Marriage under siege Part 1
By Herbert Mtowo
1. Valuing women and marriage.
Have you ever realized that the bible has several scriptures written on marriage, a wife and women more than it talks about man or a husband? It doesn’t mean that God and the word don’t value the man or husband .At a closer look it is interesting to note that the bible has one story, and that story is a story of love, marriage, wife and husband. Any bible scholar or avid reader of the word of God will notice that, the bible has many scriptures written about women, because there is a lot of emphasis put on the character and value of a woman or wife. (Proverbs 31; Proverbs 30; 1 Corinthians 7; Ephesians 6; 1 Timothy 5 and Song of Songs. There are several other scriptures in the word of God. I encourage you to read them all.)
Paul says marriage is a mystery, if then it is a mystery we need the mind of God, His wisdom to understand it and really begin to enjoy it. Several couples are not enjoying their marriages but they are enduring. We must have a commitment to work on our relationships, which requires diligence, sacrifice and prayer to have the desired results. But the big question on everybody`s mind is: Why are marriages under such severe attacks and can marriage still work in this century?
You probably are also asking, why marriage? Today marriage is under severe attacks and it has been for a very long time now. In many circles, cultures and schools of thought marriage is considered old fashioned, outmoded, not necessary, a waste of time. We do not need it anymore in our time. But I beg to differ, with all these reasons and excuses given. God still believes in marriage and surely it still is the most valuable and precious institution on earth and in God`s heart. Well, people have been talking about this for a while, a long time ago. They say, “Pretty soon people aren’t going to get married any more, they claim. They’re going to go and live together because why bother getting married? Marriage is old fashioned and it sucks, you know people have nasty descriptive terms they give on marriage. It’s going to fall away, and crumble like a deck of cards they claim. Make a decision not to be part of the statistics, but the emerging revolution, that defies logic and still says,” A wonderful marriage is still feasible!”
Well, people are still saying this and that and it still has not happened. There is a very good reason for it. And the reason for it is in these articles on marriage and relationships. And why marriage, everybody has questions? The divorce rates have reached alarming proportions unheard of in the past. They are getting worse all the time, with no solution in sight. And I know people have been saying that for years. But divorce is so easy now and it comes in several do-it-yourself packages. It has now been made to divorce than to get married in some cultures and countries. What with the gay movement this has risen proclaiming a new morality. They say,” Why live with somebody of the opposite sex”? You should be attracted to members of the same sex. Today, marriage is being attacked left, right and center. A man and a woman living together for the rest of their lives, happily married is it possible? Believe it or not even believers are battling to cope with the stresses and challenges that are coming on marriage. Tear down those walls. Tear down the walls of those preconceived ideas of bitterness, of negativity, of your own pattern of what you think your own spouse should be falling in line with. That is what you should be tearing down, the walls in your own heart. What you should be pouring out is life-giving water and love, love, love, continually.
You might say, “You know what? My spouse is one mean, horrible person. He abuses me, he rejects me. He is horrible.”
I tell you, love has a force like nothing on this earth. It is something that Satan cannot even begin to comprehend. No person on this earth can reject love, pure love, and love from the Spirit of God. No one person can reject and resist that. They can run away from it and they can run and hide from it. But surely they cannot reject it because it is the way that God has built us. And the strength of death is compared only to love. Love is stronger than death, God is just trying to have our eyes open and realize the power of love cannot be underestimated; it’s such a force to reckon with. Musicians, poets ,artists and script writers the world over have given their best to describe the power of love, volumes and volumes of materials have been written and published about love, yet we still fall short of a comprehensive description that captures the minds of people in trying to have them understand and comprehend the power of love. Others have since departed from the earth, still searching and wanting to know what love is. God describes himself as love,” God is Love”
1. Some secrets to enjoy marriage
The marriage institute is an extremely important institution not only in the Christiandom circle but in every area of life marriage plays an important role to shape the future of a people, community, nation, tribe etc The business people, the politicians, the atheists, traditional and all look up to it and hope for .It is one institution that is under severe attack and the enemy knows how vital it is to us and many generations to come. I strongly believe that at Jordan Touch Communications we are making a small contribution, to this noble cause of marriage and relationship building. We believe that there are many other organizations doing so much more to make sure this institution is continuously empowered. For example, one of my heroes James Dobson and Focus on the family, We thank God for His grace who has enabled us to find our place in this global cause to build, encourage and empower many to become faithful, handle their conflicts, faithfully love, forge ahead during times of storms to stand and not waver.
Looking at the marriages of many people, and bible examples of marriages of man and women of renown, I realized that there are and was so many whose marriages were sadly lacking. Some of the couples were career-minded and put all their efforts into their jobs, rather than their relationships. Others, especially women, put all their efforts into their children, and tended to let go of their relationship with their husband. Then when the children left home there is no relationship with their spouse and their life falls apart. You don’t have to be in this situation! Even if you are a stay-at-home mom or a career woman, you can still have an awesome marriage Other are too spiritual they literally neglect their spouse in the name of doing God`s work, others are so dysfunctional that there is no order in the home, anything is permissible..Others, are so soaked up in business matters and bring money in the home, but forget to be there for their children .Don’t neglect your marriage that is children and wife. If you want your marriage to work, take time to invest into it, the rewards are unbelievably incomparable. There are some ingredients to spark and bring joy to your relationship/marriage that you have to cultivate and make sure they exist in your relationship. The lists of some of them are listed below, without much elaboration: Take note of them and till the ground in your relationship, to see it blossom and flourish to unimaginable heights.
a. Make sure both partners are fulfilling their roles as according to the word of God.
b. Communicate effectively.
c. Don’t leave problems unresolved and spilling into the next day.
d. Guard against triggers from the past.
e. Accept and understand the purpose of temperamental differences.
f. Give and show love unconditionally.
g. Be prepared and ready to forgive always.
h. Find time to pray together.
i. Have fun(, take time to play)
j. Plan together.
2. Giving affirmation
Have you ever realized that every human has a desire for affirmation, love and care? All mankind deep down inside is a child just wanting somebody to give them attention. Make a reality check and find whether, you are being the husband or wife that is giving that attention? I just hope you are feeding that child? Make sure you are feeding it with love, care, hugs and kisses, and all the good things Maybe are you tearing down and causing that gentle sweet fragrance to be withdrawn more and more, and hidden away more and more, because you keep hammering and hammering and hammering all the time. The more you hammer the more he/she withdraws and you say, “Yep, I sure had him/her convicted!” So you hammer him/her again and he/she withdraws more and you say, “Yep sure I told you I had a useless wife/husband.”
Is it any wonder why she/he is sitting and not wanting to spend time with you and running away, because all you ever do is blast and hammer? I can bet she/he will never bring herself /himself right. Who would wants to sit around the place where you are getting hell fire, criticism, condemnation all the time? Just like you and me, we wouldn’t like to sit for a nice cozy afternoon in the midst of hell fire? Honestly who would ever like to do that? These are ingredients which look very irrelevant but they give marriage the extra mile and fuel it to greater heights.
3. Sweet fragrance
No, no, no! Why not give them a nice gentle stream to sit beside where the waters are cool and refreshing and gentle, and bring peace to the soul and they will stick to you like a fly. Are you a sweet smelling flower? I don’t know how many of us have realized that, when you sweet smell, the bee just cannot help it’s an irresistible attraction that lures it. The bee wants to come and pollinate. It just cannot help itself, because the color is so beautiful and so bright, and the smell is so refreshing and appealing. It cannot help itself but to keep coming back. It is important that when you are in love, you make sure that you are still sending out that sweet smelling fragrance.
Are you that lily flower that just oozes with love and refreshing life in the presence of the Lord? Is it that which oozes from every pore of you so sweet, such that you leave her/him thinking, “Ooh, I have to have and feast on more of you? Hey, it just tastes so good, and I can’t get more of you. Or are you a terrible house fly that is all stinky? What are you in your relationship? Maybe you are the one that destroys with poisonous venom or one that releases a beautiful sweet smelling scent?
Take time to break down the walls of your own heart and become that flower first and the bee will naturally be attracted to it. Surely, you don’t have to hunt down a bee and force it onto a flower. They all will come there by themselves. Just stand there and be beautiful, whether you
To be continued