it for him if he does get married? ‘Nothing’ as far as he is concerned. He doesn’t feel a need. Except for if he gets married; he’s stuck with a life-long commitment, and a lot more liability, and financial nightmare if the relationship does not end up working out.

So what happens? He starts getting content with the situation… and time starts dragging by… And do you think that he’s getting more and more attracted to you as time goes by, and more and more motivated to want to marry you?

NO, no, no my sisters and women friends! Because as time goes on and you live together every day, you start falling into a routine and, naturally, you become more dull and predictable to him. Any of those fun surprises that you may have experienced when you first became roomies are gone as you’ve become used to each other and any excitement you used to have has turned into monotony and often boredom that naturally comes from seeing the same person day in and day out. And the older you get and the more time that passes, the more impatient you become and insecure you feel about the situation. And it come out in unattractive ways, perhaps you start bitching at him or nagging him, get upset with him if he wants to take a trip without you or have a boys night, or question him about his intentions and ask him when his time-frame is for getting married.

So to him, you’re becoming less and less attractive as time goes on, not more attractive. This is especially true if you do not have a lot of outside friends or interests beside from him and you always want to spend time with him. Add on to that, the longer this drags on for, the more bored he gets in the relationship and the less attractive you become to him. Does that sound like something he’d be jumping up excitedly for and racing out to Swiss’s to buy you a ring?? What for??

Why should he “buy the cow” (you/marriage) if he’s “getting the milk” (the benefits) for free?
Meanwhile, he’s keeping you strung along, with all your other options cut off and being unable to meet anyone else, so you’re kept totally devoted & committed to him. While he gets to ‘test-drive’ you and see how he feels about living with you and being married to you while knowing he can just walk away at any time.

So you see, you can’t really blame the guy for dragging this on as long as he possibly can and not being motivated to marry you. If he hasn’t proposed after 1 year of living with you, he’s most likely not ever going to, and will just keep dragging it on. But it seems my women friends still fall for this trick from men. So they give the cake and still expect him to buy the cake, but he says if such cakes are so easy to get, I must taste them all, as long as I live.

Go to Oshikango, Namibia open market, and this tasting thing is there. They sale traditional beer-Ombike,a strong fermented drink, one can taste it from one end to the other, without buying, and will leave that placed satisfied without buying or paying any Oshimaliwa-money.The same thing happens at Omatala market, you can taste meats until you are full. Such is how women are being treated by wolves, hungry men, and they get full and drop you and try another pot-woman. When a man tastes you, believe you me, he won’t come back for you again, he knows you are cheap, he will go for another one, again and he just lives on testing. The man has all the money to buy the meat, and beers, in his wallet. But if he can spare his dollars and have something for free, and cheap he would gladly save his money, and taste for the rest of his life, and have his belly full.

So my women friends hear me well refuse to be test driven or used; because love and commitment are for your good.

GETTING YOUR MEN

by Herbert Mtowo

ready for marriagelovewillcomewak
So what do you think could happen if you yourself suspended your disbelief that there weren’t many great men out there…And instead you lived your life with the generosity that only comes from an open heart that’s willing to seek out the best in people?

How do you think men would respond if you were that woman who believed that every man you start talking to could be interesting, SINGLE, and that he’s probably a great guy? And how do you think men would FEEL around you if they didn’t see that you looked at them suspiciously as though they might be like some of the other men who weren’t acting so great?

There’s an old principle that stands true in the world of advertising…It basically says that out of 100 people reading your ad or seeing your commercial, maybe ONE of them is that someone who would buy your product. The rest will tune your message out even if it’s a great message. This means, if you try to talk to the 100 people in your ad, you’ll fail to grab that 1 real genuine buyers attention.

To put it another way: “Don’t worry about the DOGS, concentrate on selling the FOXES.” It’s a great metaphor borrowed from a smart writer, named Gary Halbert. The point is… talk to the men you meet AS IF they’re single, open, interesting, and wonderful. And then don’t worry about the ones who don’t turn out to actually BE single, open, interesting, available, and wonderful. Use the things you’re learning from me, and KEEP USING THEM – even if they don’t work every time, and in every situation.

There are all kinds of reasons why men aren’t “ready” or interested, or stop being interested, or whatever. But this doesn’t mean that you should stop doing what works! This leads to the next point… You’re probably wondering: “Herbert, so how do I behave AS IF the man I am meeting will likely turn out to be a good guy… or even be my “Mr Right?”

When you first start talking to a man, your beliefs about men, dating, and relationships are critical.
If you don’t know how to communicate in a way that instantly shows a man that you’re one of the women who “gets it,” has confidence, and is attractive both inside and out, then you’ll probably be overlooked and mentally discounted by a man within seconds. Or a man will want to be with you for the wrong reasons, or for only a short and uncertain amount of time. Of course, to project the correct beliefs that are attractive to men, you must KNOW WHAT THEY ARE and UNDERSTAND THEM. In Other Words, You Can’t Just “Fake” Them.

You actually have to have a DEEP understanding of how men think and what makes them feel a POWERFUL, gut-level emotional attraction for a woman. It has taken FOR PEOPLE IN THIS FIELD YEARS to figure out this critical point in dating and relationships…and several more years to observe and study to help women do this quickly and easily. And without doing all kinds of “kooky” and out there stuff, or stuff that doesn’t feel “real.”

Like not calling a guy back right away, or pretending you’re busy when you’re not, or saying one thing but feeling another (WITHOUT a smile on your face as you’re saying it.). Anyway, you get what all of that means. No one likes to play “games” or have games played with them.

Get the connection, without manipulation and there is a way to completely AVOID PLAYING GAMES and get straight to the kind of connection and indirect communication that brings a man and a woman closer than by simply using words. You can’t learn to be a professional opera singer or an expert in martial arts just by learning a few “techniques.” It takes a DEEPER, more profound understanding. And you can’t learn how to be become more successful in your single life or in your relationship by learning a few of the right things to say. It just doesn’t work this way. (Think of men who believe in and try to use “pick-up lines” on women.).

This is why I’m not going to give you a list of “pick up lines” to say to men to spark their interest in this e-mail, because it just won’t work for you unless you understand the ATTITUDE that has to come before any words come out of your mouth. After spending literally YEARS seeing women I know making mistakes, seeing them trying different things, and putting the pieces together in my own studies, observation and teaching.

LONGING FOR THE LOST LOVE

Weeping for lost love

Weeping for lost love

The pain of lost love

The pain of lost love

By Herbert Mtowo

Losing your loved one to a rivalry or failing to love someone, you longed for and cherished for a long time in life, can be devastating and with ripple effects on a person`s life. This is a serious matter, that it can affect the stability of an individual`s life, cause struggles and loneliness even whilst one is married. Hope we all remember David`s experiences with Saul. He was promised, Saul’s daughter in marriage if he would defeat goliath, as a reward. (I Samuel 17vs.25).But Saul cheated on David, instead of giving to David Merab in marriage; he gave her daughter to someone else. David was instead given Michal to marry, but check Saul`s motives. So that she may become a snare to David. Have you ever thought that David`s struggles on sex matters was to do with the lost love of Merab. (1 Samuel 18 vs.17-30).

But can you imagine Saul gave David wife`s to be, Merab to a rivalry of David, (Adriel is his name) Saul robbed David to pay Adriel. From there David`s sexual problems grew in leaps and bounds, affected his clan, when he took Bathsheba to sleep with, he must have imagined and still thought this could be Merab, the lost love. His desire for women, was astonishing, I strongly believe that, David suffered a serious heartbreak and never recovered from it, neither was he healed of the wound on his heart. What a terrible swap in life that happened to David, a man whose heart God loved, was left with a heart that was hurting, and carried pain for many, many years even to his children and children`s children. I beg you by God`s mercy let go of what you lost in the past, though it hurts, healing of the heart is here.

Merab`s name means, “increase or abundance”, Michal’s name means “same as”. How astonishing, he lost the abundance and got something that is same as, but it wasn’t., she may not be Merab, but she is equally good as Merab, though her name is Michal. Can you fathom and realize that, many people`s choices for a partner is based on what they lost and the comfort themselves with something that is the same as, and when they realize it’s not, it triggers continuous and endless search for something they lost. In my years of being in the social scientist field, some of the things I have noted are these:

1. Most men/women date the idea woman/men, who remind them of the love, they lost or they loved and couldn’t make a move at, at one stage in their lives.
2. They cheat with a woman/man, or man/woman who reminds them of what they lost and still hope to get or find again, hoping to satisfy the love they lost or longed for.
3. David looked for a woman whose name meant same as, exactly what I have seen in my counselling experiences and in life, a body that reminds one of what they lost, etc.

You will realize that most relationships and marriages are hurt because of this, many men, still long for the love they lost in their childhood It is important that as human beings we deal with what we lost if ever we are to enjoy what God has given us today. The past is past gone let’s focus and enjoy Michal, Merab is gone and taken by a rivalry. Note that very few men recover from losing their loved ones to a rivalry, than women. That`s why you find more men in relationships hurt most than enjoy. Though it also affects women too but not to the degree it does bite into men`s hearts, it’s not about having slept with Merab, because David had not slept with her at all, but it’s about love and genuine love. God has someone good enough for you, but close the thought of what you lost and move on, other it takes years, for David it was a lifetime struggle and pain.

Song 8:4- Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.