Are you unable to express your love? You cannot find the languages of love? Are you trying hard to get it but you can’t? Don’t worry. The solutions are very simple. It is true that everybody cannot express their love to their partner easily. But, there are different languages of love. These languages are not same like English, Zulu, Oshiwambo, Spanish, and Otjiherero etc. These languages are quite different. I am sure you and me have heard that communication happens via one or more of three ways which are namely:
1. Visual – this refers to what we see and how we present ourselves
2. Auditory – this refers to what we hear and say
3. Kin aesthetic – this refers to what we feel and/or do
The way we experience love is via exactly the same channels: Visual – what I see in my relationship with you, Auditory – what I hear you say in my conversations with you and Kin aesthetic – what I feel when you touch me or when you do things for me.
And just as a piece of communication may be changed, depending on our previous life experience, so too will the perception of the other in the relationship. Many people have read the famous book by Gary Chapman, but there are still new people discovering it all the time. Over five million copies of the popular book have been sold, as it is consistently a New York Times bestseller. Many couples read the book in premarital counselling, and other couples read it after getting married. Chapman teaches that understanding your spouse’s love language is one of the keys to a successful relationship and marriage. Many feel wounded when their primary love language is not addressed or met. It is each individual`s responsibility to understand their partner`s love language and be able to meet that love language. So many people in love whether in relationships as courtship or marriage are running on an empty tank for a couple of years, because their love languages the primary ones aren’t full and ministered to by their partners.
Speaking to Busisiwe about the languages of love has been greatly fascinating and astonishing indeed, there is a woman who shares and opens her heart. What a fine woman she is an example to many and greatly cherished when it comes to opening up on such issues. She speaks about them passionately and how precious they are to her and her husband so this article is birthed out of my talking to her, interactions with many people in love married or in courtship, the languages of love I have realized still remain the same in any culture and geographical location.
What I missed out as a child is what I crave most now. We all know that there are two factors involved in creating who I am as a person. One pertains to “nature”; some quality that is already present at my birth and may in part be genetically inherited. The other pertains to “nurture”; the quality of the physical environment in which I was raised including how my parents and others cared for me. And while the debate still continues about which is most critical my belief is that both are equally so. To those who are not familiar with the languages of love, let me just run through them briefly. They are
Words of affirmation:
Some people like to receive words of affirmation or praise. People who want to hear praise need to hear they are great and special. Actions don’t speak louder than words in their minds. They are also especially sensitive to criticism, so you need to be careful how you criticize someone who has this love language as their primary one.
It is when one gives their partner undivided attention; you and me must understand and accept that some people just need to spend time with others! People who have this love language need your undivided attention. They expect to have their spouse’s attention regularly. Quality time does not have to be anything special, but it does need to be dedicated time with your spouse. You need to be willing to turn off the TV and the computer to spend time with your wife! Quality time does not mean doing chores together either! When you spend quality time together, you talk about your day and pay attention to your mate.
Acts of service
Acts of service is the languages of love; some people like to be served! They love it when you clean their car for them, make dinner for them, and do their chores for them. Think about how your mate expresses their love for you. If your mate is always serving you and doing things for you, then acts of service is one of their main love languages. Mates who seem to be lazy and don’t do any work around the house will not be attractive to someone who loves acts of service. So just because my language of love is such as, to hear words of endearment, my partner may have a whole different love language, such as, his might be to have things done for him, such as the preparation of a nice meal, as he did not receive that as a child.
Spouses that like receiving gifts love when they receive random gifts all the time. It really speaks to their heart when they receive a love note from you. Women who have the receiving gifts love language want you to show up at home with chocolate or other random food. You should never forget an anniversary or other special occasion.
The physical touch:
Some people love to be touched. You can express your love for your mate through holding hands, touching each other on the arm, hugs, and other touchy freely actions! Mates that want to be touched also expect you to be around to be touched. It is especially difficult for spouses who like physical touch to be away from their mate for an extended period. This is the most important language of love. If you are in the relationship then it is incomplete without a physical touch. This is the easiest way to express your love. A simple physical touch can bring some extra feelings to your partner which is just like heaven. A simple handshake might be a great in but may not be enough in of a relationship. This is the most primary form of love language. It comes to people automatically. There is no need of training for it.
Additionally I might have several love languages so I might be regarded as bi-lingual or even multi-lingual. The different languages of love are for everyone but, unfortunately everybody cannot opt for all of these. If your love is strong then anyone from these can be great for you. You do not need all five that time. The main goal of the languages of love is making a strong relationship between you and your partner. It can be done anyway.