By Herbert Mtowo
Boaz finding Ruth is one of my favorite love stories in the history of humanity. Though many would argue with me and say that finding love is like chasing the wind and an elusive dream and believe you me I am no expert to love and in love, but the few years I have lived on planet earth have been full of countless and precious and worthy lessons on a lot of topical issues to life. Talking about the love of a lifetime many schools of thoughts and theories have been spoken of written when it comes to stumbling on the love that we all cherish and long for. But allow me to approach it from another angle as I open my heart and pour it in black and white, how that life still is the master teacher when it comes to finding true love.
The foundational scripture that I’d like to begin with is 1 John 4:19, “We love God because He FIRST LOVED us.” Do you see the significance of those words? We didn’t chase after God. No, he chased after us. He lured us into a relationship with Him. Romans 3:11 tells us that no one seeks after God without him first seeking after them. It was God who waited at the well to talk with the woman who had already lived with seven men and the man she was with wasn’t even her husband. It was God who asked the questions and then provided the answers that would bring about her deliverance and change her life. That day as she made her way to the well, she wasn’t thinking about whether she would have an encounter with God today, no, she was going to get water. But God knew in advance that she would be there and he waited. Then he wooed her with his words.
To my precious Single women friends, how often is this scenario in reverse for you. You get all doled up and go to this or that event, hoping and praying that Mr. Right will find you? I remember growing up my sister at one time confided to me if she can get just a man to give her children she would be happy because she was getting tired by the day of waiting for love, many have died and lived disappointed but hold on for a while and listen to me as you read through this article. Do you ever leave feeling disappointed, especially if you go to a Christian singles’ event and there are 50 women for every one man. The odds really aren’t in your favor.
But I want you to make a shift in your consciousness today. I want you to see the development of a true love relationship, a godly love relationship in a whole new light. I want you to see a love relationship that mimics the relationship that God had with Israel, a prophet had with a prostitute, and Jesus has with the church.
Did you know that God’s relationship with the children of Israel in the Old Testament shows the love that a man is supposed to have for his mate? Are you aware that over and over and over and over in the Bible that God pursued the children of Israel only to be rejected again and again and again? Passage after passage throughout in the Old Testament is God pleading for the children of Israel to love and follow him because He wanted to bless them. Anyone who says God isn’t patient or merciful hasn’t read the Bible. He never gave up; he still hasn’t. These were his people and He loved them despite their bad behavior. All he ever wanted was for them to return and embrace his love.
In fact, he also used the story of Hosea to further depict his love and faithfulness to his people. God put an unconditional love in Hosea’s heart for a prostitute, Gomer and told him to marry her. In Hosea 3:1, God told Hosea, “Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites.” Hosea took Gomer to his home and gave her everything he had. He was crazy over her. But her old ways and life would lure her back into the streets and the arms of other men. Yet, that did not stop Hosea from finding his woman and bringing her back home. That’s how much he loved her.
Did you know that the relationship between Jesus and the church is our model for marriage? The Bible says that “we” are the bride of Christ. In Mark 2:20 Jesus refers to himself as the bridegroom. And because of his love for us, he stepped off his throne in heaven, lived on earth for about 30 years where he was ridiculed and rejected, and then died violently on a cross to restore our relationship back to God so that we could live eternally with Him. Revelations 19:7-9 and 21:1-2 tells about the last wedding that will take place. We are told that at the second coming of Christ, the official wedding ceremony will begin and the eternal union of Christ and his bride (us) will become a reality.
Well as I continued to prepare my writing of this article the Lord spoke to my spirit and said, that if a man is not as crazy and devoted to you as Christ is to the church and God was to the Children of Israel, he is not your bridegroom but a hireling, a fake. Wow! We loved God because HE first loved us. Ladies you are to love the man in our life because “he” first loved you, not because you manipulated, coerced, seduced, or even threatened him in marrying you. As women, you are to be receivers, not chasers. God created the man to choose, to pursue, and to love you and not the other way around. Ephesians 5:25 tells men to love their wives as Christ loved the church. But unfortunately, a role reversal has taken place and women have begun to aggressively chase after men and use any and all means to get them. Ladies, you may get a man, but he won’t be your bridegroom! When God does the choosing he will send him correct and He will put a love in his heart for you that will last longer than a flicker in the night.
I have personally known of men who waited for a woman for YEARS because they knew that woman was the one God had for them; they had eyes for no other. It didn’t matter how cute someone else was, their hearts were taken. Often times the women couldn’t see it. They just weren’t interested at all, but God began to do a work in their heart as well and these marriages are just as strong today as they were years ago.
I know I’m going to sound a bit out there now, but I’m going to say it anyway. Ladies, if the man in your life is not crazy about you, can’t stop thinking about you, doesn’t nurture and cherish you, doesn’t love buying you little things to see you smile, and if that man in your life wouldn’t die for you, he’s not your bridegroom. He is a fake and he’ll never love you like a true groom would. Now you can settle for him just to have somebody and not be alone, but just be clear what you’re doing. However, if you want God’s best, then wait for God to bring him to the well of your heart. Let him ask you for a drink of water but all along his true intentions are to water you with his love, to woo you, and to take you as his own.
Now married to women, your man may have started out thinking you were the cream in his coffee but because of the little foxes that were swept under the rug and not exposed and dealt with, a wall may have surfaced between you. It’s time to cleansing your relationship from everything that stands between you and your man and get those sparks flying again. So don’t despair, just start doing that mental and spiritual cleaning that is blocking the love between you from flowing freely. However, if you settled for a hireling, you may have to work harder to cultivate love and passion in your relationship, but with God all things are possible.
Now to all the men, I told you that you can glean from this article as well because if the woman in your life doesn’t make you a little “coo coo,” when you think about her then she probably isn’t the one either. I believe that when God presents that woman in your life you will eat, breath, dream, and sleep her. You won’t be able to get her out of your mind. It’s like thoughts about her will haunt you, in a good way of course. And yes, you would give her your all, up to the point of your own life. Your love for her will represent the love that Jesus has for the church and God for his people.
Therefore, single women if you are in a relationship and with a man, in which, you are always questioning whether he loves you, you don’t know his intentions, and you are carrying the bulk of relationship, run away, don’t walk. This man is “just not that into you.” Your bridegroom and your Boaz won’t have any problem showing you and telling you how he feels.
Lastly, be patient and as you learned in life`s lessons, learn to have a relationship with yourself and be fun, confident, and a joy to be around. Then one day when you least expect it, he’ll be right there waiting for you and you thought you were just going to buy some lettuce.