Love doesn’t abuse-WHY HIT AND ABUSE HER?


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Herbert Mtowo

Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women. More than 3 women are murdered, every day, by their husbands or boyfriends. Some cases go unreported. I have realized and noticed that many children and adults women, who have been subjected to violence, may struggle to recover in a life time and struggle to relate well with people around them, such is the impact of GBV on their emotions.

Domestic violence is abuse that occurs within intimate relationships. It is the willful act of intimidation, battery, sexual assault, or abusive behavior, perpetrated by an intimate partner against another.

85% to 90% of abusers are men. Domestic violence does not discriminate. It can happen to anyone, regardless of race, religion, economic status, educational background, age, or sexual orientation.

Domestic abuse often starts with verbal abuse and threats, before escalating to violence. While physical injury may be the most obvious danger, psychological and emotional abuse are also very severe.

Dominance and control are two main causes of domestic violence; however, there are other causes. Boys who saw their fathers’ abuse their mothers is another cause. Abusers are often insecure. Some also suffer from self-hate.
The abused are usually loyal to their abusers. Many women stay in abusive relationships due to fear, finances, children, low self-esteem, and/or, they love their partners and hope that they change their abusive behavior. Some girls also saw their fathers’ abuse their mothers.

Real love does not endanger or kill. No one should live in fear of the person they love. Abusers pick their victims. They don’t abuse everyone in their lives. They usually abuse those who they claim to love most, their intimate partners and their children. All relationships have problems, however, issues need to be resolved in a healthy way. Everyone deserves to be loved, respected, and safe! It is also crucial that each person, in the relationship, has self-love. Before we love others, we must love ourselves. It is not selfish to love yourself, it is a must. The better we are to ourselves, the better that we can be to others!

Abuse is a horrific crime. Abusers must be held accountable for their actions! We must not decrease the damage abusers cause, no matter how influential or wealthy the abuser may be. Most countries have acts on violence against women, which to me is commendable but the challenge is still there of bringing this evil to an end to this evil. In my travel in most African countries and Middle East and Europe included, its sad that this evil seems to be rising by the day and Africa and Middle East topping the list statistically. Politicians, key leaders as clergy, traditional Leaders and business communities need to do more than stand aloof. It’s sad to realize that even among church people such evils are going and unreported or even swept under the carpet, what shall become or our society and the next coming generations.

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