Foundations to Building a Strong Marriage

Don’t let menial things destroy your marriage. You need to build your marriage on a proper foundation. Before you build a house, you have to lay the foundation. The same is true for a marriage as well. What is this foundation I’m talking about, read these 5 foundations of a healthy marriage to help prevent you from being a statistic.

1) Have realistic expectations:

You can’t just say, “I do” and expect magic to happen; you’ve got to have realistic expectations. Don’t go into a marriage expecting to change the person or thinking that the person will change, because that is the person you are marrying and they’re NOT going to change. You know who you’re marrying now, don’t be upset if they’re still the same person 5 years from now. The marriage ceremony will not make your marriage better; a grandiose wedding ceremony does not equate to a better marriage. I’ve known people who spent hundred’s of thousands of dollars and were divorced within 9 months; they couldn’t even make it a year, so believe me a wedding ceremony doesn’t make a better marriage. Think about what marriage is to you, ask your partner what they think marriage is. Talk about your notions and expectations before you decide to marry one another. Are your expectations realistic? Before things get too heated, read the next item.

2) Communication and Intimacy:

I’ve heard the statement “God, gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth, so you should listen twice as much as you speak.” There is many truth to that, think about it, if you listened and truly listened to your spouse, how much more in-tune do you think you’d be to his/her emotions. Listening also gives you a chance to receive the true message that your partner is trying to convey; all too often the message is lost during transmission and we jump to conclusions before we’ve even finished processing the information. Listening doesn’t involve just your ears either. How many times have you asked someone, “What’s wrong,” only to get a, “nothing” in response? If you only heard the word, “nothing” then you probably just said, “Okay,” and walked away. This may have worked when you were dating, but not-so-much now. There’s more to communication than just listening, if you’ve ever taken any sort of public speaking or communication classes then you may have heard of the 7-38-55% rule, where the words we say account for 7% of the message we are trying to convey, tone of voice accounts for 38%, and our gestures and actions actually make up over half of the message. Go back to the situation where you ask your husband or wife, “What’s wrong,” they say nothing. Look at their body cues and posture and their facial expressions; body-language is a huge part of communication.

I know this next part is probably not really thought of as communication, but we’ve just discussed that communication is 55% of body language, so I think that sex is a huge part of communication. How long would your marriage last if you and your spouse didn’t talk for 1 month, or 3 months? On the same note, how long do you think it will last if you don’t have sex for 1 month, 3 months, or even 9 months or more? No, you’re right, but a lot of people who I know who try to make a marriage work without having sex with each other for months at a time, even years. It’s no wonder things end disastrously. Men and women both need this sexual contact and intimacy with one another, so don’t doom your relationship by turning down sex every night (especially out of anger or a fight), but there are times when you should agree to not have sex. It should be something that both partners want when having it, but every once in a while you’ve got to take one for the team and have sex, that is if you want your marriage to work. I’ve heard the excuse, we just don’t have time, but I tell you that you need to make time, try to set up a date with each other for at least one night a week where you can spend this intimate time together and strengthen your lines of communication. Part of communication is listening and being in-tune with your partners needs and desires not just talking.

3) Congruent Belief-System or Moral Standards:

I’m not saying that you both have to be Catholic, or whatever belief system you may be, but a lot of times problems start in the marriage when you have two different sets of belief systems. Especially when children are brought into the mix and one person wants to take part in certain rituals and rites that the other person may not hold dear. Here you have to really weigh why you want your child to go through a certain ceremony, or why not. If you aren’t married and don’t have kids, now would be a good time to talk about your expectations in these matters.

Another important aspect of congruent belief-system is does your partner have the same idea about what marriage is, what about relationships outside of marriage? If you go into a marriage with a skewed idea of marriage and don’t have the same moral standards when it comes to sexual relationships outside of marriage what will prevent this person from doing so. If you know where your partner stands on these certain issues then it shouldn’t become a problem down the road. Remember, you can’t change your partner, nor should you expect your partner to change after you are married. If your partner is an Atheist and you’re a Protestant, don’t expect your partner to all of a sudden start going to church with you, or quit going to church if you’re the Atheist. You know who you’re marrying this falls back on number 1 (don’t expect your partner to change), so you should talk about where you stand on certain issues so that they shouldn’t be a problem in the future; go through major components of your beliefs and moral code and discuss: marriage, sex, children, and anything that you think of that could be a problem. If your partner can’t change that aspect of their life or come to some sort of compromise or there aren’t any alternatives, and you’re already married you will have adapt and overcome. If you’re not married and no compromises can be met, maybe you should think about what type of toll this could put on your relationship in the future if this situation were to arise (remember you know your partner now, they will not change after you are married); you’re not breaking God’s covenant if you decide not to get married, it’s better to back out before and be judged by people, then to back out after and be judged by God.

4) Unity:

When two people become married, they should now act as 1. In Genesis, the bible speaks of 2 people leaving their parents, it uses the word cleave, which is to cut off. This means cut-off the ties and the reigns your parents had, as you are now your own family and are responsible only to each other and God. I’m not saying avoid your parents completely, but they shouldn’t have any sort of rules over you and your spouse, and when you have problems, you should not seek them for comfort as this has many times turned one spouse against another; if you need to seek some help, find a pastor or counselor.

5) Self-Sacrifice and Submission:

Now that you are a married couple you must quit putting yourself first and put your husband/wife first. You must submit to each other; no that doesn’t mean to become their slave, but going back to communication, which is probably one of the most important aspects of making a marriage work, you must be in-tune with your partners needs and be willing to work with them and compromise toward satisfying each other. Not everything needs to be a compromise or a negotiation, but if you’ve ever taken communication classes or management classes you may have talked about negotiating; you are looking for the win-win situations in everything that you absolutely must “negotiate,” but every once in a while you will have to take one for the team or compromise. That’s what you are now as a married couple, a team. I don’t know any teams that want to lose… I hope you aren’t setting your team up for failure.

Please feel free to comment and add some value to the conversation.
foundations of a building  a strongpraying thru

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DIFFERENT REASONS THAT ARE MOTIVATING PEOPLE TO MARRY.

Marriage and talks

By Herbert Mtowo

With most marriages ending in divorce, it is important to take a self inventory about who you want to get married. In my talk to several people, I have discovered that people have really wild and at times crazy ideas about why they want to get married. In this article I am just sharing the fundamentals that should motivate me and you to get married. Several movies have been done on this matter and what comes to my attention quickly is “Why did I get married?” “Why did I get married too? “am sure there are several I can mention but these two and many others try to bring out to the open some of the reasons why people get married. So to avoid much of the heartache and pain and not ask regrettably,”Why did I get married?, you can as well ask yourself now, “Why do I want to get married ?” This will go a long way in making your heart and mind sure of what you want to get into before you do so. Read this along and give me feedback
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Having compatibility, trust, and communication in your relationship will build the strong foundation of companionship you need for marriage. However, if one of these factors is not present, getting married is not a good idea. Marriage between two people should only occur when all factors are present. It is never a good idea to get married for the wrong reasons. Reasons not to get married include getting married due to love at first sight, sexual attraction, to cure loneliness, as an act of rebellion, rebound love, out of obligation, pressure, pregnancy, and for financial gain. Marriages based on these reasons most likely result in divorce. While for some people, one or these reasons may seem like the best thing, but they are not. Some of these reasons are selfish and do not Love at first sight. Ah, what a feeling! You smile constantly, have butterflies in your tummy, and may feel impulsive. Impulsive enough to get married. Getting married based on love alone is the number one reason not to get married. Love at first sight can be a temporary feeling. The things you do like running off to get married while under its spell can have lasting negative effects. No foundation has been built to support the marriage. Therefore, the marriage has no backbone and will most likely end in divorce. Also, marrying from lust at first sight is a bad idea as well. Marriages based on sexual attraction do not survive. Sex is one of the several factors that keep the flames of love burning and not thee only one. It`s important to have an open mind to be able to develop strengths in every area of your relationship. It`s sad that many people are just enduring and not enjoying marriage.

Second, do you trust one another? Marriages without trust are marriages that end in divorce. Having your partner’s trust is a must have in a relationship. If the slightest doubt in either of the partners’ mind, then there is no trust. Relationships thrive on trust and cannot survive without it. Third, is there communication? Lack of communication can destroy a relationship. Communication is very important in a marriage. Married people need to communicate all the time. Talking only when times get rough or not talking at all only hurts the relationship. The lack of communication is also a leading reason for divorces. Divorcees commonly complain that the other partner never listened or avoided conversations with them. Communication is vital to the relationship. If you never communicate, how will you know if you are compatible and if you trust one another?

No one wants to be lonely, but marrying someone simply to avoid being alone the rest of your life is wrong, not only for you but for your mate as well. People fear being alone and will jump into a marriage quickly to avoid it. Chances are you will still be lonely only now you will be lonely in a marriage. These types of marriages have no foundation of companionship and usually result in unhappiness leading to divorce take in the considerations of the other partner’s feelings. Whether you are marrying as an act of rebellion or rebound, neither are a good idea. The acts are selfish. Getting married as a way to get even with someone, parents and/or ex-lover, only hurts the ones who love you and yourself. Rebelling into marriage can have a negative impact on everyone involved. Marrying someone while on the rebound is unfair to the other person. It is easier for someone on the rebound to fall in love because of the need to be loved. People on the rebound tend to marry the wrong person. They are in love with the idea of being in love and not the real person. Rebound marriages can hurt the other partner who actually may be in love with the rebounded. The rebounded can also be hurt once they realize the mistake they have made.

Lastly, marrying for financial gain is wrong. Many men and women marry for financial gain to escape their current financial situations. This is perhaps the most selfish reason to marry someone. These marriages almost always result in divorce with hurt parties on both sides. Marrying for any of the wrong reasons is a recipe for disaster. Marriage is about commitment. A serious commitment between two people should never be taken lightly. Make sure you are marrying for the right reasons and not the wrong ones. Take time to ask yourself today, ‘Why do want to get married?” Check for the signals before you commit yourself to a long boring, lifeless and tiring marriage.
Marriage is not a fancy dream. Let’s be realistic.”

MASTERING COMMUNICATION IN LOVE

communication is key to love
Herbert Mtowo

Communication is one of the sensitive issues that we all have to earn every day of our lives. The best way to improve communication is through learning to communicate effectively and this will help couples develop a happy relationship. A relationship is a mixture of emotions which include feats of disagreements. Marriage is a work in progress; you will have issues along the way from the small stuff like where to spend your vacation to bigger issues that involve money. When couples communicate effectively, they will develop better relationships.

As far as I am concerned she is the best woman when you think about communication, one who makes one open up and share the world which nobody else knows or sees. And conflicts in relationships can be avoided. But that takes a lot of growing in the area of communication in love.

To avoid conflicts and resolve common relational issues, I recommend use of the following marriage communication skills, though there are many skills of communication to grow and master:

1. Speak not when you are angry. Your heart beats more than 90 beats per minute when you are angry. At this rate, it is difficult to use the logical side of your brain. If you speak a word at this time, you might release bashing words that you would later regret. You might say things that would hurt your spouse and may cause an irreparable damage to your marriage. Thus, disengage when angry; speak not a word.

2. Choose non-offensive words when communicating. If you want to express a complaint, start your statement with “I” or “We” instead of “You”. Say, “I think our investment is a mistake” instead of “You made a mistake in investing our money”. Choosing non-offensive words will not illicit defensiveness from your spouse. Even your way of speaking should be with a soft voice.

3. Do not criticize your spouse. Do not attack your spouse’s character and personality. Do not accuse and blame. Don’t be sarcastic. Do not insult your spouse or call him names. Stop non-verbal communications that could trigger anger like eyes rolling in mockery and sneering. Folded arms and a slightly turned back could be construed as disrespect and non-interest in the communication.

4. Do not be defensive. Always listen and have an open mind in your communication. Your feelings may have been hurt during your communication but you have to face the issues and own your faults. Take responsibility for personal actions. Being defensive will prevent you and your spouse from solving your marital issues amicably and develop a happy relationship. Most relationships by far and large run at the defense mode pace.

5. Inform your spouse of your hurt feelings. Never hide them or be passive about these emotions because if you do, you are creating a monster that can destroy your relationship. Being passive about your feelings will compound your hurts and this can turn into an explosive bomb when you reach your greatest tolerance. Addressing hurt feelings is one of the healthiest activities that a married couple should engage in. Never internalize your hurt feelings or subject your spouse to a silent treatment.

6. Be open to interact and communicate. A silent treatment will not only enrage your spouse, it will lead to unresolved issues. Silence is one of the deadly killers of relationships, and by all means we should try to avoid it.

Communicate with your ears, eyes, heart and mind. Make sure that you perfectly understand what your spouse is talking about. Listen to the needs and emotions being expressed. Make your spouse feel that you are listening attentively and feeling the emotions being expressed. Validate what you heard and felt by re-phrasing the statements or asking questions.

Master these relationship communication skills so that they become natural to you. These relationship communication skills then become automatic when you encounter marital issues. You automatically withdraw them from your system and unconsciously become your tools of engagement even when you are tired, upset, stressed or angry.

Relationship communication skills are one of your best tools to help you develop a healthy marriage life.

THE NAKED TRUTH ABOUT SEX!!!!

[WARNING STRICTLY FOR THOSE IN MARRIAGE UNION-borrowed from a a page and realized it`s worthy sharing.

A lot of people don’t associate sex with God – they associate it with Satan and darkness, as if sex is not Holy…. !! Sex is Holy within marriage, and there is no style=”line-height:115%;background:white;”>prescribed style. Nowhere in the Bible does itNot discussing sex in marriage leads to divorce! Pastors have counseled women who’ve complained; “my husband treats me as if I were his brother.” There was one who told a Pastor “I am tired of getting sex fortnightly, like a salary.” Pastor told her,she was lucky to be getting sex fortnightly, since some wives only get it on big days, like ELECTIONS.
 

Many husbands leave their wives to seek sexual pleasures in the Avenues/brothels. Have you ever asked yourself what those women have that you don’t? Wives have become very frigid and even sleep with their panties. A married woman, you should sleep naked and let your bum touch your husband.

 


Today you find men going out of their way to get a glimpse of a female’s private part they go through magazines and even go to lingerie departments in stores hoping to see what’s hidden under panties, because their wives hide it from them. Marriage is about being free with your body in front of your partner. A woman should parade naked and do some modelling to tempt her husband.

There are many married women who don’t know what their husbands’ private part look like. She only feels it when he enters her. They’ve never, touched it, let alone seen it, because the husband switches off the lights before undressing. Your husband’s private part is your toy; she is supposed to play with it

The Pastor blames couples for not making time for sex and complaining about being tired after a day’s work. You find many couples who’ve been sexually starved for years. God created sex for procreation and for pleasure. You can’t marry and not have a good time in bed.

WHO SAID YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SEX, AT NIGHT?

 

 Why can’t you drive home during lunch and have a quickie with your wife? We’re all equal in sex it’s not just about a woman satisfying a man., . You have to satisfy each other. Have you ever seen a woman who has been satisfied? Have you noticed how she glows and becomes energetic???

(NIV) 1 Corinthians 7:4-5

The wife does not have authority, over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. [5] Do not deprive each, other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

 

 

 

 

Remember it’s Never Too Late To Make Things Better

Herbert Mtowo

What if you’re in a relationship that has fallen off track? Is there any way to start over and get him back? First off, as you start to recognize new things about yourself and the mistakes you’ve made with a man, it’s very easy to start thinking that things are even worse than you thought they were, and for this to freak you out.

But don’t let this stop you from continuing to learn and grow. There’s a funny thing that happens to us in life… It’s that any time you develop a new awareness and you start seeing your behavior

Are you losing him?

Are you losing him?

and interactions in a new light, at first you often feel like kicking yourself. But getting down on yourself and feeling overly frustrated and hopeless doesn’t help. The man you were dating liked you and was attracted to you for some reason. And as much as it might seem like his feelings have changed forever towards you, there’s something you should realize… How do you get that intense ATTRACTION burning again inside him the way it was when you first met and he wanted to stay up all night with you talking and being together?

First, you need to find the patterns in your relationship that are blocking the love and affection you already share for each other… and you need to get these patterns out-of-the-way. Then, you need to understand how to “re-engage” your man with you in your relationship, and do it in an authentic and natural way that will have a lasting effect. A man’s feelings can change very quickly, whether you want them to or not. And you know this from experience.

Now, most women don’t handle this reality about men, dating, and relationships very well at all. In fact, lots of women let this completely freak them out and take over their emotions and how they act and talk with a man.

What’s behind all this is FEAR?
Fear of loss
Fear of rejection
Fear of abandonment
Fear of not being loved, or not being good enough to be loved

And lots of women let these fears take over and run the show as their emotions get the best of them. Of course, I get that it can be a frightening idea that all it takes is just a few wrong words or actions as a woman and “wham!” – the man in your life that you’ve shared so much of yourself with is suddenly not feeling it for you anymore. But here’s the thing…

The fact that a man’s feelings can change so quickly has TWO SIDES to it. See, if a man’s feelings can quickly change from feeling interested and attracted to a woman, to feeling that “ewww” feeling where he wants to get away from her…

It’s also true that a man can quickly change from feeling unattracted and uninterested in a woman…to feeling intensely attracted and wanting to spend time with her again.

SIGNS TO WATCH AND GAURD AGAINST EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY.

Making love is A Skill to be mastered.

There are SEVERAL warning signs to alert you to take action to protect yourself and your relationship from ‘emotional infidelity.’Over the years in my practice as a counselor and training consultant on social issues aaaand networking with many other specialist in this field has made me realize that,these are some of the warnings we have to gaurd against.

a. Thinking and saying you’re ‘just friends’ with opposite-sex.

If you’ve been thinking or saying, “we’re just friends,” think again. If it’s a member of the opposite sex, you may be swimming in treacherous waters. The very words are dangerous to your marriage.

This rationale allows you to make excuses, or more plainly, to tell lies (to yourself and others) about something you know in your gut is wrong. Regardless how strongly TV and entertainment promote the idea of opposite-sex friendships (and this is part of the problem!) as not only ‘okay,’ but also ‘right’ to demand unconditional trust, in most cases, an intimate friendship with a member of the opposite-sex that you find interesting and attractive poses risks.

b. Treating them as a confidant, sharing intimate issues.

Sharing thoughts and deepest concerns, hopes and fears, passions and problems is what deepens intimacy; it builds an emotional bond between two people, time better used in marriage relationship. Giving this away to another person, regardless of the justification, is infidelity, a betrayal of trust. This is especially true when you consider that emotional intimacy is the most powerful bond in human relationships, much stronger than a sexual one.

c. Discussing troubling aspects of your marriage and partners.

Talking or venting to a person of the opposite sex about what your marriage lacks, what your partner lacks, or what you’re not getting to make you happy sends a loud message that you’re available for someone else to ‘love and care’ for your needs. It’s also a breach of trust. And, like gossip, it creates a false sense of shared connection, and an illusion that you, your happiness, your comfort and needs are totally valued by this person (when, in truth, this has not been put to the test!).

d. Comparing them verbally and mentally to your partner.

Another danger sign is a thinking pattern that increasingly finds what is ‘positive’ and ‘just right’ about the friend and ‘negative’ and ‘unfulfilling’ about the partner. This builds a case ‘for’ the friend and ‘against’ the partner. Another mental breach of trust, this unfairly builds a physiologically felt case ‘for’ the friend and ‘against’ the partner, forming mental images in the brain that associate pleasurable and painful sensations accordingly.

e. Obsessively thinking or daydreaming about the person.

If you find yourself looking forward to seeing the person, cannot wait to share news, think about what you’re going to tell them when you’re apart, and imagine their excitement, you’re in trouble. This sense of expectation, excitement, anticipation releases dopamine in reward centers of your brain, reinforcing toxic patterns. Obsessively thinking about the person is an obvious signal that something is wrong. After all, you don’t do this with your friends, right?

f. Believing this person ‘gets’ you like no other.

It always appears this way in affairs and romantic encounters at the start. It’s an illusion, and in the case of emotional infidelity, one that is dangerous to a marriage because the sense of mutual ‘understanding’ forms a bond that strengthens and deepens emotional intimacy, with the release of pleasurable neurochemicals, such as the love and safety hormone oxytocin. This focus also puts you in a ‘getting’ frame of mind. It means you are approaching your marriage in terms of what you’re getting or not getting, rather than what you’re contributing.

g. Pulling out of regular activities with your partner, family, work.

Being absorbed with desire to spend more and more time talking, sharing, being with the person, it’s only natural to begin to resent time you spend on responsibilities and activities at home (and work?). As a result, you begin to pull away, turn down, or make excuses for not joining regular activities with your partner and family. Family members notice you are withdrawn, irritable and unhappy.

h. Keeping what you do secret and covering up your trail.

Secrecy itself is a warning sign. It creates a distinct closeness between two people, and at the same time grows the distance between them and others. Secrets create a special bond, most often an unhealthy one. For example, there may be a false sense of emotional safety and trust with the person, and an unwarranted mistrust and suspicion of the partner, or those who try to interfere with the ‘friendship.’

i. Keeping a growing list of reasons that justify your behaviors.

This involves an addictive pattern of thinking that focuses your attention on how unhappy you are, why you’re unhappy, and blames your partner and marriage for all aspects of your unhappiness. It builds a dangerous sense of entitlement and forms a pool of resentment from which you feel justified to mistreat your partner or do what you need to increase your happiness without considering the consequences.

j. Fantasizing about a love or sexual relationship with the person.

At some point, one or both persons begin to fantasize about having a love or sexual relationship with the other. They may begin to have discussions about this, which adds to the intensity, the intrigue and the intoxicating addictive releases of neurochemicals that make the pattern more entrenched.

k. Giving or receiving personal gifts from the person.

Another flag is when the obsession affects your buying behaviors, so that you begin to think about this person when you are shopping, wondering what they like or would show your appreciation. The gift choices are something intimate items that you would not give ‘just’ a friend. Gifts send clear messages that the two of you are a ‘close we’ set apart from others, and that the relationship is ‘special.’

l. Planning to spend time alone together or letting it happen.

This is the warning sign that, when not heeded, most often pushes partners to cross the line from a platonic to a sexual relationship. Despite good intentions and promises to one another that they would not let ‘anything’ happen, it’s a set up, a matter of time, when opposite-sex friends flirt with the availability of time alone.

Affairs are like cancer

Affairs are like cancer

WEALTHY MEN,WHAT ARE THEIR CHANCES OF CHEATING?

Comedian Chris Rock once famously said, “You’re only as faithful as your options.” If that is true, then it would stand to reason that successful men are less faithful, as they have more opportunities to cheat.

Just a quick look at recent news tells of the torrid affairs of prominent celebrities and politicians. What is especially surprising about these high-profile cheaters is that they engaged in the risky behavior, having to realize somewhere in the back of their minds that they could easily be caught or “outed” to a tabloid publication. After all, a successful investment banker who is relatively unknown to the public is less likely to attract attention when he’s out to dinner with someone other than his wife-but a well-known movie star or politician will always turn heads.

So, what are the factors that could lead successful men to cheat?

-Men with money are attractive to other women. Unfortunately there are women who prey on men and will hook up with someone with money, regardless of whether or not he is wearing a wedding ring. Men who are successful have more discretionary income with which to find and woo affair partners, and this is attractive to a woman who wants to be wined and dined.

-Men who have successful careers often have a little extra time on their hands, whether in the form of leisure time (like the stereotypical golf outing) or business trips. They are not punching the clock on an hourly salary. Business trips, especially, are fertile ground for infidelity.

-Men who are successful have many opportunities to tell their wives they are working late, they have a business dinner, or they have to work on the weekends. They can then use these opportunities for their extramarital activities.

-Men who are successful often have wives at home taking care of their homes and children. Thus, their partner often earns less than them, if they are earning anything at all. According to a study by the Singaporean paper Straits Times, these men are more likely to cheat.

-Men who are successful often let their good fortune go to their head. They may suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, making them feel invincible and above reproach, or they may suffer from a more temporary form of narcissism. Once you gain power and control at work, you want more-and the power having any woman you want is the next logical step. There is also a certain “control” to carrying on an illicit, secret affair without anyone else knowing.

So… was Chris Rock right? Are you only as faithful as your options? That may very well be so, since an MSNBC/iVillage “Lust, Love & Loyalty Survey” polled more than 70,000 adults and found that 32 percent of men making more than $300,000 a year reported cheating, compared with 21 percent of men who made less than $35,000 a year.

And, scientists at the University of California at Berkeley looked at a person’s rank in society (taking into account factors such as wealth, job prestige and education) and found that richer people were more likely to cheat, lie and break the law than those who were poorer.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT THIS IS::::::

STEPS TO AVOID AFFAIR/S

Getting married doesn’t mean you won’t ever be tempted by someone else ever again. Temptation is everywhere. There are going to be attractive people that you have chemistry with at times. It is important to actively safeguard your marriage in order to resist the temptations that come your way throughout your married life.
An affair can happen in any marriage. It doesn’t happen only in bad marriages or marriages where one partner is away frequently. It is important to recognize that all marriages can be vulnerable to an affair. Take steps to avoid common pitfalls that can lead to an affair.

Active Commitment

Actively commit to remain faithful to your spouse. Remind yourself often of your marriage vows and the reason it is important to stay faithful. If your marriage is having problems it is important to address those problems within the marriage.

Remember that marriage wasn’t meant to cure all of life’s problems. While you are married, you will still feel sad, lonely, and disappointed at times. Don’t try to cope with those feelings by forming attachments to someone else to “fill the void.”

Making yourself aware that you are vulnerable to temptation can help you be on alert. Most affairs don’t happen overnight. They usually are a slow progression where a friendship or close work relationship starts to turn into something inappropriate.

Set Healthy Boundaries

It is important to set healthy boundaries for yourself. This means, don’t put yourself in situations where you could fall prey to temptation. For example, don’t allow yourself to grow deep friendships with people of the opposite sex. Sometimes a close friendship can lead down the wrong path.

Also, be aware that internet friendships pose a serious risk to your marriage as well. Sometimes people think that there is nothing wrong with forming a friendship with someone they chat with online. Even if you don’t have a physical connection, an emotional affair can be very damaging to your marriage.

Avoid complaining to others about your marriage. A lot of affairs start when a man and women start complaining about their spouses together. This can lead to comments such as “I’d never treat you like that…” which can be the start of a slippery slope.

Avoid Secrecy

A good rule to follow – don’t ever do anything you wouldn’t be comfortable doing if your spouse was next to you. This can prevent you from saying things that you might not normally say and can prevent you from forming inappropriate relationships.

If you have a friendship or conversations that you would not feel comfortable having in the presence of your spouse, stop! Secret phone calls, meetings, or emails are unhealthy. It’s not necessary to give your spouse complete access to everything all the time, but don’t hide things. If you find yourself deleting and erasing things or finding time to meet with someone without your spouse’s knowledge, it may have already progressed into an emotional affair.

Communicate with Your Spouse

It would be naïve if you and your spouse thought that just because you were married you would never feel attracted to anyone ever again. This just isn’t the case. It’s likely there will be times when you feel a connection with someone else. Talk to your spouse ahead of time about how to respond when this happens. Discuss steps that you are both comfortable with taking when handling such a situation.

Talking together about how to prevent an affair can be one of the most powerful conversations you can have together. It shows that you recognize your vulnerability and want to take steps necessary to prevent it.

Be willing to accept responsibility and accountability for your actions. If you are struggling with an attraction to someone, consider telling your spouse. Also consider allowing your spouse to hold you accountable to ensure that you behave appropriately and are able to resist temptation. Support one another in remaining faithful to your vows.YOU AND ME HAVE THE POWER TO KEEP AFFAIRS OUT OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGES,IT STARTS WITH YOU.

Making love is A Skill to be mastered.