DIFFERENT REASONS THAT ARE MOTIVATING PEOPLE TO MARRY.

Marriage and talks

By Herbert Mtowo

With most marriages ending in divorce, it is important to take a self inventory about who you want to get married. In my talk to several people, I have discovered that people have really wild and at times crazy ideas about why they want to get married. In this article I am just sharing the fundamentals that should motivate me and you to get married. Several movies have been done on this matter and what comes to my attention quickly is “Why did I get married?” “Why did I get married too? “am sure there are several I can mention but these two and many others try to bring out to the open some of the reasons why people get married. So to avoid much of the heartache and pain and not ask regrettably,”Why did I get married?, you can as well ask yourself now, “Why do I want to get married ?” This will go a long way in making your heart and mind sure of what you want to get into before you do so. Read this along and give me feedback
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Having compatibility, trust, and communication in your relationship will build the strong foundation of companionship you need for marriage. However, if one of these factors is not present, getting married is not a good idea. Marriage between two people should only occur when all factors are present. It is never a good idea to get married for the wrong reasons. Reasons not to get married include getting married due to love at first sight, sexual attraction, to cure loneliness, as an act of rebellion, rebound love, out of obligation, pressure, pregnancy, and for financial gain. Marriages based on these reasons most likely result in divorce. While for some people, one or these reasons may seem like the best thing, but they are not. Some of these reasons are selfish and do not Love at first sight. Ah, what a feeling! You smile constantly, have butterflies in your tummy, and may feel impulsive. Impulsive enough to get married. Getting married based on love alone is the number one reason not to get married. Love at first sight can be a temporary feeling. The things you do like running off to get married while under its spell can have lasting negative effects. No foundation has been built to support the marriage. Therefore, the marriage has no backbone and will most likely end in divorce. Also, marrying from lust at first sight is a bad idea as well. Marriages based on sexual attraction do not survive. Sex is one of the several factors that keep the flames of love burning and not thee only one. It`s important to have an open mind to be able to develop strengths in every area of your relationship. It`s sad that many people are just enduring and not enjoying marriage.

Second, do you trust one another? Marriages without trust are marriages that end in divorce. Having your partner’s trust is a must have in a relationship. If the slightest doubt in either of the partners’ mind, then there is no trust. Relationships thrive on trust and cannot survive without it. Third, is there communication? Lack of communication can destroy a relationship. Communication is very important in a marriage. Married people need to communicate all the time. Talking only when times get rough or not talking at all only hurts the relationship. The lack of communication is also a leading reason for divorces. Divorcees commonly complain that the other partner never listened or avoided conversations with them. Communication is vital to the relationship. If you never communicate, how will you know if you are compatible and if you trust one another?

No one wants to be lonely, but marrying someone simply to avoid being alone the rest of your life is wrong, not only for you but for your mate as well. People fear being alone and will jump into a marriage quickly to avoid it. Chances are you will still be lonely only now you will be lonely in a marriage. These types of marriages have no foundation of companionship and usually result in unhappiness leading to divorce take in the considerations of the other partner’s feelings. Whether you are marrying as an act of rebellion or rebound, neither are a good idea. The acts are selfish. Getting married as a way to get even with someone, parents and/or ex-lover, only hurts the ones who love you and yourself. Rebelling into marriage can have a negative impact on everyone involved. Marrying someone while on the rebound is unfair to the other person. It is easier for someone on the rebound to fall in love because of the need to be loved. People on the rebound tend to marry the wrong person. They are in love with the idea of being in love and not the real person. Rebound marriages can hurt the other partner who actually may be in love with the rebounded. The rebounded can also be hurt once they realize the mistake they have made.

Lastly, marrying for financial gain is wrong. Many men and women marry for financial gain to escape their current financial situations. This is perhaps the most selfish reason to marry someone. These marriages almost always result in divorce with hurt parties on both sides. Marrying for any of the wrong reasons is a recipe for disaster. Marriage is about commitment. A serious commitment between two people should never be taken lightly. Make sure you are marrying for the right reasons and not the wrong ones. Take time to ask yourself today, ‘Why do want to get married?” Check for the signals before you commit yourself to a long boring, lifeless and tiring marriage.
Marriage is not a fancy dream. Let’s be realistic.”

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MASTERING COMMUNICATION IN LOVE

communication is key to love
Herbert Mtowo

Communication is one of the sensitive issues that we all have to earn every day of our lives. The best way to improve communication is through learning to communicate effectively and this will help couples develop a happy relationship. A relationship is a mixture of emotions which include feats of disagreements. Marriage is a work in progress; you will have issues along the way from the small stuff like where to spend your vacation to bigger issues that involve money. When couples communicate effectively, they will develop better relationships.

As far as I am concerned she is the best woman when you think about communication, one who makes one open up and share the world which nobody else knows or sees. And conflicts in relationships can be avoided. But that takes a lot of growing in the area of communication in love.

To avoid conflicts and resolve common relational issues, I recommend use of the following marriage communication skills, though there are many skills of communication to grow and master:

1. Speak not when you are angry. Your heart beats more than 90 beats per minute when you are angry. At this rate, it is difficult to use the logical side of your brain. If you speak a word at this time, you might release bashing words that you would later regret. You might say things that would hurt your spouse and may cause an irreparable damage to your marriage. Thus, disengage when angry; speak not a word.

2. Choose non-offensive words when communicating. If you want to express a complaint, start your statement with “I” or “We” instead of “You”. Say, “I think our investment is a mistake” instead of “You made a mistake in investing our money”. Choosing non-offensive words will not illicit defensiveness from your spouse. Even your way of speaking should be with a soft voice.

3. Do not criticize your spouse. Do not attack your spouse’s character and personality. Do not accuse and blame. Don’t be sarcastic. Do not insult your spouse or call him names. Stop non-verbal communications that could trigger anger like eyes rolling in mockery and sneering. Folded arms and a slightly turned back could be construed as disrespect and non-interest in the communication.

4. Do not be defensive. Always listen and have an open mind in your communication. Your feelings may have been hurt during your communication but you have to face the issues and own your faults. Take responsibility for personal actions. Being defensive will prevent you and your spouse from solving your marital issues amicably and develop a happy relationship. Most relationships by far and large run at the defense mode pace.

5. Inform your spouse of your hurt feelings. Never hide them or be passive about these emotions because if you do, you are creating a monster that can destroy your relationship. Being passive about your feelings will compound your hurts and this can turn into an explosive bomb when you reach your greatest tolerance. Addressing hurt feelings is one of the healthiest activities that a married couple should engage in. Never internalize your hurt feelings or subject your spouse to a silent treatment.

6. Be open to interact and communicate. A silent treatment will not only enrage your spouse, it will lead to unresolved issues. Silence is one of the deadly killers of relationships, and by all means we should try to avoid it.

Communicate with your ears, eyes, heart and mind. Make sure that you perfectly understand what your spouse is talking about. Listen to the needs and emotions being expressed. Make your spouse feel that you are listening attentively and feeling the emotions being expressed. Validate what you heard and felt by re-phrasing the statements or asking questions.

Master these relationship communication skills so that they become natural to you. These relationship communication skills then become automatic when you encounter marital issues. You automatically withdraw them from your system and unconsciously become your tools of engagement even when you are tired, upset, stressed or angry.

Relationship communication skills are one of your best tools to help you develop a healthy marriage life.

INFLUENCE-THE MASTER KEY IN LEADERSHIP

leading

Have you ever wondered why some leaders make success more rapidly than others? It is not purely because they are more talented, better looking, have better ideas or have the best strategic plans. Some of these things impact the outcome, but the defining difference is in their ability to influence.

Leadership author and speaker John Maxwell puts it very simply.

“Leadership is influence. Nothing more, nothing less.”

The ability to influence others is a key quality of a leader. Leaders must embrace the mastery of this skill, as it determines your success or failure. It is your ability to influence that allows you to drive change, build cohesive, high performing teams and successfully carry out strategic plans. To be an effective leader, it is necessary to influence others to support and action your vision, ideas and day-to-day decisions.

Let me be clear… when I speak of influence I am not referring to manipulation. Manipulation may get you what you want in the short-term but the long-term damage to your reputation and your leadership will not be worth it. Your role as a leader is to mobilize people to believe in a compelling vision and act towards meeting a common goal. You are there to show them what is possible and to influence desired actions in an effort to deliver excellence in everything they set out to do. Great leaders lead and influence by modelling a winning attitude and encouraging others to continue to stretch and grow their skills and abilities. Influence, like leadership can be learnt.

Your influence is built on a foundation of:

1. Trust. People follow, believe in and work harder for people who they trust. Without trust there is an absolute limit to your ability to create lasting influence. Trust is built over time out of genuine relationships, care and consistency of behavior. You will notice when people trust you, they will believe in your vision, be more willing to stretch beyond their comfort zone and go the “extra mile” to get the job done.

2. Like ability. Amy Cuddy, of Harvard Business School, found that projecting “warmth” is the key to having influence. Research has shown that leaders who are rated low on likability have about a one in 2,000 chance of being regarded as effective. WOW! So it is important to make sure that you are approachable, positive, genuine, caring and warm if you wish to succeed as a leader.

3. Genuine Relationships. Those with the greatest amount of influence are almost always those with the strongest relationships. Think about the people whom you have solid relationships with. Are you more likely to go out of your way to help them, support them and champion their success? Of course you are. The same goes for your relationships at work.

4. And while building genuine relationships with your team, customers and others at work, you will build and strengthen your trust and likability reason, thus further strengthening the degree of your influence.

The bottom line is that your leadership influence is more to do with your character and who you are being each day when your show up at work than anything else. Take a sincere interest in others, work on your likability and strengthen the relationships with those around you and sit back and watch your influence and so your impact and results flourish. What can you do today to take steps to build even more trust, elevate your likeability score and your strengthen relationships?

DEVINE CONNECTIONS IN YOUR LIFE !

Barack  and Michelle Obama

Barack and Michelle Obama

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private.

They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle,

“Why was he so interested in talking to you.?”

She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said,

“So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant?,”

Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

*My people, believe it or not, sometimes its a woman that makes a man who he is…. for the men that are still searching for a wife, may God help you to find that help mate that will turn you from ” A Nobody” to “A Somebody”

For that single lady that is reading this, may you be that blessing no man can do without.

SIGNS TO WATCH AND GAURD AGAINST EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY.

Making love is A Skill to be mastered.

There are SEVERAL warning signs to alert you to take action to protect yourself and your relationship from ‘emotional infidelity.’Over the years in my practice as a counselor and training consultant on social issues aaaand networking with many other specialist in this field has made me realize that,these are some of the warnings we have to gaurd against.

a. Thinking and saying you’re ‘just friends’ with opposite-sex.

If you’ve been thinking or saying, “we’re just friends,” think again. If it’s a member of the opposite sex, you may be swimming in treacherous waters. The very words are dangerous to your marriage.

This rationale allows you to make excuses, or more plainly, to tell lies (to yourself and others) about something you know in your gut is wrong. Regardless how strongly TV and entertainment promote the idea of opposite-sex friendships (and this is part of the problem!) as not only ‘okay,’ but also ‘right’ to demand unconditional trust, in most cases, an intimate friendship with a member of the opposite-sex that you find interesting and attractive poses risks.

b. Treating them as a confidant, sharing intimate issues.

Sharing thoughts and deepest concerns, hopes and fears, passions and problems is what deepens intimacy; it builds an emotional bond between two people, time better used in marriage relationship. Giving this away to another person, regardless of the justification, is infidelity, a betrayal of trust. This is especially true when you consider that emotional intimacy is the most powerful bond in human relationships, much stronger than a sexual one.

c. Discussing troubling aspects of your marriage and partners.

Talking or venting to a person of the opposite sex about what your marriage lacks, what your partner lacks, or what you’re not getting to make you happy sends a loud message that you’re available for someone else to ‘love and care’ for your needs. It’s also a breach of trust. And, like gossip, it creates a false sense of shared connection, and an illusion that you, your happiness, your comfort and needs are totally valued by this person (when, in truth, this has not been put to the test!).

d. Comparing them verbally and mentally to your partner.

Another danger sign is a thinking pattern that increasingly finds what is ‘positive’ and ‘just right’ about the friend and ‘negative’ and ‘unfulfilling’ about the partner. This builds a case ‘for’ the friend and ‘against’ the partner. Another mental breach of trust, this unfairly builds a physiologically felt case ‘for’ the friend and ‘against’ the partner, forming mental images in the brain that associate pleasurable and painful sensations accordingly.

e. Obsessively thinking or daydreaming about the person.

If you find yourself looking forward to seeing the person, cannot wait to share news, think about what you’re going to tell them when you’re apart, and imagine their excitement, you’re in trouble. This sense of expectation, excitement, anticipation releases dopamine in reward centers of your brain, reinforcing toxic patterns. Obsessively thinking about the person is an obvious signal that something is wrong. After all, you don’t do this with your friends, right?

f. Believing this person ‘gets’ you like no other.

It always appears this way in affairs and romantic encounters at the start. It’s an illusion, and in the case of emotional infidelity, one that is dangerous to a marriage because the sense of mutual ‘understanding’ forms a bond that strengthens and deepens emotional intimacy, with the release of pleasurable neurochemicals, such as the love and safety hormone oxytocin. This focus also puts you in a ‘getting’ frame of mind. It means you are approaching your marriage in terms of what you’re getting or not getting, rather than what you’re contributing.

g. Pulling out of regular activities with your partner, family, work.

Being absorbed with desire to spend more and more time talking, sharing, being with the person, it’s only natural to begin to resent time you spend on responsibilities and activities at home (and work?). As a result, you begin to pull away, turn down, or make excuses for not joining regular activities with your partner and family. Family members notice you are withdrawn, irritable and unhappy.

h. Keeping what you do secret and covering up your trail.

Secrecy itself is a warning sign. It creates a distinct closeness between two people, and at the same time grows the distance between them and others. Secrets create a special bond, most often an unhealthy one. For example, there may be a false sense of emotional safety and trust with the person, and an unwarranted mistrust and suspicion of the partner, or those who try to interfere with the ‘friendship.’

i. Keeping a growing list of reasons that justify your behaviors.

This involves an addictive pattern of thinking that focuses your attention on how unhappy you are, why you’re unhappy, and blames your partner and marriage for all aspects of your unhappiness. It builds a dangerous sense of entitlement and forms a pool of resentment from which you feel justified to mistreat your partner or do what you need to increase your happiness without considering the consequences.

j. Fantasizing about a love or sexual relationship with the person.

At some point, one or both persons begin to fantasize about having a love or sexual relationship with the other. They may begin to have discussions about this, which adds to the intensity, the intrigue and the intoxicating addictive releases of neurochemicals that make the pattern more entrenched.

k. Giving or receiving personal gifts from the person.

Another flag is when the obsession affects your buying behaviors, so that you begin to think about this person when you are shopping, wondering what they like or would show your appreciation. The gift choices are something intimate items that you would not give ‘just’ a friend. Gifts send clear messages that the two of you are a ‘close we’ set apart from others, and that the relationship is ‘special.’

l. Planning to spend time alone together or letting it happen.

This is the warning sign that, when not heeded, most often pushes partners to cross the line from a platonic to a sexual relationship. Despite good intentions and promises to one another that they would not let ‘anything’ happen, it’s a set up, a matter of time, when opposite-sex friends flirt with the availability of time alone.

Affairs are like cancer

Affairs are like cancer

UNLEASH THE GREATNESS IN YOU.

Changing through growth

I recently mourned the death of one of my PRECIOUS friend,and am reminded of my brother`S DEATH,after I attended his memorial service. As I listened to the wonderful comments made by so many as to the kind of person he was, I stopped for a moment to look inside myself to see who I am.I have always believed that my brother could have easily become the undisputed World Boxing Champion,even during the times of Iron Mike,Lewis,Ali,George Foreman,but something just didn`t click to get there,sad he died with those dreams not accomplished.I don`t wanna die with massive potential locked up within me,I must unleaSH the greatness in me. There was enormous room for growth in my life. Is there room for improvement in your life? Let us take a moment to learn how we can grow to become the person we hope to be.

We all want to be the best that we can be. We sometimes see others and admire certain characteristic traits about them. We have read volumes of self-help books in hopes of fine tuning ourselves. True many of these books help but self-growth goes way beyond reading books. It means we must stop wishing for change and becomes proactive in creating the change. Self-growth is about change and the change begins with us.

In order for change to take place within you, you must first define your goals. Know what changes you want to make. You are aware of the qualities you want to discard from your life. Write them down. Here are some ways to begin to do some introspective work to help you to define the changes you want to make in your life.
• Make a list of some habits you’ve often wanted to change.
• Do you know how you are perceived? Try to get a feel of how others think of you. Make a note of how you want to be perceived and how to can change your behavior to make that.
• Make mental notes of how you treat others. Do you walk away feeling good that you have treated that person you met . Do you feel good when you walk away?
• Think back to criticisms you have received in the past. Do you think there may have been some truth to them? Are you objective enough to see the true you?
• Speak to an objective friend or family member you trust to be fair and honest with you. Get some feedback on how you are perceived.
• Observe the behaviors of those you admire and make a note. Do you see those same characteristics in you?
• Make a note of behaviors you see in others that you dislike and look within to see if you share any of those traits. Try to be balanced. Make a list of the ones you want to change.

Take personal Introspection

True we have to love and accept ourselves unconditionally but we must always strive to be the best that we can be. That is how we grow. Self-acceptance should in no way interfere with your ability to be your best. As a matter of fact it should have the reverse effect. It should allow you to know the real you and to have an awareness of where you need to make changes. This awareness will decide how serious you are in growing beyond your current limits. Keep in mind that personal growth can be measured in physical, mental, psychological, spiritual, and emotional amplitude.
Take a moment now to check your life. Look inside to check the areas where you would like to improve on.
• Define your character. Who are you when no one is looking? remove all the window dressings, frills, and accessories, who are you?
• How is your health? Are you doing everything possible to take care of your body? Do you eat the right foods and take part in a regular exercise routine?
• How would your friends, coworkers, people who come in contact describe you? What would people say about you if they had to write your eulogy?
• How is your mind? Are you emotionally strong? Is your self-confidence and self-esteem at an all time high? If not would you like to find emotional balance?
• How is your spiritual health? Do you feed your spiritual need? How is your soul’s condition?
• How do you treat others? Are you kind or are you condescending to people? Do you give of your time to help others that are less fortunate or has self-centeredness consumed you?
• How is your ego? Is it intact?
• Are you humble or are you into flaunting it or showing off?
• Are you a good parent? Do your yell at your kids? Do you put in the time with them to raise emotionally balanced children? Do you help to build strong self-esteem so they can have higher levels of self-acceptance?

As you look inside it is important to understand that no single recipe that defines how each person can grow personally. It is not a single formula for each of us. It is through fervent introspection and an acceptance for change that it can begin. Even though it may be slow and difficult at first, you must have the willingness to keep at it no matter if it takes a lifetime. Remember you are not trying to do perfection – you are only striving to do your personal best

Humility a vital place to live.

In order for one to grow, one must be humble enough to recognize and accept the areas where improvement is needed. This sense of humility will create honest introspection that can make us more aware of the characteristics and behaviors we need to improve on. This kind of humility puts ego aside, creating open-mindedness to accept constructive criticism. When we can humble ourselves this way than tremendous personal growth can begin to take place in our lives.
With a spirit of humility you can:
• Lose self-centeredness
• Better understand yourself and why you do the things you do
• Better understand your behavior and accept the need for change
• Recognize your mistakes and accept responsibility for your actions.
• Recognize the goodness in you
• Become more understanding of others
• Be more forgiving

Humility is the beginning of knowledge. It is the start of that mindset to gain more wisdom and improve self. The know-it-all attitude is laid to rest, enabling honest introspection, which promotes growth.

Grow inside and become yourself

Once you have humbled yourself, done the honest self-reflection, and gained the awareness, find the areas where you need to improve. You must believe that you can do the personal growth you want and let go of self-doubt.

• Make a list of the things you want to personally do. Prioritize the list and select the most urgent issue.
• Learn everything there is to know about it, whether it is losing weight, letting go of anger, or improving your spiritual life. The more information you have, the more motivation and determination you will develop.

• As you become more educated in your subject, decide if you can carry out these changes alone or if you need the help of a professional or expert in the field to help you. Getting help is positive step toward achieving personal growth so don’t feel inadequate if you need help. It is only we feel we don’t need help that growth ceases.

• Develop a plan for achieving your goal. It must be clearly organized starting from a long-term goal to daily tasks that move you closer each day toward your goal. So if it’s in the area of physical health, make a plan for doing so.

• When discomforts arise, don’t give up. Everyday is not going to be perfect. You are not going to wake up each morning enthusiastic about your plans for that day. When you do, don’t be too hard on yourself. It is during these times that a coach or a can help you in staying on target. They can help you to refocus on your plan and exercise the discipline to stick with it.

• Daily positive affirmations and self-talk are necessary to keep up the motivation to grow. This is not narcissism or egotistical. This is only you giving yourself reminders of your positive attributes.

• Have faith to believe that you will succeed. In anything we set out to do in life it takes a certain level of faith to keep going everyday. Sometimes we cannot see the instant rewards but with persistence and faith to believe things will work out, you can find the strength to stay the course.

It is an admirable quality to be able to find the areas you need to make changes in your life and even more commendable to take the steps forward to do so. Personal Growth is a catalyst for success in every aspect of your life. Many of you are making strides each day in your personal growth. For those of you who are, keep at it and savor each stage of your growth. For those of you recognizing the need for personal growth, hats off to you. Begin the journey today.

WEALTHY MEN,WHAT ARE THEIR CHANCES OF CHEATING?

Comedian Chris Rock once famously said, “You’re only as faithful as your options.” If that is true, then it would stand to reason that successful men are less faithful, as they have more opportunities to cheat.

Just a quick look at recent news tells of the torrid affairs of prominent celebrities and politicians. What is especially surprising about these high-profile cheaters is that they engaged in the risky behavior, having to realize somewhere in the back of their minds that they could easily be caught or “outed” to a tabloid publication. After all, a successful investment banker who is relatively unknown to the public is less likely to attract attention when he’s out to dinner with someone other than his wife-but a well-known movie star or politician will always turn heads.

So, what are the factors that could lead successful men to cheat?

-Men with money are attractive to other women. Unfortunately there are women who prey on men and will hook up with someone with money, regardless of whether or not he is wearing a wedding ring. Men who are successful have more discretionary income with which to find and woo affair partners, and this is attractive to a woman who wants to be wined and dined.

-Men who have successful careers often have a little extra time on their hands, whether in the form of leisure time (like the stereotypical golf outing) or business trips. They are not punching the clock on an hourly salary. Business trips, especially, are fertile ground for infidelity.

-Men who are successful have many opportunities to tell their wives they are working late, they have a business dinner, or they have to work on the weekends. They can then use these opportunities for their extramarital activities.

-Men who are successful often have wives at home taking care of their homes and children. Thus, their partner often earns less than them, if they are earning anything at all. According to a study by the Singaporean paper Straits Times, these men are more likely to cheat.

-Men who are successful often let their good fortune go to their head. They may suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, making them feel invincible and above reproach, or they may suffer from a more temporary form of narcissism. Once you gain power and control at work, you want more-and the power having any woman you want is the next logical step. There is also a certain “control” to carrying on an illicit, secret affair without anyone else knowing.

So… was Chris Rock right? Are you only as faithful as your options? That may very well be so, since an MSNBC/iVillage “Lust, Love & Loyalty Survey” polled more than 70,000 adults and found that 32 percent of men making more than $300,000 a year reported cheating, compared with 21 percent of men who made less than $35,000 a year.

And, scientists at the University of California at Berkeley looked at a person’s rank in society (taking into account factors such as wealth, job prestige and education) and found that richer people were more likely to cheat, lie and break the law than those who were poorer.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT THIS IS::::::

STEPS TO AVOID AFFAIR/S

Getting married doesn’t mean you won’t ever be tempted by someone else ever again. Temptation is everywhere. There are going to be attractive people that you have chemistry with at times. It is important to actively safeguard your marriage in order to resist the temptations that come your way throughout your married life.
An affair can happen in any marriage. It doesn’t happen only in bad marriages or marriages where one partner is away frequently. It is important to recognize that all marriages can be vulnerable to an affair. Take steps to avoid common pitfalls that can lead to an affair.

Active Commitment

Actively commit to remain faithful to your spouse. Remind yourself often of your marriage vows and the reason it is important to stay faithful. If your marriage is having problems it is important to address those problems within the marriage.

Remember that marriage wasn’t meant to cure all of life’s problems. While you are married, you will still feel sad, lonely, and disappointed at times. Don’t try to cope with those feelings by forming attachments to someone else to “fill the void.”

Making yourself aware that you are vulnerable to temptation can help you be on alert. Most affairs don’t happen overnight. They usually are a slow progression where a friendship or close work relationship starts to turn into something inappropriate.

Set Healthy Boundaries

It is important to set healthy boundaries for yourself. This means, don’t put yourself in situations where you could fall prey to temptation. For example, don’t allow yourself to grow deep friendships with people of the opposite sex. Sometimes a close friendship can lead down the wrong path.

Also, be aware that internet friendships pose a serious risk to your marriage as well. Sometimes people think that there is nothing wrong with forming a friendship with someone they chat with online. Even if you don’t have a physical connection, an emotional affair can be very damaging to your marriage.

Avoid complaining to others about your marriage. A lot of affairs start when a man and women start complaining about their spouses together. This can lead to comments such as “I’d never treat you like that…” which can be the start of a slippery slope.

Avoid Secrecy

A good rule to follow – don’t ever do anything you wouldn’t be comfortable doing if your spouse was next to you. This can prevent you from saying things that you might not normally say and can prevent you from forming inappropriate relationships.

If you have a friendship or conversations that you would not feel comfortable having in the presence of your spouse, stop! Secret phone calls, meetings, or emails are unhealthy. It’s not necessary to give your spouse complete access to everything all the time, but don’t hide things. If you find yourself deleting and erasing things or finding time to meet with someone without your spouse’s knowledge, it may have already progressed into an emotional affair.

Communicate with Your Spouse

It would be naïve if you and your spouse thought that just because you were married you would never feel attracted to anyone ever again. This just isn’t the case. It’s likely there will be times when you feel a connection with someone else. Talk to your spouse ahead of time about how to respond when this happens. Discuss steps that you are both comfortable with taking when handling such a situation.

Talking together about how to prevent an affair can be one of the most powerful conversations you can have together. It shows that you recognize your vulnerability and want to take steps necessary to prevent it.

Be willing to accept responsibility and accountability for your actions. If you are struggling with an attraction to someone, consider telling your spouse. Also consider allowing your spouse to hold you accountable to ensure that you behave appropriately and are able to resist temptation. Support one another in remaining faithful to your vows.YOU AND ME HAVE THE POWER TO KEEP AFFAIRS OUT OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES,IT STARTS WITH YOU.

Making love is A Skill to be mastered.