Foundations to Building a Strong Marriage

Don’t let menial things destroy your marriage. You need to build your marriage on a proper foundation. Before you build a house, you have to lay the foundation. The same is true for a marriage as well. What is this foundation I’m talking about, read these 5 foundations of a healthy marriage to help prevent you from being a statistic.

1) Have realistic expectations:

You can’t just say, “I do” and expect magic to happen; you’ve got to have realistic expectations. Don’t go into a marriage expecting to change the person or thinking that the person will change, because that is the person you are marrying and they’re NOT going to change. You know who you’re marrying now, don’t be upset if they’re still the same person 5 years from now. The marriage ceremony will not make your marriage better; a grandiose wedding ceremony does not equate to a better marriage. I’ve known people who spent hundred’s of thousands of dollars and were divorced within 9 months; they couldn’t even make it a year, so believe me a wedding ceremony doesn’t make a better marriage. Think about what marriage is to you, ask your partner what they think marriage is. Talk about your notions and expectations before you decide to marry one another. Are your expectations realistic? Before things get too heated, read the next item.

2) Communication and Intimacy:

I’ve heard the statement “God, gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth, so you should listen twice as much as you speak.” There is many truth to that, think about it, if you listened and truly listened to your spouse, how much more in-tune do you think you’d be to his/her emotions. Listening also gives you a chance to receive the true message that your partner is trying to convey; all too often the message is lost during transmission and we jump to conclusions before we’ve even finished processing the information. Listening doesn’t involve just your ears either. How many times have you asked someone, “What’s wrong,” only to get a, “nothing” in response? If you only heard the word, “nothing” then you probably just said, “Okay,” and walked away. This may have worked when you were dating, but not-so-much now. There’s more to communication than just listening, if you’ve ever taken any sort of public speaking or communication classes then you may have heard of the 7-38-55% rule, where the words we say account for 7% of the message we are trying to convey, tone of voice accounts for 38%, and our gestures and actions actually make up over half of the message. Go back to the situation where you ask your husband or wife, “What’s wrong,” they say nothing. Look at their body cues and posture and their facial expressions; body-language is a huge part of communication.

I know this next part is probably not really thought of as communication, but we’ve just discussed that communication is 55% of body language, so I think that sex is a huge part of communication. How long would your marriage last if you and your spouse didn’t talk for 1 month, or 3 months? On the same note, how long do you think it will last if you don’t have sex for 1 month, 3 months, or even 9 months or more? No, you’re right, but a lot of people who I know who try to make a marriage work without having sex with each other for months at a time, even years. It’s no wonder things end disastrously. Men and women both need this sexual contact and intimacy with one another, so don’t doom your relationship by turning down sex every night (especially out of anger or a fight), but there are times when you should agree to not have sex. It should be something that both partners want when having it, but every once in a while you’ve got to take one for the team and have sex, that is if you want your marriage to work. I’ve heard the excuse, we just don’t have time, but I tell you that you need to make time, try to set up a date with each other for at least one night a week where you can spend this intimate time together and strengthen your lines of communication. Part of communication is listening and being in-tune with your partners needs and desires not just talking.

3) Congruent Belief-System or Moral Standards:

I’m not saying that you both have to be Catholic, or whatever belief system you may be, but a lot of times problems start in the marriage when you have two different sets of belief systems. Especially when children are brought into the mix and one person wants to take part in certain rituals and rites that the other person may not hold dear. Here you have to really weigh why you want your child to go through a certain ceremony, or why not. If you aren’t married and don’t have kids, now would be a good time to talk about your expectations in these matters.

Another important aspect of congruent belief-system is does your partner have the same idea about what marriage is, what about relationships outside of marriage? If you go into a marriage with a skewed idea of marriage and don’t have the same moral standards when it comes to sexual relationships outside of marriage what will prevent this person from doing so. If you know where your partner stands on these certain issues then it shouldn’t become a problem down the road. Remember, you can’t change your partner, nor should you expect your partner to change after you are married. If your partner is an Atheist and you’re a Protestant, don’t expect your partner to all of a sudden start going to church with you, or quit going to church if you’re the Atheist. You know who you’re marrying this falls back on number 1 (don’t expect your partner to change), so you should talk about where you stand on certain issues so that they shouldn’t be a problem in the future; go through major components of your beliefs and moral code and discuss: marriage, sex, children, and anything that you think of that could be a problem. If your partner can’t change that aspect of their life or come to some sort of compromise or there aren’t any alternatives, and you’re already married you will have adapt and overcome. If you’re not married and no compromises can be met, maybe you should think about what type of toll this could put on your relationship in the future if this situation were to arise (remember you know your partner now, they will not change after you are married); you’re not breaking God’s covenant if you decide not to get married, it’s better to back out before and be judged by people, then to back out after and be judged by God.

4) Unity:

When two people become married, they should now act as 1. In Genesis, the bible speaks of 2 people leaving their parents, it uses the word cleave, which is to cut off. This means cut-off the ties and the reigns your parents had, as you are now your own family and are responsible only to each other and God. I’m not saying avoid your parents completely, but they shouldn’t have any sort of rules over you and your spouse, and when you have problems, you should not seek them for comfort as this has many times turned one spouse against another; if you need to seek some help, find a pastor or counselor.

5) Self-Sacrifice and Submission:

Now that you are a married couple you must quit putting yourself first and put your husband/wife first. You must submit to each other; no that doesn’t mean to become their slave, but going back to communication, which is probably one of the most important aspects of making a marriage work, you must be in-tune with your partners needs and be willing to work with them and compromise toward satisfying each other. Not everything needs to be a compromise or a negotiation, but if you’ve ever taken communication classes or management classes you may have talked about negotiating; you are looking for the win-win situations in everything that you absolutely must “negotiate,” but every once in a while you will have to take one for the team or compromise. That’s what you are now as a married couple, a team. I don’t know any teams that want to lose… I hope you aren’t setting your team up for failure.

Please feel free to comment and add some value to the conversation.
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MAN –The mystery to understand in love.

By Herbert Mtowo

Man longs to be understood.

Man longs to be understood.


Having been a Psychology lecturer for years, one of my fascinations and interests in Psychology was the Cognitive part and Behavioral Psychology and how they both help in understanding human beings, more so the depths of understanding social psychology how it forever shapes our personalities and who we are and have become today.

As a woman, are you amazing at everything except understanding male psychology? Are you able to understand all the important people in your life except when it comes to the man you’re in love with? Do you work hard on your relationship but feel like you’re getting little out of it? Well, if you can’t figure out what you’re doing wrong, maybe you just need some help understanding the ins and outs of male psychology. Over the years I have seen men evolve and become a stranger among-st the women who love them because men women aren’t schooled enough to understand this evolving creation of God and how best to relate to him.

One thing that shouldn’t be surprising is that men want excitement and mystery. For your relationship to thrive, you need to learn how to keep those elements going. After you’ve been together for a while, things can get comfortable and predictable. While that’s nice, it’s not too exciting. In fact, it can get downright boring after a while. When you’re at work; routines, organization, and hard work are admired and rewarded. Your boss likes it because he knows what to expect from you. Men hate unstable environments, everything moving, job losses, city loses, body not working good, major surgery, because of such men panic because he is now in an unstable environment. And such affect their relationships with the women who love them, but they would still try to be in control of their feelings and environments. Men eventually will struggle to do in an unstable environment.

But when you’re at home, unless there’s a little excitement and spontaneity, your man can easily lose interest. Instead of seeing you as a desirable woman, he may start to see you as somebody to cook, clean and take care of chores. If you understand the male psyche, you won’t allow that to happen. While keeping the excitement in a relationship is important, you want to couple that with an aura of mystery. This is the stuff that can drive your man crazy. And it’s easy to do.

While you don’t want to out-and-out lie to him, sometimes it’s better to leave him guessing than to tell the truth. If he really wants to know, let him draw it out of you one detail at a time. Who knows, he may even learn to like having a conversation, if you can make it fun for him. One thing that you may be unaware of is that men are not the confirmed bachelors that many of them pretend to be. They really want it all. Most men need and want to have a loving and secure relationship with a caring woman. Although they may be reluctant to admit it, emotional intimacy is very important to them. A sexual relationship is better when it’s shared with the woman they love. Men want someone to share their thoughts and feelings with. You can be that “all” for them.

But even though they want and need those things, men can be easily distracted and get involved with women who are totally the opposite. It really doesn’t make sense, does it? But what happens is that instead of searching out a woman who has the qualities that he is looking for in a woman, he settles because it’s easier.

It’s hard to resist a woman who basically throws herself at him. And when he’s young, there are lots of available women who do just that. But as a man gets older, he gets smarter and realizes that he wants more. It’s at that point that he starts looking for a woman to share his life with. Now that you understand a bit more about male psychology, here’s what you can do to attract the man of your dreams.

Aim for classic and sexy, and not cheap or uptight. Men like it when a woman dresses in a flirt, feminine way. Show off your assets but not too much of them. Keep him guessing a little. Drop a few hints now and again, but don’t tell all. Your personal life and your work life are two separate things. Keep it that way. Let your cell phone ring, especially if you’re at work or busy. Don’t drop everything to leap for the phone. Make him leave a message and get back to him later. Let him experience what it’s like to be waiting for a phone call or a text message. Be in a hurry once in a while when he calls and get off the phone quickly. Don’t give him a blow-by-blow description of your girl’s night out.

It’s slightly old-fashioned but the fact remains that it makes a man feel good to be the leader. Men love to be in charge. It makes them feel, well, manly. He’s not showing a lack of respect for you when he takes the lead in your relationship. It’s actually his way of taking care of you and showing you that he is a capable of looking after things. So don’t get upset with him or with the situation. Instead, why not take the attitude that you don’t have to be the one in control and just go along for what could be a very enjoyable ride?

Acceptance and compromise are great ways to nurture your relationship. Accept your man’s wish for control and excitement. Giving him what he needs will lead to you getting what you need too.

If you think about it, understanding the Psychology of man is not that difficult. It’s simply a matter of looking at how men think about and approach different situations, and then responding accordingly. If you respond in the right way, you are creating a secure and happy environment for both of you. A man could be having a problem or problems but all his problems aren’t about you, he needs you to compliment him and help him. Man wants a woman who completes him than compete with him, and you end up having a contest at home and the environment becomes unstable because man has competed all his life and tired of competing and the last he wants to compete with is his spouse. There is more flourishing in a relationship where there is completion than competition. No man wants to be attracted to a woman he is competing with but completing with.

DIFFERENT REASONS THAT ARE MOTIVATING PEOPLE TO MARRY.

Marriage and talks

By Herbert Mtowo

With most marriages ending in divorce, it is important to take a self inventory about who you want to get married. In my talk to several people, I have discovered that people have really wild and at times crazy ideas about why they want to get married. In this article I am just sharing the fundamentals that should motivate me and you to get married. Several movies have been done on this matter and what comes to my attention quickly is “Why did I get married?” “Why did I get married too? “am sure there are several I can mention but these two and many others try to bring out to the open some of the reasons why people get married. So to avoid much of the heartache and pain and not ask regrettably,”Why did I get married?, you can as well ask yourself now, “Why do I want to get married ?” This will go a long way in making your heart and mind sure of what you want to get into before you do so. Read this along and give me feedback
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Having compatibility, trust, and communication in your relationship will build the strong foundation of companionship you need for marriage. However, if one of these factors is not present, getting married is not a good idea. Marriage between two people should only occur when all factors are present. It is never a good idea to get married for the wrong reasons. Reasons not to get married include getting married due to love at first sight, sexual attraction, to cure loneliness, as an act of rebellion, rebound love, out of obligation, pressure, pregnancy, and for financial gain. Marriages based on these reasons most likely result in divorce. While for some people, one or these reasons may seem like the best thing, but they are not. Some of these reasons are selfish and do not Love at first sight. Ah, what a feeling! You smile constantly, have butterflies in your tummy, and may feel impulsive. Impulsive enough to get married. Getting married based on love alone is the number one reason not to get married. Love at first sight can be a temporary feeling. The things you do like running off to get married while under its spell can have lasting negative effects. No foundation has been built to support the marriage. Therefore, the marriage has no backbone and will most likely end in divorce. Also, marrying from lust at first sight is a bad idea as well. Marriages based on sexual attraction do not survive. Sex is one of the several factors that keep the flames of love burning and not thee only one. It`s important to have an open mind to be able to develop strengths in every area of your relationship. It`s sad that many people are just enduring and not enjoying marriage.

Second, do you trust one another? Marriages without trust are marriages that end in divorce. Having your partner’s trust is a must have in a relationship. If the slightest doubt in either of the partners’ mind, then there is no trust. Relationships thrive on trust and cannot survive without it. Third, is there communication? Lack of communication can destroy a relationship. Communication is very important in a marriage. Married people need to communicate all the time. Talking only when times get rough or not talking at all only hurts the relationship. The lack of communication is also a leading reason for divorces. Divorcees commonly complain that the other partner never listened or avoided conversations with them. Communication is vital to the relationship. If you never communicate, how will you know if you are compatible and if you trust one another?

No one wants to be lonely, but marrying someone simply to avoid being alone the rest of your life is wrong, not only for you but for your mate as well. People fear being alone and will jump into a marriage quickly to avoid it. Chances are you will still be lonely only now you will be lonely in a marriage. These types of marriages have no foundation of companionship and usually result in unhappiness leading to divorce take in the considerations of the other partner’s feelings. Whether you are marrying as an act of rebellion or rebound, neither are a good idea. The acts are selfish. Getting married as a way to get even with someone, parents and/or ex-lover, only hurts the ones who love you and yourself. Rebelling into marriage can have a negative impact on everyone involved. Marrying someone while on the rebound is unfair to the other person. It is easier for someone on the rebound to fall in love because of the need to be loved. People on the rebound tend to marry the wrong person. They are in love with the idea of being in love and not the real person. Rebound marriages can hurt the other partner who actually may be in love with the rebounded. The rebounded can also be hurt once they realize the mistake they have made.

Lastly, marrying for financial gain is wrong. Many men and women marry for financial gain to escape their current financial situations. This is perhaps the most selfish reason to marry someone. These marriages almost always result in divorce with hurt parties on both sides. Marrying for any of the wrong reasons is a recipe for disaster. Marriage is about commitment. A serious commitment between two people should never be taken lightly. Make sure you are marrying for the right reasons and not the wrong ones. Take time to ask yourself today, ‘Why do want to get married?” Check for the signals before you commit yourself to a long boring, lifeless and tiring marriage.
Marriage is not a fancy dream. Let’s be realistic.”

MASTERING COMMUNICATION IN LOVE

communication is key to love
Herbert Mtowo

Communication is one of the sensitive issues that we all have to earn every day of our lives. The best way to improve communication is through learning to communicate effectively and this will help couples develop a happy relationship. A relationship is a mixture of emotions which include feats of disagreements. Marriage is a work in progress; you will have issues along the way from the small stuff like where to spend your vacation to bigger issues that involve money. When couples communicate effectively, they will develop better relationships.

As far as I am concerned she is the best woman when you think about communication, one who makes one open up and share the world which nobody else knows or sees. And conflicts in relationships can be avoided. But that takes a lot of growing in the area of communication in love.

To avoid conflicts and resolve common relational issues, I recommend use of the following marriage communication skills, though there are many skills of communication to grow and master:

1. Speak not when you are angry. Your heart beats more than 90 beats per minute when you are angry. At this rate, it is difficult to use the logical side of your brain. If you speak a word at this time, you might release bashing words that you would later regret. You might say things that would hurt your spouse and may cause an irreparable damage to your marriage. Thus, disengage when angry; speak not a word.

2. Choose non-offensive words when communicating. If you want to express a complaint, start your statement with “I” or “We” instead of “You”. Say, “I think our investment is a mistake” instead of “You made a mistake in investing our money”. Choosing non-offensive words will not illicit defensiveness from your spouse. Even your way of speaking should be with a soft voice.

3. Do not criticize your spouse. Do not attack your spouse’s character and personality. Do not accuse and blame. Don’t be sarcastic. Do not insult your spouse or call him names. Stop non-verbal communications that could trigger anger like eyes rolling in mockery and sneering. Folded arms and a slightly turned back could be construed as disrespect and non-interest in the communication.

4. Do not be defensive. Always listen and have an open mind in your communication. Your feelings may have been hurt during your communication but you have to face the issues and own your faults. Take responsibility for personal actions. Being defensive will prevent you and your spouse from solving your marital issues amicably and develop a happy relationship. Most relationships by far and large run at the defense mode pace.

5. Inform your spouse of your hurt feelings. Never hide them or be passive about these emotions because if you do, you are creating a monster that can destroy your relationship. Being passive about your feelings will compound your hurts and this can turn into an explosive bomb when you reach your greatest tolerance. Addressing hurt feelings is one of the healthiest activities that a married couple should engage in. Never internalize your hurt feelings or subject your spouse to a silent treatment.

6. Be open to interact and communicate. A silent treatment will not only enrage your spouse, it will lead to unresolved issues. Silence is one of the deadly killers of relationships, and by all means we should try to avoid it.

Communicate with your ears, eyes, heart and mind. Make sure that you perfectly understand what your spouse is talking about. Listen to the needs and emotions being expressed. Make your spouse feel that you are listening attentively and feeling the emotions being expressed. Validate what you heard and felt by re-phrasing the statements or asking questions.

Master these relationship communication skills so that they become natural to you. These relationship communication skills then become automatic when you encounter marital issues. You automatically withdraw them from your system and unconsciously become your tools of engagement even when you are tired, upset, stressed or angry.

Relationship communication skills are one of your best tools to help you develop a healthy marriage life.

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT SEX!!!!

[WARNING STRICTLY FOR THOSE IN MARRIAGE UNION-borrowed from a a page and realized it`s worthy sharing.

A lot of people don’t associate sex with God – they associate it with Satan and darkness, as if sex is not Holy…. !! Sex is Holy within marriage, and there is no style=”line-height:115%;background:white;”>prescribed style. Nowhere in the Bible does itNot discussing sex in marriage leads to divorce! Pastors have counseled women who’ve complained; “my husband treats me as if I were his brother.” There was one who told a Pastor “I am tired of getting sex fortnightly, like a salary.” Pastor told her,she was lucky to be getting sex fortnightly, since some wives only get it on big days, like ELECTIONS.
 

Many husbands leave their wives to seek sexual pleasures in the Avenues/brothels. Have you ever asked yourself what those women have that you don’t? Wives have become very frigid and even sleep with their panties. A married woman, you should sleep naked and let your bum touch your husband.

 


Today you find men going out of their way to get a glimpse of a female’s private part they go through magazines and even go to lingerie departments in stores hoping to see what’s hidden under panties, because their wives hide it from them. Marriage is about being free with your body in front of your partner. A woman should parade naked and do some modelling to tempt her husband.

There are many married women who don’t know what their husbands’ private part look like. She only feels it when he enters her. They’ve never, touched it, let alone seen it, because the husband switches off the lights before undressing. Your husband’s private part is your toy; she is supposed to play with it

The Pastor blames couples for not making time for sex and complaining about being tired after a day’s work. You find many couples who’ve been sexually starved for years. God created sex for procreation and for pleasure. You can’t marry and not have a good time in bed.

WHO SAID YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SEX, AT NIGHT?

 

 Why can’t you drive home during lunch and have a quickie with your wife? We’re all equal in sex it’s not just about a woman satisfying a man., . You have to satisfy each other. Have you ever seen a woman who has been satisfied? Have you noticed how she glows and becomes energetic???

(NIV) 1 Corinthians 7:4-5

The wife does not have authority, over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. [5] Do not deprive each, other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

 

 

 

 

DON’T HOLD ON, MOVE ON INSTEAD.

Have you been dumped, betrayed or left so heartbroken that you didn’t ever want to love again I have been there before; I know how difficult a place it is to be. Are you still stuck on an ex and don’t know how to move on? And how do you know when it’s time to let go and look for love somewhere else?

If you’re “the other woman” who’s waiting for a man to leave his lover, don’t waste your time. “If he’ll do it with you, he’ll do it to you,” Listen good people. The man you want lacks integrity and can’t make a commitment.

Don’t hold all men or all women, responsible for the mistake your ex made. Why should he pay for the sins of someone else who may have wronged you?

Learn to trust again — by trusting yourself. A man who’s having a hard time letting women back into his life: “Trust is not about how much you trust one person or another to do right or wrong. How much you trust another person depends on how much you trust yourself to be strong enough to deal with their imperfections.” Have enough faith in yourself to be able to put yourself on the line with someone, without any guarantee of what will happen next. If you’re playing the game with sweaty palms, it’s because you’re afraid of what you can or can’t do, or dealing with your own imperfections — it’s not about the other person.

Know that you will get hurt if you’re in a relationship. There is no perfect person without flaws. Even a well-intended guy is going to hurt his partner. He’s going to hurt your feelings. He’s going to say things that you don’t want him to say. He’s going to do things you wish he wouldn’t do and not do things you wish he would do. A relationship is an imperfect union between two willing spirits who say, ”I’d rather be in a relationship and share my life, share my joys, share my fun, share my activities, share my life than do it alone.” If you want to be in a relationship, know that getting hurt comes with the territory. You just have to decide that you are durable enough, that you have enough confidence in yourself that you can handle it.

Don’t wait around because you think he’s going to change. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, so the chance that he’s going to ride in on his white horse and do the right thing is pretty slim. This I say to you all, “To the extent that there’s some history, you don’t have to speculate, you just have to measure.”

Don’t put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that’s holding you back from a better future. “As long you are obsessed on this guy, you will never put your heart, soul and mind into getting your life in order and starting another relationship if you want one.” Set some goals and start putting your life back together.

Don’t beat yourself up. You got through your last experience, you’ve learned from it, and now it’s time to move forward. “You’ll move on and be a champion in your next attempt as you did in your past … Life is not a success-only journey. You are going to get beat up along the way.”

Ask yourself: Are you hiding in the relationship so you don’t have to face the reality of being on your own? Don’t stay with someone because it’s comfortable and safe. It may seem more secure, but it’s not healthy for you and it certainly won’t help you get to a better place. Why would you want to settle and waste your life away just to avoid getting back in the game?

All of us come into relationships with baggage, but you need to have closure on past experiences before you can start a new relationship with the odds in your favor.”Unless and until you’ve figured out everything you’ve got to figure out about that and you get closure, you will never come into a relationship with a fresh and clean heart and mind and expectancy and attitude.” You’re probably not ready to get into another relationship until you heal the wounds of your past.

There’s a 50/50 chance a marriage is going to work if both people are head over heels in love, passionate and willing to climb the mountain, swim the river and slay the dragon to get to each other. That’s with everybody crazy in love and running toward each other in that field that we see in the commercials. The problem you’ve got here is he’s running the other way in the field! So if it’s 50/50 when you’re running toward each other, what do you think it is when the other person is running out of the field and hiding in the woods?”

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THE BEAUTY OF LOVE !

We are all poets when WE FIND TRUE LOVElove-wallpaper8
As I watch the smooth blend of the sky & the sea,
I look above and thank God, for bringing you to me…
You are the precious woman, who has the irresistible smile,
Your love is as deep as the Atlantic Ocean
Your slender and lovely body makes you look like a princess,
Your beauty leaves me stupefied & I end up saying..”What a creation of goodness!!”
Your sweet voice is like chocolate to my ears,
I would give up anything, to hear it for years & years…
The soul that you have is analogous to purity,

“You are the one!!” my heart gives me the surety…
Thinking about you makes me wanna be a better man,
And now am becoming the man, in you I have found my match
And keep on this refinement till i become what you would call, “The Man”…
I don’t know if I am the one made for you,
But “You are the one for me” is what I believe is true…
Today, I just wish to make a confession about reality,
Meeting you, my love, was my life’s best serendipity…

I couldn’t have asked for any better a soul mate,
This I know, because God has already decided the best, as you, for my fate…
God makes everything beautiful In His own time..
One little promise that I would like to make,
I would be you soul, your shadow, be it my life at stake….
I promise to pamper you all my life…
Give you all my love & care, my dearest…
I would be a friend, in your times of despair,
Like a mother, would hug you to make sure, things repair…
I promise to be your “all-in-one” family,
And live the rest of my life with you, married happily….
We all become poets when love comes knocking at our door step and all sleep is gone, because reality of love has dawned on us.

I LOVE YOU !!!!

KEEP THE LOVE FIRE BURNING

By Herbert Mtowo

We all want true love. We search diligently for it, sometimes it takes years to find the right mate. Then things are hot and heavy for the first several months. We feel totally satisfied and like we have found our soul mate. Everything looks rosy.

But then the honeymoon phase ends and we start to separate some and get on with our own goals and career and true love can start to fade. We can start to feel like the love is leaving our relationship. How could something so special start to go away? Why don’t I feel as close and loved as I used to? One thing we should all learn for as long as we live,its the skills and passion to kep the fire burning,its our responsibility to do so.

These are issues we all must face, because, unlike in romantic comedies, you don’t fall deeply in love and feel that feeling forever. It waxes and wanes, it goes away, it comes back. That’s going to happen. You can count on it. The trick is to develop habits and practices that help love to grow and sustain itself in the relationship. The more of these practices we have the better the quality of our relationship.

One such powerful practice that helps keep true love alive is being interested versus interesting. “Interesting” people try to maintain relationships by having things to say, by focusing conversations on themselves and the dramas in their lives. There is nothing wrong with this, of course, and you need your mate to have things be all about them from time to time.

However, another powerful strategy for maintaining love in a relationship is to be “interested” in your mate on a regular and frequent basis. This may seem obvious, that all lovers are interested in their mates, so let’s go into greater detail. There are many ways to be and show interest in your mate.

One way is to show interest in their daily dramas. We all have daily dramas. It could be the boss at work is getting on our case. It could be we aren’t sure the teacher for our six year old is paying enough attention to their needs. It could be that we are feeling sad and we aren’t sure why.

If you are alive, you have some daily drama. That’s just the way it is. You are going to have some worries and concerns, some little victories and defeats, each day or week of your life. Well, to help keep true love alive, you simply need to pay attention to your partner’s daily dramas. Find out what they are worried or concerned about. Know what victory or successes that are striving for, what failures they are seeking to avoid.

Next, chat with them every day about those things. This is called “small talk.” Ask your mate about how the boss treated him or her today, did it get better or worse? Ask about how the teacher dealt with your child over the homework issue. Studies have actually shown that the more small talk there is in a marriage, the happier the couple is.

So being interested in your mate may sound like a small, obvious thing that you are already doing, but many of us over time stop checking in on the little things, and having small talk about them. Show continuing interest in the daily ups and downs of your partner, discuss them frequently, and you can help keep true love alive between you over the years.love is stronger than death,and when you find it,or the woman or man Noziyou love,cherish them,adore them,make them the Queen of your heart,love as if you have never been hurt before.

Take responsibilty to love him

 There is a ton of information written about this topic and it may get confusing because some of them say that you have to treat a man like a king while others advice women to be strong-willed and make the man feel that they are the boss. It’s actually pretty straightforward, respect your man without being a doormat. There are many ways on how to keep a guy happy but let’s not complicate things here. There are simple but foolproof ways on how you can make your boyfriend or husband grinning with happiness at the very thought of you.

1.) Respect his Privacy. Just because he is committed to you it doesn’t mean that you can demand for his Facebook and e-mail password. And please don’t think that you can tinker with his phone and scan his contacts and messages. Every adult has the right to privacy and if you trust your man, why do you need all his passwords? Bottom line is if you can’t trust the guy then walk away from him. You’re saving yourself and your partner from the horrors of endless fights and confrontations. If you are in a mature, loving relationship and your partner does not give you any reason to distrust him then you shouldn’t check all the messages and drive yourself crazy by snooping in his business. If you respect your man’s privacy, he would respect yours too.

2.) Cook for him. The best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. It’s a cliché but I’ve always believed in that which is why I learned how to cook at such an early age. Cooking is a glorified skill that you have to learn. No buts no ifs! As simple or as shallow as it may sound, cooking for a guy fulfills a basic human need and it also sparks off feelings about being cared for. Find out about your man’s favorite dishes and if you must, get the recipes from his mom or grandma. Give him a surprise when he comes home from work. He’s going to love you for this!

3.) Be a sex kitten. I think this is a no brainer. Pleasing a man in bed is almost a guarantee that he is going to stick around, of course with the added benefits that are mentioned above. Unleash your wild side in the bedroom whether it entails you to wear costumes or doing it in other parts of the house like the kitchen. Wear sexy lingerie and get a bikini wax. This will definitely make you feel good about your body. Also, don’t always wait for him to make the first move. It wouldn’t hurt if you take the lead sometimes. Take charge, woman!

4.) Compliment him. You think women are the only creatures who love to be complimented? Well, think again! Men are no different and if you are able to make your boyfriend or husband feel good about himself, then you clearly know how to keep a guy happy. No matter how small the compliment is (he has a great smile, gorgeous eyes, or how he looks extra handsome in that blue shirt), your man will appreciate it. Just be sincere every time you praise him. If you see something you don’t like, just don’t say anything. You don’t have to fake it and lie to him.

 5.) Don’t ever emasculate your man especially in front of his friends. Men love strong, independent women but this does not mean that they like being humiliated and berated. Never ever make a man feel less like a man even when he’s done something wrong. Don’t put him down when he makes wrong choices. Hitting below the belt is a definite no-no!

COMMITMENT FROM YOUR SPOUSE,EVERYBODY NEEDS IT.

Is_your_man_commitmed?

If you’re currently seeing someone and you want to take it further, how can you make him commit to you? Do you want to be the most important person in your guy’s life? Do you want to speed the relationship along in order to make it more meaningful? If you answered “yes” to these, then continue reading to find out the three “S”s that every woman should know if they want to make their guy commit.

Slow down

It is easy to sexually arouse a man. Honestly, it is biological and in some cases there doesn’t even have to be that much physical attraction involved. Lust is easy and simple and you don’t have to work on it. Push the right buttons and the man is yours. However, if you want to get him to fall in love and make him commit to you you’re going to have to do more.

For that reason, you should delay having sex with him. If you’ve already had sex, then slow it down some and back up. You’re not going to have a meaningful relationship is the physical aspects are all you have to go on. If you don’t form some sort of emotional bond first then your relationship won’t get very far.

Step back

Step back and ensure that you and your guy are on the same page. You want a committed, meaningful relationship. Perhaps he was only looking for a fling. If that is the case, then you really can’t do anything about it. You must communicate your needs to ensure that you both want the same things out of the relationship. If you try to pressure him, it is going to wind up scaring him away, even if he was falling in love with you. Men don’t like to feel pressured. As a matter of fact, women don’t like to feel pressured, either. Reevaluate what you want and go from there.

Savor it

Think of falling in love more as a journey than a destination. Enjoy the time you are spending together and then some of the pressures of the relationship will fall away. If you’re relaxed and having a good time then the relationship can develop at a more natural pace. This is what you want. The slower the process, the longer the relationship will last.

If you want to make him commit to you then you need to let him think that you have all of the time in the world. Cultivate your friendship and focus on the bonding. Soon, you will be on your way to a lasting and meaningful relationship.