Signs You’re Settling for Less Than You Deserve

Iyanla  Vanzant

Iyanla Vanzant

By Iyanla Vanzant

Some years ago, I was shopping and came upon a beautiful red dress. The color, style and length were perfect. But the store didn’t have it in my size. It did, however, have the same dress in navy, which I wasn’t crazy about. Then I noticed a pair of blue shoes nearby that complemented that blue dress. (I didn’t love those, either.) So what did I do? I bought both. I was afraid I wouldn’t find anything else, so I settled. (It won’t surprise you to learn that I’ve never worn the dress or the shoes.)

You’ve probably heard the saying “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” Here’s a question: Why put up with any devil? Why not give ourselves only good things? When we believe we cannot have what we desire—when we lack faith in ourselves and in the goodness of life—we settle for less. We decide that whatever is in front of us is better than nothing. But believe me when I tell you that better than nothing isn’t good enough.

I often see people settle for less than they deserve in personal relationships: accepting bad behavior, excusing broken promises, accommodating people who take more than they give. Why? Because doing things we’ve grown accustomed to is familiar, comfortable.

Which is why sometimes it can be tough to gauge whether we’re settling: When we tell ourselves that things are fine, we soon forget that they could be better. Here’s how to know whether you’re putting up with less than you deserve:

1. When you have to work yourself into a state of excitement rather than naturally experiencing joy and passion, you’re probably settling.

2. When you bargain with yourself about what you can do without rather than feeling gratitude for what you already have, you’re probably settling.

3. When your focus is on the time and energy you’ve invested in an endeavor rather than the love, joy and gratification you’ve gained, you’re probably settling.

4. When you’re making excuses about why you should stay put rather than going for what you truly want, you’re probably settling.

5. When you spend more time complaining about what you have than appreciating it, you’re definitely settling.

But there is a lesson to be learned in everything. When we realize we’ve been settling, we discover what we actually believe. We learn that we perhaps think ourselves undeserving of happiness and find how susceptible we are to outside influences—because often we settle when others convince us it’s the right thing to do. Most important, we learn that we are not standing fully in our truth. Armed with this information, we can make new choices that support our desires—by beginning to believe that we can have what we really want.

##. Make room in your life for what you really deserve instead of settling for a comfortable compromise.

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I have become wiser because of my mistakes

Moving-Forwardmaking mistakes

By Herbert Mtowo

Mistakes are great teachers. Success comes to those who are willing to risk making mistakes in the pursuit of a goal, and who are able to learn from those mistakes. And in order to learn from mistakes, you must be willing to pay for them.

If you are not making mistakes, you aren’t doing anything important. You probably aren’t learning anything, either, if everything you do is done perfectly every single time. Learning is a process of trial and error. No trial, no error, no learning.

When you look to others to pay for your mistakes, then you deprive yourself of the opportunity to learn from them. When something goes wrong, it’s usually very easy to find someone else to blame. But what does that really accomplish? Much of the value of mistakes comes from the fact that they exact a cost which must be paid. The person who learns the most from a mistake is the person who pays the price for that mistake.

The facts are irrefutable and beyond question. Mistakes are essential for learning, improvement, productivity and creativity. Mistakes supply feedback for corrective action, contingent options or improvements. If you make no mistakes, you rarely learn much.

Every time I’ve asked people to think of the most painful mistake ever made in their whole life and consider if they would wish the memory to be wiped out, they hesitate. When confronted with the choice of keeping their most painful memory or literally forgetting about it, having it removed from their minds so they will remember nothing about it, they always eventually answer, “no.” Their answer usually surprises them; but when you think about it, you realize that painful feedback is important feedback. You learned from it. The person you are today is a product of all those memories and experiences, good and bad, happy and sad, joyful and painful. Lose the memory of your painful mistake and you lose part of your identity, because that lesson made you who you are today.

No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Let’s learn from them rather than let them rule and ruin our lives. When you make a mistake, the last thing you want to do is run from it. Rather, own up to it. There is much value to be had when you claim it. The mistake has been made, so make the most of it. Pay the price, learn the lesson, and grow that much stronger.