By Herbert Mtowo
Most WOMEN are thinking: “Great! Then once we live with each other for a while, the next step is marriage!” You imagine he will soon give you a ring…
But the MEN are thinking: “I like her a lot, maybe I even love her, I think she MIGHT be ‘The One’ for me, but I want to ‘try it out’ first and make sure. And I get sick of her or something or realize I don’t like her enough to marry her, I can always pull out and end the relationship.” OR he may be thinking, “I’m not sure if I want to marry her, but I don’t really want to break up with her, I want to keep getting my ‘benefits,’ so I’ll just appease her in the meantime by asking her to live with me and that’ll hold her over for a while and get me off the hook of having to propose.”
He may be insinuating that the live-in situation will eventually lead to marriage, or maybe he outright told you that it would. But in the back of his mind, he is not giving you a ring yet because he is NOT SURE. And he wants to use the live-in situation as a way to prolong his decision and “try you on for size.”
But what happens is when a guy moves in with you; he’s getting all the ‘perks’ of the marriage from you– without the real marriage. You feed him, you feed his ego, you sleep with him, give him regular sex. You’re a loyal, committed woman; you’re available to him whenever he wants. Plus whatever else you may do for him like cook and clean or do his laundry. To a man there really is not much more, HE WANTS FROM YOU BECOZ HE has already been given everything-you have given him everything he wants without getting married. He gets all of this, plus he has the joy of having no life-long commitment and knowing he can always break it off at any time! So, what’s in it for him if he does get married? ‘Nothing’ as far as he is concerned. He doesn’t feel a need. Except for if he gets married; he’s stuck with a life-long commitment, and a lot more liability, and financial nightmare if the relationship does not end up working out.
So what happens? He starts getting content with the situation… and time starts dragging by… And do you think that he’s getting more and more attracted to you as time goes by, and more and more motivated to want to marry you?
NO, no, no my sisters and women friends! Because as time goes on and you live together every day, you start falling into a routine and, naturally, you become more dull and predictable to him. Any of those fun surprises that you may have experienced when you first became roomies are gone as you’ve become used to each other and any excitement you used to have has turned into monotony and often boredom that naturally comes from seeing the same person day in and day out. And the older you get and the more time that passes, the more impatient you become and insecure you feel about the situation. And it come out in unattractive ways, perhaps you start bitching at him or nagging him, get upset with him if he wants to take a trip without you or have a boys night, or question him about his intentions and ask him when his time-frame is for getting married.
So to him, you’re becoming less and less attractive as time goes on, not more attractive. This is especially true if you do not have a lot of outside friends or interests beside from him and you always want to spend time with him. Add on to that, the longer this drags on for, the more bored he gets in the relationship and the less attractive you become to him. Does that sound like something he’d be jumping up excitedly for and racing out to Swiss’s to buy you a ring?? What for??
Why should he “buy the cow” (you/marriage) if he’s “getting the milk” (the benefits) for free?
Meanwhile, he’s keeping you strung along, with all your other options cut off and being unable to meet anyone else, so you’re kept totally devoted & committed to him. While he gets to ‘test-drive’ you and see how he feels about living with you and being married to you while knowing he can just walk away at any time.
So you see, you can’t really blame the guy for dragging this on as long as he possibly can and not being motivated to marry you. If he hasn’t proposed after 1 year of living with you, he’s most likely not ever going to, and will just keep dragging it on. But it seems my women friends still fall for this trick from men. So they give the cake and still expect him to buy the cake, but he says if such cakes are so easy to get, I must taste them all, as long as I live.
Go to Oshikango, Namibia open market, and this tasting thing is there. They sale traditional beer-Ombike,a strong fermented drink, one can taste it from one end to the other, without buying, and will leave that placed satisfied without buying or paying any Oshimaliwa-money.The same thing happens at Omatala market, you can taste meats until you are full. Such is how women are being treated by wolves, hungry men, and they get full and drop you and try another pot-woman. When a man tastes you, believe you me, he won’t come back for you again, he knows you are cheap, he will go for another one, again and he just lives on testing. The man has all the money to buy the meat, and beers, in his wallet. But if he can spare his dollars and have something for free, and cheap he would gladly save his money, and taste for the rest of his life, and have his belly full.
So my women friends hear me well refuse to be test driven or used; because love and commitment are for your good.