By Herbert Mtowo
With most marriages ending in divorce, it is important to take a self inventory about who you want to get married. In my talk to several people, I have discovered that people have really wild and at times crazy ideas about why they want to get married. In this article I am just sharing the fundamentals that should motivate me and you to get married. Several movies have been done on this matter and what comes to my attention quickly is “Why did I get married?” “Why did I get married too? “am sure there are several I can mention but these two and many others try to bring out to the open some of the reasons why people get married. So to avoid much of the heartache and pain and not ask regrettably,”Why did I get married?, you can as well ask yourself now, “Why do I want to get married ?” This will go a long way in making your heart and mind sure of what you want to get into before you do so. Read this along and give me feedback
Having compatibility, trust, and communication in your relationship will build the strong foundation of companionship you need for marriage. However, if one of these factors is not present, getting married is not a good idea. Marriage between two people should only occur when all factors are present. It is never a good idea to get married for the wrong reasons. Reasons not to get married include getting married due to love at first sight, sexual attraction, to cure loneliness, as an act of rebellion, rebound love, out of obligation, pressure, pregnancy, and for financial gain. Marriages based on these reasons most likely result in divorce. While for some people, one or these reasons may seem like the best thing, but they are not. Some of these reasons are selfish and do not Love at first sight. Ah, what a feeling! You smile constantly, have butterflies in your tummy, and may feel impulsive. Impulsive enough to get married. Getting married based on love alone is the number one reason not to get married. Love at first sight can be a temporary feeling. The things you do like running off to get married while under its spell can have lasting negative effects. No foundation has been built to support the marriage. Therefore, the marriage has no backbone and will most likely end in divorce. Also, marrying from lust at first sight is a bad idea as well. Marriages based on sexual attraction do not survive. Sex is one of the several factors that keep the flames of love burning and not thee only one. It`s important to have an open mind to be able to develop strengths in every area of your relationship. It`s sad that many people are just enduring and not enjoying marriage.
Second, do you trust one another? Marriages without trust are marriages that end in divorce. Having your partner’s trust is a must have in a relationship. If the slightest doubt in either of the partners’ mind, then there is no trust. Relationships thrive on trust and cannot survive without it. Third, is there communication? Lack of communication can destroy a relationship. Communication is very important in a marriage. Married people need to communicate all the time. Talking only when times get rough or not talking at all only hurts the relationship. The lack of communication is also a leading reason for divorces. Divorcees commonly complain that the other partner never listened or avoided conversations with them. Communication is vital to the relationship. If you never communicate, how will you know if you are compatible and if you trust one another?
No one wants to be lonely, but marrying someone simply to avoid being alone the rest of your life is wrong, not only for you but for your mate as well. People fear being alone and will jump into a marriage quickly to avoid it. Chances are you will still be lonely only now you will be lonely in a marriage. These types of marriages have no foundation of companionship and usually result in unhappiness leading to divorce take in the considerations of the other partner’s feelings. Whether you are marrying as an act of rebellion or rebound, neither are a good idea. The acts are selfish. Getting married as a way to get even with someone, parents and/or ex-lover, only hurts the ones who love you and yourself. Rebelling into marriage can have a negative impact on everyone involved. Marrying someone while on the rebound is unfair to the other person. It is easier for someone on the rebound to fall in love because of the need to be loved. People on the rebound tend to marry the wrong person. They are in love with the idea of being in love and not the real person. Rebound marriages can hurt the other partner who actually may be in love with the rebounded. The rebounded can also be hurt once they realize the mistake they have made.
Lastly, marrying for financial gain is wrong. Many men and women marry for financial gain to escape their current financial situations. This is perhaps the most selfish reason to marry someone. These marriages almost always result in divorce with hurt parties on both sides. Marrying for any of the wrong reasons is a recipe for disaster. Marriage is about commitment. A serious commitment between two people should never be taken lightly. Make sure you are marrying for the right reasons and not the wrong ones. Take time to ask yourself today, ‘Why do want to get married?” Check for the signals before you commit yourself to a long boring, lifeless and tiring marriage.
Marriage is not a fancy dream. Let’s be realistic.”