Marriage Under Siege. Part 1

Marriage under siege Part 1
By Herbert Mtowo
1. Valuing women and marriage.
Have you ever realized that the bible has several scriptures written on marriage, a wife and women more than it talks about man or a husband? It doesn’t mean that God and the word don’t value the man or husband .At a closer look it is interesting to note that the bible has one story, and that story is a story of love, marriage, wife and husband. Any bible scholar or avid reader of the word of God will notice that, the bible has many scriptures written about women, because there is a lot of emphasis put on the character and value of a woman or wife. (Proverbs 31; Proverbs 30; 1 Corinthians 7; Ephesians 6; 1 Timothy 5 and Song of Songs. There are several other scriptures in the word of God. I encourage you to read them all.)
Paul says marriage is a mystery, if then it is a mystery we need the mind of God, His wisdom to understand it and really begin to enjoy it. Several couples are not enjoying their marriages but they are enduring. We must have a commitment to work on our relationships, which requires diligence, sacrifice and prayer to have the desired results. But the big question on everybody`s mind is: Why are marriages under such severe attacks and can marriage still work in this century?
You probably are also asking, why marriage? Today marriage is under severe attacks and it has been for a very long time now. In many circles, cultures and schools of thought marriage is considered old fashioned, outmoded, not necessary, a waste of time. We do not need it anymore in our time. But I beg to differ, with all these reasons and excuses given. God still believes in marriage and surely it still is the most valuable and precious institution on earth and in God`s heart. Well, people have been talking about this for a while, a long time ago. They say, “Pretty soon people aren’t going to get married any more, they claim. They’re going to go and live together because why bother getting married? Marriage is old fashioned and it sucks, you know people have nasty descriptive terms they give on marriage. It’s going to fall away, and crumble like a deck of cards they claim. Make a decision not to be part of the statistics, but the emerging revolution, that defies logic and still says,” A wonderful marriage is still feasible!”
Well, people are still saying this and that and it still has not happened. There is a very good reason for it. And the reason for it is in these articles on marriage and relationships. And why marriage, everybody has questions? The divorce rates have reached alarming proportions unheard of in the past. They are getting worse all the time, with no solution in sight. And I know people have been saying that for years. But divorce is so easy now and it comes in several do-it-yourself packages. It has now been made to divorce than to get married in some cultures and countries. What with the gay movement this has risen proclaiming a new morality. They say,” Why live with somebody of the opposite sex”? You should be attracted to members of the same sex. Today, marriage is being attacked left, right and center. A man and a woman living together for the rest of their lives, happily married is it possible? Believe it or not even believers are battling to cope with the stresses and challenges that are coming on marriage. Tear down those walls. Tear down the walls of those preconceived ideas of bitterness, of negativity, of your own pattern of what you think your own spouse should be falling in line with. That is what you should be tearing down, the walls in your own heart. What you should be pouring out is life-giving water and love, love, love, continually.
You might say, “You know what? My spouse is one mean, horrible person. He abuses me, he rejects me. He is horrible.”
I tell you, love has a force like nothing on this earth. It is something that Satan cannot even begin to comprehend. No person on this earth can reject love, pure love, and love from the Spirit of God. No one person can reject and resist that. They can run away from it and they can run and hide from it. But surely they cannot reject it because it is the way that God has built us. And the strength of death is compared only to love. Love is stronger than death, God is just trying to have our eyes open and realize the power of love cannot be underestimated; it’s such a force to reckon with. Musicians, poets ,artists and script writers the world over have given their best to describe the power of love, volumes and volumes of materials have been written and published about love, yet we still fall short of a comprehensive description that captures the minds of people in trying to have them understand and comprehend the power of love. Others have since departed from the earth, still searching and wanting to know what love is. God describes himself as love,” God is Love”
1. Some secrets to enjoy marriage
The marriage institute is an extremely important institution not only in the Christiandom circle but in every area of life marriage plays an important role to shape the future of a people, community, nation, tribe etc The business people, the politicians, the atheists, traditional and all look up to it and hope for .It is one institution that is under severe attack and the enemy knows how vital it is to us and many generations to come. I strongly believe that at Jordan Touch Communications we are making a small contribution, to this noble cause of marriage and relationship building. We believe that there are many other organizations doing so much more to make sure this institution is continuously empowered. For example, one of my heroes James Dobson and Focus on the family, We thank God for His grace who has enabled us to find our place in this global cause to build, encourage and empower many to become faithful, handle their conflicts, faithfully love, forge ahead during times of storms to stand and not waver.
Looking at the marriages of many people, and bible examples of marriages of man and women of renown, I realized that there are and was so many whose marriages were sadly lacking. Some of the couples were career-minded and put all their efforts into their jobs, rather than their relationships. Others, especially women, put all their efforts into their children, and tended to let go of their relationship with their husband. Then when the children left home there is no relationship with their spouse and their life falls apart. You don’t have to be in this situation! Even if you are a stay-at-home mom or a career woman, you can still have an awesome marriage Other are too spiritual they literally neglect their spouse in the name of doing God`s work, others are so dysfunctional that there is no order in the home, anything is permissible..Others, are so soaked up in business matters and bring money in the home, but forget to be there for their children .Don’t neglect your marriage that is children and wife. If you want your marriage to work, take time to invest into it, the rewards are unbelievably incomparable. There are some ingredients to spark and bring joy to your relationship/marriage that you have to cultivate and make sure they exist in your relationship. The lists of some of them are listed below, without much elaboration: Take note of them and till the ground in your relationship, to see it blossom and flourish to unimaginable heights.
a. Make sure both partners are fulfilling their roles as according to the word of God.
b. Communicate effectively.
c. Don’t leave problems unresolved and spilling into the next day.
d. Guard against triggers from the past.
e. Accept and understand the purpose of temperamental differences.
f. Give and show love unconditionally.
g. Be prepared and ready to forgive always.
h. Find time to pray together.
i. Have fun(, take time to play)
j. Plan together.
2. Giving affirmation
Have you ever realized that every human has a desire for affirmation, love and care? All mankind deep down inside is a child just wanting somebody to give them attention. Make a reality check and find whether, you are being the husband or wife that is giving that attention? I just hope you are feeding that child? Make sure you are feeding it with love, care, hugs and kisses, and all the good things Maybe are you tearing down and causing that gentle sweet fragrance to be withdrawn more and more, and hidden away more and more, because you keep hammering and hammering and hammering all the time. The more you hammer the more he/she withdraws and you say, “Yep, I sure had him/her convicted!” So you hammer him/her again and he/she withdraws more and you say, “Yep sure I told you I had a useless wife/husband.”
Is it any wonder why she/he is sitting and not wanting to spend time with you and running away, because all you ever do is blast and hammer? I can bet she/he will never bring herself /himself right. Who would wants to sit around the place where you are getting hell fire, criticism, condemnation all the time? Just like you and me, we wouldn’t like to sit for a nice cozy afternoon in the midst of hell fire? Honestly who would ever like to do that? These are ingredients which look very irrelevant but they give marriage the extra mile and fuel it to greater heights.

3. Sweet fragrance

No, no, no! Why not give them a nice gentle stream to sit beside where the waters are cool and refreshing and gentle, and bring peace to the soul and they will stick to you like a fly. Are you a sweet smelling flower? I don’t know how many of us have realized that, when you sweet smell, the bee just cannot help it’s an irresistible attraction that lures it. The bee wants to come and pollinate. It just cannot help itself, because the color is so beautiful and so bright, and the smell is so refreshing and appealing. It cannot help itself but to keep coming back. It is important that when you are in love, you make sure that you are still sending out that sweet smelling fragrance.
Are you that lily flower that just oozes with love and refreshing life in the presence of the Lord? Is it that which oozes from every pore of you so sweet, such that you leave her/him thinking, “Ooh, I have to have and feast on more of you? Hey, it just tastes so good, and I can’t get more of you. Or are you a terrible house fly that is all stinky? What are you in your relationship? Maybe you are the one that destroys with poisonous venom or one that releases a beautiful sweet smelling scent?
Take time to break down the walls of your own heart and become that flower first and the bee will naturally be attracted to it. Surely, you don’t have to hunt down a bee and force it onto a flower. They all will come there by themselves. Just stand there and be beautiful, whether you
To be continued

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Marriage Under Siege.

Marriage under siege Part 1
By Herbert Mtowo
1. Valuing women and marriage
Have you ever realized that the bible has several scriptures written on marriage, a wife and women more than it talks about man or a husband? It doesn’t mean that God and the word don’t value the man or husband .At a closer look it is interesting to note that the bible has one story, and that story is a story of love, marriage, wife and husband. Any bible scholar or avid reader of the word of God will notice that, the bible has many scriptures written about women, because there is a lot of emphasis put on the character and value of a woman or wife. (Proverbs 31; Proverbs 30; 1 Corinthians 7; Ephesians 6; 1 Timothy 5 and Song of Songs. There are several other scriptures in the word of God. I encourage you to read them all.)
Paul says marriage is a mystery, if then it is a mystery we need the mind of God, His wisdom to understand it and really begin to enjoy it. Several couples are not enjoying their marriages but they are enduring. We must have a commitment to work on our relationships, which requires diligence, sacrifice and prayer to have the desired results. But the big question on everybody`s mind is: Why are marriages under such severe attacks and can marriage still work in this century?
You probably are also asking, why marriage? Today marriage is under severe attacks and it has been for a very long time now. In many circles, cultures and schools of thought marriage is considered old fashioned, outmoded, not necessary, a waste of time. We do not need it anymore in our time. But I beg to differ, with all these reasons and excuses given. God still believes in marriage and surely it still is the most valuable and precious institution on earth and in God`s heart. Well, people have been talking about this for a while, a long time ago. They say, “Pretty soon people aren’t going to get married any more, they claim. They’re going to go and live together because why bother getting married? Marriage is old fashioned and it sucks, you know people have nasty descriptive terms they give on marriage. It’s going to fall away, and crumble like a deck of cards they claim. Make a decision not to be part of the statistics, but the emerging revolution, that defies logic and still says,” A wonderful marriage is still feasible!”
Well, people are still saying this and that and it still has not happened. There is a very good reason for it. And the reason for it is in these articles on marriage and relationships. And why marriage, everybody has questions? The divorce rates have reached alarming proportions unheard of in the past. They are getting worse all the time, with no solution in sight. And I know people have been saying that for years. But divorce is so easy now and it comes in several do-it-yourself packages. It has now been made to divorce than to get married in some cultures and countries. What with the gay movement this has risen proclaiming a new morality. They say,” Why live with somebody of the opposite sex”? You should be attracted to members of the same sex. Today, marriage is being attacked left, right and center. A man and a woman living together for the rest of their lives, happily married is it possible? Believe it or not even believers are battling to cope with the stresses and challenges that are coming on marriage. Tear down those walls. Tear down the walls of those preconceived ideas of bitterness, of negativity, of your own pattern of what you think your own spouse should be falling in line with. That is what you should be tearing down, the walls in your own heart. What you should be pouring out is life-giving water and love, love, love, continually.
You might say, “You know what? My spouse is one mean, horrible person. He abuses me, he rejects me. He is horrible.”
I tell you, love has a force like nothing on this earth. It is something that Satan cannot even begin to comprehend. No person on this earth can reject love, pure love, and love from the Spirit of God. No one person can reject and resist that. They can run away from it and they can run and hide from it. But surely they cannot reject it because it is the way that God has built us. And the strength of death is compared only to love. Love is stronger than death, God is just trying to have our eyes open and realize the power of love cannot be underestimated; it’s such a force to reckon with. Musicians, poets ,artists and script writers the world over have given their best to describe the power of love, volumes and volumes of materials have been written and published about love, yet we still fall short of a comprehensive description that captures the minds of people in trying to have them understand and comprehend the power of love. Others have since departed from the earth, still searching and wanting to know what love is. God describes himself as love,” God is Love”
1. Some secrets to enjoy marriage
The marriage institute is an extremely important institution not only in the Christiandom circle but in every area of life marriage plays an important role to shape the future of a people, community, nation, tribe etc The business people, the politicians, the atheists, traditional and all look up to it and hope for .It is one institution that is under severe attack and the enemy knows how vital it is to us and many generations to come. I strongly believe that at Jordan Touch Communications we are making a small contribution, to this noble cause of marriage and relationship building. We believe that there are many other organizations doing so much more to make sure this institution is continuously empowered. For example, one of my heroes James Dobson and Focus on the family, We thank God for His grace who has enabled us to find our place in this global cause to build, encourage and empower many to become faithful, handle their conflicts, faithfully love, forge ahead during times of storms to stand and not waver.
Looking at the marriages of many people, and bible examples of marriages of man and women of renown, I realized that there are and was so many whose marriages were sadly lacking. Some of the couples were career-minded and put all their efforts into their jobs, rather than their relationships. Others, especially women, put all their efforts into their children, and tended to let go of their relationship with their husband. Then when the children left home there is no relationship with their spouse and their life falls apart. You don’t have to be in this situation! Even if you are a stay-at-home mom or a career woman, you can still have an awesome marriage Other are too spiritual they literally neglect their spouse in the name of doing God`s work, others are so dysfunctional that there is no order in the home, anything is permissible..Others, are so soaked up in business matters and bring money in the home, but forget to be there for their children .Don’t neglect your marriage that is children and wife. If you want your marriage to work, take time to invest into it, the rewards are unbelievably incomparable. There are some ingredients to spark and bring joy to your relationship/marriage that you have to cultivate and make sure they exist in your relationship. The lists of some of them are listed below, without much elaboration: Take note of them and till the ground in your relationship, to see it blossom and flourish to unimaginable heights.
a. Make sure both partners are fulfilling their roles as according to the word of God.
b. Communicate effectively.
c. Don’t leave problems unresolved and spilling into the next day.
d. Guard against triggers from the past.
e. Accept and understand the purpose of temperamental differences.
f. Give and show love unconditionally.
g. Be prepared and ready to forgive always.
h. Find time to pray together.
i. Have fun(, take time to play)
j. Plan together.
2. Giving affirmation
Have you ever realized that every human has a desire for affirmation, love and care? All mankind deep down inside is a child just wanting somebody to give them attention. Make a reality check and find whether, you are being the husband or wife that is giving that attention? I just hope you are feeding that child? Make sure you are feeding it with love, care, hugs and kisses, and all the good things Maybe are you tearing down and causing that gentle sweet fragrance to be withdrawn more and more, and hidden away more and more, because you keep hammering and hammering and hammering all the time. The more you hammer the more he/she withdraws and you say, “Yep, I sure had him/her convicted!” So you hammer him/her again and he/she withdraws more and you say, “Yep sure I told you I had a useless wife/husband.”
Is it any wonder why she/he is sitting and not wanting to spend time with you and running away, because all you ever do is blast and hammer? I can bet she/he will never bring herself /himself right. Who would wants to sit around the place where you are getting hell fire, criticism, condemnation all the time? Just like you and me, we wouldn’t like to sit for a nice cozy afternoon in the midst of hell fire? Honestly who would ever like to do that? These are ingredients which look very irrelevant but they give marriage the extra mile and fuel it to greater heights.

3. Sweet fragrance

No, no, no! Why not give them a nice gentle stream to sit beside where the waters are cool and refreshing and gentle, and bring peace to the soul and they will stick to you like a fly. Are you a sweet smelling flower? I don’t know how many of us have realized that, when you sweet smell, the bee just cannot help it’s an irresistible attraction that lures it. The bee wants to come and pollinate. It just cannot help itself, because the color is so beautiful and so bright, and the smell is so refreshing and appealing. It cannot help itself but to keep coming back. It is important that when you are in love, you make sure that you are still sending out that sweet smelling fragrance.
Are you that lily flower that just oozes with love and refreshing life in the presence of the Lord? Is it that which oozes from every pore of you so sweet, such that you leave her/him thinking, “Ooh, I have to have and feast on more of you? Hey, it just tastes so good, and I can’t get more of you. Or are you a terrible house fly that is all stinky? What are you in your relationship? Maybe you are the one that destroys with poisonous venom or one that releases a beautiful sweet smelling scent?
Take time to break down the walls of your own heart and become that flower first and the bee will naturally be attracted to it. Surely, you don’t have to hunt down a bee and force it onto a flower. They all will come there by themselves. Just stand there and be beautiful, whether you
To be continued

Cleaving and Leaving -(Sparks Romance)

Leaving and Cleaving (The spark of romance) Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall be joined to his wife: as though they had one body. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. GENESIS 2:24 Do you remember the first time that you were naked in front of your spouse? Everyone has had their own experience, but I think that in all of us, there was this initial feeling of insecurity. Hope you remember the first time you made love to your spouse, like anybody else, you must have been so insecure! You must have wondered what she/he thought of you. You wondered if he found you attractive. In the romance novels you always read of how the woman falls into the man’s arms and is swept away with passion. Forget being swept away with passion, the whole time you wondered if you were doing it right and what was going through his mind! Not very romantic at all is it? Well it was round about that time that I discovered that the things I had read in romance novels were just those…novels…story books. It is wonderful to look and marvel at the body of your spouse, it’s the most wonderful experience your mind, body and soul can have. Reality and fantasy do not mix and it takes a while to discover that romance is not something that just happens, but something you grow into together. Jane learned that passion was not just based on the flesh, but something that is developed in her soul too. As time goes on; you become more comfortable being naked around your spouse. Am sure you had a wonderful sex life and felt like the most blessed woman/man in the entire world. Yet something was lacking. Even though you knew the “breathless passion” was something only to be found in story books, you must have been sure that there was more romance to be found in a marriage. Jane did what any sensible woman would do. She prayed that her husband would come right! She prayed that he would learn to be more romantic. Well you know how the Lord is. When you pray and give Him an opportunity to bring change in your marriage, He usually starts with the person who thinks they need the least help. In this case…it was Jane. Was Jane in for a surprise! The Lord did not waste any time at all in showing her closed heart. He showed her how even though she had a loving and tender husband, that she chose rather to get her emotional and other soulish needs met in her work and in other people. It is always bonding to give each other quality time, than just jump into bed with your partner. When was the last time you looked at the body of your spouse while they lay stark naked? Give it a try it could be the missing link in your relationship. Instead of being satisfied with just lying in his arms, she had to get up and work and strive and do other things to meet that need. Only when she had pushed herself hard and worked as much as she could, did she feel she had accomplished. Not only had this brought a very big wall between them, but it also killed any chance of romance! Jane suddenly realized that it was impossible for her husband to romance her at all, while she was running around getting her needs met elsewhere. It was during this time that Jane truly came to learn about a heavenly marriage. So just like the first time they made love, she took a chance and removed the clothes and the covers from her heart. Jane opened her heart to her husband and began to share her needs, desires and cares. Then she did not run off and do work, but chose to lay in his arms and to allow his touch and his words to comfort her and meet her need. Perhaps you find it easy to talk with your spouse and share all your cares with them, but are you also ready to allow them to meet your needs? Or do you say what you need to say to your spouse and then go and have a drink, watch a move, get on chat with someone else, go out or get some more work done? The key is not just about sharing your heart, but waiting a little while to find rest and fulfillment with your spouse. This is not a complicated thing. How difficult was it to take off your clothes the first time? It was not hard at all! It just took a simple choice and the rest followed. Well being naked in spirit and in soul is the same choice. It means making a choice to stay with your spouse a little longer. To look into their eyes a little longer and to choose to put away the other things that has been meeting your needs up until now Good ending. Even though things started off bumpy for Jane and her husband, I am pleased to say that this story does have a happy ending. I discovered that the novels and story books left out a whole chapter on real romance and passion. With that one little choice, something began to happen in their marriage. Suddenly her husband found her more attractive than ever and suddenly she found her husband more attractive than ever. They could not wait to get alone in the evening and would often feign weariness so that they could chase the kids to bed and take an extra hour together. Their times of communication in the evenings became fun! Get on with it have fun, enjoy each other, keep your eyes fixed on each other, attractiveness grows instead of dying. Suddenly Jane wanted to make love more…to just be with her husband! Her husband was pleasantly surprised, but did not ask any questions, just enjoying the moment. As for her, she discovered that her husband was an incurable romantic after all. Jane had just never hung around long enough to see it. Keep the fires burning in your relationship by spicing it with laughter, romance and fun. So let me both challenge and encourage you today. Romance, passion and joy are God’s gifts to you in marriage. When you allow your marriage to be the one thing that entertains, encourages, motivates and blesses you, everything else will fall quickly into place. When you are secure in your marriage, you can handle any kind of pressure or stress. So I challenged you…get naked with your spouse. Not just physically, but bare your heart to them also and then just wait in their presence and allow them to meet the needs and desires you have. It is a big leap to a relationship that is more romantic…more passionate…more fun and exciting! Take time to love each other and love each other faithfully.

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