CHASE YOUR DREAMS UNTIL THEY BEG FOR MERCY! [If you don’t pursue your destiny nobody will.]

chase your dreams

pursuit of dreams

pursuit of dreams

By HERBERT MTOWO

When you hear about having the perfect life, it’s important to remember that it does not mean you will never meet different challenges throughout your lifetime. The quest or journey toward your perfect life is all about facing and conquering challenges.

That is where the phrase “victory is sweet” comes from. When things in life come easily, we often take that particular thing for granted. This gives you a reason to release your courage, face your challenges and pursue your perfect life.

The point is that we should not always look for the easiest path, the free ride, or the bargain basement way to life. It is still wiser to pay the price, because if the concept of you reap what you sow is true, you will receive the bigger better prize. Also, when you think about doing what it takes to reach your goals or to live your dream life, you will begin to understand, remember, or receive revelations of what your true destiny in life is all about.

And when we down play our power by settling for less than we think we deserve or by looking for a free ride, we begin to deny our destiny. Even if you have an idea of what your destiny is, the more you deny or downplay the best for your life your want to live your true destiny will begin to fade. That is called settling in life. Here are the million dollar questions you may want to ask yourself: 1. Are you settling in life? 2. Have you been denying your destiny? If you are settling, make the decision that you are not going to settle anymore. Decide that you are going to fulfill your destiny. Once you decide write the phrase: “As of this day, I am making the commitment to live out my true destiny.” Of course, you do not want to write it, if you are not ready.

Keep in mind that as long as you deny your destiny, your life’s blueprint will not be perfected and you will feel unsatisfied and incomplete.

Many of us know what we want for our lives and we have some idea of where to start. If you are not living your dream life and carrying out your destiny, then the obvious thing to do would be to find out why. There are many flawed reasons you can come up with for not living your dream life, and for not finally unleashing the power you have held back.

One reason is because you may have allowed your inner critic to dominate your mind. Your inner critic is that little voice that gives you all the reasons why you should not do anything that brings about personal growth. No matter how unhappy you are, the inner critic is the voice that convinces you that it would not be a good idea to make any changes in your life. It convinces you to stay in the safety mode . This inner voice tells you to become complacent and accept whatever comes your way, because that way of living is necessary for survival. The inner critic is not interested in helping you

The idea of pursuing your destiny can get you excited the moment you begin to think about it. Although, excitement is usually the beginning of any worthwhile pursuit, your inner critic can interfere with your positive thought process and create fear preventing any momentum. The key is to face any fear you may be having. When you face and conquer fears, you may not totally get rid of your inner critic, but you would gain more control of your life and your destiny.

List as many positive attributes and thoughts as you can. This will help you lower your fear and each time you remember the positive things you have written, you will silence your inner critic. Also list what makes you the perfect person to carry out and complete your goal and that will help silence your inner critic and as bonus, it will sharpen your focus. The more you remind yourself that you are the perfect one to carry out your destiny; the more the winner in you will emerge.

The point is, you must consider pursuing any destiny that you feel compelled to complete. Who will benefit from what you are considering doing? Remember, whatever you feel your destiny is, it is not how big or small it is. It is all about whose life will it touch, so write why it is important to follow your destiny and write down who it will help.

This will inspire you to add your destiny to your blueprint as you design your life and you will feel complete as you begin to live out your dreams.

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Is it honor or shame love or war?

Herbert Mtowo

Honor and change are in the life of humanity but one has to realize booth of them when they have come and walk in their fullness thereof. Such is the world of humanity that many have missed such. But this I have realized and noticed among-st people, the refusal to give honor and accept change when needed, as in regards to Gender based Violence against women and children, though no statistics’ states that there is a growing number of men suffering in silence also. Many choose to stay in abusive relationships because they have been lied to that walking away will bring shame, but what shame is it when one is already going through it while faking honor of marriage and love.
Sad in my opinion governments and politicians, those legally empowered to deal with such aren’t doing enough or more to curb this evil. The pit of relationship hell must be domestic violence as it corrodes both your emotional and physical strength. Your body hurts but so do your emotions and your heart. You feel violated physically and emotionally but fear, unworthiness and a glimmer of optimism battle for a place in your life. And this conflicting well of emotions is what mobilizes you? So what can you do to escape domestic violence? How do you find the courage to leave?

Be real! To find the courage to escape domestic violence you must take an honest look at your relationship and the emotions that it evokes.

You have that nagging feeling that your partner will change and because they act extra nice after the violence you hang your confused emotions on this. But you have been here before and they have not changed. Why do you think that they will change now? What is your confidence based on? Your abusive partner’s word? Has your abusive partner kept their word not to abuse you before? So why is today’s promise from them any different? To get the courage to leave you must be honest with yourself and realize that your partner will not change and if you do not leave this domestic violence will kill you emotionally and maybe physically.

Maybe you are afraid that your abusive spouse will get so angry if you leave that they will become even more abusive than usual. They have trained you well with their violence so that you are now planned to avoid making them angry. You will do anything not to make them angry. But again you have been here before; have all your efforts not to make them angry worked? Has all the walking on eggshells and fawning over them worked at stopping their violence toward you? Do you not realize that you cannot keep the peace with them as they are on the war path just waiting to pounce on you at the slightest hint of imagined wrong? Your fear of more abuse just keeps you in a place to get even more violence.

When your spouse was first violent toward you, you felt incredible shame and so you hid this horrendous thing from your family and friends. And this was your first mistake because in a sick and perverted way it bound you to your abusive spouse as you now shared this incredibly horrible secret. You are ashamed that the person who is supposed to love you most in the world is raining such pain on you. You need to know that hiding shame does cut it and it in fact magnifies it in your life and makes the prison that you built for yourself from it even stronger. To get the courage to escape from domestic violence you need to let someone you trust and who cares for you and who can lend you their support know what it is that you are facing in your marriage.

An offshoot of domestic violence is a deep feeling of worthlessness. You feel like somehow you don’t deserve to be treated better by your spouse. This is due to what your partner says when they abuse you as well as the shame you feel. To escape domestic violence you need to remember how you felt about yourself before the abuse started or to imagine how it would feel if you didn’t have this cloud of violent abuse hanging over your life every single day of your life.

To escape domestic violence one must find the courage to leave their abusive spouse. And to find this courage one must counter the lies and flawed attitudes that they now have so that they can draw strength from the truth. Poverty is one of the reasons why women stay in abusive relationships and sad that most empowerment programs in Africa favor the men most and women become marginalized and can’t access the resources that would allow them to be able to make decisions not based on need and dependency but from a place or reality and strength.

Get you honor and walk away from any forms of abuse in a relationship, many have struggled to recover even though the physical scars have healed but the emotional damage has taken them a lifetime to walk tall and confidently again. Shame is keeping the abuse all in the name of feeling honored by society and culture, Honor is standing tall and refusing to be silent no more about abuse, whether you being the victim or someone else.
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Love doesn’t abuse-WHY HIT AND ABUSE HER?

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Herbert Mtowo

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women. More than 3 women are murdered, every day, by their husbands or boyfriends. Some cases go unreported. I have realized and noticed that many children and adults women, who have been subjected to violence, may struggle to recover in a life time and struggle to relate well with people around them, such is the impact of GBV on their emotions.

Domestic violence is abuse that occurs within intimate relationships. It is the willful act of intimidation, battery, sexual assault, or abusive behavior, perpetrated by an intimate partner against another.

85% to 90% of abusers are men. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone, regardless of race, religion, economic status, educational background, age, or sexual orientation.

Domestic abuse often starts with verbal abuse and threats, before escalating to violence. While physical injury may be the most obvious danger, psychological and emotional abuse are also very severe.

Dominance and control are two main causes of domestic violence; however, there are other causes. Boys who saw their fathers’ abuse their mothers is another cause. Abusers are often insecure. Some also suffer from self-hate.
The abused are usually loyal to their abusers. Many women stay in abusive relationships due to fear, finances, children, low self-esteem, and/or, they love their partners and hope that they change their abusive behavior. Some girls also saw their fathers’ abuse their mothers.

Real love does not endanger or kill. No one should live in fear of the person they love. Abusers pick their victims. They don’t abuse everyone in their lives. They usually abuse those who they claim to love most, their intimate partners and their children. All relationships have problems, however, issues need to be resolved in a healthy way. Everyone deserves to be loved, respected, and safe! It is also crucial that each person, in the relationship, has self-love. Before we love others, we must love ourselves. It is not selfish to love yourself, it is a must. The better we are to ourselves, the better that we can be to others!

Abuse is a horrific crime. Abusers must be held accountable for their actions! We must not decrease the damage abusers cause, no matter how influential or wealthy the abuser may be. Most countries have acts on violence against women, which to me is commendable but the challenge is still there of bringing this evil to an end to this evil. In my travel in most African countries and Middle East and Europe included, its sad that this evil seems to be rising by the day and Africa and Middle East topping the list statistically. Politicians, key leaders as clergy, traditional Leaders and business communities need to do more than stand aloof. It’s sad to realize that even among church people such evils are going and unreported or even swept under the carpet, what shall become or our society and the next coming generations.

The evil we need to drive out of society [Gender Based Violence]

Marriage gone bad.
Herbert Mtowo

Sometimes, when I hear certain news stories, I wonder how genuine we are about matters that concern “other people.” Take the issue of violence against women: it is now a featured radio and television talk-show topic, where genuine and fake people alike can parade behind serious issues. I watch “imitation actors/actresses” parade this issue in front of cameras as if they are competing for an Oscar. My humble opinion is that if we are really serious about eliminating violence against women, we must go to the main roots.

Domestic violence is hardly reported to the authorities. One of the chief reasons for this is that, just like verbal abuse, Domestic violence is often looked at as ‘doing the needful’.

And to make matters worse, it often doesn’t qualify as abuse in several states and countries, hence giving the authorities no say in the matter. Especially in the Middle East, Asia and Africa where there are no recorded statistics or numbers of victims of child abuse because of the large numbers and cultural impact.

It is estimated that over 50% of the children undergo domestic violence. At this point, one may want to argue that ‘but 50% of the children don’t turn out to be failures’

Together, we can reduce and perhaps end violence. I am going to anger some of my friends with the next few remarks, but I do not care. A woman is so beautiful, and her magnetic attraction is so powerful that “angels left their heavenly abode” in pursuit of her beauty and grace. Of all the “zillions” of created beings on earth, God chose her to deliver the greatest gift to misdirected people.

Those who grew up within an environment filled with domestic violence could have scars that run deep. The emotional, mental, and physical trauma of childhood that was filled with abuse will wreak havoc on your life if you don’t process what happened to you. You’ll self-sabotage yourself in many ways from becoming a ‘people pleaser’ to becoming co-dependent. You’ll stay in a vicious cycle until you decide to break it. Have the courage to face your inner demons and free yourself from the bondage of domestic violence. Don’t you owe it to yourself?

Children who grew up within domestic violence often become people pleaser. They want to make sure everyone likes them and don’t enjoy confrontation. This isn’t worth it. If someone doesn’t like you, so be it. Stop overextending yourself because you believe you can’t say “No” when someone needs your help. Politely say “No, I can’t help you at this time. Thank you for understanding.” Practice saying “No” and before you know it, you’ll be a pro at it.
Growing up within domestic violence probably robbed your self-confidence and self-esteem. To strengthen your self-esteem, say affirmations. Every day you could say, “Every day in every way, I’m getting better and better or I love and approve myself or I love and accept myself.” Say affirmations out loud or too yourself. Look in the mirror when you say them and really ‘feel’ what you’re saying.

Stand up for yourself. Don’t let others walk all over you. If you have an opinion, voice it. Don’t hold back because you feel you may hurt someone’s feelings. Say what you feel in a calm and rational way. Don’t speak out of anger — speak your truth.

If you never had therapy, you may want to consider it. When you speak with a counselor, you’ll ‘purge’ yourself of your emotions of the past. Make sure you don’t ‘wallow’ in the past. Find a counselor that will move your forward in your life and not keep you stuck. In my field as a Gender practitioner and counselor, some of the things I have witnessed and the people I have had to work with who are victims of GBV hasn’t been an easy experience at realizing the impact of such on their lives.

Children don’t raise themselves — parents do. It wasn’t your fault that you grew up in a chaotic environment. A two-year-old can’t stand up for herself. She can’t stand up and say, “Excuse me, mom and dad, do think beating each other up is a good idea? Do you know what that can do to me emotionally, mentally, and psychologically? You may want to get yourself some help because this isn’t a healthy environment.” It’s not your fault. Learn from it and let it go. Move forward with your life.

I am a firm believer in the media both electronic and print media and their influence in exposing GBV.The Media should consider raising awareness as well as the intensity of the issue. The media is responsible for bringing news and awareness as well as emotions to the minds of its viewers, I believe if the Media makes a sincere effort in bringing fame to particular cases of child abuse which have resulted in death or severe injury by physical abuse, it would force the authorities to take action. You should make a sincere effort to help out any child you know who is undergoing domestic violence

At the end of the day, no media and no advertisement can be as helpful to a child as a supportive adult who understands and explains his situation. It is very beneficial to a child to have another adult disown violence and violent attitudes while promoting more freedom in the child’s life, such instances make up for a huge difference in the personality development of the victim.