By Herbert Mtowo
Losing your loved one to a rivalry or failing to love someone, you longed for and cherished for a long time in life, can be devastating and with ripple effects on a person`s life. This is a serious matter, that it can affect the stability of an individual`s life, cause struggles and loneliness even whilst one is married. Hope we all remember David`s experiences with Saul. He was promised, Saul’s daughter in marriage if he would defeat goliath, as a reward. (I Samuel 17vs.25).But Saul cheated on David, instead of giving to David Merab in marriage; he gave her daughter to someone else. David was instead given Michal to marry, but check Saul`s motives. So that she may become a snare to David. Have you ever thought that David`s struggles on sex matters was to do with the lost love of Merab. (1 Samuel 18 vs.17-30).
But can you imagine Saul gave David wife`s to be, Merab to a rivalry of David, (Adriel is his name) Saul robbed David to pay Adriel. From there David`s sexual problems grew in leaps and bounds, affected his clan, when he took Bathsheba to sleep with, he must have imagined and still thought this could be Merab, the lost love. His desire for women, was astonishing, I strongly believe that, David suffered a serious heartbreak and never recovered from it, neither was he healed of the wound on his heart. What a terrible swap in life that happened to David, a man whose heart God loved, was left with a heart that was hurting, and carried pain for many, many years even to his children and children`s children. I beg you by God`s mercy let go of what you lost in the past, though it hurts, healing of the heart is here.
Merab`s name means, “increase or abundance”, Michal’s name means “same as”. How astonishing, he lost the abundance and got something that is same as, but it wasn’t., she may not be Merab, but she is equally good as Merab, though her name is Michal. Can you fathom and realize that, many people`s choices for a partner is based on what they lost and the comfort themselves with something that is the same as, and when they realize it’s not, it triggers continuous and endless search for something they lost. In my years of being in the social scientist field, some of the things I have noted are these:
1. Most men/women date the idea woman/men, who remind them of the love, they lost or they loved and couldn’t make a move at, at one stage in their lives.
2. They cheat with a woman/man, or man/woman who reminds them of what they lost and still hope to get or find again, hoping to satisfy the love they lost or longed for.
3. David looked for a woman whose name meant same as, exactly what I have seen in my counselling experiences and in life, a body that reminds one of what they lost, etc.
You will realize that most relationships and marriages are hurt because of this, many men, still long for the love they lost in their childhood It is important that as human beings we deal with what we lost if ever we are to enjoy what God has given us today. The past is past gone let’s focus and enjoy Michal, Merab is gone and taken by a rivalry. Note that very few men recover from losing their loved ones to a rivalry, than women. That`s why you find more men in relationships hurt most than enjoy. Though it also affects women too but not to the degree it does bite into men`s hearts, it’s not about having slept with Merab, because David had not slept with her at all, but it’s about love and genuine love. God has someone good enough for you, but close the thought of what you lost and move on, other it takes years, for David it was a lifetime struggle and pain.
Song 8:4- Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.